Unintended Affirmation

I engaged in an online conversation via facebook last week that has really consumed my thoughts and caused me to meditate, evaluate and consider a lot of different things about life, money, compassion and everything in between.
The discussion was based on a comment someone made about how the dignity of employment is the best cure for hunger.
As someone who believes that every able bodied man and woman should work and work hard, I immediately agreed that this was certainly one way to combat hunger but felt the need to point out that a lot of hard working citizens in America today do so tirelessly and aren't properly compensated for their labor. Staggering numbers are being laid off from jobs they've had for decades. Sometimes, a person can do everything they know how to do and it's just not enough. In these moment, I believe we are called (not just as Christians, but as humans) to be compassionate and give/share with our fellow man.
This started a barrage of comments about how government assistance cripples people, how handouts are ungodly and so on. Since life long handouts was not the kind of mercy I was referring to, I decided to use a personal example.

Now, I am the first to proclaim how BLESSED I am to the world and how proud I am of my husband for always ensuring that we go without nothing that we need but 2009 has certainly been a financial roller coaster for us and it has given me new eyes when it comes to those who find themselves down on their luck. I realize how quickly the rug can be snatched out from under neath us. I spoke of how we are in the process of losing a house, how Jay's salary has decreased due to the retail industry plummeting, how we downsized our lives and took on a roommate.

After sharing our situation, I received little empathy from any involved in the debate, but that's ok...that's not what I was looking for. I just wanted to share how a merciful hand up has helped us a time or two along this painful journey. Further into the conversation we were joined by a Pastor I've never met and he, after reading my story, addressed me this was:

"What a pile of liberal propaganda!...Maybe if you did what Dave Ramsey says and 'acted your wage' you wouldn't need a roommate...and it's still a democracy. If you don't like your job, get a new one or go back to college. Wah! Wah! Wah!"

I was shocked. I didn't expect empathy and didn't want pity but I certainly didn't expect mockery and words of hatred. I was blown away by his lack of love and kindness...I couldn't believe a representative of Christ, a teacher of His word, would speak to someone they know nothing about like that and openly mock them on a public site.
I was embarrassed, confused and unsure as to whether sharing my view was a good idea in the first place. At the end of a year marked by mistakes and unexpected blows, when we're working hard daily to right our wrongs and become better people, this comment was an emotional blow.

I've openly admitted on this blog that some of the things that have happened to us this year have been self inflicted, if not most of them. We bought a car 5 years ago that we shouldn't have and became slaves to Mitsubishi (almost done though, praise Jesus!)...we bought a house 3 years ago that we shouldn't have and became slaves to Bank of America...and although both purchases fit well within our income bracket and budget at the time, that income bracket changed dramatically when people stopped buying treadmills and ellipticals (Jay sold high end fitness equipment and was paid on commission). We made the mistake of thinking our future income would match our past income and we counted on money we had not yet earned. Then, over the course of 2 years, our household income was cut in half. These purchases were our mistake, our fault and we fully admit the error of our ways, often saying how much we'd like to 'punch past Jay and Kathy in the face' :)
Point being, we don't need someone to kick us while we're down. We're fully capable of doing that to ourselves and it's a daily struggle not to. We aren't proud of what we've done but we're proud of where we're going and the strides we're making to get there. Mockery is not encouraging.

This man's comment made me think a lot about who I am. I know I shouldn't have allowed his hateful words to echo in my mind but they have and to be honest, he has given me a gift he didn't intend to. I believe he intended to arrogantly put me in my place and teach me a cruel lesson. Instead, what he has done is given me some unintended affirmation.

My husband has been able to find and secure a great job in the middle of an employment crisis and he is really, really good at what he does. Over the last few months we've been making a plan and taking strides towards getting him back in school. He is driven, hardworking, generous and kind. With people being laid off by the thousands and job availability being slim to none these days, he has been able to make a successful move from one business to another and secure a lifestyle for us. I'm so grateful for him. Because we have worked diligently over the past 3 years to pay off our debt, our list of debtors has gone from 8 to 2, something we are incredibly proud of...no credit card debt, no personal loans...we've been very successful in reducing our debt snowball. With our household income declining, it's been hard to feel like we've made any progress at all but we have and I know times would be much harder now if we were still slaves to eight debtors.

Predicting a problem, we started trying to sell out home in June 2008 and it's still on the market to this day. I hope it sells but I am not expecting deliverance. I'll graciously and humbly accept it, but I'm not expecting it. We did this, we are now trying to fix it and we'll take what comes with it. If I need to experience bankruptcy to become the woman God has called me to be or to fully learn from this error, I accept those terms. I know my Father loves me.
We made the tough choice to downsize to an apartment and one vehicle. I'll never forget the look on Jay's face the day we sold his motorcycle...it was just a old Honda but it meant the world to him and he gave it up for the betterment of our situation. We've trimmed an already pretty skinny family budget, sold the things we don't use and took on a roommate who luckily is a close and trusted family friend. Through these choices we've been able to make steps towards a better future and it feels good.

My point of sharing our story in that conversation a few days ago was to promote compassion. Compassion has been a saving grace for us several times throughout this year and because we're making our situation better, we've been able to bestow practical compassion and aid on a lot of other people who have needed it. I believe in hard work and ownership but it's important that we recognize the moments when grace and mercy are necessary.

All this to say, at first this man's comments made me ashamed and embarrassed of myself but the more I thought about where we are now vs. where we use to be, the more satisfied and affirmed in my journey I became. I also have become, to a deeper level, more thankful for my life. Even though I've known financial stress, I've never gone hungry...I've never had to withhold basic needs from my child...we have everything we need and a bunch of things we want...God is good and is blessing our efforts. We are right on track.

This man's intended kick in the face became a pat on the back and in a weird way, I thank him for that.

His comment also taught me to never, ever harshly judge another living soul...to chose empathy before arrogance...to chose mercy and grace before common sense. Sometimes being merciful and gracious is bad for business and looks bad on paper. Sometimes, when you dissect love and make it a science you can come up with all kinds of reasons why it's better not to but I for one am going to make an effort to chose it, every time.

If I don't write another blog before the New Year (which I'm sure I will), that will be my resolution. To chose mercy, grace and love, every time.

Thanks for reading.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Have an amazing Christmas everyone! Share what you have, hug your family and friends and love your neighbour as yourself. Happy Birthday, Jesus!

Christmas with Caden

This is the first year that Caden can really grasp the magic of Christmas. We've written our letter to Santa (yes, we do Santa...GASP!), watched Christmas movies, baked cookies, decorated the house, got a real tree and read the story of Baby Jesus over and over. Caden knows every Christmas carol from 'Joy to the World' to 'Happy Birthday Jesus' (refer to previous post :) He sat through a full-length film for the first time. It was 'Santa Buddies'...a cheesy, holiday film about golden retriever puppies, saving the north pole. Brought a tear to Jay's eye ;) Shhhhh, don't tell him I told you that.
Christmas with a little one is a refreshing reminder of how miraculous things are. When Caden kneels in front of the nativity set and stares at Baby Jesus, it teaches me to do the same. It's easy to let the financial stress and busy schedule get in the way of sitting, staring, thanking and soaking up the season.
He does often ask me if Jesus is a girl because in our particular nativity set, he has a purple blanket and according to Caden he also has, "Pink Lips." Coupled with the fact that adult Jesus is always depicted as a fair skinned, wimpy man with a dress and long hair, Caden is often confused as to his gender. He also believes that God is in his heart the same way that his baby brother is in my tummy...and that he will eventually have to go to the hospital to 'get Him out.'
I'm not too concerned about his theology at this point...there's plenty of time to work this stuff out :)
Christmas with Caden gives me the opportunity to explain over and over and over again, (in true 3 year old fashion) what Christmas is. I love it.
Next year, we have no idea where we'll be living or what we'll be doing but we do know that we'll have two little monsters vying for the Christmas tree ornaments, trying to sneak into Mama's closet to find the presents. Should be double the holiday magic. :)

Christmas Concert 2009

Today Caden took part in his first Christmas concert...and boy, did he take part! Our church has two services on Sunday mornings so he and his friends were given the opportunity to perform their musical number twice!
The first time (and this is one out of about 5 songs) he did great! He stood still, sang, did some actions and made Mama proud.


The second service he was evidently a bit bored so he decided to make it the Caden show. I wasn't prepared to video tape this service because he had done so well in the first...but when I saw these shenanigans start up I knew I had to capture it. The footage isn't very good but you can see enough to know he's being a ham...


Luckily, the church video taped both services professionally so hopefully I will be able to score a copy of each, distinct memory. Oh my...

Merry Christmas!

