HEY! Have I not made it perfectly clear that 0 comments makes me sad and depressed! Come on people! Don't slack off just because it's summer! I just miss everyone..sniff sniff...That's all.
Summer has brought with it a period of dryness in almost every area of my life. My surroundings are, of course, very dry seeing as how it is 100 degrees everyday. The soil and sod have literally turned to sand and dust. It amazes me that vegetation can survive here. Physically I have fallen off of the exercise horse. I was doing so well, getting up early, at the gym by 7:00am and then off to work by 9:00am. I felt really good. Then I blew a tire on my car and during the waiting period my routine got shaken up. It's been really hard to get back into the groove. Spiritually I've been pretty docile. In the world's of ups and downs this would be a down but not for any particular reason. Just feeling suspended in complacency. I'm not even really depressed or upset or anything, just feeling really lazy. I've never really consider how strong the enemy is until I go through times like these. My life is great. I have blessings all around me. I have a husband who loves me, a job that supports me, friends and family who care about me and first and foremost a God who created me in love and wants to be with me daily. I know logically all of the arguments and cliches one says to another when experiencing dry times. I know what I need to do to shake the dryness and it's as simple as sitting in the presence of God and being regenerated. And even though I've never had a negative experience sitting in God's presence, I still do everything in my power to avoid it during these times of dryness. I'll get on the computer instead of reading my bible. I'll play my keyboard instead of pray to God. This is why the enemy is much more present in life than I thought, whispering to us that somehow spending time with our heavenly Father is a negative thing! And we buy it! I've been reading the book, "The Screwtape Letters" by C.S Lewis. Now I realize it is a fiction compilation and not to be taken as accurate accounts of demon conversation, however it is very interesting to observe areas in life where the devil could be placing his foot. The book says that the devil loves two types of people: Those who are overly interested in him to the point of obsession and those who don't believe him. He can do just as much evil in the life of someone who claims he isn't there as he can in the life of someone who worships him!
Now I'm not one who likes to blame the devil for everything. I am the one who ultimately makes the decisions about my life. But it's been an interesting enlightenment during this time of dryness to pinpoint why I feel the way I feel. It gives me motivation to kick the habit of complacency because I don't want Satan to succeed in my life. So if you're reading this whisper a little prayer on behalf of those who are experiencing dryness. It is not backsliding or caused by life's troubles. In fact the most passionate times I have spent with the Lord have been when he is all I have and everything else is falling apart. Dryness tends to seep into my life when everything is just fine. Not great, not bad, but fine. When we have enough money to live but not enough to do anything else. When work has become ritualistically normal and life is just kind of bobbing along, uneventful.
"There must be more than this, Spirit of God come breathe within.
There must be more than this Spirit of God we wait for you.
Fill us anew we pray, fill us anew we pray.
Consuming fire, fan into flame a passion for Your name.
Spirit of God, fall in this place.
Lord have Your way, Lord have Your way with us."
- Tim Hughes, 'Consuming Fire'
Friday, June 24, 2005
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Happy Father's Day Dad!
My dad is a faithful reader and I am a horrible mail-er SO I decided to post my father's day greeting rather than buy a card and forget to send it.
Happy father's Day Dad! You're the greatest! Sorry I can't be there. You're awesome.
Thank you for refining my brain and for guiding me through at least 18 years of Howard Smith's Seminary School. I say that not to make fun, but instead to thank you. As I go through life I thank God daily that I didn't have to learn alot of life's lessons the hard way and that I am mature in my spirituality because of you. You did exactly what God called you to do as the leader of our family. You raised me in the way I should go, and you trained me to be a God-fearing person. Due to your example I have chosen a godly husband who from time to time reminds me of you and who will guide me and our family to a life of holiness just as you did for us.
Thank you.
You may now add this entry to my file and date it Father's Day 2005. Heehee.
Happy father's Day Dad! You're the greatest! Sorry I can't be there. You're awesome.
Thank you for refining my brain and for guiding me through at least 18 years of Howard Smith's Seminary School. I say that not to make fun, but instead to thank you. As I go through life I thank God daily that I didn't have to learn alot of life's lessons the hard way and that I am mature in my spirituality because of you. You did exactly what God called you to do as the leader of our family. You raised me in the way I should go, and you trained me to be a God-fearing person. Due to your example I have chosen a godly husband who from time to time reminds me of you and who will guide me and our family to a life of holiness just as you did for us.
