Monday, July 26, 2010

I'm Moving

After 6 wonderful years of bligityblogging, I am moving over to www.kathystock.com
If you're looking for information on my music, public speaking or just want to catch the same heart felt stories, ramblings and writings you've experienced here, you can catch all at my new home.
Thank you for reading my stuff and I look forward to seeing you at www.kathystock.com

Monday, July 12, 2010

The Prophet

My husband, Jason is a fitness director at a local gym. He runs the personal training department, does a little training himself and focuses mainly on selling personal training packages. He loves helping, training, teaching, motivating and education people in the areas of health and wellness. He finds great joy in bringing life saving tools to the morbidly obese and unhealthy people he sees on a regular basis but he hates the fact that money stops so many from taking advantage of the services they so desperately need. Every day he says, "I love what I do...I just wish I could do it for free."
One of the trainers he works with is a young woman with a heart for God and a masters in Theology. They have random conversations about faith and belief in the bible. One day, during one of these conversations, she mentioned that her father was a prophet.
Jay was very intrigued by this and was eager to tell me all about it. That Saturday, this woman's father called Jason and asked if he could come and visit us. I was a bit nervous but I do believe in prophetic gifts...I also believe that there are a lot of crazies who come in the name of the lord so I was rightfully guarded.
Ten minutes later, he arrived. He was probably in his 60's and he had a blue tooth in one of his ears.
He came in and sat down. He asked us questions about ourselves...I mentioned that I had written a book and he asked to see it. When I gave it to him he said, "Do you mind if I take a moment to read this?" and he proceeded to 'speed read' the entire book in front of us in about 2 minutes. He said he had trained for 6 weeks to be a speed reader and he had mastered the art. I wasn't convinced he wasn't a kook at this point.
He then told us about himself. How he is from California, he's a double doctorate in theology, he was raised in the Catholic church and could speak five languages. He was definitely one of the most interesting people I have ever met. He then spoke about us as if he knew us. He wasn't ultra specific but what he did say was very applicable.
He told us that whatever God has put in us to do with our lives, He meant for us to do it together...that we were to work with one another....that God has given Jason a help mate in me and that He had given me a protector and provider in Jason. It was true. We've always had a strong desire to do ministry with one another. We play directly off of each other's strengths and weaknesses...he wasn't saying anything shocking or surprising...the only thing shocking was that he knew it.
He stayed with us for two hours and convinced me that although he may be a bit more...how shall we say...'free spirited' than I am, he was definitely a biblical Christian who knew God's word upside down and backwards and believed it passionately to be true.
He asked if he could pray for us individually. Jay accepted. I declined. Trust issues...read my previous post to catch up on that ;)....but he graciously understood my concern and assured me his feelings weren't hurt or offended. He invited us to his church which meets at 6pm on Sunday evenings and we decided to go this past Sunday.
He encouraged us to bring the children however I didn't feel comfortable bringing them into an unknown spiritual environment without knowing it was 'safe' myself. One off the wall, un-orderly Christian experience would probably scar Caden for life.
We showed up and instead of a church building, it was more like an office. We walked in and there were about 15 people there, smiling and greeting us....we were evidently the first new comers they had encountered in a long time...if, ever.
I was really nervous when I saw this...wondering when the snakes were going to come out...
They began to sing...an older woman played the guitar and they sang song after song...mostly southern gospel choruses that brought back memories of my parents Gaither videos....(shutter)....just kidding, Dad ;)
They prayed in tongues and lifted their hands...there was no 'order of service', worship leader or regimented schedule...just a freeing gathering of people who love God and who seemingly loved each other.
It was actually really nice.
It was a pretty calm evening...everyone spoke calmly and gently...several people stood and spoke prophetically...there was a common theme to the prophesies...how God who was faithful to begin a good work would be faithful to complete it...that courage was needed to walk down the path He has pre-destined for us...it was all about embracing His direction with boldness...
Afterward, everyone swarmed us and made us feel really welcome. They assured us there were no snakes hiding in the back and amidst their laughter, I felt much better. They invited us to come back and bring the babies and we may just do that.
So, all in all, our experience with 'the prophet' was an interesting and enlightening one. Just goes to show, you can't judge a book by it's cover...unless of course, you're a prophet ;)

Friday, July 02, 2010

Trust

I don't trust people. I don't say that to sound jaded or cynical...I'm not bitter or overcome with resentment and unforgiveness...I just don't trust people because, well, their not Jesus. I've learned that Jesus is the only one who can be trusted not to hurt me and He is the only one who can be trusted to define me and since scripture doesn't tell us that we need to trust everyone, or even anyone but God, I simply don't.
Now, I trust my husband to be faithful to me and to be the man he has promised he would be when he married me. He has spent our entire relationship proving himself trustworthy and providing for my every need, physical and emotional. But, at the end of the day, he is a human being and there have been moments when we've let each other down, but I trust him to stand by me no matter what so I am able to be vulnerable with him.
I trust my parents to always be there for me, no matter how old I am or what I've done/do, I can trust in their love and support.I trust in it even more so now that I know what it means to be a parent. I hope my children can always trust the same of me.
Outside of these relationships, I find it very difficult to trust people...particularly women. I have some of the most amazing female friends on the planet, yet there is a part of me that is closed off from deepening those relationships because...well...I don't trust people.
I've realized this about myself over the last few years but more so recently when I began taking an active role in a women's ministry at my church. I felt this strong desire to see women in real, authentic, healthy relationships with one another where they could feel safe and be honest...I'm starting to realize, I need to work on this very thing!
In college (or University as it's known to the folks north of the border), I was one of the guys. I organized nacho night at don Cherry's Sports Bar, I watched WWE religiously and wrestled with my guy friends...and I mean wrestled...seriously, Cliff Perry showed me no mercy :)...my guy friends were some of the deepest and real that I had for a long time and they were straight up legit. I didn't play games to get their attention and they didn't have ulterior motives with me. We were just friends and it was awesome.
But when you get married and have babies, it's no longer appropriate to be one of the guys...then you kind of come across as a hussy...and that's certainly not the persona I want to run with. I'll be honest, it was difficult for me to navigate the realm of female friendships. I only had two or three female friends that I felt truly connected with and none of us lived near each other. Luckily, I have been introduced to and have become connected with some AMAZING women over the last couple of years. Fun women with hearts for God and good heads on their shoulders...women who are a lot like me...and it's been a huge blessing to have that kind of support system in a city so far from home.
This brings me back to my trust problem...I'm working on deepening and strengthening these relationships in my life by being a good listener and a real friend...but the area I have to work on the most is opening myself up to trust people who have already proven themselves trustworthy. I can't judge future and present relationships by past relationships that hurt my heart. It's not fair to the people God has given me to share life with and it's not fair to myself.
I was talking to my dear friend, Kris Spell this morning about this very thing and I mentioned how I think I might just be cautious and how that's a smart way to be...she then put me in my place by saying, "Cautious is one thing...closed is another." Tu Chez.
I don't want to be closed off to becoming a better person through the people around me...and if anyone is reading this with the same issue and desire to change it, (and you live in Tallahassee), get involved with For Women Only at genesischurch.tv and we'll figure this thing out together.

"It is better to be in chains with friends , than to be in a garden with strangers."

-Persian Proverb