Unintended Affirmation

I engaged in an online conversation via facebook last week that has really consumed my thoughts and caused me to meditate, evaluate and consider a lot of different things about life, money, compassion and everything in between.
The discussion was based on a comment someone made about how the dignity of employment is the best cure for hunger.
As someone who believes that every able bodied man and woman should work and work hard, I immediately agreed that this was certainly one way to combat hunger but felt the need to point out that a lot of hard working citizens in America today do so tirelessly and aren't properly compensated for their labor. Staggering numbers are being laid off from jobs they've had for decades. Sometimes, a person can do everything they know how to do and it's just not enough. In these moment, I believe we are called (not just as Christians, but as humans) to be compassionate and give/share with our fellow man.
This started a barrage of comments about how government assistance cripples people, how handouts are ungodly and so on. Since life long handouts was not the kind of mercy I was referring to, I decided to use a personal example.

Now, I am the first to proclaim how BLESSED I am to the world and how proud I am of my husband for always ensuring that we go without nothing that we need but 2009 has certainly been a financial roller coaster for us and it has given me new eyes when it comes to those who find themselves down on their luck. I realize how quickly the rug can be snatched out from under neath us. I spoke of how we are in the process of losing a house, how Jay's salary has decreased due to the retail industry plummeting, how we downsized our lives and took on a roommate.

After sharing our situation, I received little empathy from any involved in the debate, but that's ok...that's not what I was looking for. I just wanted to share how a merciful hand up has helped us a time or two along this painful journey. Further into the conversation we were joined by a Pastor I've never met and he, after reading my story, addressed me this was:

"What a pile of liberal propaganda!...Maybe if you did what Dave Ramsey says and 'acted your wage' you wouldn't need a roommate...and it's still a democracy. If you don't like your job, get a new one or go back to college. Wah! Wah! Wah!"

I was shocked. I didn't expect empathy and didn't want pity but I certainly didn't expect mockery and words of hatred. I was blown away by his lack of love and kindness...I couldn't believe a representative of Christ, a teacher of His word, would speak to someone they know nothing about like that and openly mock them on a public site.
I was embarrassed, confused and unsure as to whether sharing my view was a good idea in the first place. At the end of a year marked by mistakes and unexpected blows, when we're working hard daily to right our wrongs and become better people, this comment was an emotional blow.

I've openly admitted on this blog that some of the things that have happened to us this year have been self inflicted, if not most of them. We bought a car 5 years ago that we shouldn't have and became slaves to Mitsubishi (almost done though, praise Jesus!)...we bought a house 3 years ago that we shouldn't have and became slaves to Bank of America...and although both purchases fit well within our income bracket and budget at the time, that income bracket changed dramatically when people stopped buying treadmills and ellipticals (Jay sold high end fitness equipment and was paid on commission). We made the mistake of thinking our future income would match our past income and we counted on money we had not yet earned. Then, over the course of 2 years, our household income was cut in half. These purchases were our mistake, our fault and we fully admit the error of our ways, often saying how much we'd like to 'punch past Jay and Kathy in the face' :)
Point being, we don't need someone to kick us while we're down. We're fully capable of doing that to ourselves and it's a daily struggle not to. We aren't proud of what we've done but we're proud of where we're going and the strides we're making to get there. Mockery is not encouraging.

This man's comment made me think a lot about who I am. I know I shouldn't have allowed his hateful words to echo in my mind but they have and to be honest, he has given me a gift he didn't intend to. I believe he intended to arrogantly put me in my place and teach me a cruel lesson. Instead, what he has done is given me some unintended affirmation.

My husband has been able to find and secure a great job in the middle of an employment crisis and he is really, really good at what he does. Over the last few months we've been making a plan and taking strides towards getting him back in school. He is driven, hardworking, generous and kind. With people being laid off by the thousands and job availability being slim to none these days, he has been able to make a successful move from one business to another and secure a lifestyle for us. I'm so grateful for him. Because we have worked diligently over the past 3 years to pay off our debt, our list of debtors has gone from 8 to 2, something we are incredibly proud of...no credit card debt, no personal loans...we've been very successful in reducing our debt snowball. With our household income declining, it's been hard to feel like we've made any progress at all but we have and I know times would be much harder now if we were still slaves to eight debtors.

Predicting a problem, we started trying to sell out home in June 2008 and it's still on the market to this day. I hope it sells but I am not expecting deliverance. I'll graciously and humbly accept it, but I'm not expecting it. We did this, we are now trying to fix it and we'll take what comes with it. If I need to experience bankruptcy to become the woman God has called me to be or to fully learn from this error, I accept those terms. I know my Father loves me.
We made the tough choice to downsize to an apartment and one vehicle. I'll never forget the look on Jay's face the day we sold his motorcycle...it was just a old Honda but it meant the world to him and he gave it up for the betterment of our situation. We've trimmed an already pretty skinny family budget, sold the things we don't use and took on a roommate who luckily is a close and trusted family friend. Through these choices we've been able to make steps towards a better future and it feels good.

My point of sharing our story in that conversation a few days ago was to promote compassion. Compassion has been a saving grace for us several times throughout this year and because we're making our situation better, we've been able to bestow practical compassion and aid on a lot of other people who have needed it. I believe in hard work and ownership but it's important that we recognize the moments when grace and mercy are necessary.

All this to say, at first this man's comments made me ashamed and embarrassed of myself but the more I thought about where we are now vs. where we use to be, the more satisfied and affirmed in my journey I became. I also have become, to a deeper level, more thankful for my life. Even though I've known financial stress, I've never gone hungry...I've never had to withhold basic needs from my child...we have everything we need and a bunch of things we want...God is good and is blessing our efforts. We are right on track.

This man's intended kick in the face became a pat on the back and in a weird way, I thank him for that.

His comment also taught me to never, ever harshly judge another living soul...to chose empathy before arrogance...to chose mercy and grace before common sense. Sometimes being merciful and gracious is bad for business and looks bad on paper. Sometimes, when you dissect love and make it a science you can come up with all kinds of reasons why it's better not to but I for one am going to make an effort to chose it, every time.

If I don't write another blog before the New Year (which I'm sure I will), that will be my resolution. To chose mercy, grace and love, every time.

Thanks for reading.