Relationship Lesson #33094

I'm beginning to understand that some relationships are seasonal and it's not necessarily anyone's fault. I am coming to the conclusion that there are few people whom you remain compatible with for your entire life and that's ok. After all, we all change. We all need different things from different people at different points in our lives and sometimes the natural changes of time (however quickly they occur) just make us incompatible with people we use to be compatible with.
There are seasons when appreciation is reciprocated and I believe that is when friendship flourishes. When there is a mutual appreciation and respect...a desire to be with and around someone that reflects their desire to be with and around you. You have things in common, you can have trusted, confidential talks, you have concern for one another. It's a beautiful thing.
So many times i have found myself in these types of relationships only to see them change or vanish into thin air without warning. Did I do something wrong? Was I being used? Probably not. Although, when you sense someone is distancing themselves from you, it hurts like heck and it feels very personal.
After long, hard consideration and contemplation of this topic, I've come to the conclusion that seasons are natural, even in relationship and there's nothing to be paranoid or sad about. This of course doesn't apply to all relationships. As a wife, I have promised to love, respect, grow and change WITH my husband instead of apart from him. I praise God that this has been an almost effortless feat in my 6.5 year marriage thus far...perhaps it will become more difficult as time passes, but I am blessed to be married to a man who doesn't just change, but changes for the better on purpose and makes me better in the process. This type of relationship is one of the best that God has going in the earth.
My sons will never stop being my children, no matter what they do...this relationship is one in which I will have to be a martyr, tighten my lip, take a lot of abuse and shell out Christ-sized portions of love...I will love them as cute babies, annoying/funny toddlers, awkward kids, bratty teens and rebellious young adults...and hopefully, when they are men, I will be their parent AND their friend...until then, I am their Mom and nothing, not time, distance or circumstance, will change that. They can't get rid of me, even if they want to :)
In my particular situation, my parents will always be there for me and I praise God for that because I know it's unique. Some parents are more immature than their children...that is not my situation. I hope I can be half of who they are and I know my children will be better for it if I am. Their commitment to me, my husband and my children will last as long as they have breath in their bodies....which I hope is a long, long time.
But friendship is a different story...and I praise God for that hand full of people who love me at every point of my life and make a choice to stay committed to me when I'm on and off...who love me for me...not for what I can do for them, not for what I bring to the table, not by default because of my kids or my husband...but just for me...and that type of friendship is selfless and unchanging...and rare...super rare.
I have had these conversations with a few people lately and they have affirmed the fact that I am not crazy...another reason why it's important to have good friends :) and instead of dwelling on the people who have walked out of my life without explanation or whose lives I have had to walk out of for self-preservation, I am going to focus on the people who God has given to me as trusted, life-long friends.
You are rare, beautiful, amazing and dear to me...and hopefully you know who you are ;)

Happy Birthday, Jesus!

Caden, practicing for his first Christmas concert.

Frustration Station

I'm allowed to be frustrated, right? I think we all are. Somethings are just irritating. Add to the mix lack of sleep, aching back, money stress, non-stop toddler and 80,000 pounds of Christmas cards and paperwork I've been working on this week, and it's a recipe for disaster. I woke up a bit late this morning because I had a terrible night sleep and Jay got up with Caden so I could rest from 8-10 this morning...when I got up, it hit me. I NEED TO SEND OUT CANADIAN CHRISTMAS PRESENTS TODAY OR THEY WON'T MAKE IT IN TIME.
I threw on clothes, skipped breakfast (which is not smart for a pregnant lady) and assured Jay I'd be back in 10 minutes so he could get to work on time and of course, once I get to the post office, the line is LONG and slowly moving. I pick out festive envelopes and line up with my 70 Christmas cards, 4 packages and sad little debit card that is shuttering at the thought of being maxed out on shipping charges.
I do this every year.
I send out 70 Christmas cards and I receive maybe 25. Which leads me to believe, giving must feel better than receiving, otherwise I would have quit these shenanigans a decade ago and saved on postage. Every year I say I'm going to make a list of the people who sent me cards and only send cards to them next year but I never do. As much as I hate the cost of stamps...I love Christmas cards...can't lie.
I get to the counter and the woman gives me tons of customs forms to fill out so she moves me to the side and begins helping all the people behind me while I fill them out. I fill them out and she continues helping people behind me. Finally I say, "I'm done!" and she pays attention to me again.
After I slide my card and officially spend more on shipping than I did on Christmas, I leave the post office, 30 minutes after arriving, knowing that Jay is probably fuming at my lateness because he has to get to work.
He's not. In fact, when I open the door, he's doing laundry and putting a chicken in the crock pot for dinner tonight and greeting me with a smile.
So, regardless of how hungry I am, tired I feel, irritated I become or empty my pockets are, I have a pretty amazing man at home who eliminates all of that irritation with a smile and a hug.
It's going to be alright...

Healer

Jerad asked me to lead the song, 'Healer' on Sunday and I quickly said 'yes' without really thinking about it. When I looked up the lyrics to practice, I suddenly found myself wondering if I'd be able to utter such words:

"You heal all my disease"

I know that He can heal disease, but coming out of a recent circumstance where I diligently prayed for a person's healing, only to learn that they passed away made it difficult for me to sing this with confidence...and I don't like to sing a lie.

The rest of the song I believed with fervency: "You hold my every moment, you calm my raging seas, you walk with me through fire....I trust in you, I believe that You're my healer, I believe You are all I need..."

But "You heal ALL my disease" was troubling to me.

I wrestled with it, wondering if I was going to have to call Jerad back and tell him that in good conscience, I couldn't sing something I wasn't sure I believed. Don't get me wrong, I believe He is good...I believe He is just...I just wasn't convinced in that moment that He heals all of our diseases.

A few weeks ago I attended church alone with Caden while Jay rested at home with a head cold. I felt strangely introverted, very unlike me...I didn't want to talk to anyone or make eye contact...I felt lonely and uncertain without Jay by my side. It was a weird feeling for me. Jay usually has to drag me out of a social setting because I stop and talk to every soul along my path, but not this particular day...I was intimidated about being without him in the crowd.
In the midst of the service, it hit me that this would be my cousin's reality should his wife pass away, leaving him alone to raise their six year old daughter. The band started singing "I need you Jesus to come to my rescue, where else can I go?" and I lost it. I sat in the dark sanctuary, faced the wall as to not attract attention and sobbed...because in that moment, I was him. I feel as though it was one of the first times in my life that I ever, truly interceded and prayed for someone. I feel like for a moment I was able to feel a tiny fraction of the discomfort and sadness and loneliness of losing a spouse and I wept and wept and wept for him...I prayed, "I need you Jesus to come to my rescue..." but it wasn't my rescue I needed Him to come to...it was Jonathan's.

Two weeks later, Shelly passed away.

It dawned on me in the midst of this lyrical, internal struggle that this life isn't all there is...that our souls were made for eternity and that death, in a way, is a healing. Pastor Brian later spoke on that very thing...about how when we say death is healing, it isn't a cop out or an excuse because God didn't do what we thought He should...it's truth. This is why Shelly didn't 'lose' her battle with cancer...she is victoriously healed right now.

I ended up singing the song and I believe it was one of the most powerful moments I've ever had leading worship because I believed, wholeheartedly, after MUCH thought and consideration, every word that was coming out of my mouth and I was focused more on that than I was the tickle in my throat or the chilly temperatures in the sanctuary. It was a beautiful and raw moment between me and God and I am humbled that I was able to share it with a room full of people who needed to hear the message.

The fact that God uses me in spite of myself is always mind boggling for me. I just thought I'd share one way in which He did that this week.

I will not....

...tell myself something is impossible, too expensive or too difficult to attain
...define myself by what others perceive to be true about me
...lose sleep over things I cannot control or lies I've told myself
...teach my children to be passive
...place money or objects above God and family
...waste time being ungrateful when I am overwhelmingly blessed
...lie
...allow life's annoyances to rob me of my joy
...make everything about 'me'
...scratch the neighbour's car even though he purposefully parks it in my spot ALL the time
...orchestrate a giant Christmas list with Caden, teaching him that Christmas is all about stuff
...cease to give even when the budget isn't working out
...say everything that pops into my head
...degrade, disrespect or talk down to another human being just to make myself feel superior
...drink a chick fil a milkshake everyday
...allow tiny things to make me really upset
...get my feelings hurt easily
...desperately seek attention where ever I can get it
...take my job lightly
...forget Who defines me

It's A...

BOY! We are all super excited about welcoming another little man into the world.
Caden is SUPER psyched about having a baby brother.
I guess I will be out numbered by boys in our house...and that's alright by me ;)

Baby X

Is it a Baby XX or a Baby XY?
We may know tomorrow...

In Rememberance of A Wonderful Woman

I will not say that Shelly lost her fight with cancer because I don't believe that's the case. She fought with a fervor and strength that I didn't know any human being could possess. Cancer didn't win and it didn't beat her. It simply overwhelmed her physical body. She is now far from the pain that may have claimed her body but didn't sabotage her soul. Her energy, the smile and laughter and kindness that made up the woman that she was, lives on eternally. Take that, Cancer.
I believe that life doesn't necessarily justify living...Heaven justifies living...and I look forward to seeing Shelly there. Anyone who could have handled their final years, months and days with the grace, hope, love and dignity that she did, obviously had strength that only God Himself can provide. And while she was here, she brought Heavenly things to earth by rising above personal circumstances and selflessly pouring into those around her.
You are an inspiration and you will be missed, everyday.

Please pray for Shelly's husband (my cousin, Jonathan) and six year old daughter whose lives are better for having known her but forever changed for having lost her. Peace be with them.

Happy Thanksgiving

This year, Jay and I will be cooking and hosting our own Thanksgiving feast. For the past several years we have gone to other people's homes/churches to take part in their festivities but this year we will be conjuring up the holiday goodies all by ourselves. I bought everything I need tonight...but I forgot the turkey :) No worries, I went back out and seized the perfect bird. Pregnancy brain is ridiculous these days.
Our good friends from Newfoundland (who live in Charlotte, NC) will be joining us for several days of awesomeness. We're super excited about it. Even if we mess up the turkey and end up eating Chinese on Thursday, we'll give thanks with loved ones and have a blessed holiday. You be sure to do the same!
Happy Thanksgiving!

