2009

Resolutions:
- Loose weight, get fit
- Read more, particularly the bible
- Be a better wife, mother, friend and all around person
- Write, finish and actively submit a book for publishing
- Spend more time in prayer

Hopes:
- That the house sells sooner than later
- That we will have a healthier year
- That I will get to see my family regularly
- That I will be able to be with Caden more
- That my friends and family will be blessed abundantly
- That I will look back this time next year and smile knowing that all of the above came to pass

Videos

Grandparents:
The Christmas morning video is much too long to post, so I will burn DVDs for you all.
Here is Christmas Eve Cookie eating.


This is some Christmas morning rockin out to the ABC's song.


Here is Caden manipulating the remote control dino to attack Dakota.

Highlights of Christmas

- Making cookies with Caden on christmas eve.
- Watching 'It's a wonderful life' with Jay while sipping tea and eating Christmas cookies by the warm light of our teeny, tiny, artifical tree.
- Waking up Christmas morning after 6.5 hours of uninterrupted sleep. A true Christmas miracle.
- Watching the excitement and wonder in Caden's eyes while he opened his presents.
- Watching him open his drum set and listening to him play ALL DAY LONG...ok, maybe I enjoyed watching him open it more than listening to it :) Although he is quite talented if I do say so myself.
- Listening to Caden playing with his new toys...he received a remote control dinosaur that he chased Dakota with and said, "Dinosaur's going to get you, Da-kA!" He also received playdoh which he calls, "Tomato" even after much correction and a matchbox car shaped like a 70's volkswagon van and he says, 'COME ON CHILDREN! TIME TO RIDE THE BUS!!'
- Seeing what an incredible job my husband did to 'Save Christmas'...he is amazing.
- Drinking the gingerbread tea that I got in my stocking.
- Yummy Christmas dinner that we managed to pull together last minute.
- Eating Christmas cookies like they're going out of style.
- Remembering Christmas is about Jesus being born and not about where I get to spend it.

God is With Us

I have much to be thankful for. So far on our drive back to Crawfordville I have seen a missing child billboard with a picture of a child about Caden's age. I am thankful to have a beautiful little boy who is happy, healthy and safe with me. We've also seen many homeless people walking along the highway. I praise God that I have a home to sleep in tonight regardless of whether or not there is a christmas tree in it. It's safe and warm. We've also passed a few billboards for nudey bars and quicky divorces. I am thankful to have a faithful husband who loves me and is determined to somehow save Christmas. He means everything to me.
Mostly what I've seen is stunning scenery, a friendly sunshine and a massive blue sky that reminds me that regardless of where I am, God is in us, God is for us, God is with us. Emmanuel.
Merry Christmas Everyone.

I won't be Home for Christmas

We stayed the night in Orlando last night, headed to the airport this morning, found out our flight was delayed 6 hours which would cause us to miss our connecting flight in Toronto. After trying for 2 hours to figure something out, we were told by several Air Canada ticket agents that there would 0% chance of us getting out of Toronto before the 27th of December. Since this would only give us 4 days in Newfoundland, we decided after much crying (me crying, Jay held it together) that we were going to call the whole thing off.
So tomorrow we'll head back to Tallahassee, hopefully in enough time to catch Walmart before it closes and get Caden some things for Christmas and some groceries since we have none.
To say that I am devastated would be an under statement. I am sick to my stomach sad about not having a white Christmas at home with my family. My mother has been preparing for weeks...she too is devastated. They went all out for us to come home...she baked all our favourite things, she and dad found and refurbished a bike, sled and rocking horse for Caden...now they have to spend the holidays staring at the unused toys in a quiet house with no visitors. It's heartbreaking.
Caden keeps asking when we're going on our trip..."Go on airplane? Go see Nan? Where's snow?" It's gut wrenching. I'm finding it very difficult to accept that this is it, but it is. I need to mourn the Christmas that I had created in my head because it is not going to happen. I will spend my 6th Christmas in a row away from home.
I know I'll be able to put on a good face for Caden and I know he'll be excited with the gifts our families have already sent to our Florida home...he'd be happy with a candy cane if that's all he was given...but in my heart I am excited for the 26th when the 25th is over so I don't have to think about it anymore.
I am thankful for the birth of Christ, which is what the season is all about...but I can't help but feel the bitter sting of homesickness in a way I never have before. I've always known I lived far from family but I don't think I realized that at times, it would be impossible to see them. I feel trapped and panicked because I have no control and I can't be where I want to be. It's a terrible feeling, especially at Christmas.
I'm exhausted from crying about it and I have nothing positive to say so I'm going to stop typing now.

I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas

Lucky for me, Newfoundland was dumped on last night with snow. I prayed for a white Christmas. I love how God manipulated the weather patterns in North Eastern North America just for me :)
It's going to be amazing...now we just need to get there!
We're in Orlando, waiting for our airplane shuttle to pick us up. I'm hoping that all of the snow over the last few days in Toronto and St. John's isn't going to negatively effect our travel plans.
I'm believing everything will be ok, Caden will be a perfect angel and everything will go smoothly.
I'm excited to put my son in snow pants for the first time and take him sliding (sledding) on the new wooden sled he is getting for Christmas. I am ridiculously excited to get there.
"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, just like the ones I use to know.
Where the tree tops glisten and children listen to hear sleigh bells in the snow. I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, with every Christmas card I write.
May your days be merry and bright and may all your Christmases be white."

Rip it, Rip it Good

Caden was able to get a head start on the gift opening this year. This is the first Christmas that he has been able to grasp Baby Jesus, Santa, Christmas trees, Christmas cookies, Christmas in general and gift opening.
Last year he was very frustrated that everything was wrapped in paper. In his eyes, this was a very annoying barrier between him and new toys.
This year, he has had the chance to open a few pre-Christmas gifts, and he is a big fan of ripping the paper and discovering what lies underneath.
Caden is going through a bit of a rebellious phase right now. Very defiant and very stubborn...I know that his strong will is something that will make him a strong and independent adult but right now, it seems as though it's one battle after another...Hopefully he will have presents under the tree this Christmas and not just a big lump of coal or a festive spank on the bottom :)
After all, I'd hate for his new found gift opening skills to be wasted.

Here is Caden opening some gifts from Grandma and Grandpa (Jay's parents). Grandma and Grandpa sent lots of toys too but they wanted him to have these cute and practical presents for our trip to Canada. It was nice to see how Caden will do with the gift opening and it appears that he'll be able to hold his own :)





Thanks Grandma and Grandpa!

Today we leave for Orlando and tomorrow we fly out to Newfoundland. Pray against delayed flights, pray for a pleasant and cooperative toddler (a true Christmas miracle!) and pray for safety and joy for everyone around the world this holiday season.

