sick

I have been completely blown over by a nasty virus.
Luckily I have been blessed with amazing friends who have taken good care of my little one for the past three days so that I can sleep and wallow in my own gross. Yesterday I got out of bed for 15 minutes to crawl into the shower. I think my hair has formed into dread locks because I don't remember the last time I brushed it.
I don't think I have ever had a flu this bad. It really stinks.
Being out of commission has given me a new appreciation and greater love for my husband. He is one fantastic individual. He has literally taken care of everything over the past few days. He's arranged everything for Caden, taken phenominal care of me, he has come home early everynight to clean the house, do the laundry, get the baby ready for bed and fetch me anything I need. He has been absolutly amazing.
Last night while I was lying on the couch I could hear him tucking Caden in, telling him a bedtime story about two Cadens...how one liked eating condiments and the other one did not. Caden was cracking up. So was I.
Yesterday Caden went to a friend's house where there were two other kiddos, which normally would make him nervous and uncomfortable, but apparantly he had the best time, playing and being silly with the other boys. I think he has been enjoying this week...a little less boring then the everyday at home with mom.
So I feel less poopy today than yesterday which I'm hoping means I will feel even less poopy tomorrow.
I'm going to go eat a fudgesicle and go to bed.

Pros and Cons

I am a big believer in the weighing of the Pros and Cons. I think it is a really good decision making method and it's fun to say PRO or CON before you say a sentence.
Here's my latest decision making round of pros and cons...One of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make.
Pros and Cons of going back to work and putting Caden in daycare.

PRO: He will get use to socializing with other kids, because right now he is very uncomfortable with kids his own age. He loves adults, but kids...he has no time for. I remember being the same way but maybe daycare would help.

CON: He will catch all of their germs...which he is bound to do in kindergarden anyway so I guess maybe this one is actually a PRO because he'll build a strong immune system before he starts real school.

PRO: He will hear alot of people talking all around him, which may encourage him to talk too. Also, the people there won't know what he wants unless he says words which will force him into having some kind of vocabulary.

CON: I will miss him terribly and probably cry everyday, and even though I know he will be fine, I will feel constant guilt for not spending my days with him.

PRO: We will make some extra money because I'll have a job.

CON: As a boy who has a tendency to be overstimulated, he may have a hard time adjusting to the chaotic enviornment...last time I put him in childcare he hid under a table for an hour and threw up...He's a sensitive boy.

PRO: I will have a life outside of boogers, diapers and The Wiggles.

CON: I will miss the way things are right now, because all in all, I love being with him more than anything and to quote Aerosmith, "I don't want to miss a thing."

PRO: He will watch less TV

CON: I will miss him...did I already say that?

Ugh. I'm telling you, this is a tough one. We do need the extra money and it would help him socialize more with other kids but my heart is to be at home with him. The thought of only seeing him a few hours a night rips my guts out....which I'm sure it is with alot of women who inevidebly have to work to help out. I'm sure the thinking about it is worse than the actual doing...I'm sure once I got out there and started working I would probably enjoy the routine, having somewhere to be...being able to eat lunch or run to the store alone, being able to pee with the door closed...having a reason to buy nice clothes...and I think he would find it hard adjusting at first but he would, hopefully, enjoy it after a while. I don't know...I just invision him being traumatized by the whole thing because he's been in his own home for so long. I don't know. I've never been so torn about anything in my life.
I wish we had a money tree, then this wouldn't be an issue.
Does anyone have any money tree seeds they'd be willing to donate?

Inhale, Exhale

It's been a week, that's for sure.
I guess it's been a month really.
I don't know how much someones brain has to over work itself before it just shuts down completely. I think mine's on the brink.
I am blessed though...stressed, but blessed.
Is that ok? Can you be stressed out and aware of how good God is to you at the same time?

I wish we as humans didn't give up on God as easily as we do.
I wish we didn't associate not feeling good with God not being good. Our point of view and who God is are two different things. God doesn't change regardless of how we're feeling, whether we're being tested or whether we haven't a care in the world.
God's good. We change. He doesn't.
When things aren't good between God and I it's because I'm too lazy to read my bible, I'm too occupied to pray. I walk away from Him, living my life and then I get angry, stressed and sad, wondering why He left me. It's lame really.
That's going to be my new prayer.
"God, forgive me for being Lame. Remind me when I am being lame to knock it off and do my part to make our relationship work."
Because in all honesty, if God and I aren't right, nothing's right.