Untitled

I've started and deleted about 5 different blog posts today...I can't seem to articulate what it is I want to say, even though I feel the itch to write.
A lot has been happening lately. Being alone for an entire week gave Jay and I some much needed time to talk, dream, pray and figure out what it is that we want and what we believe God wants for us.
Here's what I'm learning in recent months/weeks/days/hours/minutes:
- God is bigger than my understanding and there are some things I will never know about Him...and that's OK. To act or walk about as if I have Him all figured out is to arrogantly miss out on the beauty of Him. A god that can be dissected and figured out is no god at all.
- I believe that there are moments when God calls us to do specific things and moments when He has equipped us to make choices on our own. Love your neighbour? Specific call from God. Move to another state? May or may not be a specific call. It may not matter as long as you plan on being His hands and feet once you get there.
- I trust Him and that is a choice. There have been a lot of things happening in my life this week that have required me to CHOSE to stop being afraid, nervous and cynical and to trust that He is good regardless. Some days I make that choice once and it sticks...other days I make that choice 100 times...but I will keep choosing it.
- I married a miracle. Seriously. My husband is living proof that God can infiltrate a human heart and radically change a man. I am so grateful that my children have him as a father. They will be better people for it. I can honestly say that I would follow that man anywhere and everywhere he leads me because I believe he is a Godly man. I trust God therefore I trust his son, Jay. It's a great chain reaction.
- Things are not as black and white as we have made them...I believe that we (you and I) can't determine who will be in Heaven based on whether or not they fit in the Christian mold that the Western church has created for the typical 'Christian' to look like. I believe that we spend too much time focusing and arguing about theology. A good friend of mine has recently challenged me to simply love God and love people and not to worry about all the other stuff. I think my friend might be onto something...
- I believe that God is good regardless of the fact that my cousin may die this week...I hate what her family is going through and that her 6 year old daughter will grow up without a mother...there is no beauty in this situation and it's hard to fathom any good coming from it...but perhaps because of this, that 6 year old will grow up with a passionate desire to find a cure for cancer or work with cancer patients and she will change the lives of hundreds, maybe thousands of people...I don't know...all I know is that God's heart is breaking right along with her husband's, parent's and loved one's.
- My trials are small in comparison to others. I grew up with a boy who is now in jail. He's a good man and I can't begin to understand how he must feel right now. All I know is that I would lose a house any day of the week over losing my marriage, my freedom, my children, my health....stuff is stuff...if you can put a price tag on it, it's not worth stressing about.

The Perfect Vacation

Jay and I just got back from the most amazing vacation ever. It's the first time since 2004 that we've vacationed alone...generally, we spend our vacation time to visit friends and family and although those trips are more than enjoyable, they are always exhausting.
This vacation was different. We left last Sunday and returned today, spending an entire week alone with one another, relaxing, sight seeing, star gazing and wave watching as we cruised along the southern Atlantic into the Bahamas.
Our room was lovely, the service was fantastic, the food was plentiful, the weather was lovely, there was plenty to do, I won a facial our very first day on board, Jay won two paintings from the art gallery by guessing the price of an expensive piece of artwork and coming closer than anyone on board the ship. I participated in an on board talent show and received a trophy shaped like a cruise ship and a bottle of french champagne...we soaked up some sun (but not too much...I remain quite pale from fear of burning and being uncomfortable), we took in the most gorgeous scenery...everything was perfect in every way...
But the greatest part of this experience was not the things we won, the places we visited, the people we met or even the luxurious scenery. It was getting to spend a full, uninterrupted week with my favourite human...and I appreciate/love/respect him more now than I ever have before.
Thanks to everyone who helped make this excursion possible. It was the most perfect week imaginable.
We are now planning a European Cruise for summer, 2014! :)

The Power of Example

I believe that Jay and I have an exceptional marriage. We have been married for a little over 6 years and although we have changed slightly as individuals, we have grown closer as a couple. People change...the key is to make choices to change towards one another instead of apart.
I can honestly say that life with him gets better and better and better.
We aren't perfect. We pick at each other from time to time. We drop the ball with our attitudes when we're tired...after all, you tend to take your frustrations out on the people you love the most...but we have never purposefully hurt one another, we have never let the threat of divorce EVER come across either of our lips, we laugh daily, we not only love each other...we really, really like each other.
There is no one in this world I would rather spend time with than Jay. He fascinates me...he still gives me butterflies in my tummy. A few weeks ago I was singing in the worship team and I looked down and saw him in the congregation and I got all nervous and giddy, like I was seeing him for the first time. He is my favourite human.
Regardless of what challenges we face, we have two things that only grow stronger with time: Love and Respect.
I believe a big reason why my marriage is healthy and strong is because I got to watch my parents do marriage right. My mother was/is an exceptional wife....my father was/is an exceptional husband...they taught me what love and respect looks like. There was never a time when I covered my ears to shield the sound of my parents fighting...there was never a moment where I questioned whether or not they'd stay together....I never had to wonder whether or not they were happy together...they were ONE... I never viewed them as single units. They were so completely united on everything which at the time I thought was normal but now I realize takes work, compromise, mutual submission and a depth of respect. They never made petty digs at one another...my father never treated my mother like her position wasn't important because she stayed at home with her kids and my mother never made my father feel inferior when there wasn't enough money to pay the bills...they had their priorities straight... God came before everything...and they knew that each other worked really hard and did the best with what they had.
I say all of this because tomorrow my parents will be celebrating 41 years of marriage and I not only need to congratulate them for that...I need to thank them.

I wouldn't know how to do this life with Jay properly is it wasn't for your powerful and beautiful example of marriage...a true testament of how Christ must feel about His church.
The greatest gift that any parent can give their child is a healthy marriage and because you gave that gift to me, I can give it to my children...and a beautiful, powerful and holy cycle of God-centered marriage will continue and grow stronger from generation to generation because of your example.
I love you both very much. Happy Anniversary.

False Alarm

Sorry friends. Baby X was dancing too much to give us a good angle...maybe next time!

Boy or Girl?

We might find out today...

Long Overdue

In 5 days, Jay and I will be going on vacation. We won't be visiting anyone. We won't have any obligations. We won't have a child to tend to (this part makes me a little nervous and sad, but I know it's important to take a break from the little guy). It'll just be us and the open seas...and I can't wait.
We've never done anything like this. When we got married, the ceremony was on a Friday night and we were back to work on Monday morning. The last time Jay and I went on a vacation together, that didn't include travelling to one of our home towns, was when we spent 4 days in Wilmington, NC in March, 2004.
Jay said last night, "I don't have many regrets about our marriage but not taking enough breaks together is definitely something I regret."
But thanks to a generous and early Christmas gift from my parents, we'll be going on a Carnival Cruise to the Bahamas. We leave Sunday for Jacksonville, board the ship on Monday and sail the seas until Saturday morning. Every day we get more and more excited...I have not gone to any public places this week without hand santizer...yesterday, I applied purel to mine and Caden's hands about 13 times each...I refuse to get sick before this trip!
I am aware that Caden will be a tad bit angry when we return. Anytime I've ever left him, he makes me pay for it when I come back...but I've learned that's how he shows me how much he missed me...by torturing me for leaving him :)
But it's so important for Jay and I to take this time, just for us. These days, we don't get a lot of time alone and those quiet moments together are only going to become fewer and farther between once a new baby is thrown into the picture so although this vacation is long overdue, it's also right on time.
I have to give a special thanks to:
My parents for making this possible...I am truly blessed to have you as my parents....and not just because of the tangible things you do for me...the intangible is priceless.
Jay's parents, for fronting us some Christmas love early so we can have a stress-free time.
Amber, for holding down the fort (taking care of Caden, cleaning, cooking, animal maintaining) while we're gone. Knowing Caden is with you makes it less stressful to leave him. He is really looking forward to his special 'Ms. Ambo' time.
Dana, for taking care of Caden for a few days while we're gone. When I asked you to help, you didn't even hesitate.
Sonnie from Little Lambs, who is letting Caden go to school for a day while we're gone.
The dude who bought Jacksonville Jaguars tickets from us...Jay won tickets to a game and sold them on craigslist for lots o' cash. HUGE blessing...we'll be going on a stress-free vacation.
Last but certainly not least, God - for giving me the most amazing husband a woman could ever ask for.
Bring on vacation!!!

Prayer Needed:

We've gone through a lot this year...we've lost jobs, had our household income sliced in half, are on the brink of destroying our credit with a home-purchase gone wrong...

I will be the first to say, "Thank you God that these are my greatest struggles."

A few years ago, my cousin was travelling alone to visit family on the other side of Canada and had a seizure during a stop over in the Toronto Airport. She woke up in an Ontario hospital to be told she had an inoperable brain tumour. I'm sure she and her husband remember that date vividly. For them, it was the day the earth stood still.
Since then she has endured radiation, chemotherapy...countless procedures in an attempt to shrink, stunt or slow the growth of the tumour...at first it was slow moving but it has since picked up speed.
A few months ago the doctors suspected she could live for another few years. They have recently downgraded that to a month...maybe two.

Although I know to my core God is good, that He freely gives and rightfully takes away, that His will is perfect, I don't know how to justify any type of good in this...it's one thing to lose a house...it's another to lose a wife and a mother...it's heart wrenching to think about. Imagine how devastating it is to experience.

We have all marvelled at her strength and character during this entire battle. She's a wonderful woman. She's fun and sweet and down to earth...she's one of those people who is 100% genuine. What you see is what you get. She tells it like it is...and everyone loves her for it. She's beautiful inside and out...she's kind...she's a great mom...she's a great person...

I live 3000 miles away so I can't physically help her out, babysit for her, cook her meals, clean her place or just hang out with her...but what I can do is solicit prayer on her behalf which is my purpose in writing this.

I don't say the following to instill false hope...and I'm certainly not claiming that God has told me she will be healed....I think that kind of talk is dangerous and damaging when spewed recklessly...but I believe in miracles...in God's ability to shrink tumours, heal bodies, restore people...I've seen it happen. We're always so afraid to pursue God about matters such as healing or miracles for fear of Him not doing it...we've all prayed for someone or something at one point or another that didn't end the way we wanted it to. But here's the thing: God is good. He is good when things are great and he's good when all we see is Hell on earth. He is bigger than our comprehension and greater than our circumstance...and I can't sit back and do nothing, wondering what could have happened if the people of God had come together to petition His throne for radical healing of this woman.

So let's do it. I've withheld her name for her privacy...she doesn't know I'm writing this so I wanted to be respectful, but God knows her. He's her Father. He knows her better than she knows herself and He LOVES her...this is true regardless of the outcome. When you pray for her, you may know little to nothing about her...but God knows the beginning, end and middle of this courageous woman's story.