Thank you.
You may now add this entry to my file and date it Father's Day 2005. Heehee.
Saturday, June 18, 2005
'YAWN'
I'm really tired right now. It's like 4:51 on Saturday afternoon, but I am DOG TIRED for no reason at all. I slept really good last night, but for some reason I'm draggin my feet.
We just got back from a church youth-trip. It was fun. Jay is off riding a bike somewhere. He's taken up this habit of riding this bike where your feet get strapped in to the pedals so you have to do this wierd twisty move in order to get them out when you stop your bike. Needless to say his legs are scratched to pieces from not twisting his foot fast enough and falling helplessly to one side. This is why I am at home blogging and not joining in the 'make myself defenseless to the dirt' fun.
He's home! just walked in, in one piece...Thank you Lord.
We just got back from a church youth-trip. It was fun. Jay is off riding a bike somewhere. He's taken up this habit of riding this bike where your feet get strapped in to the pedals so you have to do this wierd twisty move in order to get them out when you stop your bike. Needless to say his legs are scratched to pieces from not twisting his foot fast enough and falling helplessly to one side. This is why I am at home blogging and not joining in the 'make myself defenseless to the dirt' fun.
He's home! just walked in, in one piece...Thank you Lord.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Devotional Book For Tallahassee
For the past couple of weeks, I have dedicated myself to preparing a month long devotional book to address the specific needs of our Corps here in Tallahassee. It is a study on the book of Nehemiah, since we are attempting to change the entire face and structure of our church here in town. I'm going to post a couple of the entries on my blog just to see what people think. The corps will hopefully begin using it for the first week of July. Here's how the book starts off. (anyone requesting a copy please let me know, there's a limited suplpy) HAHA!
"Let The Re-building Begin!"
Scripture: "I also told them about the gracious hand of my God upon me and what the king had said to me. They replied, 'Let us start rebuilding.' So they began this good work."
- Nehemiah 2:18
There is no better story then the story of Nehemiah to reflect what is happening to the Tallahassee Corps right now. This book of the bible is littered with examples of leadership, vision, opposition, submission, perseverance, repentance and revival. Phew! That's a lot of themes for one little book! Let's have a short history lesson:
This book takes place during 445 BC and shows the third and final exile to Jerusalem. Zerrubabel (a great grandfather of Jesus) led the first return in 538 BC and Ezra led the second return in 458 BC. Thirteen years later a wealthy man by the name of (you guessed it) Nehemiah, felt God telling him to lead the third exile to Jerusalem and to rebuild the walls around that city. Why was rebuilding the wall so important you might ask?
The wall around Jerusalem represented more than just a structure. It acted as protection, as shelter and as a symbol of unity within that city. The wall provided a place for God's chosen people to grow spiritually together. Within those walls a place of prayer would exists and everyone within those walls would have the same beliefs about God and his direction. It was a special place, a place of God. Sounds like a church to me!
Nehemiah had been hearing people say that the wall could not be rebuilt, that the opposition was too strong and that the mess was too big. They just didn't know where to start.
God tugged at Nehemiah's heart and placed a passion inside of him to lead the movement back to Jerusalem. It wasn't easy, but he left his great paying job with the government and with permission from the King began leading the reconstruction of the wall.
You would think that Nehemiah would have no problem doing this and that everything would be a piece of cake. After all, it was God's plan. He actually ran into many trials and tribulations both outside of the city and inside of it, but he kept his cool. He addressed every problem in the same way. Nehemiah's pattern for success went a little like this.
Recognize the problem - Pray - Act
This is one of the things that made Nehemiah so incredible at leading and delegating. He would see the problems for what they really were and then he would take them to the Lord in prayer. After praying, he would take immediate action. His leadership, passion, obedience and consistency paid off in the end. Through God's strength they completed the "impossible" re-construction of the Jerusalem wall in 52 days!
