Your Thoughts are Higher than Mine

That's what spoke to me today.
I love that everytime I go to church I leave changed.
Today I didn't have to play for the whole service, but I did have to wait back stage so I could play soft music at the end of the message. Afterwards I exited the stage and stood behind the curtains in the dark while the band played,

"Your thoughts are higher than mine,
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is stronger than mine
This is no sacrifice, here is my life."

Alone in the darkness I was able to completely let go and worship without thinking or worrying about who was watching or listening. Covered in goosebumps I had an awesome time in God's presence.
Lately I have been trying to convince God when I pray...like I know what He needs to do and when He needs to be doing it and I need to enlightened Him...how arrogant can I be???
His thoughts are so much higher than mine.
His words are deeper, His love is stronger.

When I furvantly pray for God to effect our lives I forget that He loves us so much deeper than I could ever fathom.
When I speak eloquent words in an effort to impress the living God I forget that His vocabulary makes mine seem like Caden's, 'ga's.'
When I dream up exactly the way I want my life to be, the kind of life I want for my husband and aspirations I have for my son I forget that what God has dreamt up is not only so much greater, but it's perfect...it's the only way.

I think I'm going to hide backstage during worship more often. A beautiful moment with the drama props and the rats of Leon High School.

WARNING: THE BABY YOU ARE ABOUT TO SEE IS DANGEROUSLY CUTE

Thirsty Caden?

Caden likes to sport Amy's hat. There heads are almost the same size. haha!

This reminds me of when the Charlie Brown characters sing.

My mom sent these jammies and I love them. All he is missing is some white face makeup and a red hat and he would be the perfect mime.

Caden has become an ultimate Daddy's boy. He doesn't like it at all when I get up with him in the morning. That is daddy and Caden time so I take advantage and sleep in.

Tickle fight!

This is Jay after getting stuck in a torential down pour on his motorcycle when coming home from work. Initially when I saw it coming down I was worried...but when he arrived home I couldn't help but laugh hysterically and grab the camera.

Priceless....

A Grand Day

Today was a wonderful day. I think in an effort to hang onto it my mind is refusing to shut down and go to sleep.
Sometimes I forget how much I like my husband. I love him in every sense of the word but I also really like him...it's easy to forget just how much when the business of life keeps us from spending quality time together.
This morning I made enormous pancakes for all of us and then Jay and I headed into town. Amy graciously stayed behind and watched Caden all day which ended up being quite an adventure considering he laughed so much during a tickle fight that he threw up on the floor and then pointed to it and said, 'Uh-Oh.'
According to Amy it was gross and hilariously cute at the same time.
First, Jay and I hit the bowling alley. It seems as though a good bowling alley experience costs a small fortune these days, but having decided that money would not stress us out today, we bowled 3 games. My scores went from bad to worse while Jay did pretty well for himself. I am much better at bowling on the Wii then I am in real life.
We then headed to The Olive Garden for some yummy pasta and took a short detour to the motorcycle shop to drop Jay's bike off. Betsy needs new tires.
We stopped by the annex while killing time before a movie and then went to see my new favourite movie in the whole world, Once.
Honestly the best movie I have EVER seen. I recommend it to all. There are a few curse words, mostly at the beginging but the main guy is Irish so it kind of fits the character. Plus when you swear with a fun accent it really doesn't sound like swearing at all....either way it is a brilliant film with incredible music that is worth the price of admission.
Afterwards we still felt full from lunch, so we decided to do cheese and chocolate fondue at The Melting Pot. Mmmmmm....brownies dipped in chocolate....who could ask for anything more.
We couldn't get the incredible soundtrack from the movie out of our heads so we went to the mall to see if we could find it. Along the way we hit the pet store to see the puppies and noticed that the birds had slid open their cage door and were hopping out into the store. I went up and told a sales clerk who said, "WHAT!?!?!" and ran back to chase 6 birds all over the store. Clever little birds.
We found the soundtrack, Jay grabbed a coffee and I grabbed a chai tea and we headed home, listening to our new tunes the whole way back to C-ville.
I can't thank God enough for my marriage.
I remember praying every night for God to prepare my heart for my future husband and to prepare his heart for me. I had no idea he was 2000 miles away in a foreign land but God knew all along. After we met, our dating relationship was really difficult. Charlotte, NC to St. John's, NL is definitly a long-distance relationship. We spent months apart broken up by short one or two week visits here and there. When we got engaged everyone thought we were crazy. Afterall, we didn't really know eachother that well! But I had never been so sure of anything in my life. God gave me an incredible sense of peace and assurance that I was making the right choice and I've never, ever regretted it or wondered if it was His will. I don't mean to sound cliche or tacky, but we were very much made for eachother.
Our wedding was quiet, private, fun and relaxing just as I always wanted it to be. From the time I was a little girl I wanted to run off and get married in a private ceremony under the open sky and it couldn't have been more picture perfect.
Our marriage has been amazing and eventful to say the least but we've only grown closer as we change and evolve. Not many can say that they are married to their best friend and I never want to take that forgranted.
Becoming parents was a complete shock to our systems, given that neither of us was prepared for it, but little did I know at the time that it was the answer to my prayer, "God show me your will and purpose for my life."
Tonight I was telling Jay that somedays being a mom terrifies me...Before Caden I never spent any time with babies or toddlers and now I spend every minute of my time with a little man who is incredibly gifted and funny but has a temper much too big for his little frame to hold. There are days when I wonder whether I am doing anything right. As usual, Jay looked me in the eye and said all the right things. I don't know what I've done to deserve blessings like these.
Even though there are days when we're poor as church mice, I want for nothing.
I'm rambling...not to be showy but to testify of God's goodness to me...I'm overwhelmed by it and sometimes I have to pinch myself to convince myself it's real. Don't get me wrong, life is hard. For some reason people don't buy fitness equipment in Tallahasse from September til mid November and just like last year, we're going through a stressful season, but I believe I have learned how to be content with what I have...a concept that has taken me a while to grasp but I think i'm getting it now...at least at this moment I'm getting it.
So it's 12:37am and as much as I never want Sepetember 26th to end, September 27th won't be very good unless I rest my weary bones.
Today was a grand day.