SO pray. Pray fervently and passionately. Pray for the first time if you've never prayed before...because this is the perfect scenario for a miracle to take place.

Now, recognize how blessed you are and go hug your family.

Practice Run

Caden and I had a 13 month old little friend come over to play today. I was interested to see how Caden would react to a baby in his room, touching his toys and toddling towards him...he's not usually a big fan of walking babies...I think they freak him out because he can't figure out if they are a baby or a kid...
Anyway, Baby Friend arrived at 9am and we went into Caden's room where he was playing the keyboard. Immediately, he started pulling musical toys out of his toy box, asking, "Is this OK for babies?"
One at a time he brought them to her, building her a drum set then sitting at his own drum set to 'teach' her how to play. It was quite cute.
Then we got ready and went to the park to meet Dana and her boys for a little duck feeding time. Baby Friend sneezed in the car...Caden said, "O, bless you."
When we got to the park, I unbuckled Caden and he climbed out of the car himself...making me thank my lucky stars that he's already so independent before baby #2 arrives. I got Baby Friend into her stroller and we all had a lovely time at the park. I tried to get everyone back in the car as efficiently as possible. Caden climbed in first and got seated. Then I buckled in the baby and threw her diaper bag in on the car floor. Then I popped the trunk and put the stroller in there. Then I got in the car...as I was about to pull away Caden said while laughing hysterically, "Mama, I'm not safe!"
I forgot to buckle him in. Thank God for a child with a good vocabulary!
We both laughed as I buckled him in. I thanked him for reminding me and he said, "That's ok."
At lunch he ate really well and Baby Friend gnawed on bananas, bread and baby-sized cheez-its. Caden made sure she had everything she needed.
On the way home he looked over at her and said, "I love her."
When we got home, I was holding Baby Friend while trying to manipulate her pac-n-play...Caden followed behind with all the blankets she would need for her nap. He picked up everything I dropped (don't worry, I didn't drop the baby!), asked to help make the bed and 'shushed' me every 5 minutes after she fell asleep.
"Mama, Shhh! The baby is sleeping!"
All of this to say, Caden is going to make an excellent big brother. He is loving and kind, caring and thoughtful, helpful and polite...I'm really excited for him to meet his baby brother or sister and I feel much better about how he'll react to being a sibling...I'm also more confident in my own abilities to handle more than one kid. I was a bit nervous, but I actually think I'll enjoy the challenge...not to mention the cuteness :)

Injection Rejection

There's been a lot of talk about the H1N1 virus and the flu vaccine this season. Some, like mainstream doctors and nurses, are hardcore advocates for the vaccine and have received it themselves...others, like chiropractors and those who practice more natural forms or medicine, are strongly against it.
A nurse at my primary doctors office told me that I HAD to get the swine and regular flu vaccine because I'm pregnant. My chiropractor passionately begged me, "Don't you dare put that poison in your body."
I've done hours of reading and research on the subject...I'm not a health care professional and I'm not a flu vaccine expert....nor am I a passionate 'anti-vaccine' hippie...but here's where I stand:

The Swine Flu: It is not the black plague and it is not polio. It's the flu...a nasty one. I have had several friends who have already had it, nursed it and pulled through it in the same way they would a regular bout of the seasonal flu. The seasonal flu has actually killed 5 times the amount of people since January than the swine flu has...and since it's first appearance, the swine flu has weakened significantly and many doctors are advising people that the regular flu is much more dangerous at this point. If you get the flu, rest, drink plenty of liquids and don't hesitate to go to the ER for fluids, if needed. That's what I'll be doing should I come down with one of the dozen strains of flu going around...swine flu being one of them.

My experience: I have never had a flu vaccine. Caden has had two. Both times, he became seriously ill within 24 hours. High fever, vomiting and a respiratory infection that lasted for 2 weeks, BOTH times. My pediatrician claims there's no possible way the flu vaccine caused that to happen and it must have just been 'coincidence'. No one took a second to even considering that maybe he has an allergy to something in the vaccine cocktail. Their lack of concern for his history with flu shots caused me to second guess the information they were giving me. He has not had a flu shot in 2 years and he has done really well. He's gotten sick from time to time, but never as sick as he was after the flu shots. He's a good eater and eats a pretty balanced diet, causing him to bounce back quickly from bugs when they get into his system. He reacted perfectly fine to other vaccinations but I will never inject him with another flu vaccine of any kind again. The benefits don't out weight the risks in his particular case. Some kids do great with it, he does not. There is something in that shot that makes him brutally ill...and I'm not going to infect my baby with a dangerous illness for a THIRD time. He's been thriving and doing wonderfully since we stopped the flu shot regimen and we'll continue to eat well, wash our hands and be smart about our health and safety.


What I've learned: I respect and have benefited greatly from chiropractics and unconventional forms of medicine. I am slow to medicate myself, pregnant or not. I just don't like using medication to solve pain or problems. Six months after having Caden, my back had reached a point where it was completely twisted, a disc was out of place and I was in constant, chronic pain. I'm talking pain. P-A-I-N. I couldn't sneeze without bracing myself, I couldn't lower my baby into his crib, I was miserable and knew there was something wrong. I went to my primary physician who told me, "I'll give you something for pain." I asked if we were going to do xrays or tests to see what was wrong and he assured me the pills would take care of everything. I was so irritated and asked for a referral for a chiropractor. He gave me one and said, "If that doesn't work for you, come back and I'll prescribe you something."
Long story short, I went to the chiropractor and through natural manipulation and ARP therapy, my pain level has gone from a 9 out of 10 to a 1. Completely changed the quality of my life, literally REPAIRED my injury, all without surgery, injections or drugs that would have completely damaged my liver and organs if taken from the age of 22 til who knows when...
All that to say, I believe that doctors are amazing people but they can be wrong...I also believe that (especially in America) they are quick to offer medication and surgeries as the ultimate solution to problems in order to profit) when nutrition and proper body care are safer and more effective.
Every person I have questioned in the chiropractic community have urged me to say 'no' to the flu vaccine and I greatly respect their opinions and knowledge. I'll be talking to my OBGYN next week about my concerns but having learned a lot already on my own, I doubt my convictions will subside.

The H1N1 vaccine has no evidence of safety in pregnancy. In America, the mercury and preservative free versions are too expensive for me to obtain. I've never had a flu shot so I have no idea how it would effect me...I am very sensitive to medication and I fear the vaccine making me more sick than the flu itself (which was the case with Caden). Also, the H1N1 vaccine has polysorbate 80 which is linked with infertility and countless other dangerous preservatives like the regular flu shot...if I want to be preserved to that degree, I'll just go drink formaldehyde :)

As far as the regular flu shot goes, Jay has already received his. He received a shot with a combination of 3 vaccines however there are more than 10 flu strains going around. Receiving the flu shot has lowered his risk of contracting the flu by only 33%. Being pregnant, I'm VERY conscious of the medications I put into my body (I have a headache right now and still won't take a Tylenol because it's better to be safe than sorry) so the benefits of the flu vaccine aren't worth the risks for me and the unborn baby.

I am boosting my immune system by receiving regular chiropractic adjustments, taking my vitamins, eating properly, avoiding germ infested public places, receiving prompt and proper pre-natal care and washing my hands like a crazy. Now, my husband works in a health club and my roommate works in a day care so between the two of them, I'm sure many germs will make their way into our house...but if I contract the flu in spite of my efforts, I still won't regret not getting the flu vaccine. I have done a lot of research, I've prayed, I've talked with the medical personnel who have been proven to make my life better with their knowledge and services, I've read for hours about what's in the shot and how effective it is and I have to do what I believe is right for my body and my kids.

In closing: Although I greatly respect and support the chiropractic community (they seem to know more about the connectivity and function of the human body than any GP I've ever gone to) I don't jump on the band wagon with everything my chiropractor says...most chiro's believe that routine vaccinations are linked with autism and recommend against any and all vaccines for babies...I don't believe there is enough evidence supporting that...(however in the H1N1 vaccine, there is an additive that is directly linked with autism). I'm not anti-vaccination...but when it comes to my kids and my experience, I'm 100% anti-flu shot.
Still, Jay got one and I'm happy to say, he's fine...I don't think he's anymore safe from the flu than I am at this point (considering he just called and said he thinks he's coming down with something...great...) but he had no (immediate) adverse effects.
24 hours after BOTH of Caden's flu shots, his lungs filled with fluid to the point of him vomiting from trying so hard to breathe. Frankly, I'd be a complete idiot to do that to him again.
If I contract the flu, I will take optimal care of myself and not hesitate to go to the ER for fluids and treatment...and I won't be embarrassed or regretful of my decision not to vaccinate...I know I could get it...I just believe, at this point, after much research and conviction, that the vaccine is just as unsafe (or more so) than the flu itself...so why chose one when I could possible avoid the other altogether? People need to remember the importance of diet, proper nutrition, exercise and general smart and safe practices like hand washing...these are your safest defenses against any contractible illnesses.

My Advice: You need to find a medically minded individual you've had positive history with, whom you trust, who is informed and unbiased and seek their advice. There's too much propaganda from both sides out there and I don't trust anything I see on TV anymore..particular television shows like 'The Dr's' or others that stand to greatly profit from the mass sale of vaccinations.
At the end of the day, you need to weigh the pros and cons for your family. Based on my personal experience with Caden and the flu vaccine, I would be knowingly harming him by giving it to him again. Someone elses experience might be different.
Unfortunately, there isn't enough testing being done to determine that risk beforehand...and personally, Russian roulette isn't a game I'd recommend with children.

I hope everyone does their research and feels at peace with whatever decision they reach for themselves and their families.

Brink of a Miracle

Growing up in a traditional, Newfoundland, Salvation Army church, we use to sing a chorus during the Sunday night, 4 hour testimony time called, "Don't give up, you're on the brink of a miracle."