I'm also going to look back over my strongest spiritual moments and try to think of what I was doing then as opposed to what I'm doing now. Chances are I was taking time out daily to be in God's presence...which now is hard cause I barely have enough time to be alone in my own presence but I need to make time for Him.
Nothing can be more important than that.
If anyone was at church today, I guess you can tell that Phil's message kicked my butt in a good way.

We have no money, Jay is overworked and over stressed, Caden is at a challenging age, and although I love being with him, I am often times lonely, bored and unfulfilled spending all day at home without an adult to talk to...all reasons why I have been neglectful of God and unfocused on my blessings.
But it's time for an attitude adjustment, because I refuse to give up on God's best for me because I am so self-focused on what I don't have.
I have a loving marriage, a home, a beautiful son, more close friends than I can count, and above all else the peace and joy (in the midst of chaos and mixed emotions) that comes with knowing Christ.
It's time that I start exercising my freedom in Christ instead of thinking of all the reasons why I shouldn't because there's got to be more than this.

I'm not a big fan of the movie, "Bruce Almighty" but it was on TV the other day and I caught the part where Jim Carey's character is given God's powers and he tries to use them to make a woman fall in love with him and although he has immeasurable power he can't manipulate her free will. He asks God (Morgan Freeman) "How do I make somebody love me?"
'God' replies with something along the lines of, "If only I knew the answer to that."

God has given us the freewill to make our own decisions, even about Him.
As mature Christians we need to exercise our freewill by getting to know and falling in love with Jesus.
It doesn't have to be as hard as we make it out to be. Just do your part to get to know Him, then you won't be able to help but love Him. It doesn't mean your bank account will fill up, your job will get better, your ex will come back and your life will be perfect, but at least you'll have someone to talk to about how much life stinks sometimes. And who better than the creator of the universe?

I want to have a relationship with Christ so I need to grow up and make an effort...whether I've spent all day on the beach with my husband or all day at the urgent care getting puked on by my Son.

Inhale, Exhale.

November in Northern Florida

Is perfect...The smells, the temperature, the colours...it's perfect.
In not-as-perfect news, my little boy is sickeepoo.
He started yesterday with a little sniffle and woke up this morning with not-so-little chest congestion. We went into the urgent care where the doctor checked him out and said it was just a virus and he should be fine. Between the exam and checking out he got alot worse so the dr came back in to check him again and decided he needed a breathing treatment and a chest xray. He was being so sweet and amazingly behaved the entire time, but the breathing treatment made him pretty upset, to the point that he started to cry, cough and gag...causing him to throw up ALL OVER ME and all over himself. He and I were covered from shirt to pants in vomit. Not fun.
The nurse offered to wash our clothes, which I had to take her up on cause we were drenched and 45 minutes from home. So while I wore a hospital gown and Caden wore a diaper and socks, he screamed his way through a chest x-ray that showed alot of congestion in his chest...The dr. said it is just a bad case of viral croop and should be easy to clear up. So now he has to take steroids and anti-biotics for the next 5 days and will hopefully be fine after that.
He has been so sweet throughout everything. He is such a little trooper.
I can't imagine having a child with chronic illness that needs testing and medical treatments on a regular basis...it was heartbreaking watching them pin him to the xray table..and the whole time I was telling myself, "Kathy, get over it, it's just an xray!" but I couldn't help to fight back tears watching him like that.
He is taking a much needed nap now and will hopefully be back to his old, funny, mischeivious self in no time.
Luckily nature is perfect. The drive home from the dr. was stunning and reminded me that no matter what happens, God is there with a splash of beauty to calm us down and get us through it.

Input

My husband and I are itching to get some new ink.
(I'll pause for those of you who don't like tattoos and need time to sigh and roll your eyes. Haha!)
I have several thoughts.
Let me know what you think.

1) Large purple flower, upper right back. Mine wouldn't be a waterlily, but a gladiola, the flower for August..and it would be more purple.

2) Large star (I already have one on my foot) on the front of right shoulder. I really enjoy the star. Classic.

3) This:


Let me know what you think!

American Thanksgiving

Happy American Thanksgiving

Tears of The Saints

Thanks to Amy, I have a new song to add to my repertoire of favourites.
Amazing.