4 years

This picture has 3 of out of 5 people who attended our wedding. We got married in a state park in SC, where it cost 1.50 for each of us to get in.
It wasn't much, but I'd trade an amazing wedding for an amazing marriage anyday.
It's funny how that moment seems like a million years ago and yesterday at the same time. We've been through so much in 4 years that it feels like a lifetime of moving and changes, but we've managed to walk through everything as best friends, laughing hysterically along the way.
What will we do to mark this amazing occasion? I'm thinking a cheap dinner at the hot dog place and a dollar movie. Afterall it is 4 years...we might as well splurge :)
Jay, even though your hair isn't as blonde or as curly as it use to be, I still love you.

Heroes

I wish I could write a blog tonight...but it is time for the first episode of the new season of Heroes to come on and I am not aloud to disrupt Jay as he watches....He's a little obsessed...
So I must close the laptop now in a effort to give him as little distraction as possible.
Adios

A Must See Video

If you have 5 minutes and need a good laugh, check out lance crawford's blog at www.lancecrawford.net and click on the gc.tv band video.
It is pretty hysterical.

Fun Pictures

This is the PERFECT shirt for Caden...too bad it's a million sizes too big for him, but I just could'nt resist.

Born to be Wild

Caden's got the best seat in the house

Jay playing Wii

Mmmmmm...Goldfish crackers

Abby had a 'dress as your favourite era' themed bridal shower on Sunday.
Amy went as a 60's sweetheart

I went as an 80's prom queen

Caden loves his bear

Caden loves to help with the housework

Caden loves his milk....

.....alot

Caden and I, kickin it old school at the Tallahassee Museum.

Like my mustache?

Enjoying a little swing at the playground

12:23am

I can't sleep.
Every now and then I am overwhelmed with my responsibilities as a Christian parent. Perhaps I shouldn't worry so much, since the good book tells me not to...but I find myself obsessing over doing it right...parenting that is. I desperately want to do it right.
The greatest desire of my heart is that Caden knows, loves and has a relationship with Christ. That is my number one ultimate priority in raising him. I would give anything to ensure that he is connected to Jesus. I have high aspirations for him...few having to do with worldly success, most having to with character and integrity. I passionately and deeply want him to be a good, God-fearing man. I would prefer him to be a passionate Christian garbage collector than a spiritually dormant doctor or lawyer.
But how do I ensure it? How do I know if I'm doing it right? Keeping him alive and well isn't enough. Will he see me as a mother who loved a real, living God and who modeled life after Christ or will he see me as someone who did church on Sunday and other than that was an alright person?
How can I keep him focused on heaven when there are so many distractions, so many things telling him that God and church are a waste of time...Can I compete with that?
How strong of an influence will I be? I spend every waking minute with him which is amazing but at times very trying, especially going it alone the majority of the time. It's alot of pressure....no wonder I've developed TMJ from grinding my teeth.
I've always had a problem with wanting to do the right thing all the time. Unfortunately being an imperfect person means that life doesn't work that way...and my ambition to do right usually causes me to mess up royally. I'm the queen of good intentions.
I'm sure it isn't God's will for me to stress about the condition of my son's soul but it is my job to foster it, to teach it, to help nuture it...and I just want to do it right.
I think I would be less stressed if Caden was a girl. Since I am a girl, I know a little bit about how girls think...I think I would have the upper hand if I was the same-sex parent. I know nothing about how little boys work...well to be honest I know nothing about how little people work in general but I am so grateful to have my little man. Motherhood snuck up on me and although it is absolutly my calling it is mega-intimidating for me...because I have NO clue what I'm doing.
I miss my husband. I miss working in the ministry with him. I miss what that was like. I miss spending every minute together...that might sound needy, but when you're married to your best friend you don't mind spending your days in unison. Jay doesn't spend all his time at work out of choice, but rather obligation and necessity. He works so incredibly hard to make our family work but the hours are hard on both him and I. I'm sure they are even harder on Caden. He just doesn't have the words to say so.
I use to read my bible alot...I use to pray frequently...life has since made these things harder than they use to be. Maybe if I could just get back there I wouldn't be so scared or unsure of my abilities to parent. I just want to do it right.
It is 12:50am and I have to get up early for church tomorrow. I tried falling asleep a while ago but these thoughts have been ramshacking my brain all evening. Thankfully the blog is just a click away and I can get things off my chest.
Thank you online journal. You're always there for me.