Melodically, this song is the equivalent of a cat in a blender but the lyrics are lovely. I didn't recognize that when I was teenager because I was too distracted, trying to play piano in the midst of dueling accordions but lately, the lyrics (not the tune) of that song have been running through my head.

I've shared in some detail the situation Jason and I have faced with a property we own in Wakulla County, Florida. Long story short, we bought our first house in 2007, went through one devastating financial blow after another (for which we were not prepared) and after a year of trying to sell the house before losing it, we moved out this past February, knowing that we wouldn't be able to afford the payment in March. We didn't believe it was right to stay in a house we weren't paying for so we moved out in an attempt for it to show better and sell quickly.

Housing prices in our area have greatly declined in the past two years so the same property is worth about $40,000.00 less than what we bought it for. Having no money for lawn equipment or services, we haven't been able to maintain the property very well. Due to no one living in the house, the fence surrounding it has received a bit of vandalism. We have to pay utilities out there because the house needs electricity and A/C for the realtor to show it effectively. Paying utilities in both places has been annoying and draining but we're doing everything we can to rectify this issue and resolve our debt. At the end of the day, that's how we sleep well at night.
We enlisted the help of a real estate company that explained to us that a short sale was our only option short of foreclosure and knowing full well what we were getting into, we went ahead and listed the house for less than we owe in hopes of getting a decent offer.

We got that decent offer, much better than expected, in June while we were home in Newfoundland. We were overwhelmingly grateful, sure that this was our deliverance. The buyer held on throughout the long, short sale process but at the beginning of this month we received the news: The buyer backed out. We didn't blame them. We would have too.

The house was placed back on the market, now looking much shabbier than ever before. Because the offer we had received was so good, it was unlikely that the bank would accept anything less than that and we were convinced no one would come close to offering that amount again. We received a letter informing us that the house will cease to be insured in January unless we pay an astronomical policy out of pocket, which won't be able to happen.

I also got a phone call yesterday, confirming our address because 'important papers' needed to be delivered to myself and Jason. Here we go. It's happening...
Jay and I have been talking, praying and working through this situation for a long time and I can honestly say that I really like the people we've become throughout it. I know that's weird, because I don't like the process...but if we had to go through this to grow the way we've grown...I'd do it again.

Last night we talked for hours about everything...about how confident we are in the decisions we've made for our family (after the stupid ones we made :) coupled with blows we couldn't have predicted. Our priorities are in check.
We were sitting outside of Starbucks, talking about the house when I got a lump in my throat...that only happens when I picture Caden's room...I just want someone else to own the house and re-paint it, change the locks and make it theirs...I don't want it to be mine anymore. Jay took my hand and said what I've known all along but needed to hear again, "Kathy, it's just a house."

At the same time 'His eye is on the sparrow' was playing on the Starbucks radio...

This morning I woke up and began to pray about life...I prayed for my friends, I prayed for my family, I prayed that my parents would live a really long time, that my hurting friends would find comfort, that my unsaved friends and family would find Christ...I prayed that the sick would be healed, that my children would love God and be set apart for Him. Then I said, "If I need to go through bankruptcy to become the woman You want me to be, bring it on...but if it is Your will, I pray for a miracle."

Jay came home this evening asking if our 'special papers' had arrived today...they hadn't...but then the phone rang.
Jay spoke with someone for a few moments, thanked them, assured them that we'd 'get it to them right away' and hung up the phone. It was our realtor...

We got another offer on the house TODAY.

"How much?" I asked...knowing that it couldn't be as good as the first but worried the bank wouldn't accept anything lower.
"It's the same as the first." Jay answered, bewildered.

Don't give up, you're on the brink of a miracle.

Now, I'm not naive enough to think this is a done deal...I know the bottom could fall out, I know they could walk away, I know the bank may move too slowly again...but at least it's possible...more possible today than it was yesterday...more possible this evening than it was this morning. That reminder is enough. God is good.

These buyers have specified that they want to close by November 30th, which if this happens then Happy Thanksgiving to Us...but if this bubble bursts and we end up getting those 'special papers' after all, it doesn't change that my Father is a God of miracles and that He is good...and I will praise Him for the woman I will become and the lessons I've learned throughout this entire thing.

His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me

Conversations With a Three (and a half) Year Old

- Caden was eating cereal one morning and his bowl was too far from him, causing him to spill the majority of his food on the table before it made it to his mouth.

Daddy: "Caden, your bowl is too far away, what should you do?"

Caden: "Um....eat my food?"

Daddy: "No, what should you do if your bowl is too far away?"

Caden: "Um...say my memory verse?"

Daddy: "....what?"


- Caden and Ms. Amber were sitting on a bench at Lake Ella, watching the ducks in the water. They were sitting quietly, enjoying some icecream when suddenly Caden looks out at a duck and screams:

"NO, I CANNOT SWIM WITH YOU WITH MY CLOTHES ON!!!"

Ms. Amber: "Caden, did that duck just talk to you?"

Caden: "Yes" (pointing to a specific duck) "That one."


- We sat Caden down and told him that he was going to be a big brother. He was very excited and asked if he could see the baby. We told him the baby was too little to come out of Mommy's tummy but he could see a picture. I held out the ultrasound picture and he looked it up and down.

Caden: "That is a SCARY baby"

Mama: "You're right. It does look a little scary now."

Caden: "Ya, it needs to grow some more."

Beyond What You Can Bear

This week has been a difficult one for many people I love. I feel like I've been hearing one piece of bad news after another and I've spent many nights this week, lying awake, thinking about the hurting lives and precious faces of my friends. Illness, brokenness, sadness, dreams being shattered and lives forever changing...It's crazy how life's ability to change drastically from one day to the next can be both exciting and terrifying...motivating and paralyzing.

A lot of people misquote the bible and say, "I know God won't put me through anything I can't handle" when that's not what the bible says...
The bible says that God will not tempt you beyond what you can bear...but be assured, life will give you plenty more than you can bear on your own...Enter: God's strength.

God's strength is perfect in those moments when it's all just too much.

I've been watching "The Biggest Loser" and there is a contestant on this show who's husband, pre-school aged daughter and six day old son were killed in a car accident a few years ago. Every time I see that woman on my TV screen my throat swells with emotion. How do you live through that? Certainly that isn't beyond what one can bear without super natural strength?

I'm reading a book about a man and woman who's child was born and lived only for a few brief seconds. 6 months later, their 5 year old daughter died unexpectedly in her sleep from a rare heart deformity that they didn't know she had. How can a human muster up the strength to deal with that kind of trauma? We can't, not without the hand of God.

How does a wife pick herself up off of the floor after the man who vowed to love her forever, wakes up one morning and says, "I'm sorry, I don't love you and I don't know if I ever did."? By the strength and grace of God. How does a small child continue on after being abandoned by his parents? By believing that God is his father who loves him unconditionally. How does a person in chronic or terminal pain, accept that God is a God of love and healing? By remembering the pain that Jesus endured for them.

In the book, "Things Unseen", Mark Buchanan explains that life doesn't justify living...how can it for those who seem to suffer from start to finish? Heaven, God's promise and His hope of life eternal with Him is what justifies living.

In the midst of death, illness, unfaithfulness, broken hearts and crushed dreams, God is ready and waiting to mend the pieces and make them stronger and more beautiful than ever before.

Surrender

I have been debating as to whether I should write about this...I don't want to offend but I also don't want to speak cryptically. I'm going to attempt to write this in as few words as possible, a difficult feat for me considering when it comes to typing, I'm rather long winded. But here it goes.

I have felt moved recently to write about the area of surrender. In Christian churches, we sing a lot of songs with lyrics like, "I surrender all" and "I'm laying down my rights, I'm giving up my pride for the promise of new life." We talk about pursuing Christ with a child like faith. We ask God to 'open the eyes of our hearts' so that we can see Him...so that we can know Him and in turn, make Him known.
I think we often use this dialogue in referring to surrendering our right to sin, or our right to walk away from God. We run full speed into the open arms of our Father and we declare, "Take all of me."
But I wonder how many of us are willing to surrender our religion to God? How many of us are willing to surrender our doctrines? How many of us have been taught a 'christian' way of living that isn't very Christ-like at all but cling to it with white knuckles? How many of us would be willing to surrender everything we thought we knew about God so that we could really know Him? How many of us are willing to embrace a faith that is real and both public and personal, that isn't the rules, laws or soap boxes of our parent's, our political affiliation's or our grand pappy so and so's?...How many of us are brave enough to admit, we don't have it all figured out and we're works in progress? How many of us are willing to surrender our spiritual arrogance?

Rob Bell uses the term 'Brickology' to describe the way some people believe. He describes their beliefs and doctrines as 'bricks' that are carefully layered to create a wall of overall belief...and he describes what happens when someone questions one of their bricks...when someone challenges the believer about a part of their religion...and he describes that people with brickology-type faith respond angrily and often stereotypically like that of their brickology friends...how they aren't able to open their minds and further explore their belief system because if one brick needs to come out, the whole wall will fall down and they'll have nothing left. Such a person spends the majority of their time, defensively fighting off differing opinions instead of allowing themselves to go deeper...learning why it is they believe what they believe instead of just knowing they believe it...and they mistake their personal discomfort for spiritual discernment.

After hearing this section of his book on tape (Velvet Elvis), it completely changed my way of thinking. I had to repent of my spiritual arrogance...the part of me that thought I had it all figured out...when I haven't even scratched the surface...the part of me that assumed MY interpretation of the bible was the only right way. Sure, there are blacks and whites in scripture. The ten commandments for example are pretty straight forward. But the truth is, I've met many people, Christians, born again believers, who stand on the opposing side of myself on many issues, biblical issues, yet we're both of the mindset that we have it right according to scripture.