I've been a busy girl

First I taught Caden how to crack open his own diet pepsi and log onto youtube so he can watch the Muppets all on his own.

Then I taught him how to be a trend setter...soon all the kids will be wearing their shades upside down.

I then cut his hair into a stylish new doo.



Yesterday I bought a new, smaller dresser for Caden's room and organized everything...moving almost all of his toys from the living room into organized baskets in his room. I was quite proud of myself...now our living space doesn't look as much like romper room as it used to.

Monday, Monday

Hello Monday,
I've decided to grace you with a happy and positive attitude.
What better way to do this than a trip to the local Thrift Store! I bought a little dresser for Caden's room so I could move the big honkin one out of there and into the spare bedroom. I'm trying to make it into a functional spare room for company. Caden's room is looking lovely and organized.
This afternoon we may hit the local playground for a little sliding, swinging and frolicking through the grass.
Yesterday ended up being a decent day. Church was fun. I love hanging out with the band. They life my spirits. Caden and I did get a little nap in the afternoon and woke up just in time to go back into town and get Jay. We bought some Publix fried chicken, some mac and cheese and headed home for a nutritious meal.
Last night I slept all night long...I was getting worried that I was becoming an insomniac...luckily one night of not sleeping does not make one an insomniac...it makes one sleepy for a day.
Well, it's back to the Christmas cards. I am trying to do everything early and get all of my shopping done online so that I don't have to rush or brace the crowds of the mall with Caden...he is not big on shopping lately.
So Thanks Monday.
I'll talk to you next week.
-Kathy

4:34am

I went to bed at 10 in an effort to get a good night sleep.
I've now been awake since 1 and have to start getting ready for church in 30 minutes.
Jay has to work today so I am not going to be able to stay and break down the stage which causes me to feel alot of guilt. Caden is going to be in the nursery for two services, meaning he will fall asleep on the 45 minute drive home from church....meaning he won't take a nap this afternoon....meaning I won't take a nap this afternoon. Then at 4pm (about 2.5-3 hours after we get home) we'll have to head back into town, another 45 minute drive, to pick Jay up from work. The icing on the cake will be the blood curdling screams coming from Caden's mouth that he has been acustom to doing lately.
I forsee this day as not being a good one....a perfect ending to a not-so-steller week.
Is that a bad attitude to have this early in the morning?

I wonder....

I wonder what Caden does in his room after I leave and it's time for 'night, night.'
Lately, it sounds as if he is tearing the place apart. He has been very eager and willing to go to bed and take naps lately...as soon as lunch is over he heads for his crib and does the same thing right after his bath. I think he is less in a hurry to go to bed and more in a hurry to have WWE wrestling tournaments in his crib with his stuffed animals. I really wish I had a video camera monitor. I think I would laugh and cringe at what he does in there after the lights go out.
He just went to bed with no complaints...but by the sound of it, his crib may not last much longer. Eeek. I wish this blog had an audio option...then you could laugh with me.

Merry Christmas

Two years ago this is what I gave Jay for Christmas.
How in the world am I going to top that!?
(Notice how tiny his instructor looks strapped to his back. Let's just say I wasn't too confident in his ability to save him in case of an emergency. HAHA!)

Once again, I Stole this Photo from Lance

After many hilarious, frustrating, hungry, sleepy and awesome hours in the studio, it is here. The genesischurch.tv band album, 'Holy'
It just needs to be sent off to be mastered and then it will be available to the public. I believe the official release date is December 2nd.
If you pick one up, listen for the faint sounds of the keys and synth in the background and think of me :)

Ga

Caden is a very smart boy, a very talented boy...I think he is incredibly gifted and passionate about music for such a young boy....but his lack of vocabulary is starting to get to me. I can only hear 'GA' so many times before I want to rip my ever-loving hair out.

He says dada, banana, something resembling 'all done', yes, uh-oh, yay and Nan...and he can also do animal sounds for cats, dogs, cows, ducks, dinosaurs, and chickens....but that's where it ends. Everything else is communicated with a 'ga' and a point...or he'll grab me by the hand and take me where he wants to go. He also uses objects to tell me what he wants. If he wants to go outside he grabs his shoes and socks, brings them to me and sits on the floor for me to put them on. If he wants to watch the Wiggles he'll grab his red chair and move it infront of the tv or he'll bring me the DVD with the remote and say, 'Ga.'