Coolest Kid Ever

Have you ever seen a baby with a tat?
I didn't think so.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GERRY

Sorry I'm a day late, but you know me...I stink at getting birthday greetings to people on time.
So, happy birthday Gerry.
May there be many more contemplative sunsets in your future.

Thank You Best Buy

Shopping List
-Laptop
-Anti-virus software
-Wireless Internet Router
-Photo Memory Stick
-Sony Surround Sound System
-Nintendo Wii with extra controllers

We were up playing Wii till 1am last night. I think this is going to be my new weightloss tool.

Here is a video that I have not been able to upload till now. Don't worry, Sampson doesn't have any claws.

FINALLY!

I am 97% sure we will have the Best Buy card tomorrow...which means that Jason and I will probably go on our long awaited Best Buy date tomorrow night. I personally can't wait to drop 1500 bucks on electronics without thinking about it. It's going to be really fun.
We're thinking about getting a laptop, but not blowing the whole card on it. Jay is not much of a computer person so I don't want him to spend the whole thing on a laptop and then be disapointed because he never uses it. I'm thinking he'll want some kind of surround sound system and an IPOD for wearing under his helmet while riding back and forth to work...at first I thought this was dangerous because he wouldn't be able to hear danger approaching but apparantly you can't hear anything over the roar of the engine anyway so he might as well have music to make the daily commute more enjoyable. Other than that we need a cordless phone and hopefully a TV for the bedroom. Now that football season is here, I need one!
I'm having alot of fun with Amy. I LOVE having someone around all the time to laugh with and talk to. My extroverted personality sometimes makes being a homebody difficult so having her around is making life pretty awesome. Plus she's been a great help. Caden loves having her here too.
He has gone back to sleeping past 7am, praise Jesus! I was going out of my mind for a while, but I bought a sound machine and he's been sleeping like the baby that he is ever since. Thank you Sound Spa.
He is still not saying much. He understands everything I am saying because he can follow direction without trouble and he has an incredbile ability to sing songs on key, but he has no interest in saying words. He can hum, 'twinkle, twinkle little star' and it is in perfect pitch! He also has amazing rhythm. After church on Sundays he comes up on stage and plays the drum while we break down. The guys in the worship team believe he has some serious talent and have decided to help invest in his musical upbringing so that when he is famous they can all benefit from his success. Sounds like a good deal to me.
Daily I am blown away by my blessings. I have an incredible family, the most amazing husband on planet earth (and he's also easy on the eyes if I do say so myself) and a little boy who is healthy, happy, handsome, smart and more precious than I can even describe. I have an amazing church family, wonderful friends, a piece of land, food, health, happiness and above all a Savior who loves me inspite of myself.
It's a Good life.

I Loathe My Computer!

My computer sucks. I hate using it which is why I've been slacking on the blog front lately. If that bless-ed Best Buy card ever arrives this piece of poo is going straight in the trash! I guess it's been good to us considering we've had it for 3 years, we've moved it 7 times and it cost 300 bucks Canadian...but I'm still done with it. It barely lets me check my email. Everything takes 5 hours to do and I can't even think about uploading video or photos cause it'll just lock up and quit working. Grr. There is hope of the card arriving tomorrow but at this point I'm not holding my breath.
In happier news, Amy is here! We've been hanging out, watching alot of Degrassi Juniour High dvds (the old school Canadian show from the 80's) and laughing at Caden. Today Jay was off so we all went to the beach and it was fantastic! I'm getting an awesome tan and a very funny tan line. My bathing suit is actually an athletic top (because my freakishly long torso makes finding a non-belly shirt tankini impossible) and it has a hole design in the center of the back...thus creating a big brown circle on my back. Jay calls it the eye...but since I don't wear alot of backless shirts or tube tops, it doesn't really matter.
I should go before my computer shuts off and I loose my writings but if the card shows up tomorrow I'll let you know.
Here's to hoping...