A Tale of Two Ribs

Yesterday Jay left early for work, so I was home with Caden by myself, getting us ready for work/school. I was blow drying my hair and Caden was running around the bathroom like a crazy monkey when I gently (and I seriously mean gently) flipped my head from one side to the other. POP! In between my shoulder blades shot this horrible pain. It scared me and with every breath I tried to take in, it would hurt more and more.
I turned off the hairdryer and thought to myself, "Oh my gosh, I threw my back out!"
I have a lot of back problems for a 25 year old woman...I have a slipped disc in my lower back and scoliosis that I developed from my pregnancy. Lucky, I have a chiropractor who has completely changed the quality of my life so I immediately called his office and left a message. They weren't open for another hour so I left in the message what had happened and asked for them to call me back right away.
I still had to get Caden dressed and his lunch packed for school. I decided to tackle lunch first.
II have never had a more difficult time buttering bread. It was excruciating.
This is another reason why living in Crawfordville is awful...because there is no one that I know close by who can help me in a crisis. I soldiered on.
Next was the hard part. Getting Caden dressed. On a good day this is a nightmare. He likes to kick, wiggle, run in the opposite direction and purposefully do the opposite of what I say. It's like gymnastics trying to get him ready. After many, MANY attempts to have him put his own foot in his pants I lost it. I yelled at him.
I hate yelling at him. I don't believe in yelling...I believe in being stern, I believe in the power of a properly administered wooden spoon :) and sometimes I have to raise my voice in order to be heard over his, but this was an 'I lost my cool' kind of yell.
I apologized to him and asked for his help. He seemed to have been unaffected by my fit of rage, and continued to be impossible. Eventually, he was dressed and in the car.
We headed into town. Every turn I had to make with the steering wheel was like a stab to the upper mid-back. I was starting to get really scared that I would be in pain for our trip to Canada. The timing was not good.
I finally got Jay on the phone and said, "I threw my back out this morning."
To which he replied, "Ok..."
This made me even more angry. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'OK' !!!?!?!"
Innocently enough, he was just waiting for me to finish the story, but he didn't give me the response I wanted and pain makes me irrational. I continued driving, fuming and him, at Caden, at God and mostly at myself for being so mad at everyone.
I got Caden into school. The chiropractors office called me back and told me they had a 2:15 appointment open. It was 8:50 when they called. I said ok and headed to work. Home was too far to retreat to (Crawfordville....Grrr) so I figured I might as well make some money.
On the way from school to work I asked God for forgiveness and grace for blowing it. I'm thankful that he hears me and forgives my short comings when I'm so undeserving.
I work from 9-2 and get to the chiro at 2:10, who is running about 25 minutes behind. Finally, he greets me in the lobby. I told him the problem was in my upper back today and he said, "Really? Turn around."
So in the lobby he felt my spine and then pushed in on a specific area saying, "Does it hurt when I do this?"
My entire body jolt when he touched me should have been an indication that yes, it hurt, A LOT!
"You have a rib out!" he said. He felt around some more and touched another terrible spot just below the first and said, "You have 2 ribs out. You did quite the number on yourself today."
You would think I had been whipping my hair around like I was in a music video or something, but no...I was simply, gently tossing it from one side to the other in an attempt to dry it. A woman in her 20's shouldn't be this fragile.
I went into his office and he proceeded to pop the ribs back into place. Not a fun experience, but a much necessary one. According to his description, the ribs join at the spine and two of mine had slipped from their rightful connecting place and were resting between my spine and lungs...that's why breathing was such a painful task.
From there my darling husband made me a massage appointment (making up for earlier :) and we all went home afterwards instead of going to the church Christmas party, which as sad I was to miss it, was the right decision. After dinner, hot tea, chocolate and the Muppet's Christmas special, I was feeling much better.
Today, I'm sore but in good shape...and my hair is wet and in a pony tail :)

Excuse me, but....

I need a moment to whine. If you have no patience or empathy for whiners, please don't continue to read on. Tune in tomorrow or the next time I update.
I HATE COMMUTING! I hate living in Crawfordville and I hate spending 1.5 hours (minimum) in my car daily with a screaming toddler. I love the screamer, I hate the screaming.
I feel as though I will be a better mother, wife and all around person when I am not soiled by the negativity of being trapped in my car so much. My house is always a disaster because when I'm not at work, I am on route to and from. I'm sick of it.
I'm sick of having no control over when my house is going to sell. I'm sick of people being terrified to buy real estate because the media predicts so much doom and gloom when really now (if you're financially stable) is the best time to buy!
I'm sick of living in a town so far from everyone and everything. I'm done.
The drive makes me bitter and angry. I pray constantly to be delivered from this situation and I know it's only a matter of time...and I know what my attitude should be and that I must be patient while God brings His perfect will to fruition but that doesn't change the fact that I'm sick and tired.
I'm thankful to have a home when people are homeless. I'm more than thankful for the memories we've made there. I will honestly miss, and probably even cry when we sell our home to someone else...but I also know that it's just wood and carpet and that a house doesn't make a home...I know how much better off we'll be once we're done with it. Done with the mortgage we can't afford and the constant commuting. Done with the worry of 'what if something breaks, how will we fix it?' Done with the isolation and not being able to do anything because we live so far away and we'll be out far past Caden bed time. Every time we want to do something it's a total circus act. We are a logistical nightmare...and I don't like what it's doing to us. We're gaining weight from always having to eat out, we're tired all the time, we're sick every other week...we're just flying at a pace that's way too fast because it takes us forever to get from point A to point B and back again.
I want to be able to go home for lunch...I actually lust over this thought daily. I want my car to stop looking like trash can because we practically live out of it. It's littered with Caden's snacks to pacify him on the long drive home when he's tired and hungry, take out bags from dinners and breakfasts on-the-go, changes of clothes because we're never close enough to home...and countless other things that make living on the run possible.
I'm done with it. It's too chaotic, even for me...and that's saying something!
I know the only thing that can change this is prayer...and I know that there are far more pressing issues in this world than the sale of Kathy's house, but if you have a moment...even where you sit right now...please pray over this for us. You have prayed with me over Jay's job and Caden's school and God has miraculously come to our aid in these scenarios. I know He listens to us...and if ever, EVER you need prayer within your life, call me. I know from your example that prayer is powerful.
I am smart enough to know that the grass isn't always greener on the other side...and I know that all of my problems won't disappear the minute our address changes...but I want to spend more time with my family and I want to be able to have a livable home that I get to spend time in. I want to live close to friends, work, church and civilization. Sharing a car and commuting 45 minutes one way in order to do anything is absolute insanity and I'm just worn out. I also could jump for joy at the thought of renting again. Being a home owner is awesome if you're prepared...otherwise, stay where you are! Being house poor isn't worth having a house.
I know the Hebrews prayed for hundreds of years for deliverance in Egypt...I hope it doesn't take that long to sell this house...but if my great grandchildren are still trying to unload this property I hope it's because they will inherit some kind of promise land.

Today

Our department at work hosted a Christmas breakfast buffet this morning. Since I am not known for my culinary skills, I offered to play Christmas music to set the mood. It went great! It was very relaxed and easy going...I didn't want it to be performancy, and it wasn't. It was really fun and people seemed to really enjoy it.
I wish my sinuses didn't effect my voice as much as they do. It's always frustrating to have that limitation. Someday, when life slows down (if it ever will) I will go to the ear, nose and throat doctor to see if anything can be done to help. Until then, I'll sing and bear it.
Sunday was awesome. I've really been missing playing every week and the music yesterday sounded incredible. I don't say that boastfully, because we all know it has nothing to do with our own abilities and everything to do with God's miraculous hand. I love this line from a song called 'None but Jesus':
"In the moment of my weakness you give me grace to do your will."
I remember thinking that over and over throughout the entire set. My voice was cutting in and out, my fingers hit a few wrong notes here and there, but in my weakness God gives me grace to do His will just the same.
Even when my heart and attitude are not what they should be, he gives me His grace so I can bless someone else with his gifts and that in turn, changes me for the better. It's quite humbling.
I don't even know if any of that makes sense today. I didn't get much sleep last night...
In other news, we will be in Newfoundland in ONE WEEK! AHHHHHHHH!

Heavy

Caden and I were driving through a very ritzy community one day with lots of mansion-like homes lining the street. The kind of homes where you could fit 10 houses like mine in the foyer. I didn't know that Caden was paying attention to what was going on outside, but all of a sudden he pointed to one of the homes and said, "Dat house is heavy!"
"You're right!" I said laughing. "It IS heavy!"
I thought that was one of the deepest statements I had heard in a long time. America is a 'rich' nation, but the majority of us overspend and live way above our means, giving us huge amounts of stress which can cause family trouble, addictions, health problems, etc. Even though we live in a 1290 square foot home, Jay and I still fall into the category of having eyes bigger than our bank account. Buying a house is always something to be excited about, but Jay and I are the first to admit that given our situation, we had no business buying when we did. We also despise past Jay and Kathy for buying a brand new car without even looking around....we have lived and we have learned and we're excited to do it right next time. Luckily, we make it work (through Divine intervention)...but there are many who can't and that's insanely troublesome and 'heavy'.
We are VERY blessed, but material-wise, we don't have a whole lot..we have what we need, so I'm ok with that. I'm actually obnoxiously excited about deals. I get giddy when I find outfits at the Goodwill. I sell Caden's old stuff on craigslist to buy him new stuff because that just make sense to me..I call it 'recycling'. Living pay cheque to pay cheque means having to be creative, especially during the holidays.
A woman posted an ad on craigslist about how her son's eyes are so bad that he needs to stand really close to the TV in order to see it. She said that when he sneezes, he hits his head on the screen..that's how close he has to stand to it.
Instead of asking for glasses or money for a vision exam, she asked for someone to give her family a big screen TV so that he would be able to see it clearly. I ALMOST wrote her...but refrained...it would not have been a Christmasy email.
Is this seriously what Christmas has become? I love the holidays, I love hearing my son sing Christmas songs about Baby Jesus, I love that he loves Santa and Christmas lights and ornaments with his picture on them (courtesy of his school), I love sticking my Christmas cards to the pantry door and putting Caden's Christmas crafts on the fridge. I love cookies and candy canes and hot, apple cider...but I refuse to give into this notion that I must go broke to make this holiday special for my child. Am I a bad parent because I found a used library book online for him for Christmas that I know he's going to love?
I was standing in line at the post office yesterday to mail a small Christmas package to my in-laws and the woman in front of me had about 25 boxes to mail. She looked at me, she looked at my parcel and said disapprovingly, "So I'm the over doer and you're the under do-er." WHAT!?! She had no idea that what lay in my tiny Christmas parcel was going to make my husband's parents super happy! She was simply judging me based on quantity, not quality!
Am I a bad person for spending less than $200.00 for everyone combined this Christmas? Maybe I am...but I don't remember what I got for Christmas when I was 2.5. I don't even remember what I got for Christmas when I was 19. Heck, I don't remember what I got last year! But I do remember baking Christmas cookies, driving around to see the lights, having my picture taking with Santa...all things that we have done with our son this year. These things cost nothing but time and energy (and whatever materials you need for cookies :) but they mean everything. Pastor Phil called it being 'relationally rich'.
I know it's a worn out tune, the frustration with the commercialism of Christmas, but I am jumping on the bandwagon to say that enough is enough. Don't hold back from giving to your children and loved ones, but give what you can, not above what you're able. Have a Merry Christmas, not a Heavy one.