I've tried ignoring him until he says the word, but it just leads to frustrating and tears. After his nap I gave him a cup of milk and when he wanted more I wouldn't re-fill it until he said, 'more' so the boy has been pretty much milk-less all afternoon.

We read books everyday...he does watch TV but it's mostly educational and interactive....plus we are usually talking and playing the entire time a program is on. I'm constantly talking to him, rarely using baby-talk except for the word 'diapey' for diaper which I think is just fun and cute :) I thought that once the paci was gone he'd start talking like crazy but no such luck.

I know he is fine cognitively because he understands almost everything I say. He knows when it's time to go...he turns off the tv, grabs his shoes and usually the diaper bag and heads for the door....he can do karate on demand (anyone who has not seen this, check out the video on my page:)
He can hum a tune he has just heard almost to perfection...I know there's nothing wrong with him...I'm just so sick of 'ga's'. I really don't know what else to do to urge the speaking along....and if one more person tells me to just try talking to him regularly I'm going to punch them in the face...sorry if you gave me that advice..:)

So aside from, 'Try talking to him' if anyone has any advice or consolation, I would love to hear it.

Ga.

I wish I was a Morning Person

But I'm not. No matter how hard I try I can't pull it together for early mornings. I think if I had somewhere to be I would be more motivated to get up and get ready for the day but I can't motivate myself to start the day at 6am when I'm going to be spending the majority of the day at home.
Lucky for me, my husband usually lets me sleep in so he can spend some time one on one with Caden before he goes to work.
This morning Caden decided to wake up at 6 and I got up to get him. I sat there with him on the couch in the dark thinking, "Why did you do this to me Daylight Savings Time? We had a good thing going! He would sleep till almost 8am every morning and now he is all messed up! WHY DST WHY?"
But then he started running around, meowing at the cats, playing with his blocks and being so darn cute that I couldn't stay mad at the lack of light for long.
I'm not a morning person, but having a cute baby to play with at 6am makes 6am not seem not so bad.

Today

Today Amy is gone. I'm doing suprisingly well because I know she's coming back after Christmas so that gives me enough time to do some work around the house, organize a little bit, prep for Christmas and before I know it, she'll be here once more.
Lance was kind enough to drive us to the airport in Jacksonville last night. It was a fun road trip topped off by a smoking priest and dinner at Krystal Burger. Lance brought his video camera so we were able to capture both events for future entertainment.
Today I start a new regimine of healthy eating and exercise. I haven't gained any weight (which is crazy cause I've been eating s'mores everynight) but I still have a good 10-30 pounds to go until I'm where I want to be so we'll see how far I get before I throw my hands up and say, "I'm done!"
Well I should go. I have alot of cleaning to do today.

Music Memory Lane

Amy and I have been remembering the love songs, rap songs and power ballads from the late 90's early 2000's. During Caden's nap times we have been typing one song after another into youtube and cracking up laughing at the music we use to listen to. This motivated me to find the old CD binder from back in the day. I found a bunch of mixed mystery CD's and brought some with me in the car last night when I drove into town. There were many hidden gems like LIVE and Our Lady Peace. There were some bands that I cannot believe I actually liked...like Creed...what was I thinking?!?!?!

I found my Garth Brooks collection, some old school Canadian singers like Moist, Roch Voisine and Jann Arden...There was some heavier stuff like Rage Against the Machine...some country stuff like Dixie Chicks and Tim Mcgraw....ALOT of Elton John and Billy Joel....my two main men. It was a fun trip down memory lane that had just begun.

It's pretty crazy how music can take you back in time to people, places and moments that you had completely forgotten about. Lots of good memories flowed into my head yesterday. One of the CD's was a mix CD that a bunch of us made in highschool. We each picked a song to make a compelation that would forever remind us of eachother. My song was, 'Sweet Home Alabama' which is pretty funny for a girl who at the time had never been outside of Canada.
I was reminded of the girl I use to be and how she is so different yet exactly the same as the woman I've become.
Who knew so much depth could come from a home-made mized CD entitled, "Newspapers and Kitty Litter."

