How could I not?

Ok, so a very close follow up to my last entry. For the past little while I have been dealing with feelings of anger and bitterness and I was asking how in the world do you just stop feeling angry. Well I went to a bible study tonight with some new friends that jason and I have met. It was a great time hanging out with new people but when we started to diving into the word, we began discussing the topic of Jesus on the cross. All of a sudden it dawned on me, due to the Holy Spirit I'm sure, because I've heard this story and concept before but it really hit home tonight. This entire time I've wondered how Jesus forgave those people who hurt him so badly. I've known in my head that Jesus suffered so much more than I can ever know, but I was not letting that knowledge impact my life. The leader of the bible study brought up the parable of the Man in debt, who owed a huge debt to the king. When the king asked for his money (which the man was no where near having) the man pleaded with him for mercy. The king felt moved in his heart and forgave the man his entire debt. What a blessing! The desperate feeling of being broke financially suddenly was lifted from his shoulders! That same day he sees someone who owes him a small amount of money and he grabs him and demands for his money. I think to myself whenever I read this parable, "How dare he turn around and not give the same curtosy to someone else! What a monster! He should be thankful and return the favor he was given!"
What a slap in my face tonight. Jesus forgave me, bore my sin, my shame and suffered longer and harder for me then I will ever have to come close to enduring. The question which I used as the title of my last entry was 'HOW?' In actuality the question should be 'HOW COULD I NOT?' How could I not forgive my neighbor? Sure they hurt me and continue to hurt me, sure they havn't asked for forgiveness, sure life is not fair, sure we get the rotten end of the stick sometimes, but I don't even deserve the blessings I have, why should I assume to deserve more! God has given me an amazing husband, family and friends (even though they may not be close by, their still amazing) He has given me health, happiness, secuirty and unbelievable LOVE. I have blessings coming out of my ears AND i am forgiven for my shortcomings, whenever I call upon the Lord. A corps officer once said to me, "Why do you need to forgive people when they havn't asked? Jesus doesn't." I could not disagree more! Jesus did! And continues to have an aboudning amount of mercy and grace and LOVE for all of us, the best of the best and the worst of the worst. Unforgiveness hurts me more than it hurts anyone else. Worst of all, it hurts my relationship with God.
So how do I forgive? I JUST DO IT! Because what Jesus did for me and for the people who crucified him causes anything that I endure to pale in comparison and its very freeing to know that Jesus knows, loves, cares and forgives! I need to be done with thinking about these people and situations negatively. I need to tell myself that I am not mad anymore, that I have forgiven them and not allow any type of negativity to enter my brain. I am choosing this day not to dwell on it anymore, and to observe any negative thought as though it is foreign and needs to be thrown out of my brain.
So i've been on this high for approximatly an hour and I thank God for it, praying that I wil maintain this understanding of undeserved forgiveness. That is one element of true Christianity.
Gotta go walk the dog. Even though she doesn't deserve it because she chewed up my hair elastic. That's the power of Love.