Divine Encounters

Last night I had a major headache. Caden had cried like a fool when I dropped him off for school yesterday morning, clinging to my leg screaming, "MAMA!" completely throwing me off my game for the rest of the day. In the several months that he has been attending his new school, this has happened twice. It's all in the name of manipulation...plus, he is going through a BIG TIME mama phase right now.
When we picked him up he was happy to see us and we all headed home together. Jay looked tired, Caden looked tired, I know I was tired...so we stopped off to buy some dollar menu dinner. Cheap, easy and no nutritional value whatsoever.
We were the only ones in the 'restaurant' until a man walked in and sat down a few booths away from us. To say he looked down on his luck would be an understatement. he was tall, but weighed only about 130 pounds, was probably about 70 years old and had rags tied around the holes in his jeans to keep the cold out. He sat with his head in his hands, letting out a deep sigh every now and then.
It is in situations like these that my husband comes to life. I saw him watching this man out of the corner of his eye. He'd look at him, then he'd look at me....until finally I said, "Go sit with him."
"Thanks." Jay said smiling, knowing his telepathic messages had gotten through to me.
Caden and I continued to eat our brown paper bag meals, singing 'jingle bells' and talking about what it means to be 'too loud inside' and how it hurts people's ears. Every now and then he would let out a yell then say, "Sorry, people's ears!"
All the while Jay and his new friend were chatting it up. A few minutes later, Jay came over and asked if I had any cash. I handed him a five and he went back over.
As we were leaving, Jay introduced Caden and I to the gentleman. He had very kind eyes.
When we got in the car I asked Jay about his conversation. He said the man lived in a tent on the property of a church where he plays guitar on Sunday's. He asked Jay for a dollar to buy a needle and thread to fix holes in his tent and his clothes...Jay has been in many of these situations and has heard it all, but he said, "Call me naive, but I really believe that's what he'll buy."
I asked him if he prayed with him and Jay said, "He was trying to save me!"
Apparently, this gentleman was on fire for Jesus, and tried to walk Jay through the prayer of Salvation, only to be pleasantly surprised that Jay was a believer too. Then Jay said the man looked him square in the eye and said, "When I get to heaven, me and Jesus are going to kick that son of a b**** devil all the way to hell!"
We cracked up hysterically...what an awesome statement! I know he cursed, but look past that for a second...
Jay and I have a lot of experience working with people who are down on their luck. When we were first married, we worked for The Salvation Army in Greenville, SC and we made a lot of relationships with individuals who called the damp, Salvation Army shelter 'home.'
I've noticed over the years that a common theme amongst the homeless is blaming the devil for everything.
The devil is why I made that mistake. The devil is the reason why I'm homeless. The devil is the reason for everything bad that has ever happened to me.
I know the devil is a very real threat to us and that temptation is something even Jesus himself had to overcome, but making the devil the scapegoat for all your bad choices removes responsibility from you and creates a victim mentality that's hard to shake.
I was so blessed and happy to hear someone who has little to nothing, who has been kicked in the face over and over again, who has probably endured more hardship than most of us combined, stand and boldly proclaim that through Christ, he can defeat darkness. That regardless of what this world throws his way, he has the power through Jesus to kick it back to hell where it belongs.
I love that God has placed a special set of eyes in the heart of my husband. I'm blessed to experience more of God than I could on my own by being married to a godly man.

Breathe

The past two weeks have been a whirlwind of activity. Travelling, working, volunteering, socializing. We went to Atlanta, came back and dove head first into church on Sunday, small group on Monday, work everyday, church on Wednesday, and a million things inbetween. I work 9 hour days Mon-Thurs and Friday's are very flexible. This past Friday I put Caden in school because I knew he would have more fun there than being dragged all over town, and I proceeded to run a million errands. That is not an exaggerated number. I finished and mailed Christmas cards, went to several houses all over town buying and selling things (i love craigslist!) I went to a baby store, grabbed some food, ran to Costco, dropped by Caden's school to drop off his car seat and by the time I finished my second round at Walmart I put my head on the steering wheel in the parking lot and thought, "I don't know how I am going to get home."
This intense wave of fatigue came all over me. I knew the house was a disaster and I needed to clean it for a baby shower the next day, but I could barely turn the key in the ignition to get myself home.
I called Jay and he was on his way back from Panama City. I warned him that I needed to take a nap for an hour and when I was done, I would clean up the house. I'm not a napper, so he knew I had to be super sleepy.
I made it home and collapsed into bed. Several hours later I woke up to a fresh smelling house and the most amazing husband I had ever laid eyes on.
A woman's husband can't look any better than after cleaning the house from top to bottom ;)
Amber brought Caden home and helped decorate for the shower on Saturday, which was super fun. Saturday evening we were exhausted, but dragged our tired and sorry behinds into the Christmas parade which ended up being really nice since we left before it was over to beat the traffic.
Sunday morning came and I did something I haven't done since university. I skipped church.
I slept in until 9:30 while Jay played with Caden, I showered and put on clean pajamas with no intention of going anywhere for the entire day and I sat, for elongated periods of time, doing absolutely nothing productive. It was AMAZING.
I am not a supporter of church skipping. In fact, I am sad that I missed it because I know it was great....but the Stock family needed a breather. A day with no obligations, no where to be, nothing to be done. No errands to run, no phone calls to make, no projects to tackle. Down time. Much needed down time. I think the bible calls it a day of rest :)
This opportunity will not come about anymore for the rest 2008. I am scheduled to play for the next two Sundays, this coming Saturday is wayfm sponsored "Movies in the Park" and the following Saturday we need to prepare and pack for our trip to Canada :) There are numerous other things to do in between and then we're off, gallivanting around North America until 2009.
Yesterday was a nice time of nothingness to quiet our minds and prepare ourselves for the mad rush that is our everyday lives.

The Heart of a Child

About 2 weeks ago we began sponsoring a child from Zambia named Chrispine. At that time, we showed Caden his picture and had him repeat his name. After that, we never mentioned him again by name. We spoke of his 'brother' in our prayers, but we didn't say his actual name. We thought just referring to him as 'brother' would be easiest for now, since we didn't have a picture of him to reference.
The other night, our package arrived from World Vision with Chrispine's pictures and information. I showed the picture to Caden and said, "Who is this?" Expecting him to say, "Dend!" (which means 'friend' in Caden language).
Instead he looked at it and shouted, "CHRISPINE!"
I was floored! He remembered his name! My 2.5 year old son remember the name of his brother from Zambia, as though he understood how special he is. 2 weeks ago we showed Caden Chrispine's picture and explained all about him, thinking it was going way over his 2.5 year old head, but he grasped the importance of that little boy and made a note in his mind to remember his name....It was overwhelming to me.
I may be biased, but I see in my little boy such a compassionate heart. He's sensitive and deep while being crazy and silly. I am so blessed to know him and intimidated by raising him. I know already that he is and is going to be a far better person than I am, and I praise God for that, while asking for the direction and strength to raise him in a way that doesn't quench the beautiful person God has created him to be.