For example, (and please, don't allow this example to lead to a barrage of argumentative comments...it's just an example) I believe that capital punishment is sinful. I believe that no human being has the right to take a life. I believe that mercy and grace can cover the worst of us and that no man or woman, regardless of how long they went to school or how many letters are behind their name, has the right to determine who is 'good' enough to live and die. Now, if someone murdered or sexually assaulted Caden, would I want to kill them with my bare hands? Heck, yes! And guess what? I would be justified in doing so...I would be justified in my anger. But I surrender my right to do that...I surrender my right to act on emotion, I surrender my right to take justice in my own hands, I surrender my right to be destroyed by anger and bitterness and vengeance. Vengeance is the Lord's and I believe God's Word points to that. But, plenty of Christian people, deep, moral, beautiful Christian people (particularly in this part of the world) feel the opposite and they too believe that scripture points in their direction.
So who's right? Who's wrong? Who's misinterpreting? Who's brick needs to come out? Who's wall is going to fall down?

No one's should...because our beliefs about the things of God shouldn't become our god. If Jesus Himself appeared before me and said, "Kathy, you've got the capital punishment thing wrong." Would I be in a place of surrender, where I would deny myself to follow His teachings? Or would my entire faith fall down around me because I had misunderstood one thing about Jesus?

Sometimes, surrender means surrendering our personal view of who God is or who we think He 'should' be so that we can really know who He is. I've met a lot of non-Christians who want nothing to do with the faith because of none other than us...and that terrifies me...to know that arrogant and uneducated Christians keep people from wanting to know God.
I pray, fervently, that I will not be one of those people. I surrender my right to be one of those people.

Sometimes, it is our religion, our doctrine, our 'truths', not necessarily our sin, that keeps us from fully knowing Him and making Him known.

Hope this makes sense...

I Deserve a Nobel Peace Prize

Well, I do...

This post actually has nothing to do with Obama receiving a Nobel Peace Prize (although I believe he WILL do great things, he hasn't yet so in my opinion it was a bit much, a bit soon but like I said, that's not what this is about). It's actually a post about being in week 13 of my pregnancy!

Good riddens, first trimester! I am thankful for Baby X, but every mama knows that the first trimester is less than fun. Disabling fatigue, 24/7 nausea, insomnia and a growing stomach that isn't cute at all, just chubby. As with my first pregnancy, my nausea literally ceased to exist when week 12 ended, as did the insomnia unique to this pregnancy. I'm still super tired but now that I'm feeling good and staying hydrated, I am officially done with the first trimester blues!

Which leads me to my deserving a Nobel Peace Prize. In the midst of feeling like garbage for weeks and weeks, I kept the peace and didn't scream at or punch anyone! Yay me!

Overcoming the trials of the first trimester is something no current or past President will ever be able to do ;)

I'm just sayin...

The Freedom of Not Knowing

I am always boggled by how to move forward in life...do you pray specifically or in terms of God's will alone? Do you make plans and take action or sit in the quiet, seeking His face and waiting for direction? How complacent and how proactive should you be?
We've made many moves in our lives...some I recall as being perfect, wonderful stepping stones. The move to camp where I met Jay. The move to marry him. The move back to Tallahassee in 2006. Others were blatant and obvious mistakes...our trip to the Mitsubishi dealership and our house hunt in Crawfordville come to mind...I would love to grab past Jason and Kathy by the shoulder and shake them violently...
Still, in the midst of mistakes and errors I've grown and learned a lot. It's weird that maturity and growth rise from the ashes of our most tragic mistakes and our darkest moments...if we allow ourselves to mature and grow, that is.
Lately, Jay and I have felt ourselves on the verge of 'something'. Sorry for the vagueness, but that's about as clear as it is to even us at this point. We feel a stirring of change, a healthy dissatisfaction with the way things are, a freeing realization that we are not stuck but a terrifying inability to see how it's all going to work out.
It's hard to know whether your desires are of God or not. Whether what you sense is something you should surrender and dismiss or embrace as God's moving. I don't know that I'll ever figure it out...
This morning, I had some quiet time while Jay took Caden to the gym. I sat in the quiet, unplugged the lap top, put the phone on silent and prayed for an extended period of time. I'll be honest, it's been a while since I've had a moment like that. I've been praying but not uninterrupted and not in depth. More popcorn-esque. I prayed about everything and everyone that popped into my head. I prayed for my children, that they would love God. I honestly care very little about what they chose as a career, whether they are strikingly handsome or talented...I just want them to love God. In praying this way, I began to think about how many children God has that don't love Him. I began to picture Him as a broken hearted Father, watching His children hoard their wealth, hate their neighbour, chose other god's because He is, for some reason, not enough for them. I pictured how many of his children he has witnessed be murdered, raped and abused...how many of them suffer and die due to hunger, inaccessible health care and preventable disease, while His other children sit back and watch it happen. I kept apologizing to Him and I think for a brief moment, He allowed me to feel a small percentage of the pain He feels as Father God...and how in spite of it all, loving us and creating us and dying for us is still worth all of it. Amazing.
With a renewed sense of God's love for me, I prayed about our future. Jay and I have been talking a lot about moving up north and although we hope to do that someday, we have no idea how it's going to happen. We don't have the money to move first and then find work but it's really hard to look for work in one state when you live in another. I've been overwhelmed by it all...knowing what we want but having no idea how to attain it. We've made a tentative plan as to when we'd like to move and where we want to be but it all feels empty and uncertain without knowing what God's going to do in the meantime...or where He'll have us end up.
Then I opened James. I figured it was a good place to start reading since Pastor Brian spoke from it yesterday. In the bible I was using, there was a headline over James 4:13-15 that said, "Our Will or God's Will."
Woah.
It said, "Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that."
This is what I like to call a scriptural punch in the face. It taught me that it's ok to plan but plan knowing that God may (and more than likely will) shake things up...that He will make things happen that we never dreamed possible, in His time. That He will ground us when we need grounding and reign us in when we need reigning in. That He will make a way where there seems to be no way or He will slam a door that by all rights should be open.
Who am I to say what I was created to be and where I was created to live? Only the Creator knows what the creation was intended for and although it's still unnerving to be in the dark, it's comforting to know that He's got it. It's inspiring to hear other people's testimonies of miraculous faithfulness...how God swooped in, just in time, and blew their minds with problem solving skills they weren't capable of possessing.
I believe the stirring inside of me is in anticipation of great things to come...it's unsettling yet exciting...nerve racking but exhilarating. I am excited about the future even though I have no, sweet clue how it's going to work and I am basking in the freedom of not knowing.

Water Is Important

I have learned this the hard way at many points in my life because I hate water. I think it tastes like metal and I don't find it refreshing. It turns my stomach. Since becoming pregnant, I have given up the one drink I like. Diet Pepsi. I want to eliminate this beverage, less due to the caffeine and more due to the artificial sweeteners...not good for baby...but finding something that I actually like to drink (that doesn't have 80 pounds of sugar in it) has been very difficult. I think that due to the lack of yummy, liquid choices, I significantly but unintentionally lowered my liquid intake.
For the last week, I have felt weak, faint, winded and overall horrible. Once I realized it was probably a dehydration thing, I was passed the point of no return. No amount of water/Gatorade drinking was making it better.
I went to the ER yesterday, after almost passing out while making a sandwich, and received some IV fluids. Now, I FEEL AMAZING! It's like I had my batteries changed! Yesterday, I had to try three times to get out of bed. This morning, I popped up, made the bed and started folding laundry. I feel energized and healthy...better than I have in a long time.
Long story short, water is important. Lesson learned.

Relief

Today was the first break we've had from the smouldering heat since April or May. Today, was a beautiful day. I don't want to jinx anything by saying Fall has come, and honestly, 80 degrees doesn't constitute Fall in my opinion, but it was certainly a nice break. Tonight it feels just lovely.
The bedroom window is open, my husband just brought me home a caramel apple and we had a lovely family dinner outside on the deck. Picture perfect.
I have been itching to go home lately...breathing in the cooler air made today's daydreams about being in my mother's kitchen that much more vivid. I love the smell of fresh air mixed with yummy food. I miss looking out the window and seeing the tops of the evergreen trees while the cool evening air fills my nose, making me feel healthy and alive.
Today, even though I am still 2799 miles away, I was able to breathe in a little piece of home.

