Tuesday, March 30, 2010

I'm Ready

Caden is ready for his little brother to meet him.
Daddy is ready to hold his second born son.
Mama is ready to see her newest little man and experience life with her entire family.
I sat in Preston's room today and prayed over his bed, for rest and protection. I prayed over his rocking chair, that the comfort, food and quality time he spends in it will bring him health, peace and happiness. I prayed that he be as perfect as humanity is capable of being...that he love God and be aware of Him his entire life...that he would be set apart...the same prayer I've been praying for his big brother, long before I ever saw his face.
Early in this pregnancy, there were moments when I mourned the loss of our family of three, where I worried about whether I could love another child the way I do Caden and I wondered how Caden would do with having a sibling around.
I was apprehensive about the changes down the road.
Now, I feel like we're not quite complete without Mr. Preston...we're all excited to see his face, to make memories with him, to hold him and know he's OK. What once felt like normal and comfortable, doesn't feel quite normal or right without him being here too.
So, anytime you're ready Preston, we're ready too. We love you already.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Friday, March 19, 2010

Pro-Life

I've been thinking about this term a lot today. I feel like I need to write about it and when that feeling arises, it's usually suppose to. I have no idea if this is meant for one person, one hundred or just for me to articulate my thoughts. Either way, here it goes.
I am pro-life. This doesn't just describe how I feel about abortion, as so many people apply the terminology, but I'll start there. I believe that life begins at the moment of conception. I believe that God has called us to protect young, fragile and innocent life, regardless of how inconvenient or ruthless it's coming about. I understand that this isn't a black and white subject...that the woman who utilizes abortion as a last resort form of 'birth control' and the young girl who was raped by a family member are in completely different situations when it comes to their position, their responsibility for conception and their emotional state. I hate that in a sinful, ugly world, women sometimes have their innocence stolen from them and that in the most heart breaking cases, a child is brought into a horrifying situation due to this injustice however, I have to stand and believe that this still doesn't give anyone of us the right to take a life. Could I ever look an abused, raped or incest victim in the face and judge her harshly? Never in my life. But I believe in God's ability to take that nightmare and transform it into a victory, a beautiful story of redemption and grace. I believe every child is capable of being a man or woman after God's own heart.
Being pregnant, I've often wondered what I would do if the doctor told me that my pregnancy was putting my life at risk. This is another area of grey when it comes to abortion. As a woman of faith, I believe in God's ability to overcome obstacles and perform miracles...I would find it difficult, near impossible, to terminate a pregnancy based on what a doctor said was imminent danger when God is so much bigger than medicine and disease but at the same time, I have been given a mind and heart to make decisions for the well-being of my family. I was watching a TLC special the other day about a woman who's rare type of pregnancy was killing her. After coming close to death, the pregnancy was terminated to save her life. I whispered a prayer for her. I can't imagine being in that position. This type of pregnancy termination is so situational...and so difficult...and so case specific. I honestly don't know what I would do. On one hand, I have a family that needs me...on the other, I could be carrying a miracle child who just needed time to prove the medical community wrong...I hope I never have to face a decision of that magnitude. I praise God that both my boys had/have been healthy pregnancies. I am burdened today for women who have faced tragedy within pregnancy. Such an event requires super-human strength to deal.
I have no rage, anger or hatred towards any woman who has made a decision to terminate a pregnancy. I believe that angry protests with disturbing imagery is not the way to tackle this problem in society. It just fuels the widely though public opinion that Christians are heartless and crazy. I instead mourn the loss of the innocent and pray whole heartedly that women who feel like they have no other option, would find another option and we will invest our money and resources into areas that help provide those alternate solutions (the local women's pregnancy center, adoption organizations, etc).
Those who have followed my political writings are aware that I wasn't the biggest George W. Bush fan in the world, but I have to publicly commend him on his stance and pro-activeness on the position of abortion. He made great strides in the ending of late term abortion, a ruthless practice and although I believe that politics is not souly in place to overturn Roe Vs. Wade, I hope someday it's illegal to kill unborn children in this country, the same as it is illegal to kill anyone else. So that's my pro-life stance when it comes to abortion.