It's December

Ok, when did that happen? Life is FLYING past me at lightening speeds. I once heard it said that the faster time goes, the older you are. Makes sense.
I know I said I would post thanksgiving pictures, and trust me, I will...but time has not allowed itself since returning to Tally. We got home Saturday night, washed some clothes, unpacked what we needed for the next day and proceeded to go to sleep because Sunday mornings come early. The next day started at 5:30 and was an all day church affair. After getting home at 4pm we had some much needed family time in the evening followed by lunch packing, more laundry doing and an early bed time.
Monday, I left for work before 8am and got home at 11pm. Tuesday, we accidentally all slept in till 7:30, so it was a mad rush to leave the house. We got home at 6pm, made dinner, bathed Caden, cleaned up, did the remainder of the 600 lbs of laundry and collapsed into bed. Now it's Wednesday...and I have 9 hours of work, 15 minutes for Amber and I to scarf down some drive through followed by One Night at church...so I'll be getting home pretty late again. All of this to say, sorry there are no pics up. There will be soon, I promise! So far tomorrow night is free and my laptop and I shall sit down to watch some brainless television, sip some tea and upload photos.
Today has been pretty fun at work. GASP! Kathy is speaking positively about work!!!
The truth is I've begun living and feeling as lucky and blessed as I am. Sure, I miss Caden and would be home with him full-time again in a heartbeat, but he's in an amazing school that he LOVES. He cheers in the mornings when he gets to go and talks about his friends continuously. I've matured and realize that during the week, I get to see him at his crabbiest moments, and that's ok. I'll love him through his post-school fatigue and look forward to the weekends when it is all mama, all the time.
Work is actually a great thing. Aside from a pay cheque, I work with really nice people who encourage me and pray for me and make me feel special. Apparently, Christmas is a big deal at Datamaxx. I received a 10 day calendar of fun work day events including free food, treats from secret elves and 'decorate your cubicle'. I've got it really good.
Funny conversation today with the receptionist, went something like this:

Receptionist: "What are you doing for Christmas, Kathy?"

Me: "I'm going to Canada. That's where I'm from."

Receptionist: "WOW! I would have had no idea! Now, is 'Canadia' colder than here?

Me: "Um..yes...much colder."

Receptionist: "And 'Canadia' is not part of America, right?"

Me: "No...no it's not."

Receptionist: "So you're not American?!?"

Me: "No, I'm a permanent resident."

Receptionist: "I would have had no idea."

Thanksgiving

This has been one of the most memorable, thought provoking, thankful Thanksgivings I have ever had.
On Tuesday, we drove to Atlanta to spend our Thanksgiving holiday with our dear friend Julie and her children, 2 year old Ava and 9 month old Karsten. Unfortunately, Julie's husband John (another dear friend) is out of the country on business so we missed spending the holiday with him. None the less, it was amazing to see Julie and the kids. Caden and Ava were fast friends and spent the entire week playing, singing, hugging and encouraging potty activity. Caden is still asking about her. They were adorable together.
Jason and Julie had arranged for our long-time friends Desmond and Kristy (and their little doggy, Brody) to be there as well so they showed up on Wednesday night completely surprising me. It was amazing to spend time with them. I've missed them so much.
Julie went all out to make Thanksgiving special, cooking some of the best foods and desserts I have tasted in a LONG time and opening her home to people who had no family close to share the holidays with. The kids were adorable together, the dogs were adorable together and the adults shared in some special time, reminded of how awesome friendship is.
I was overwhelmed with thankfulness this weekend. I'm thankful for my marriage. I have an amazing husband who loves me more than I deserve most days and I have an enormous amount of love and respect for him. I'm thankful for my little boy. Caden is growing into such an amazing little person and when I get to spend long chunks of time with him like I did this past week, I'm reminded of how blessed I am to have him as my son.
I'm thankful for our life. Even though we long to sell our house and our budget is more than tight most days, I am so incredibly thankful for what we have and the memories we're making within the walls of our home.
I'm thankful for friendship. Real, authentic, friendship. The kind where you can go a very long time without seeing one another and when you come together it's as though you never parted. I'm thankful for people who make me laugh to the point of crying. I'm thankful for honesty and trust. I'm thankful for understanding and how a sense of family can exist between people who aren't related. True friendship is an incredible and rare gift.
I'm mostly thankful for the love, power, peace and mercy of Christ in my life. Where in the world would I be without God? Where else would I go? I don't even want to know...
This week (especially this weekend at church) I was reminded once again of how much bigger God is than anything...how He hears us when we pray....how He loves us more than we could even possibly love our own spouse and children. I'm able to breathe a heavy sigh of relief and gratitude knowing I serve a God like that. Time alone in God's presence can get me through anything and I am so thankful that He allows me the privilege of sitting in the quiet with Him.
We drove back on Saturday, hitting a ton of traffic in the beginning but finally making it home 7 hours later (it should only be a 5 hour drive) and we woke up at 5:30am the next morning for church. I got home around 4:00pm, much too late in the day to take a nap, so we took Caden and Dakota for a walk around our neighbourhood. We have dirt roads so every now and then Caden would drop to his knees to play in the 'sand box'...which we had to explain to him was our street :)...oh the joys of living in Crawfordville...
After our walk I completely re-organized all the bedrooms. I changed Caden's room around and was able to fit the majority of his toys in there, freeing up serious space in the spare room...then I was able to move the weight bench and dumbbells from our bedroom into the spare room. It was a successful evening. I think the house will show better now. I'm trying to get everything ready for the moment when God decides to send a buyer our way. I'm saving boxes and planning for the move. Should be any second now...
I took a million pictures of our journeys...but since I am writing this blog at work (shhhhh!) I can't post them right now and I may not get home this evening until about 10pm, at which time I won't be in the mood to upload. I'm hoping to get them up by tomorrow night...so wait eagerly in anticipation :)
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.
God is good.

Not a Happy Indian

For the past 3 weeks, Caden has been practicing CONSTANTLY for the Thanksgiving concert he had this afternoon. In the car, in the tub, at the table...Caden has been singing, "Hi-ya-ya-ya-ya, Indians help the pilgrims, show them how to grow, give the sign of friendship, many years ago. Hi-ya-ya-ya" over and over and over again.
Today was the big day.
Unfortunately, prior to the children's appearance on stage, one of Caden's little friends accidentally tripped him in the hallway, causing him to fall down and cry. Seconds later he was out on the stage in front of a room full of people. As you will see, he was not in the mood to sing his new, favourite song.
He just stood there. A very quiet and reflective little Indian. he did great considering the circumstances. Afterwards he came and sat with us. He began to feel much better and proceeded to eat a Thanksgiving feast of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with his friends :)

Happy 28th Birthday Melissa!

Happy Birthday Melissa! Wish I could be there to buy you an icecream cake and watch Mom trying to cut it. Good times.

My Little Irishman

Our friend Jon gave Caden a tin whistle the last time we were in Newfoundland. Here he is rocking out "5 little monkeys". Brace yourself for the talent.

Caden's New Brother

No, I'm not pregnant :) but the Stock Family is happy to announce that we adopted a sponsor child today. His name is Chrispine and he is from Zambia. He was born on the exact same day as Caden so they are the same age, to the day.
We introduced Caden to his new brother this morning and he was very excited. He pointed to him and yelled, "NEW DEND!" (which means, 'new friend' in Caden language) and then he asked, "Can Caden kiss dend?"
He leaned in and planted a huge kiss on the computer screen. Caden is usually not touchy feely with his 'dends'...in fact he gets down right angry when the huggy kid at school tries to embrace him every morning, but it seemed as though he knew that Chrispine was a new and very special part of our family.
Definitely a moment I will remember and treasure forever.
Before finding Chrispine, Jay and I were reviewing our money situation, which is never a fun thing to do. We're faithful givers and although we could definitely find someways to cut down on spending, we live pretty much within our means. Still, the stress of mortgage payments and bills was weighing heavy on us this morning...it's funny how instead of freaking out completely and hoarding our pennies, we were drawn to the World Vision website to do something we'd been talking about doing but have never gotten around to doing...sponsoring a little brother for Caden. A financial advisor probably would have slapped us for spending money we don't have, but it just felt right.
After seeing the faces of so many kids who truly know what struggling is, we were incredibly humbled and reminded, once again, of how great we have it.
I tried to copy Chrispine's picture from the World Vision website, but for the protection of the kids, they don't allow you to do that...which, I understand completely, so I copied down his information to share with you all so that you can join us in praying for his little life:

"Chrispine lives with his parents, 3 brothers, and 1 sister. His parents struggle to provide for the family. His father is a farmer. Despite their efforts, it is difficult to meet the family's needs.