Pray that God will lay His will upon your heart. If you are a member of this Corps, God has a purpose and a plan here for you! Pray that He will open your heart and give you a passion to rebuild the Salvation Army of Tallahassee. Maybe even in 52 days! You never know! It will not be easy, in fact Satan will find many ways to get us down but God is bigger than all things. Never forget that. Join us as we dive further in Nehemiah. Have a blessed day!
"Let The Re-building Begin!"
Scripture: "I also told them about the gracious hand of my God upon me and what the king had said to me. They replied, 'Let us start rebuilding.' So they began this good work."
- Nehemiah 2:18
There is no better story then the story of Nehemiah to reflect what is happening to the Tallahassee Corps right now. This book of the bible is littered with examples of leadership, vision, opposition, submission, perseverance, repentance and revival. Phew! That's a lot of themes for one little book! Let's have a short history lesson:
This book takes place during 445 BC and shows the third and final exile to Jerusalem. Zerrubabel (a great grandfather of Jesus) led the first return in 538 BC and Ezra led the second return in 458 BC. Thirteen years later a wealthy man by the name of (you guessed it) Nehemiah, felt God telling him to lead the third exile to Jerusalem and to rebuild the walls around that city. Why was rebuilding the wall so important you might ask?
The wall around Jerusalem represented more than just a structure. It acted as protection, as shelter and as a symbol of unity within that city. The wall provided a place for God's chosen people to grow spiritually together. Within those walls a place of prayer would exists and everyone within those walls would have the same beliefs about God and his direction. It was a special place, a place of God. Sounds like a church to me!
Nehemiah had been hearing people say that the wall could not be rebuilt, that the opposition was too strong and that the mess was too big. They just didn't know where to start.
God tugged at Nehemiah's heart and placed a passion inside of him to lead the movement back to Jerusalem. It wasn't easy, but he left his great paying job with the government and with permission from the King began leading the reconstruction of the wall.
You would think that Nehemiah would have no problem doing this and that everything would be a piece of cake. After all, it was God's plan. He actually ran into many trials and tribulations both outside of the city and inside of it, but he kept his cool. He addressed every problem in the same way. Nehemiah's pattern for success went a little like this.
Recognize the problem - Pray - Act
This is one of the things that made Nehemiah so incredible at leading and delegating. He would see the problems for what they really were and then he would take them to the Lord in prayer. After praying, he would take immediate action. His leadership, passion, obedience and consistency paid off in the end. Through God's strength they completed the "impossible" re-construction of the Jerusalem wall in 52 days!
Pray that God will lay His will upon your heart. If you are a member of this Corps, God has a purpose and a plan here for you! Pray that He will open your heart and give you a passion to rebuild the Salvation Army of Tallahassee. Maybe even in 52 days! You never know! It will not be easy, in fact Satan will find many ways to get us down but God is bigger than all things. Never forget that. Join us as we dive further in Nehemiah. Have a blessed day!
Sunday, June 12, 2005
How could I not?
Ok, so a very close follow up to my last entry. For the past little while I have been dealing with feelings of anger and bitterness and I was asking how in the world do you just stop feeling angry. Well I went to a bible study tonight with some new friends that jason and I have met. It was a great time hanging out with new people but when we started to diving into the word, we began discussing the topic of Jesus on the cross. All of a sudden it dawned on me, due to the Holy Spirit I'm sure, because I've heard this story and concept before but it really hit home tonight. This entire time I've wondered how Jesus forgave those people who hurt him so badly. I've known in my head that Jesus suffered so much more than I can ever know, but I was not letting that knowledge impact my life. The leader of the bible study brought up the parable of the Man in debt, who owed a huge debt to the king. When the king asked for his money (which the man was no where near having) the man pleaded with him for mercy. The king felt moved in his heart and forgave the man his entire debt. What a blessing! The desperate feeling of being broke financially suddenly was lifted from his shoulders! That same day he sees someone who owes him a small amount of money and he grabs him and demands for his money. I think to myself whenever I read this parable, "How dare he turn around and not give the same curtosy to someone else! What a monster! He should be thankful and return the favor he was given!"