I don't believe a person can rightfully call themselves 'pro-life' if they are for the death penalty. People who are against abortion but for the death penalty can rightfully call themselves 'anti-abortionists' but not 'pro-life'. Life is life. The life of the unborn and innocent and the life of the sinful man or woman. By saying we can decide which citizens are fit to live and die is far too much power for any judge or jury to have. This is an out-dated and barbaric establishment that needs to be thrown out. From a spiritual perspective, it negates a lot of what Jesus died for. Jesus came and lived a sinless life, taking on the sins of the world (the murderer, rapist, gossiper, adulterer etc.) and dying for them so that we wouldn't have to...so that in Him, we could be dramatically changed and healed of our transgressions, no matter how miniscule or gargantuan. It's amazing to me that an American court room would have put Saul to death before he had the opportunity to become Paul. Trust me, I don't say this lightly. If anyone sexually assaulted, purposefully injured or took the lives of my children, I would need God's strength and probably the restraint of several burly men to keep me from taking that person out with my bare hands. As humans, we are entitled to anger, redemption and justice. As Christians, we are called to be immeasurably more and to recognize what God can do to miraculously transform a monster into a disciple. We are called to lay down our right for revenge. God is the one who chooses who lives and who dies. Christians often take a stance on this when it comes to abortion and euthanasia, but not the death penalty. It's always blown me away that we're so passionate about saving one life but so eager to fry another. God can make a miracle of both the unwanted, inconvenient and undeserving.
Outside of the whole Jesus thing :), capital punishment has taken the lives of innocent people, killing them for crimes they did not commit. In Florida alone, a non-profit organization called the Innocence Project has proven the innocence of 7 people who were either sentenced to life in prison or the death penalty. I had the opportunity to meet one of these men who was awarded millions of dollars in 'we're sorry we took 25 years away from your life and almost killed you' money...no amount of money can buy back what he's lost in both time and emotional/ mental strain. Thank God he wasn't killed before his innocence was proven. Many have not been as lucky. Also, it costs 70% more for a person to be on death row than to complete a life sentence in a maximum security facility. Trends in death penalty cases also prove it to be racist, sexist and biased. Check out the stats and facts at Amnesty International's Web Page.
Jay and I often watch 'Lock Up'. On this show, they highlight different offenders and tell the back story of their lives. The majority have had hellish upbringings, abusive homes and overwhelming neglect. I don't condone law breaking or violent acts but after hearing where a lot of these people have come from and lived through, I wonder if I wouldn't be the same way had I not grown up in a loving, protective family. Being 'pro-life' means seeing the whole person and recognizing the sanctity of what God has made, not seeing the crime alone and declaring that person hopeless and worthless. Amazing Grace is for them too.
So I guess, to make a long story even longer, I am pro-life...meaning I believe in the sanctity of human life. I believe that God is bigger than anything we have done, could do or will do and that through Him we can surrender 'our rights' and do 'the right thing.' I recognize that it's easy for me to sit here and write about this topic and sound self-righteous. I am not. Trust me. I have an overwhelming amount of empathy for women who find themselves with an unwanted pregnancy...and I could never look a woman in the face, whose husband has been murdered by a ruthless, unapologetic killer and condescendingly say, "You just need to love the criminal the way that Christ loves the church." I know that this is a near impossible feat, that outside of Christ it doesn't make sense and that if it were me, I would probably struggle my entire life to get through the hate but I know what I believe God has called us to do, as men and women after His own heart. His greatest commandment was not for us to end abortion or maintain the man-made rituals of the church or take a pro-active stance against homosexuality...it is to love. Love. With no limits and no restrictions. It's easy to love the cute, kind and deserving. He has called us to love every one.
I hope and pray that this resonated with somebody who is needing and ready to lay down their right of being exhaustingly angry, cripplingly self-centered and painfully confused and take on new found eyes and thankfulness for the sanctity of human life, without harsh judgement towards those who may see things a different way.
If you made it to the end of this, thanks for reading.
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:13-14.