Chrispine and his family live in a community severely affected by the HIV/AIDS crisis. In some communities, AIDS affects the entire social structure as a generation of hardworking adults is being wiped out. Frightened children and exhausted grandparents rarely have money for food, school, or medical care.

Chrispine is not in school at this time. He likes to play with toys. He helps at home by being good. He is in satisfactory health."

So, to everyone who keeps asking if we're going to give Caden a brother or sister, the answer is 'yes, we already have.' :)

"I'll be home for Christmas..."

For the past 6 years, this song has made me cry at least once every Christmas season. When you grow up in the north, the south never truly has a Christmasy feel to it.
Songs like, "I'll be home for Christmas" and "I'm dreaming of a white Christmas" and even "Jingle Bells" pull slightly on my heart strings each year and make me homesick for my winter wonderland.
Ok, ok, I know I have a select memory here....I am forgetting the pain of having to shovel snow, trying to navigate around St. John's when the snow has completely taken over the side walks....the icy chill of winter that lasts from October till June...trust me, I don't mind living in Florida...but when it comes to Christmas, there's no place like home.
My happy Christmas memories are many...the school play, singing at the church candle light service, breakfast with Santa at the Lion's club, the Green's Harbour Christmas parade...a fire in the fireplace on Christmas eve...the big snow flakes falling outside of the window onto the coloured lights and evergreen boughs. The smell of a real Christmas tree mixed with the aroma of mom's famous tea rings coming out of the oven...Mmmmm...Christmas at home.
On Christmas morning we would wake up, open our gifts, eat breakfast, and then while mom cooked dinner Dad would take us and our friends to the skating rink where he worked, for a day of skating on the big rink, all by ourselves. We'd get to ride the zamboni while he cleaned the ice and then we'd make our own hot chocolate in the stadium canteen.
In the evening, we'd head to Jacqueline and Renee's house to see what they got for Christmas (which usually included a new board game) and we'd play while eating their mother's chocolates. On the snowy days of winter break, we'd go sliding or have snow ball fights...we'd climb trees and jump into snow drifts and skate on the frozen pond.
I have not experienced a Christmas at home in 6 years. Since Jay and I got married, we've always either worked in retail or for the Salvation Army...two industries that keep you crazy busy during the Christmas season...there was never any time to travel all the way to NL.
This year it's a different story...all 3 of us have 2 full weeks off this holiday season, so a last minute plan fell together, made possible by my mother's insane collection of air miles, and WE ARE GOING HOME FOR CHRISTMAS!
Suddenly, the music that use to make me weepy has made me insanely cheery! In fact, as someone who use to be dead set against Christmas music prior to December 1st, I am already listening to it! Caden and I have been listening and singing along to 'Frosty the snow man' and 'jingle bell rock' everyday on the way home from school.
Now when I hear, "I'll be home for Christmas," I get ridiculously giddy....because it's true! I WILL be home for Christmas!
The flights are horrendous due to how expensive the good flights are this time of year, but I'm praying for the best and focusing on the fun Christmas in Newfoundland will bring.

"I'm dreaming tonight of a place I love even more than I usually do
And although I know it's a long road back I promise you
I'll be home for Christmas, you can count on me..."

Retro Boogie Dance Party

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Bad Day

I'm having a bad day. Everyone has one every now and then, and there's no reason why we shouldn't be allowed to talk about it...pretending is far more exhausting than just being honest.
I did something brutal to my neck while holding Caden at the fair...as you read yesterday...but today, it is SO much worse. No rubbing, heating or medicating is seeming to do the trick. I wish I lived in Canada so I could buy muscle relaxers over the counter...but I know that's not the answer...I'm hoping to research a cheap massage therapist who can fit me in today.
My morning was miserable, trying to get Caden dressed, in the car and out the door...all the while running late because I spent about 30 minutes trying to figure out how I was even going to get out of bed. I used that 30 minutes to pray. I'm happy to say I prayed for everyone and everything. I prayed prayers of thanksgiving and love....I asked God to go before me and make me a woman after his own heart...that I would face the day in the name of the Lord..I felt quite good about my prayer, then I proceeded to fail every test God placed in front of me, miserably.
Being in pain makes me super crabby. I won't lie...because lying is a sin and I've used all mine up for the day.
My playful little boy tests me sometimes..especially when he plays his new game of, "You can't put pants on me if you can't catch me!" and "My legs don't work all of a sudden." Not cool, especially when I can't move my head down or from side to side.
As much as I love record-breaking cold mornings in Florida, this was not the best of days to have to scrape frost from my windshield...I did however take a second to breathe the air deeply which made me feel a little better.
Caden has another game called, "Random high pitched squealing in the car" which scares the poo out of me, causing me to almost drive off the road when he decides to play. I couldn't turn my head today to check my blind spots so I was in no mood to play Caden's 'super fun' game. After the first surprise squeal I said, threateningly, "If you scream like that again, I am going to pull this car over and spank your bottom!"
3 seconds later he let out a short, high pitched scream with a big smile on his face, taunting me. I hit the brake, pulled off the road and introduced Caden's bottom to Mrs. Wooden Spoon (we never leave home without her:)
Needless to say, the screaming ended and we made it to school/work safely. We talked about everything and Caden agreed that screaming in the car is 'bad news.'
Where I was running late, I grabbed a microwave dinner from the freezer but I am currently very sad about my meatloaf lean cuisine...when I'm this crabby, I need to medicate myself with food...starches and sugar and chocolate tend to be the right prescription.
I doubt I'll be able to go to parenting class tonight, again...last week it was the flu, this week it's paralysis of the head and chronic crabby pants.
Jesus and I have already talked about it and I've, once again, asked him to clean up my heart even though I so quickly dirtied up before 11 am...Time to start over...I can't promise that I'm not going to find joy in starches today but I will at least try and be a nicer me :)
Hope I was able to use my misfortunes to bring a chuckle to your day...after all, some good should come out of a bad day, right?

Mrs. Roboto

I made the mistake of holding my toddler far too much when we were at the fair on Sunday. Caden has an annoying habit of just collapsing when he doesn't want to walk anymore...not cool. So when he would get tired (which I know he had to be, stomping around the fair grounds for 6 hours with no nap) I would hold him on my left hip.
Yesterday my left arm felt like I had lifted free weights all night long. Good for definition but I think I had better work on my right arm in order to not end up lop sided...
Today, I woke up with an incredibly stiff shoulder and neck on my left side, no doubt from holding my big boy on both my hip and my shoulders (what!? he had to see the sea lion show!) at the fair. Oh fair...you were so fun...I had no idea you would make me feel 90 in the days following you. Stiff necks are miserable! Is there a massage therapist in the house? When I have to look down or to the left, I have to manipulate my entire body...which makes me feel a bit like a robot woman.
Nothing a warm bath and a Jason neck rub won't fix, but both seem very far away at 11:26am....

Sweet November

So, I was online today, trying to order some Christmas things and I saw something that said "Pick up your photos by 12:30 on November 17, 2008!"
At which point I thought, "That's awfully late in the month. I'm going to need mine before then."
Then I realized, THAT IS TODAY!
Holy moly, where did this month go!?!! I swear, I thought we were still in the first week of November. This is insanity!
I don't think I've ever felt so confused in all my life...I know I have memories of the last few weeks..I just had no idea it flew by so fast! Wasn't it just Halloween?
I guess time flies when you're having fun, and I (aside from being sick for the past 9 days) have been having a great November. Caden is in a remarkable stage of life right now, and I have been enjoying every second of it. He's grown into a little boy who uses the toilet and can carry on (usually hilarious) conversations. We play pretend, make crafts, sing songs and have a pile of fun, everyday. I've really been enjoying my time with him and focusing on making it quality instead of being sad there isn't as much quantity as their use to be. He's happy, we're blessed and there's no room for self-pity.
Jay has an awesome job that gets him home at 5:00 in the afternoon. That has been a FABULOUS change in the Stock house. We have weekends! WEEKENDS! He sometimes works long after getting home because it's hard for him to believe he's actually off and can relax! It's been amazing and a huge answer to prayer.
0 bites on the house since getting a realtor, but whatever. It'll sell when it sells. I want to move like crazy, but I don't want to do it 'till it's right..and right now, I am thankful for a beautiful home.
I guess November has been good because I've chosen a better attitude. I've always known happiness is a choice, and that regardless of the circumstances, there is always some good to focus on...a silver lining to every cloud...and so far November has been much more silvery than cloudy.
Yesterday, Caden and I joined some friends from my small group and went to the North Florida fair. It was SO fun. Caden did great. He would have ridden every ride in that place if the height requirements hadn't of been there :)
He has no fear.
He would point to the craziest, spinning rides with screaming people being flung around on them and say, "Caden's turn!"
After many hours of rides, funnel cake, petting zoo's and merry-go-rounds, we headed home at 7pm. Caden fell asleep in the car and he kept on sleeping until 7 the next morning. The fair wore us out.
So today is November 17th...which is still mind boggling to me...I guess I had better get back to planning for Christmas, since it's right around the corner!