What a slap in my face tonight. Jesus forgave me, bore my sin, my shame and suffered longer and harder for me then I will ever have to come close to enduring. The question which I used as the title of my last entry was 'HOW?' In actuality the question should be 'HOW COULD I NOT?' How could I not forgive my neighbor? Sure they hurt me and continue to hurt me, sure they havn't asked for forgiveness, sure life is not fair, sure we get the rotten end of the stick sometimes, but I don't even deserve the blessings I have, why should I assume to deserve more! God has given me an amazing husband, family and friends (even though they may not be close by, their still amazing) He has given me health, happiness, secuirty and unbelievable LOVE. I have blessings coming out of my ears AND i am forgiven for my shortcomings, whenever I call upon the Lord. A corps officer once said to me, "Why do you need to forgive people when they havn't asked? Jesus doesn't." I could not disagree more! Jesus did! And continues to have an aboudning amount of mercy and grace and LOVE for all of us, the best of the best and the worst of the worst. Unforgiveness hurts me more than it hurts anyone else. Worst of all, it hurts my relationship with God.
So how do I forgive? I JUST DO IT! Because what Jesus did for me and for the people who crucified him causes anything that I endure to pale in comparison and its very freeing to know that Jesus knows, loves, cares and forgives! I need to be done with thinking about these people and situations negatively. I need to tell myself that I am not mad anymore, that I have forgiven them and not allow any type of negativity to enter my brain. I am choosing this day not to dwell on it anymore, and to observe any negative thought as though it is foreign and needs to be thrown out of my brain.
So i've been on this high for approximatly an hour and I thank God for it, praying that I wil maintain this understanding of undeserved forgiveness. That is one element of true Christianity.
Gotta go walk the dog. Even though she doesn't deserve it because she chewed up my hair elastic. That's the power of Love.
What a slap in my face tonight. Jesus forgave me, bore my sin, my shame and suffered longer and harder for me then I will ever have to come close to enduring. The question which I used as the title of my last entry was 'HOW?' In actuality the question should be 'HOW COULD I NOT?' How could I not forgive my neighbor? Sure they hurt me and continue to hurt me, sure they havn't asked for forgiveness, sure life is not fair, sure we get the rotten end of the stick sometimes, but I don't even deserve the blessings I have, why should I assume to deserve more! God has given me an amazing husband, family and friends (even though they may not be close by, their still amazing) He has given me health, happiness, secuirty and unbelievable LOVE. I have blessings coming out of my ears AND i am forgiven for my shortcomings, whenever I call upon the Lord. A corps officer once said to me, "Why do you need to forgive people when they havn't asked? Jesus doesn't." I could not disagree more! Jesus did! And continues to have an aboudning amount of mercy and grace and LOVE for all of us, the best of the best and the worst of the worst. Unforgiveness hurts me more than it hurts anyone else. Worst of all, it hurts my relationship with God.
So how do I forgive? I JUST DO IT! Because what Jesus did for me and for the people who crucified him causes anything that I endure to pale in comparison and its very freeing to know that Jesus knows, loves, cares and forgives! I need to be done with thinking about these people and situations negatively. I need to tell myself that I am not mad anymore, that I have forgiven them and not allow any type of negativity to enter my brain. I am choosing this day not to dwell on it anymore, and to observe any negative thought as though it is foreign and needs to be thrown out of my brain.
So i've been on this high for approximatly an hour and I thank God for it, praying that I wil maintain this understanding of undeserved forgiveness. That is one element of true Christianity.
Gotta go walk the dog. Even though she doesn't deserve it because she chewed up my hair elastic. That's the power of Love.
HOW?