I'm Back! (No pun intended)

Sorry I've been MIA for a week or so. Baby Preston has descended into my lower abdomen (otherwise known as 'dropping' but that sounds so violent to me...) and his new position is wreaking havoc on my lower spine. Sunday afternoon, I sat on my couch to watch an MSNBC special about Newfoundland and it's role in 9/11 (amazing story by the way) and afterwards, I couldn't walk without terrible pain. For the majority of this week, I've been laying down, hobbling from bathroom to bed to couch and back again, unable to sit upright in a chair. This all stems from an injury I suffered many years ago and due to Preston's low lying position, is rearing it's ugly head again. Nothing chiropractics and ARP therapy can't tackle once Preston's out. Until then, the goal is to stay comfortable, resting when possible, preparing for Preston's exit. Herniated disks make childbirth seem so much more excruciating. Oh well, he's worth it.
Caden was always uncomfortably high while I was pregnant, giving me horrible heartburn and never really 'dropping' at all. 3 weeks before his due date he made his appearance just the same. Preston is in a very different position and although his sudden descent has caused my heartburn and windedness to almost disappear, my lower back is taking the brunt of the force.
I have to thank everyone who has come to my aid this week, helping with Caden, fixing meals for us, giving me rides to the chiropractor and hospital, calling to check in, sending uplifting emails and facebook comments and playing the violin for me while I whine. You know who you are. Thanks SO much.
As of right now, I'm feeling MUCH better than I did at the start of the week. I'm still unable to sit upright for any length of time without having my walking compromised but as long as I avoid evil chairs, I'm able to function pretty well without much pain. Thank God!
I'm nervous about going out in public and having a flare up. I really don't know until I go from sitting to walking whether or not I'll be able to put one foot in front of the other but I think with a few more days of rest, I'll be doing great...as long as I don't do anything stupid like wash the floor on my hands and knees or move furniture around. Nesting is dangerous. Lesson learned.
In other news, Caden is amazing and super excited about being a big brother. Jay is experiencing some serious success in his new position at Gold's Gym. The owners of the company are thrilled with what he is bringing to the table and this month feels more natural and right than last month did. The hours are long and the work sometimes taxing, but he is doing an incredible job. Very proud of him.
My mom and sister are coming to visit in May. I can't wait. It's going to be amazing. We're also planning a nice, mini-vacation with Jason's parents for June which will be a much needed refresher for everyone. Caden is really looking forward to his family coming, although he's not impressed that 'Pop's gotta work'. Hopefully we'll see Pop sooner than later ;)
I'm mailing the final edits of my book to the publisher tomorrow. I would have sent it earlier this week but the whole being immobile thing made it difficult to focus on anything but walking erect successfully. I'm so humbled and excited about this opportunity and can't wait to start working on the next piece.
Well, that's all for now. Thanks for stopping by and catching up.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