Cookie Making Frenzy

Kathy, The Red Nose Mama

I am not a fan of the common cold. The way your nose becomes blocked as if filled with rubber cement. The chills and sweats brought on by a mild fever. The sore throat and throbbing ears...and all the sinus pressure....not to mention feeling like you want to sleep for the rest of your life, but not being quite sick enough to stay home from work...grrrr, cold. Why have you attacked my family?!
Caden started with it, as usual, and graciously shared it with us. You would think that as adults much larger than a 30 pound toddler, we would be able to kick this thing as quickly as he did, but no. He gets over it in less than 48 hours and we spend all week nose blowing, sneezing and drinking more Nyquil than is probably legal, without an end in sight.
Even though we have red noses and sound like geese, we've been happy to have a chill week and spend more time with each other. We've been coming home in the evenings, eating dinner in and resting up. Sometimes being knocked off your feet is a good thing.
On Tuesday, (inspired by my friend, Julie) Caden and I made Christmas cookies from scratch. I had no idea how they would turn out, but they turned out great! We even made icing from scratch! I was amazed with how much he enjoyed baking! Last night he helped make his own pancake for dinner and he was so excited to eat something he had made himself.
Mama burned her arm pretty good on the stove, but still had a great time with Chef Caden. (pictures to come)
In other news, Caden has not only mastered the art of the potty, but spent the majority of yesterday standing up to pee, like a big boy. I assume this means my bathroom floor will be less than clean for a little while, but he seems to be catching on quickly and as long as I'm not having to shell out a million dollars a month for diapers anymore, I'm not complaining.
It's nothing a Clorox wipe can't fix.
Sometimes I look around my home and imagine what 4-years-ago-me would think. If 4-years-ago-me would have teleported into the future to see present me, what would her reaction be? What would she think about the ride-on Clifford toy and the potty seat and the racecar bed? What would her immediate reaction be when she saw her son at 2.5?
I think she would have been freaked out, completely.
4 years ago me had no idea that she was a mother in waiting...she had no idea that her family was missing a Caden, and that when he would arrive, life would be so much sweeter than it ever was before. 4 years ago me had no idea how strong she could be or what an amazing husband she was married to. She had no clue that football underwear, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and rubber frogs in the tub would soon become a part of everyday life. She thought that children who threw tantrums in public were the result of bad parenting...sometimes, I want to go back and slap 4-years-ago me...
I've always been painfully aware of how quickly time passes. Even when I was a little girl, I would take a moment in the midst of something I was really enjoying and realize it wouldn't last forever...that at some point, it would end...and I would close my eyes and listen to the sounds, sniff the smells, to make the memory last as long as it could.
Everyday I feel that way about Caden. He is growing up SO fast, and although there are many things about 2.5 that I won't miss, there are many more that I will. I will miss him saying 'Good Morning' or 'See you Monday!' to everyone, no matter what time or day of the week it is. I will miss his little voice in the bathroom, coaching himself on by saying, 'Come on, Poop! You can do it!' I will miss him asking for kisses, asking to play ring around the rosie for the 11-millionth time and asking to pray at random time of the day...I will miss hearing him say, "I wuv oo, Mama."
The wonderful thing about kids is that one beautiful stage is replaced by a different, equally beautiful one. When he was first born, I wished he would stay small forever...then when he turned 6 months, I wanted to keep him that way. When he turned 14 months I thought, 'It can't get better than this!" And now that he is 2.5, I just want to freeze time.
But Caden's job is to grow and my job is to help him do so in God's way. As he grows and changes into the man God has called him to be, future Kathy can bask in that moment and say, "Thank you, Lord."
And when he turns 18 and leaves the house (I assume he will, because if he's anything like his parents, he'll be signing his first lease asap) I will greatly enjoy sleeping in on the weekends. Ah...see, there's good in every stage of life!

Prayer 11.10.2008

Father God,

Thank You for this day You have made. Thank You for Your greatness. Thank You for seeing me and loving me in spite and because of myself. Thank You for creation. Thank You for giving me the ability to come before You, the Maker of Heaven and Earth.
I pray that I never spin the word of God to justify my sin. I pray that if convicted I will change. I pray that if approached in love and kept accountable that I will respond in a Christ-like way. I pray I will have the courage to keep others accountable, even when it doesn't go well. I pray that when hurt, I will respond as Christ would. I pray that if I ever feel wronged, I will not use gossip as my shield. I pray that I will never hide behind the name of Jesus, but would instead, embrace it. I pray that I will never tire of doing what is right. I do pray I would tire of doing wrong. I pray that even though the enemy can use God's own to hurt me, I will endure. I will fight the good fight. I pray for a Spirit of discernment so that I may protect myself and my family from what may appear to be harmless or even good. I pray that eloquent words will not entice me down a path that is wrong for me. I pray against guilt and shame when doing right in the name of the Lord. I pray for forgiveness when I royally mess up which I regret to say, is frequent. I pray I can forgive when needlessly hurt, time and time again. I pray that I will not question my motives when I know they were pure and Godly. I pray that I will question my motives when I know, deep down, they were not of You. I pray I will become stronger and better and deeper as I grow older, instead of just getting old and stubborn. I pray that I will not just learn the words to say, but I will live the word of God. I pray that I will be Christ-like, when in secret and when in public. I pray that I will not use any power I have over people in a negative way. I pray that what is done in secret will be brought to the light. I pray that as iron sharpens iron, so shall we one unto another. I pray that I will deal with things, regardless of how difficult they will be. I pray that I will not wrong my brother or sister by gossiping about things best kept private. I pray that I will not cut others down to make myself feel good. I pray that Christ will define me so that I don't have to be defined by anyone or anything else. I pray that the church will be the church. I pray that when I give, I will do so in secret so as to avoid the arrogance that comes from man's praise. I pray I will give as giving to the Lord. I pray that I will do my job to the best of my ability even though I don't enjoy it. I pray that I will be convicted about everything Christ says is wrong for me...coarse joking, bad relationships, gossip, unforgiveness, resentment, arrogance, pride, anger...keep me on track, God. I pray that Your light will shine through me, not just on me. I pray that I will never foolishly think my talents and abilities are my own. If I become arrogant with what You've given me, take it away. I pray that I will use what I have for good. I pray that I will hear the cry of those around me. I pray for those I've hurt, because I'm human and I know I have. I pray for those who have hurt me, regardless of whether they know they did it or not. Help me forgive as you forgive me, regardless of whether I have the right to be angry...such rights are not worth clinging to. I pray that you will give me boldness to speak when I should and the common sense and self control to remain silent when I shouldn't. I pray for everything I need, not everything I want..because I know that all too often I ask for a stone when you long to give me bread. I pray that you will be with me as I wait. I pray that I would not confess love in an unloving way. I pray that you will attack-proof my marriage and my home. I pray that you will make me a Proverbs woman. I pray that I would be the wife, mother and woman of God you have called me to be. I pray you will take away my victim mentality. I pray for the inability to make excuses. I pray for a clear mind, a kind heart. I long to be open minded when I need to be and close minded when the truth leaves no room for discussion. I pray that you will remove my constant desire to be liked, affirmed and vindicated ...for I know it is contrary to scripture to be a people pleaser, in fact, it's toxic. I pray that when I give, I will have the right motives, otherwise it is meaningless. I pray that I will hear Your calm, still voice in situations that are chaotic, loud and confusing. I pray that I will be able to point out the flaws in myself before I see the flaws in others, and that if when I see those flaws, I will address all things in love. I pray that what is best left in private will be dealt with between me and You and no one else. I pray for divine appointments when I need them. I pray that my desires and temptations will not give birth to sin. I pray against the ability to be self-promoting, passive aggressive and vile. Don't ever let my damage, damage others. Take away my hurt so I won't hurt other people. Don't let me bask in my brokenness even though I thank You for it, because it is the starting point of holiness.
I pray that you will never take Your Spirit from me...that my emotion will not dictate my faith. I pray that when my flesh and Your word differ, You win, every time. Never allow my relationship with You to be all about me feeling good. Help me withstand the Refiner's fire.
I pray for Your guidance, I pray for Your strength. I pray for Your courage to be the Christian You've called me to be in scripture, whether it reflects this culture's version of 'christianity' or not...I pray You will constantly be with me. I pray You will make me clean and new. I pray You will tackle my recurring demons so that I can become better, not bitter and in all of this I pray that I will know You and make You known.