I have a problem. A new and negative monster is rearing its ugly head in my life. I've never had to deal with this before because I have never felt this way until now. My actions don't really portray how I've been feeling (at least I don't think they have) and my husband (bless his heart) is really the only one up until now that has known about this new struggle, but I've decided to just lay it all out on the table. You can't change what you don't acknowledge - Dr. Phil
Lately I am finding that I am extremely negative and angry at everyone and everything. Well, not everyone and everything, but alot of people and alot of things. Anyone who is close to me knows some of the struggles that Jason and I have been going through, both long term and short term. I still believe that God is shaping us for something important and has placed us in various situations to test our strength and reliance on him and through that we have been striving for holiness in a way we never have before. I have alot of head knowledge as to what is important. For instance, God's opinion is more important than people's opinions. That's been a hard one for me to swallow. I know it's true, but being someone who wants everyone's approval, I havn't known how to deal (especially lately) with different personal struggles in my life. I didn't see it happening, but I have become very angry inside. Over and over in my head I play out scenerios in which people have hurt me or Jason and I get more and more mad and annoyed and bitter. I'm glad I recognize this, and I have taken several steps to stop feeling and thinking this way, but it's been really hard to let things go lately. I'm NOT a confrontational person at all, so I find myself telling people what I think and how I feel when their not actually around, in my head. I get fired up at people and they have no idea I'm even mad! I hate feeling this way, mostly because it hurts me and my relationship with God and gets nothing accomplished. I have prayed about it over and over, "God I don't want this, I give it to you I submit it to you, I am no good when I feel and think this way, I don't want it anymore, please take it from me." and within seconds I am back to thinking and fuming about what I just 'gave' to God, meaning I snatched it back without even recognizing it! It's almost subconsious. I don't even know I am dwelling on it until after 5 minutes of dwelling on it. I havn't been acting on these feelings because like I said, I'm not confrontational. It's more an inner rage that is silent but deadly. It's nothing violent or psychotic or anything (don't call the authorities, I'm ok!) in fact if I wasn't a christian it wouldn't be something that worried me, but the fact is that I am putting division between myself and God when I feel and think this way. I just want justice. More so for Jason than myself. If I was ever kicked in the face half as many times as he has been I'd still be on the ground, crying. That man is one of the strongest human beings on the planet. He has been just beaten down when he does the wrong things and the right things. He just never catches a break and he is so deserving having overcome all that he has overcome in his life.
I guess this is a time when I need more than ever to be sensitive to God's leading and I am so comsumed with 'self' that I don't know how to deal with some things that have come up in my life. Am I suppose to perservere or is God telling me to make a step of faith? Are we in the right place going through God ordained struggles or are we in the wrong place, frustrated by being out of God's will? Who knows.
All I know is that I need your prayers to overcome this battle with anger. I guess its a matter of unforgiveness. I'm unable to let things go and forgive people who havn't asked for forgiveness. That's one of the biggest things I think Jesus ever had to do. Was forgive the people who cheered for his death when he didn't deserve it and they didn't ask for forgiveness.
This is why I want so badly to be more and more like Christ. That kind of holiness is just incredible.
Lately I am finding that I am extremely negative and angry at everyone and everything. Well, not everyone and everything, but alot of people and alot of things. Anyone who is close to me knows some of the struggles that Jason and I have been going through, both long term and short term. I still believe that God is shaping us for something important and has placed us in various situations to test our strength and reliance on him and through that we have been striving for holiness in a way we never have before. I have alot of head knowledge as to what is important. For instance, God's opinion is more important than people's opinions. That's been a hard one for me to swallow. I know it's true, but being someone who wants everyone's approval, I havn't known how to deal (especially lately) with different personal struggles in my life. I didn't see it happening, but I have become very angry inside. Over and over in my head I play out scenerios in which people have hurt me or Jason and I get more and more mad and annoyed and bitter. I'm glad I recognize this, and I have taken several steps to stop feeling and thinking this way, but it's been really hard to let things go lately. I'm NOT a confrontational person at all, so I find myself telling people what I think and how I feel when their not actually around, in my head. I get fired up at people and they have no idea I'm even mad! I hate feeling this way, mostly because it hurts me and my relationship with God and gets nothing accomplished. I have prayed about it over and over, "God I don't want this, I give it to you I submit it to you, I am no good when I feel and think this way, I don't want it anymore, please take it from me." and within seconds I am back to thinking and fuming about what I just 'gave' to God, meaning I snatched it back without even recognizing it! It's almost subconsious. I don't even know I am dwelling on it until after 5 minutes of dwelling on it. I havn't been acting on these feelings because like I said, I'm not confrontational. It's more an inner rage that is silent but deadly. It's nothing violent or psychotic or anything (don't call the authorities, I'm ok!) in fact if I wasn't a christian it wouldn't be something that worried me, but the fact is that I am putting division between myself and God when I feel and think this way. I just want justice. More so for Jason than myself. If I was ever kicked in the face half as many times as he has been I'd still be on the ground, crying. That man is one of the strongest human beings on the planet. He has been just beaten down when he does the wrong things and the right things. He just never catches a break and he is so deserving having overcome all that he has overcome in his life.
