I'm beginning to understand that some relationships are seasonal and it's not necessarily anyone's fault. I am coming to the conclusion that there are few people whom you remain compatible with for your entire life and that's ok. After all, we all change. We all need different things from different people at different points in our lives and sometimes the natural changes of time (however quickly they occur) just make us incompatible with people we use to be compatible with.
There are seasons when appreciation is reciprocated and I believe that is when friendship flourishes. When there is a mutual appreciation and respect...a desire to be with and around someone that reflects their desire to be with and around you. You have things in common, you can have trusted, confidential talks, you have concern for one another. It's a beautiful thing.
So many times i have found myself in these types of relationships only to see them change or vanish into thin air without warning. Did I do something wrong? Was I being used? Probably not. Although, when you sense someone is distancing themselves from you, it hurts like heck and it feels very personal.
After long, hard consideration and contemplation of this topic, I've come to the conclusion that seasons are natural, even in relationship and there's nothing to be paranoid or sad about. This of course doesn't apply to all relationships. As a wife, I have promised to love, respect, grow and change WITH my husband instead of apart from him. I praise God that this has been an almost effortless feat in my 6.5 year marriage thus far...perhaps it will become more difficult as time passes, but I am blessed to be married to a man who doesn't just change, but changes for the better on purpose and makes me better in the process. This type of relationship is one of the best that God has going in the earth.
My sons will never stop being my children, no matter what they do...this relationship is one in which I will have to be a martyr, tighten my lip, take a lot of abuse and shell out Christ-sized portions of love...I will love them as cute babies, annoying/funny toddlers, awkward kids, bratty teens and rebellious young adults...and hopefully, when they are men, I will be their parent AND their friend...until then, I am their Mom and nothing, not time, distance or circumstance, will change that. They can't get rid of me, even if they want to :)
In my particular situation, my parents will always be there for me and I praise God for that because I know it's unique. Some parents are more immature than their children...that is not my situation. I hope I can be half of who they are and I know my children will be better for it if I am. Their commitment to me, my husband and my children will last as long as they have breath in their bodies....which I hope is a long, long time.
But friendship is a different story...and I praise God for that hand full of people who love me at every point of my life and make a choice to stay committed to me when I'm on and off...who love me for me...not for what I can do for them, not for what I bring to the table, not by default because of my kids or my husband...but just for me...and that type of friendship is selfless and unchanging...and rare...super rare.
I have had these conversations with a few people lately and they have affirmed the fact that I am not crazy...another reason why it's important to have good friends :) and instead of dwelling on the people who have walked out of my life without explanation or whose lives I have had to walk out of for self-preservation, I am going to focus on the people who God has given to me as trusted, life-long friends.
You are rare, beautiful, amazing and dear to me...and hopefully you know who you are ;)
1 comment:
What wisdom at a young age! It takes a lifetime for some people to grasp what you have written in this blog.
Some friendships are for a lifetime and others are seasonal as you clearly stated.
I define the seasonal friendships as acquaintances that I've made along the way. I believe that people only truly have a few true "friendships" in their lifetime. I can count the number of my true friends on the fingers of my hands (10 or less).
Steve and I know a lot of people yet we have a very small number of sincerely close friends that would do anything to help us at any time (this is the true test of friendship if someone is willing to come to your house at odd hours of the night to help you - no questions asked).
A hint: you find out who your true friends are when things get tough; your friends are those that stick with you like super glue.
Steve and I found out when he had surgery who our true friends were; its sad to say that that some people made themselves scarce during that time. Its ok though because the Lord brought people to our side that we didn't even know that cared. The Lord sent us overflowing love and help when we needed it.
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