I pray Your will be done.

In Christ's name,

Amen

From Horse to Hoarse

On Friday, Caden had cowboy day at school. He woke up on the wrong side of the bed so he was pretty cranky all day...but he did put his attitude aside long enough to put on his cowboy hat and ride a pony. I attended school with him, because honestly, who doesn't want to go to cowboy day?!
All in all it was fun, we left just before lunch, he fell asleep in the car on the way home meaning he did not get a nap that afternoon and ended up falling asleep while on his hands and knees throwing a tantrum in his room at 6:30pm. He still slept till 7 the next morning, so I guess he just needed some extra shut eye.
Meanwhile, Jay was in Panama city all day, doing some networking for WAYFM and he ran across a coffee shop in crisis. They were having an event the next day on behalf of the Women's Pregnancy Centre and their band cancelled. Jay volunteered my services and so I got busy, writing up lyrics and practicing songs.
On Saturday the family, Amber and myself, loaded up the cars and headed to Panama City for the gig. It was fun. They paid us in food, which is always awesome, and we got to meet some great people. It went well, and I'll be returning in December to do some Christmas stuff for them. It was great exposure. I've been wanting to play coffee shops in Tallahassee but have never had the nerve to get out there and make it happen..I'm a little braver now after this weekend's events.
Sunday I got up at 5am and headed to church. We sang our butts off and had an amazing time in the Lord. Loved it. My voice is completely demolished from all the singing, but it was worth it. Hence the title of this blog. Haha. Get it?
Right now, the whole fam is dealing with the sniffles...I have a slight fever...but we're all relaxing after an insane weekend, ready to hit the sack early.
With all the craziness of the weekend, I forgot to give a shout out to my parents who celebrated their cabillionth wedding anniversary on Saturday. Thanks for having a great marriage.

Parental Guidance Required

The family and I went to the first night of a new parenting class at church called, 'Parental Guidance Required'. It was really comforting and refreshing to sit with other parents and hear the truth: We all have no idea what we're doing, we're all a touch messed up but we love our kids and want to raise them well. The topic of last night's lesson was making sure our kids are relationally rich. Often times we over fill our children's lives with busyness and activities. Soccer, football, ballet, band, music lessons, swim meets, drama team, even church activities fill our child's schedule to the point where we don't spend quality time one on one with them, making them experientially rich but relationally poor.
I struggle everyday with guilt about not being home with Caden while he's little. I am thankful to work for a great company that has been very accommodating to me. I have a good salary, great benefits and fun co-workers...but honestly, my position is less than challenging and quite unfulfilling...I'm a writer and a singer and a musician at heart, disguised as a collections agent. Talk about a fish out of water!
Even so, I wake up each morning, thanking God that I have work when so many don't, thanking Him for Jay's new job and big-time thanking Him for Caden being in such a wonderful school. As a working mother, I couldn't ask for a better scenario...Caden goes to a Christian daycare that he loves and a close friend of mine (Amber!) is with him daily. She calls and texts midday to let me know how he is, and I LOVE that. I use to miss Caden and also wonder if he was ok. Now that he is in his new school, I just miss him...and that burden of anxiety for his safety has been graciously lifted from my heart.
Nonetheless, I always have this voice in the back of my head, reminding me of how precious time is and how I'm wasting it. How my child is growing and learning and changing everyday and I only get to experience an hour of it in the morning and 2 hours of it in the evening. Most nights I hate putting him to bed because I just want to be with him for one more hour.
It's hard to know whether this is the call of God to trust Him (even though the numbers won't work out) and leave my job or whether it is an unhealthy voice that I should ignore. My prayer has been that if God is calling me to be at home with Caden full-time again, he will be involved with the swift selling of our house, putting us in a less stressful financial situation that would give us more options. So far, no bites...so I'll keep making collection calls and trust that He's got this. Jeremiah 29:11.
Jay reminds me daily how great school as been for Caden, and I can't ignore that. He is healthy and happy and potty trained! There are serious benefits from him being where he is...in fact, the majority of my feelings are completely selfish. I miss him. I want to be with him....but only God knows where he needs to be in order to shape him into the man he is suppose to become. Maybe starting school at such a young age is going to give him the confidence he needs to be a positive and influential leader later in life....who knows? Maybe as an only child, school will give him the relationship he needs with children his own age, and he will learn about sharing and respect in a practical way. I rest in knowing that God sees the whole picture and not just the immediate situation...and as my dad reminded me the other day, "Sometimes what happens within us while we wait is more important than what we're waiting for."
In the meantime, I intend on making the few hours I get with Caden, saturated with love. The important thing is that we take our limited quantity of time and make it quality.
I'm excited for next Wednesday's class!

Well....

He won. After all of the vicious attacks from both sides, the constant misrepresentation of two men, the twisting of their words, the accusations of what is 'christian' and 'non-christian' voting...the praying, the waiting, the CRAZINESS, and (most obnoxious of all) the signs ruining the esthetics of our streets, we finally have a new leader.
I think the majority of people are excited about that...regardless of who that person ended up being...at least it's not the same guy it has been!
I, personally, am quite pleased with the outcome.
What I'm seeing today is a national sigh of relief mixed with disappointment, mixed with fear, mixed with excitement. There is some outlandish talk about our freedoms being revoked, how America will never be the same, we're all bound for disaster...etc. Then there is a sense of national pride from people who weren't sure for a while whether they were proud to be Americans, but now are...a refreshing of their faith in government doing what government is suppose to do (not to be confused with our faith in Christ...just a confidence that government will finally start doing what it was designed for and that things will get better)
Regardless of what side you find yourself on, Barack Obama has been elected leader of the United States of America and he will be the President of both the red and the blue. A man with a very unAmerican name, a very unconventional story and some fresh ideas is our new face in Washington. Don't be afraid of him. Pray for him. Don't focus all of your energy and attention on his faults, but be glad for his positive stances. America isn't set up in a way that any one man can single handedly destroy it anyay...if he gets too crazy, you guys will just revolt and impeach him :) so don't be so concerned with the doom and gloom messages of communism (which people are calling socialism without truly knowing the definition of either) and death. This mass production of fear is not biblical. It will be ok.
Now, I know that I've written a few of these notes which have sparked debate, ruffled some feathers, challenged thinking and sparked curiosity...my Christianity has been challenged, my morality has been challenged, my sanity has been challenged.
But here's the reality: I did my research. I prayed for direction. I listened with an open mind and a guarded heart to all view points and opinions and I am confident that the best man, out of the two, won...not that I had anything to do with it because I can't vote anyway..but being a non-American, I believe it was easier for me to form an opinion based on the facts...not based on the mindset passed down to me from generation to generation...because my generations aren't from here...and don't really care what happens here. No offense, but let's be honest, you (America) don't really care what happens up there either :)
I was able to form an unbiased opinion from scratch and I can confidently say that I am glad about who won.
Barack Obama supporter + Canadian citizen + sold out Christian = Kathy Stock. What a conglomeration! Some think it isn't possible, but I'm living proof.
I urge those who call themselves Christ followers to refrain from being vicious, ignorant, hateful and impatient even though you are angry and scared about what happened last night...regardless of whether you are standing for Christian ethics and ideals, we need to speak ALL things in love...otherwise, you have missed the point, you've added to the negative stereotype and you have embarrassed Christ. Repent of it and spend time in prayer asking God to ease your spirit and protect our new leader....all of this buzz is stirring up craziness and we don't want fear and hatred to drive dangerous people to do stupid things and hurt this man. Don't contribute to that.
For those of you happily rubbing the results of last nights election in the faces of the opposing side, please stop. People are legitimately concerned whether they should be or not, and I'm seeing a massive lack of respect. I'm happy right along with you, and by all means, express your excitement and personal victories, but don't be ugly. Remember: They had just as much hope for their candidate as you did for yours and they are greatly disappointed today. Pray for them.
Most importantly, my son is potty trained and I am going to get back to blogging about subjects like that, which really matter. :)