I'm Happy

I've determined that I am very, truly happy. I am overwhelmingly blessed. I have great relationships, an incredible family, a connection to God, health, enough money to pay the bills and to go out to dinner once or twice a month and peace of mind. For the past few days I have been taking advantage of opportunities to sit back and evaluate my life and I have come to the conclusion that it is good.
I am living my purpose for the time being, which is to be a full-time mom. Some people don't understand or respect this decision, but I am completely within God's will for my life and I have a peace and a joy about it.
I have a husband who follows God's directions for what a husband should be. I have a son that is healthy, dangerously cute, smart, talented and hilarious...and although I am surely biased, I am SO blessed to have him in my life.
I have good, deep seeded relationships with people who love me and build me up, not tear me down. I am a member of the most amazing church I have ever found that is not only purpose based, but purpose driven...to know Christ and make Him known. I leave changed everytime I step through the doors.
I have God-given gifts that I am able to use for His glory. I am a deep thinker and I have a deep rooted morality, instilled in me by my parents who were as close to perfect can be in raising me to fear God and love others.
Despite all of this, I mess up this thing called life regularly, but I have a peace in knowing that when I feel sorrow, shame or brokeness, Christ is in my life to uplift, forgive and restore me.
I am a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a friend and a child of God.
I am happy.

For Nan

This is a video for my mother, so I don't have to hear her say, "GET A VIDEO OF HIM SAYING NAN!" one more time.

What Daylight Savings Time Does to Babies

Before Daylight Savings Time:
12:00pm - Lunch
1:00pm - Nap

After Daylight Savings Time:
12:00pm - Lunch and Nap combined.

Update

Sorry it's been a while.
Jason's mother was here for a long weekend and we all had a fabulous time. Caden has a cold so he was a little bit crankier than usual...other than that we had alot of fun hanging out with Grandma. The only problem with visits is that they go by too quickly.
I had my first experience at Chuckee Cheese last night. Magical.
Although, the Tallahassee Chuckee Cheese is a little run down. We were one of the only people there and everything was either broken or looked a million years old. Just the same, it was really fun.
I am not a fan of the time change. I have never before felt so effected by daylight savings time. Caden is waking up at 6 instead of 7 and is one hour behind on the schedule which saddens me because we had such a good one going. I'm hoping to ease him back to his old routine, slowly but surely.
Today is the last day of Jay's vacation. It's been really nice having him around. Caden thinks his Dad is the coolest. He copies everything he does, right down to sneezing and blowing his nose. It's adorable.
The other day I used a boat load of chemicals outside to kill both insects and weeds. That night I woke up at 2am with crazy itchy feet which I thought was caused by an insect getting into the sheets. I was up all night scratching and went to Walmart the following day to get some insect bite cream. The next night I went to sleep and woke up an hour later with the same problem...intense itchy feet. I was up all night again and then got out of bed at 5:30 to get to church on time.
Like a zombie, I was sitting down watching Desperate Housewives Sunday night and I had on a long sleeve shirt...suddenly my elbows and hands starting itching like crazy! Jay's mom asked if I had been using any kind of chemicals that I could be having a reaction to and then the mystery was solved. Apparantly either the weed killer or the insect killer does not blend well with my chemical makeup.
I popped two benedryl and slept all through the night. Crazy.
Church on Sunday was amazing. Anyone who was there knows how incredibly powerful it was. Anyone who wasn't there NEEDS (not a request, a demand) to check out the message at www.genesischurch.tv. Click on Media and then scroll down to the last series called 'Grinds' and it's week 2. Amazing. I don't think I've ever heard such a raw and real message about pain and God's purpose for it. It seriously changed me.
Amy leaves soon...but that's another update for another time.

Yessssssh!

One of Caden's new favourite words.
I'm loving this age. With its intense tantrums and declarations of independence comes hilarious times and wonderous moments of learning and growing. He amazes me everyday with how much more he knows and how much more he's grown than the day before.
Amy has decided to stay for another 10 days. She'll be leaving on the 11th and will more than likely be returning in January. It's been really great having her here and I'm very excited that she'll be coming back.
Jay's mom is coming today which I am also excited about. Living so far away from family is difficult on everyone so it's great when we get to spend some much needed time together. There's nothing better than when the grandparents get to spend time loving on Caden. He is a blessed boy to have grandparents who dig him so much. He's just a tad bit spoiled but that's ok. That's what grandparents do best!
It's going to be a full house for a couple of days, just the way I like it! The more the merrier!