To Be Like Jesus

I received a lot of feedback on my last post when I put it on my facebook. Almost 60 comments! Some were mortified by the title and saw it as blasphemous. Some were encouraged by the message of Jesus liberating the captive and freeing us to sin no more.
It was not my intent to offend anyone or to insult the name of Christ. My intention was to get back to the actual, true definition of a word...a beautiful word...that many have taken to mean something negative when it has SO many incredibly positive meanings like one who rejoices in freedom and one who gives abundantly. In that sense of the word, 'liberal' describes Jesus to a tee. Of course Jesus wouldn't push moral boundaries, encourage abortions or advocate for homosexual marriage...this interpretation of the word 'liberal' is exactly why posting this article meant so much to me...because I have been referred to as 'too liberal' time and time again, which according to the misinterpreted American political meaning, is hurtful for a Christ follower to hear.
You can be a Christian and be liberal. You can be a Christian and be conservative. You can be a Christian and be Republican. You can be a Christian and be a democrat. The point is, none of these terms can define us and we shouldn't make ourselves (or anyone else) fit into one of these boxes. Christ is the only definition by which we can truly see and know who we are. Assuming that a democrat lacks morality is unfair...just like assuming a Republican is uneducated and racist is unfair. I don't like to say things like, "I think Jesus would...etc" but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't care which category we fell into, as long as we are focused on loving Him and others. That's what it's all about.
My husband says I have become a bit of a 'shock jockey'. You have no idea how weird that is for me! Me, the one who cares deeply about how she is perceived by others, the one who use to tell on herself as a child if she did anything wrong, the one who cried herself to sleep if one of her kindergarten classmates got in trouble that day, the woman who hates confrontation, hates breaking the rules and hates pushing the token...how did I end up writing material that would challenge and sometimes disturb so many?
Who knows. It's a blessing and a curse I suppose.
I'll be honest, after I read the article "Jesus Christ: Flaming Liberator" I was so incredibly blessed. I read a story of life-saving redemption and salvation. I witnessed the powerful and loving, gracious and merciful hand of Christ and I couldn't wait to share it. Imagine my surprise when it received such an uproar! I don't know if it was the pregnancy hormones or just my lack of thick skin, but I began to question why I write, why I put myself out there, why I challenge people to new ways of thinking when it doesn't seem to change anything at all. I was folding clothes in my son's closet and a little tear streamed down my face so I said, 'Father, I need encouragement.'
Within a few minutes I received an email from someone I didn't even know read my stuff and she filled me with positive energy that reminded me that it matters...what I do and what I say, matters. Sometimes the negative responses will outweigh the positive but that doesn't mean defeat. It means, that by the grace of God, I said something powerful and if anyone knows me, they'll know my intent was to uplift, not to harm.
I often wish that Jesus would show up in the flesh and just tell me how to feel about things. I like it when life is black and white, when there are definite rights and wrongs but I'm learning, the older I get and the more people I meet, that there still exists a lot of gray area and that I shouldn't be arrogant enough to think that I've got it all figured out.
I praise God that He has given me a steadfast spirit and an ability to grow and learn, that work together simultaneously and at the end of the day, my desire is to make Him proud.
I'd like to thank everyone who reads my ramblings and responds. I love discussion and I love debate. I learn and grow so much as a person and I challenge others to be steadfast yet malleable. We're all works in progress.

Jesus Christ: Flaming Liberal

People often throw around the word 'liberal' without truly understanding it's meaning. It's used to describe someone who is on the left side of the political process, who isn't Republican or who wrongfully upsets a righteous and good system....I think sometimes it's used as a definition of a person with non-Christian views...none of these definitions are true and I'm glad, because I have often been called 'Liberal'.

Dictionary.com defines 'Liberal' this way:
1. favorable to progress or reform, as in political or religious affairs.
2. (often initial capital letter) noting or pertaining to a political party advocating measures of progressive political reform.
3. of, pertaining to, based on, or advocating liberalism.
4. favorable to or in accord with concepts of maximum individual freedom possible, esp. as guaranteed by law and secured by governmental protection of civil liberties.
5. favoring or permitting freedom of action, esp. with respect to matters of personal belief or expression: a liberal policy toward dissident artists and writers.
6. of or pertaining to representational forms of government rather than aristocracies and monarchies.
7. free from prejudice or bigotry; tolerant: a liberal attitude toward foreigners.
8. open-minded or tolerant, esp. free of or not bound by traditional or conventional ideas, values, etc.
9. characterized by generosity and willingness to give in large amounts: a liberal donor.
10. given freely or abundantly; generous: a liberal donation.
11. not strict or rigorous; free

The following is an article written by Commissioner Joe Noland. Thanks Sarah for introducing me to it. I think it's powerful and thought provoking

'Jesus Christ: Flaming Liberal'

Flaming: Passionate - “Tending to have strong feelings, especially of love, desire, or enthusiasm” (Encarta). Enthusiasm: God in us.

liber (Latin root meaning): free.

“And you will know the truth and the truth will make you free” (John 8:32 RSV).

"Were Jesus present in the flesh today He would be branded “A Flaming Liberal,” no doubt about it and correctly so. The religious right would be screaming “Bloody murder!” with His every action and pronouncement. Why would it be any different today than when he walked the earth last time? It’s just a different cultural context.

Think about the following assertion in a 21st Century milieu: “If anyone of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” To whom was Jesus speaking? Religious leaders, of course, those who were strictly following the letter of the law as handed down to them.

In my book, 'Lean Right, Love Left: Balancing the Body', I frame it this way: Ask Jesus about His encounter with the woman caught in the act of adultery (John 8:1-11). There is no dispute about her guilt. The law professors were “Levi on the spot” and had her dead to rights. Her prosecutors knew the law forward, backward, and sideward -”The punishment of adultery commanded by Moses was death” (Leviticus 20:10). The rigidity of the law left no “wriggle room,” and compassion was not yet part of the equation. The woman’s accusers were as right as right can be. You could say they were damned right! Vine’s Expository Dictionary of Words says this about their attitude toward the law: “In their zeal for the Law they almost deified it and their attitude became merely external, formal, and mechanical. They laid stress, not upon the righteousness of an action, but upon its formal correctness.”

The formal correctness of the law had become their salvation and, consequently, the means to a self-serving end-the entrapment of Jesus. “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” It was the perfect “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” scenario. Would Jesus lean right or left-law or love? If law were the only choice, he would be going against his own teaching. If love were the choice, he would be going against the Law of Moses. The strategy was brilliantly conceived and executed by the prosecution team. They are already patting themselves on the back and exchanging congratulatory handshakes as Jesus pauses for a moment to write something in the sand.

When his response finally does come, it catches them completely off guard: “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” In my imaginative mind’s eye, I see the handshakes and back pats freeze in midair as they absorb the full implications of His challenge. The accusers, who now become the accused, stand stunned and speechless like mannequins in a department-store window. A frozen look of incredulity is plastered on their faces. After what seems an interminable moment, the freeze frame is turned to slow motion. Heads bow, shoulders slump, and faces sag noticeably as they turn and slowly shuffle away like a pack of beaten down bloodhounds turned away from the hunt. This is how I would direct the scene if it were in a film.

Jesus now stands alone with the woman. I like the expository treatment on these verses found in The Wycliffe Bible Commentary: “Only two remained-the sinner and the Friend of sinners. Jesus could have cast the stone, for he was sinless; but he was more concerned with the rehabilitation of the sinner than with seeing that the Law was meticulously satisfied.”

The Friend of sinners says to the woman, “Has no one condemned you?” “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you. Go now and leave your life of sin.”

In your imaginative mind’s eye, translate this scenario forward a couple of millenniums. Adultery is no longer the scourge it once was, especially on the right, but substitute some of the modern day blights making headline news today. Cable news anchors, bloggers and twitterers would be “Johnny on the spot,” recording Jesus’ words and actions, spinning and spreading them instantaneously throughout cyberspace.

Bill O’Reilly and his stereotypical blond bombshell legal analysts would be yelling and screaming, “Fair! Balanced! Foul!” all at the same time, thus canceling each other out. Sean Hannity would be uncovering and righteously exposing another poisonous left-wing extremist, playing to the audience, hint of arrogance in that camera practiced smile. Rush Limbaugh would be frothing at the mouth and screaming out over the airways, “Oh, my God! God help us! Where has this country gone wrong?” Laura Ingrahams would be caustically ranting and raving, spewing vitriolic verbal stones forthwith. Glen Beck would be crying crocodile tears, begging for sanity to once again reassert itself in this God forsaken country (All cable show hosts, self-proclaimed spokespersons for the religious right in America, each backed by a team of legal analysts).

No question about it, Jesus was/is a flaming liberal, no matter how you slice it, theologically or culturally, then or now: Then neither do I condemn you, compassion for (friend of) the sinner now a part of the equation."

I hope that no one finds offense from this article. I think if you are thinking of liberal in the means of the way it is used to describe individuals who push moral boundaries, you have a right to be upset about what the Commissioner has written, but this isn't what liberal is referring to...it's not referring to the way Liberal is depicted in this country. It's referring to mercy, giving and freedom to love people above all else...that law is important but loving our neighbour is the greatest command. It isn't an attempt to further any kind of political agenda...it's simply a means of stating how Jesus placed people above law, rules and regulations...and challenged the religious agenda of that time.
I though it was a clever play on words...a refreshing take on what being liberal could mean as opposed to what people have made it out to be.
Religious leaders who were considered 'cream of the crop' when it came to biblical practices and prinicples were Jesus greatest opposition in his days of earthly ministry...I believe that it would be the same today...I think this article does an accurate job of depicting the widespread panic many would have over the presence of Jesus in modern day America...and I think many wouldn't recognize Him. I just pray daily that I would let no pre-conceived notions, no personal agenda and no unhealthy political affiliation keep me from recognizing Christ. I hope that's your prayer too.
Thanks for reading.

Grumpy Bear

I'm in a bad mood today...can't really shake it...maybe I shouldn't be writing when I feel this way, but writing is what I do when I can't sleep and I certainly can't sleep right now. I'm annoyed, flustered, concerned, sick, irritated, tired...all for probably no good reason...everyone has these days I'm sure, although most don't advertise it.
Caden woke up at 5am, throwing up, and has had a fever/cough all day. He is still his energetic self so I don't think it's anything too serious...just a little bug which I'm sure he'll be over in no time. That wasn't a great way for either of us to start the day...
I confess, this morning I became very overwhelmed by mess and allowed it to rob my joy. It's funny how dirt and clutter can put a woman in a foul mood. We have a lot of living things in our house so the mess piles up quickly and makes me crazy. I never use to feel this way about my house until I had Caden...then suddenly my house was not only my home but my workspace...and when things are out of place, I just don't function properly...I fear I'll be worse after baby X (as we so affectionately have named him/her) arrives.
So the fatigue coupled with the crabby/sick toddler plus the never ending mess multiplied by some other annoyances has made me a bit of a grumpy bear today. What can I say?

Roar

I think we should probably add hormones to that mix as well. I am not as sick with this pregnancy as I was with Caden but I believe I am much more hormonal...the insomnia is a product of that, not to mention the sudden OCD I have...I don't think I've been super mean to anyone but if I have, I'm sure it's been Jay and I publicly apologize ;)
All of this to say...well...nothing at all, really. This is not encouraging, uplifting or eye opening in anyway...if anything, it was a venting session, a crabby confession and a way to tire myself out in hopes of getting to sleep before 2am...but if you took the time to read it, I thank you.