Wise Words, Not Written by Me

Thank you Sarah Clark for referring me to this blog.
This is one of the best blog posts I've read in a long time. Quite interesting...I didn't quote it all, because it's very long. You can read the entire thing by clicking on the title below:

My Journey from being a Reagan Republican to an Obama Democrat
by Don Miller

"I grew up in a Southern Baptist Church along the Gulf Coast in Texas. It was a suburban church nowhere near a bus line, protected as it were from most demographics that didn’t have our common interests. Those interests were embodied in the Republican Party, then led by President Ronald Reagan. Reagan captured our attention with an anti-communist, anti-atheist message, that was easy to understand, emboldening the American people against a clear threat , that of nuclear war and a godless communist regime. Reagan rode that same horse his entire career, even as an actor while President of the Screen Actors Guild, taking stands against blacklisted actors and directors thought to be sympathizers with communist ideology. The Democrats, on the other hand, were squishy, hard to understand, and believed life was complicated. They sounded intellectual and suspicious.

We were told that if Democrats were given power we would certainly be destroyed by nuclear weaponry, indefensible by our weak military. We were told that, if a Democrat lived in the white house, we would become a socialist nation and you would not be able to choose your own profession, drive a car that you wanted or attend a school of your preference. The government would make those decisions for you, we were told. We were taught all sorts of terrible things about the Democrats. We were told if a Democrat ever came to power the government would launch legislation that would mandate ten-percent of all public-school teachers be homosexuals. But when a Democrat came to power, none of that happened. Instead, the average family’s base-earning went up by $7,500 per year and we operated under a balanced budget. And we didn’t go to war against an enemy we couldn’t exactly find and certainly didn’t understand.

Our theology insinuated that shortly after original sin, once Adam and Eve at the apple, they registered as Democrats and went on with their lives, trying to create large governments that would enable lazy people through expensive social programs. We believed we were right and they were wrong, our ideas were Biblical and their ideas were pagan. And we did not know, exactly, who “they” were. Our church wasn’t on a bus line, and our church programs catered to a slim demographic, and so “they” didn’t come to our church. We were all of the same race, the same theological disposition. Our conservative, moral ethos transcended politics.......

We didn’t like Bill Clinton. We listened to Rush Limbaugh, who told us not to think, that he would think for us, and so we bitterly groused against large government and our supposedly growing welfare state. He was a pro-choice candidate with a feminist wife who belittled women who only wanted to “stay home and make cookies.” Those were our women, we thought. And they made very good cookies........

.....I was shocked to find out abortion had decreased by 18% under President Clinton, and another 8% under George W. Bush (a significant slowing) and the pro-life lobby had largely ignored the economic factors that contribute to unwanted pregnancy. Bill Clinton won me over, in part for the unbelievably harsh things my Christian friends would say about him after the Monica Lewinsky scandal (and in part because the original investigation that unearthed the Lewinsky case found the President innocent of all white-water charges), but mostly because he spent the last year of his Presidency traveling to the most poor regions of America apologizing for his failure as President to help those he referred to as “the least of these.” ......

Having met the enemy, I discovered the enemy wasn’t who I thought they were. They were flawed, even as we were flawed, but they were no less patriotic, and no less good. And what’s more, they weren’t out to get us like my conservative friends had told me.....

Since then, I’ve received more than my share of e-mails containing the most absurd lies. Barack Obama is a Marxist, a terrorist who trained with Al-Qaida, that he has a pet dragon he flies on nights when there is a full moon and that if we vote for him all the computers will stop working at midnight on new years eve. I wondered how simple a person would have to be to believe such lies.

I voted for Barack Obama (we vote early in Oregon) because I think he is right on healthcare (his plan will allow 27 million more Americans, including young, pregnant mothers to be cared for) and he is right on responsible fatherhood. I voted for Barack Obama because he will keep George W. Bush’ Faith-based Partnerships Program in play, only increasing it’s funding. I voted for Barack Obama because he has the respect of world leaders, which will be necessary to deliberate an American agenda around the world, and I voted for Barack Obama because he had the judgment to oppose the war in Iraq. I’ve taken some blows from the conservative right on my stance, but, even in public debate against McCain representatives, have not been deterred. I will not be guilted, shamed or controlled. I am not going to vote for one candidate because I have been made to fear the other. I support Barack Obama because he has beat back the dark hour of cynicism and irrational fear, and provided hope to a country closing in on itself. I believe there are great days ahead."

I hope this can bring comfort to those who voted one way but saw things turn out a very different way...and mostly I hope it can bring unity to Christian Americans who can have a tendency to be quite vicious with one another, missing the boat on the greatest commandment..

'Love the Lord your God with all Your heart....and Love your neighbour as yourself.'

CADEN ' 08!

In joking around with my friend Desmond, I realized that my 2.5 year old son would make an awesome President.
As President, Caden will provide free pull-ups for all...and not just any pull ups...the ones with the easy open sides!
He will also institute mandatory nap and snack times at all work places and schools across the nation...and he will end the fuel crisis by providing huge, plastic tricycles for everyone.
There will be no more war under Caden's reign, because he will join all nations in the singing of 'if all the raindrops were lemon drops and gum drops' until they forget why they were so angry in the first place.
The abortion rate will plummet to 0% due to a 4-8 year ban on sexual activity...because according to Caden, everyone, regardless of their gender, has a 'bird' thus, making reproduction impossible anyway.
Medical care won't be an issue because Caden will ensure the availability of gummy vitamins and unlimited kisses for boo-boo's. This will create jobs for millions of American mothers, who will be the boo-boo kiss providers. American Fathers will be able to obtain mass employment as super heroes.
Caden's campaign colours will be blue, red and orange..because they are really the only colours he knows/cares about.
He will implement strict policies such as, "we don't hit, we don't bite, we don't pull the cat's tail" which is sure to win him at least the feline vote.
He will fight for the rights of every American citizen because regardless of sex, race, religion, gender, age or economic status, Caden considers everyone he meets to be his 'dend' (friend)
It isn't too late to cast your ballet
CADEN STOCK '08!

Ramifications

I posted yesterdays blog on my facebook page, and so far there are about 30 comments about it, a lot of which are mine defending my view points as not to be misunderstood, but there's been a lot of feedback on (what I thought to be) a very neutral writing.
I was/am simply asking Americans to make an educated decision, based on nothing but the facts and above all else, prayer. My hope is that the issues and stances we're clinging too so tightly are God's and not our own.
As the hours count down quickly to the final votes, people are taking very deep, passionate stances on the issues that matter most to them. Anti-socialism, anti-abortion, anti-war, anti-tax increases, pro-health care, pro-tax relief, pro-life, pro-change...There are a million, kazillion issues flying around and everyone is holding tightly to their ideals, ready to strike like a cobra at anyone who opposes them.
Being divided on every major issue is not something America is foreign to. It's been this way for a long time...and if anything, the response I've seen to my writings(although not indicative of my popularity :) is comforting, because it shows that people care. They care about morality, they care about the direction the nation is headed, and although there is division on the issues, America is unified in it's common desire: to see the best come out of this whole thing.
I'm excited for tomorrow. To see who wins, to see where the country is headed. If John McCain wins I will be excited to see if he is able to overturn Roe Vs. Wade and decrease our dependence on foreign oil...if Barack Obama wins I will be excited to see if he is able to safely but quickly end this insane war and tackle the health care crisis to help the sick and deprived get the medical attention they need to live. Like I've said before, I've never lived in an America not governed by George W. Bush, so I'm excited to see if fresh change will come with a new face in Washington.
I'm going to try and back away from this now and pray/observe over the next day, that God's hand will be on this nation and the direction in which it is going. That's much more powerful than any words I could type.
God bless America. Literally.