I guess this is a time when I need more than ever to be sensitive to God's leading and I am so comsumed with 'self' that I don't know how to deal with some things that have come up in my life. Am I suppose to perservere or is God telling me to make a step of faith? Are we in the right place going through God ordained struggles or are we in the wrong place, frustrated by being out of God's will? Who knows.
All I know is that I need your prayers to overcome this battle with anger. I guess its a matter of unforgiveness. I'm unable to let things go and forgive people who havn't asked for forgiveness. That's one of the biggest things I think Jesus ever had to do. Was forgive the people who cheered for his death when he didn't deserve it and they didn't ask for forgiveness.
This is why I want so badly to be more and more like Christ. That kind of holiness is just incredible.
Thursday, June 09, 2005
LOUD SCREAM AHHHHHHH!
WARNING! Bad day ramblings coming up...(Content may be extremely negative)
I am so tired. I need a vacation! I say this partly in jest because I just got back from Vacation. It was such a great time. I hated that Jay couldn't come but It was amazing to be submerged into an environment of family and friends who love me. Gosh I miss that. I thank God that Jay loves me more than a multitude of people ever could, but there's something nice about having a plethora of friends. It was so great to hang out with my family again. My parents moved out of our childhood home the day after I flew out. It was great to be there one last time. I can't wait till they come here in December! FUN FUN! The CWJ crowd flew out on tuesday. Man I wish I could go for a week to camp in NC. I hope you guys have an amazing summer! Hope the drama-mometer isn't exploding! Gadzooks....
Coming back to Tallahassee showed me how different life in Newfoundland really is, and how that magical place just doesn't exist anywhere else. I thank God for it, and for all of the people there. I would give anything to transplant you all here. Thank you for loving Jay and I and missing us both. You are awesome friends. PLEASE COME SEE ME!
Monday it was back to work as usual. It was as if I never left...literally. I don't think anyone noticed I was gone to tell you the truth! Ha!Ha!
Well the cleaning lady, Hazel welcomed me back...she is the cutest little thing!
My amazing husband greeted me at the airport with a much needed hug and a bouquet of flowers. He is incredible. I missed him a disgusting amount.
Everyone was bummed that you didn't come home Jay! YOU ARE LOVED! Never forget that!
Well this didn't turn out to be very negative at all....thats what remembering Newfoundland can do! It can change your day for the better!
Thank you Newfoundland for being outrageously cool. Can't wait to see you again!
I am so tired. I need a vacation! I say this partly in jest because I just got back from Vacation. It was such a great time. I hated that Jay couldn't come but It was amazing to be submerged into an environment of family and friends who love me. Gosh I miss that. I thank God that Jay loves me more than a multitude of people ever could, but there's something nice about having a plethora of friends. It was so great to hang out with my family again. My parents moved out of our childhood home the day after I flew out. It was great to be there one last time. I can't wait till they come here in December! FUN FUN! The CWJ crowd flew out on tuesday. Man I wish I could go for a week to camp in NC. I hope you guys have an amazing summer! Hope the drama-mometer isn't exploding! Gadzooks....
Coming back to Tallahassee showed me how different life in Newfoundland really is, and how that magical place just doesn't exist anywhere else. I thank God for it, and for all of the people there. I would give anything to transplant you all here. Thank you for loving Jay and I and missing us both. You are awesome friends. PLEASE COME SEE ME!
Monday it was back to work as usual. It was as if I never left...literally. I don't think anyone noticed I was gone to tell you the truth! Ha!Ha!
Well the cleaning lady, Hazel welcomed me back...she is the cutest little thing!
My amazing husband greeted me at the airport with a much needed hug and a bouquet of flowers. He is incredible. I missed him a disgusting amount.
Everyone was bummed that you didn't come home Jay! YOU ARE LOVED! Never forget that!
Well this didn't turn out to be very negative at all....thats what remembering Newfoundland can do! It can change your day for the better!
Thank you Newfoundland for being outrageously cool. Can't wait to see you again!
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