BabyWise

I'm a big fan of the BabyWise Series by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam. When Caden was a toddler I was so conflicted about my parenting style, how I wanted to discipline, structure, educate...just about everything. I checked out many books, all of which didn't resonate with me...many of which contradicted themselves...but then I picked up ToddlerWise and I was hooked. I highly recommend this series to anyone and everyone who needs info about children. There's BabyWise (a Sleep Reference Guide), BabyWise (6-12 months I think...), ToddlerWise, Pre-schoolWise, ChildWise, ...you get the picture.
As soon as I found out Preston was coming I ordered the BabyWise books and am just now having the time to read through them. I'm excited about being more confident and equipped this time around. Poor Caden was kind of like my guinea pig but thankfully he's turning out to be a pretty awesome little man in spite of my inabilities and hopefully because of our guidance as well.
The one theme that really echos within me as being true and right in this series is the importance of a healthy marriage in the role of raising a child. If you're a single parent or divorced co-parents, this doesn't mean your children can't be healthy human beings. Single parents (in my opinion) are the strongest people on the planet. Some marriages are so toxic that (depending on the circumstances) parenting and functioning separately is what's best for everyone involved. What I'm referring to is that IF there are two parents in the home, functioning as a married couple, that unit has a profound effect on their children and the health of it is the best gift they can give their kids.
One of my favourite lessons in parenting came from Phil Harris when he spoke at genesischurch.tv a few years ago. He said, "There was an 'us' before there was a 'them'."
So often when a child comes into the picture, a couple's focus shifts from each other to their child. The family becomes child centered. This is almost always done unintentionally and innocently. After all, what's not to love about your child? The joy and hope and warmth they bring is indescribable. I remember when Jay and I brought Caden home, we were both filled with this newfound sense that the world was a much better place now that he was in it.
Often times, couples put their children before each other, thinking this is best for the child when in fact, it's detrimental to them. Childwise talks about a little girl who was having trouble sleeping through the night and staying in her own bed. Each day she was tended to by her stay-at-home mom and each evening when Dad got home, he focused completely on her, playing with her, reading to her...doing all of the things great Dads do. They were baffled as to why she was such an unhealthy sleeper. After meeting with the authors of this book and implementing a nightly 'couch time' (a time when the parents sit and talk, in full view of their child, but make it clear that it's 'their' time and they are not to be interrupted) she was sleeping peacefully, all night long. The parents were confused as to how these two things correlated but soon realized that in the middle of the night, when they were both trying to get their little girl to sleep, was the only time she saw them working together, being together, talking to each other...and she craved it.
Kids want to see their parents making each other a priority. Parents need to feel confident in saying, "Daddy will play with you in just a minute but first I want to spend time with Mommy." We think this may cause our child to feel rejected, when in actuality (whether they whine about it in the moment or not) they need it, they crave it, they feel safe when their parents are united, confident in their family unit being a strong one.
Jay and I make a point to go on dates and we make sure Caden knows what we're doing and why. When we get dressed up and call a sitter, he asks, "Are you going on a date?" Sometimes he'll say, "I wanna come!" but we gently remind him that dates are special time for Mommy and Daddy to be together alone. This doesn't have to be expensive. Sometimes we call someone who is willing to watch Caden for free and we sit outside of Starbucks and talk for hours. For less than 3 bucks, you can have a great date night out.
It's hilarious how my 4 year old is already excited about getting married. He knows that what we have is a good thing. We have family time and one on one time where Caden gets to spend quality time with just me or just Daddy, but date night is a major priority for the health of our marriage and the health of our boys. We want to model the kind of marriage we want them to have...After all, my job is not to raise a child...it's to raise an adult...it's to raise him to leave me, as much as that stings. If he's not capable of leaving home, confident in his ability to function in the world, unafraid of failing in order to succeed then someday finding a wife and treating her like a queen, we've done something wrong. How we model life, especially marriage, plays a huge part in his success later in life.
I'm blessed to have married a man who's mother and step-father modeled a loving relationship. Bob loves Cathy. Cathy loves Bob. It's beautiful to watch...they are best friends.
I was blessed to watch my mother be an exceptional wife and my father be an exceptional husband. Because of his example, I knew what to look for and because of hers, I learned how to reciprocate love.
A healthy marriage is the best gift a married couple can give to their kids. I pray first that above all else Caden and Preston love God and live for Him. I want this for them more than I want academic success, professional success, anything. Secondly, I want them to be amazing husbands some day...who will then become amazing fathers. I can't wait to see and meet their beautiful families.

Monday, March 08, 2010

At Last...

Life has slowed down to a comfortable walking pace. Last week was my final week working at the Episcopal Church and I must say, as much as I loved it, learned a ton and needed the money, I'm glad to be done. I think I spent most of last week out of breath...between training the new hire (who I had to find myself!), a billion errands, Caden's birthday party (he turned 4 on Thursday!), worship team, traveling several hours to attend and play at a wedding and the whole baby growing thing, I was flat out exhausted. Today marks the start of a few low key weeks before Mr. Preston arrives. MUCH needed down time.
I do have to spend some of that time getting his room ready. We've done nothing. Thankfully, Shea and Matt Tillery have SHOWERED us with baby stuff so we've got a lot of the things we need. I just need to get some nursery decor together and a few odds and ends to feel really ready. He'll be here before we know it!
I'm due April 16th but Caden showed up 2.5 weeks, early weighing in at 7 pounds after measuring small his whole pregnancy...this child is a bit larger so I wouldn't be opposed to having him at the beginning of April...but I'll wait 'til he's done cooking...not like I have choice! ;)
I need to do some reading to feel prepared for this labor, delivery and newborn thing. I know I've done it before, but it was a while ago and I'm assuming that like every pregnancy, every labor is different too. I'm sure a refresher wouldn't hurt.
I also have been sent the final online copy of my book! I need to go through it and edit anything that I feel needs changing and then it should begin printing. The book is due on the 15th of April...Preston is due on the 16th...crazy.
So I'll be using my new found quiet time to prep for Preston's arrival, play with Caden, feel sane and upkeep the blog, since I've been slacking in recent weeks.
My home, my life, my parenting, my brain...it's all starting to feel right again...I'm so overwhelmingly thankful for my life.