Tomorrow will be a better day.

God and Jesus

Caden wrote this song all by himself. I heard him singing it one day in his room while he was playing with his keyboard. For some reason, some of the video quality was lost during the upload but it's still hilarious and adorable...A really great way to spend three minutes.
Enjoy!

Life on Repeat

I have learned that when God wants you to 'get' something, He often places an episode in your life, over and over again. It's really annoying. Often the faces, places and other details change, but the lesson is always the same...He does this to test us, develop us and to weed out those parts of ourselves that keep us from attaining the greatness He has called us to.
For me, God is constantly trying to teach me not to define myself through the eyes of people. He does this by putting people in my path who don't like me. Really. It's that simple. This may not sound like a big deal to most people, but to me, it's earth shattering. I have so many incredible friends, a close knit family, a husband who loves me more than I deserve and a beautiful son with another child on the way, but if I know of one person who doesn't like me, they have so much power over me! It's all I focus on, all I think about. I try and figure out ways that I can change their mind, desperate for them to see that I'm a good person. Even if it's a situation where an individual is being totally irrational and has no good reason for disliking me, I want to work diligently to change their mind. I am this way because I lose my focus on the one who defines me: Christ alone.
No one knows the creation like the Creator. He has made us in his image, yet uniquely different from the 6 billion other people who walk the earth. With so many personalities, theirs bound to be some conflict. The bible says, "Blessed are you when people insult you..." Matthew 5:11. The truth is, being disliked draws us closer to Christ...he was disliked by a lot of people...knowing the sting of rejection helps us to understand the footsteps of Jesus.
Now, I'm not for one moment saying that anyone who doesn't like me is unjustified and unholy...after all, we are not called to 'like' everyone, we are called to love them according to the definition God has given us in his word. People have a right not to like me. Maybe I have a stupid laugh that annoys someone, or maybe I stand on the opposite side of their politics, or maybe they think my face is weird. There are a plethora of reasons why people dislike other people and the truth is, if someone doesn't like me, they have every right to feel that way...Lord knows there are some individuals I've met throughout my life that were difficult to be around...perhaps I am that person to someone else?
I just hope that if someone doesn't enjoy me, it isn't because I wronged them.
The point is, whether someone is justified with their distaste for me or not, I can not allow it to define who I am. If I have wronged them, I must ask forgiveness and live out Romans 12:18, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." If they still shutter at the sight of me or want nothing to do with me, I have to learn to live in peace, knowing that who I am in their eyes is not who I am in the eyes of the Father.
Easier said than done...but I'm hoping I learn how to do this soon...I don't want this lesson to keep repeating itself.

THANK YOU!

I have to give a public thanks to my dear friends, Steve and Barbara Vickery. When they read about my computer dying, they broke out their old PC, cleaned it up, found all the parts needed and gave it to me to use until Jay and I are able to afford a new one. I am so blessed to have such amazing people in my life, who support my writing with not only words, but action. I am humbled by your love and I love you back!
Thank you Steve and Barbara for being amazing friends.

What I Think...

I've engaged in many health care debates over the past few weeks. I've learned a lot from listening to the differing opinions of others. I've learned that I am much more passionate about political things than I ever thought I would be and that I am not a know-it-all. I've learned that as much as I dislike him, insulting Glenn Beck isn't nice and gets me into trouble. I've learned that I can hold my ground and speak intelligently about the things I believe to be right and true.
I am a woman who has had an opportunity to experience life in two very different countries, under two very different governments, in the midst of people with very different mentalities and I think I have a lot to contribute to this debate.

The discussions have opened my eyes to understanding a little bit more about America...how her history is very much evident in her present. Canadian history is very different than that of our southern neighbours. We are a bilingual product of French and British ancestry, a melting pot of multi-culturalism. Canadians are proud to be so, but our patriotism is different. Most Canadians wouldn't think to shout, "CANADA IS THE BEST COUNTRY, EVER!" even if we feel that way. We love our country but we do so differently.

Outside looking in, American patriotism can sometimes be perceived as arrogant or ignorant but I am beginning to see that it is more than that. It is a product of a very real and present history, of having to fight for what you have, a victory cry over what the nation has overcome to become what it is today. I'm also learning that the way I (as a Canadian) view government and community is very different than my American neighbours. Americans are sensitive to the oppression of government after having fought it to become independent. American settlers were British people who could not stand to be under the rule of Britain any longer. Some people stayed loyal to Britain, but those who chose to become Americans did so passionately and with every fiber of their being. That attitude and spirit still remains in the people generations later, fighting for their rights, proclaiming their victories and remaining somewhat fearful of their government.

Discovering this has helped me understand and appreciate our differences.

Lately, we've been talking about health care. I'm no expert but I am daily trying to remain informed. Here's what I think:

Slander, lies and name calling have no place in a fair, political process, ESPECIALLY when it comes from news programming. We must always have the freedom to speak and the freedom to disagree, but when lies are used to tarnish the character of individuals, manufacture fear and further agendas, that freedom of speech has been abused. I'm not a radical Obama follower or a democrat, but so many ridiculous lies have been spread about the President and it's horrifying to see the wide spread panic and reaction caused by misleading information.
Please, do your research. Read the health care bills, read as much non-biased information as you can such as factcheck.org
Fox news is not a reliable source of information, not because I disagree with most of what they say, but because they lie to tarnish the President's name. Plain and simple.

I believe, based on evidence, that government run health care systems work. I don't say this based on personal experience, although I personally have had better experiences with Canadian health care than I have here, but because it's a proven fact. According to the World Health Organization, France has the #1 functioning health care system in the world. This is a government run system. In fact, most of the highest ranking health care systems in the world have universal health care. I've heard many negative things about Canadian health care (mostly from people who have never been there) but I will be the first to admit, it isn't without its flaws. Canada ranks #30 when compared to the other health care systems on the planet. America ranks #37, just below Costa Rica, and this shouldn't be the case for the richest country in the world. Regardless of how you feel about it or whether you want it, the fact is, government run health care systems function beautifully all over our planet and we could learn something from our French, Spanish, British, Italian, (etc) friends.

Many times, people use the argument, "The church should be taking care of the sick."
Well, that's true. Any individual who calls themselves a Christ follower should be doing their part daily to help those in need. However, government, too, should be protecting the rights of it's people. This is exactly what government was designed to do. We have a right to live...we have a right to breathe...we have a right to a beating heart. You can not live without your health. The two go hand in hand. Anyone who believes health care is not a right has not had to watch their family members dying of cancer, being denied medicine that could save their lives due to their bank account. No one should go broke trying to get well and no one should be denied life saving care based on the size of their wallet or the depths of their pockets. Emergency rooms place tiny, expensive band aids on gaping wounds, crippling people's financial future while leaving them still sick.

The USA has some government run programs currently that myself and many of my friends rightfully use daily. Medicaid, medicare, food stamps, WIC, public schools, the post office, the FDA...these and countless others are government run programs that aren't flawless (because nothing is) but they are doing incredible good for the people in our society. Many of us would be sick, hungry or illiterate without them.

Part of being a community is contributing to it, for the better good of all who live within it. Everyone participating in a system that everyone benefits from. A big part of people's stress is the section of the current health care bill that requires people to be insured or pay a tax. From what I've learned about the American people (as referenced above), they don't really like to be 'told' that they have to do anything, especially by government, and especially about money. Trust me, I get that, but consider this: The freedom of quality and affordable coverage for all...the economy taking off because individuals aren't buried in medical debt and can begin to invest in businesses again...affordable, life saving drugs for the chronically ill. The good of society outweighs the negative of being told what to do.

Listen to your President. He's YOUR President now, whether you elected him or not. It's time to administer some respect for authority. Fox news claimed verbatim, "President Obama hates America." This is the kind of garbage I'm talking about. Obama doesn't hate America and he needs to be given a chance to be taken at his word. If he claims in front of congress and half the world that he will not sign a bill that furthers the country's debt now or in the future, that's what he means. If he ends up signing one, then by all means, call him a liar, but for right now that is what he has said and that is what he meant. LISTEN to him. READ the bill. Don't just form an opinion based on what some angry news caster says.

47 million Americans are uninsured, walking around with the capability of going bank rupt and dying at any minute should they discover they have a tumour or fall down the stairs. Some of these people chose not to be insured. The problem is, the uninsured become a liability for the rest of America. This is why Obama's plan includes the necessity of people to have health insurance...because without it, we all suffer for the choices of the negligent. It's like second hand smoke...you may not care that you're taking a risk but I don't want to be effected by your bad air! Living and working together...yes, as individuals, but as individuals who live in community.

I think we can all agree that insurance companies need stricter laws and to be held accountable. People should not be dropped from their policies should they become ill, nor should they be excluded from care for pre-existing conditions..and there is no reason why the same medication in Canada should cost 3+ times more here...and no, it's not watered down in Canada...I've heard that argument too...again, facts are important. If the only thing that changes is this, America will be better for it. Insurance companies are monopolizing health care right now, rewarding their employees when they drop sick clients and refusing care to those who need it most. I am hopeful that enough people agree on this subject that something will be done about it.

I understand that past administrations have failed the American people and most are exhausted, wondering why they should trust this politician to be any different than the others. All I can say is that the face of government changes for a reason...if it were unable to move forward, there would be no need in electing new leadership. The last administration did wonderful things in the fight against abortion. George Bush signed a bill, making it illegal to terminate the life of a baby if born alive after an abortion attempt. That's a wonderful thing.
He also led the country on a wild goose chase over seas, spending billions and killing thousands and causing immeasurable damage to international relations. Every administration has it's strong points and some greatly disappoint us. Give this President a chance to do right with your taxes and your trust.

I hope this sparks some interest and maybe some conversation. It is important to speak openly about these things but it is mostly important to do so respectfully.

Thanks for reading.