I was at one time in the not so distant past, addicted to diet pepsi. I still drink it from time to time, but have committed to not keeping it in the house except for special occasions. In substitution, I have become addicted to tea....all kinds of tea. Hot tea, chai tea, but most of all: Arizona diet green tea (sweetend with Splenda). I may turn into tea someday if I am not careful.
I'm at the coffee pub right now sipping a vanilla chai. This means of course that it is a baby school day for Caden. It's taken three weeks, but I can honestly say that I am not upset today. I am a little bored, cause I never know what to do with myself when he's not with me, but I am happy and content in knowing that he is just fine and I am happily bored. It's nice to be bored when your head is usually spinning around and around.
I like it here. It's one of my new favourite places.
What will today hold? I have no idea. There's nothing good playing at the dollar theatre and I have no money for shopping...perhaps I'll go to the book store and read books without buying them. Maybe I'll go for a walk around the lake...Maybe I'll go to the mall and people watch...Maybe I'll spend a dollar or two on an icecream...who knows. The day is young and so am I.
All I know if that even though it is election day, I won't be voting...cause I'm not legal to.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Monday, January 28, 2008
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Lazy Days
The past two days have been rather uneventful for both Caden and myself. Friday I felt as though I was getting sick. Saturday I woke up with every area between my ears and my chest burning like a wild fire.
Jay went to work and I began a long day of parenting from the couch. It's hard to take care of someone when all you want is to be taken care of yourself.
Around 10:30 I looked at Caden and knew he wasn't feeling good. He gets crazy dark circles under his eyes when he feels poorly. I felt his head and he was very hot so I took his temperature (as best I could) and it came out to somewhere in the 103's. I wasn't too alarmed, because when Caden gets a fever it's always through the roof and he recovers quickly. Since Jay had taken the car to work, I called Britt and she graciously came to the rescue with children's Tylenol. Yay Britt.
He went to sleep two hours earlier than he usually does and I got this crazy burst of energy and cleaned the fridge, the microwave and the pantry...then I shopped online for baby shower stuff, went through the food and created a two week menu with a grocery list to match and realizing too late that I had done way too much, I crashed on the couch just in time to hear Mr. Caden stirring in his room, ready to get up.
Yesterday was a long day.
I decided we would not be going to church in the morning which made me very sad because I missed last week while we were in St. Augustine...but I couldn't in good conscience bring a feverish baby to the toddler room and let him infect all the other kiddos.
Jay went to a fitness fair at the civic centre yesterday where he had a booth set up. He had to leave the house at 5am in order to get everything there and ready on time so by the time he got home at 7 he was more than pooped.
Caden went to bed at 8 and Jay and I went to bed at 8:30. Party animals.
I took some night time cold medicine and a zycam before turning in...I should have known better because I am super sensitive to medication and ended up sleeping until 10:30 this morning. Luckily, Jay took notice of my comatose state and got up with the baby.
After a 14 hour sleep, my bug seems to be gone. I'm groggy from the medicine and will probably be till tomorrow but I am feeling pretty good other than that.
Caden is confusing me, going back and forth from happy and jumping to sickly and sleepy. I think he may have an ear infection. I wish there was a way I could know ths before spending 20 bucks to have someone say, "It's a bug. Just wait it out." I've tried looking in there...I even tried sniffing it...it works to find out whether Dakota has one or not so I thought, why not?
Caden looked confused.
Hopefully tomorrow will get us out of the house....at least I hope so. I'm starting to get cabin fever.
Jay went to work and I began a long day of parenting from the couch. It's hard to take care of someone when all you want is to be taken care of yourself.
Around 10:30 I looked at Caden and knew he wasn't feeling good. He gets crazy dark circles under his eyes when he feels poorly. I felt his head and he was very hot so I took his temperature (as best I could) and it came out to somewhere in the 103's. I wasn't too alarmed, because when Caden gets a fever it's always through the roof and he recovers quickly. Since Jay had taken the car to work, I called Britt and she graciously came to the rescue with children's Tylenol. Yay Britt.
He went to sleep two hours earlier than he usually does and I got this crazy burst of energy and cleaned the fridge, the microwave and the pantry...then I shopped online for baby shower stuff, went through the food and created a two week menu with a grocery list to match and realizing too late that I had done way too much, I crashed on the couch just in time to hear Mr. Caden stirring in his room, ready to get up.
Yesterday was a long day.
I decided we would not be going to church in the morning which made me very sad because I missed last week while we were in St. Augustine...but I couldn't in good conscience bring a feverish baby to the toddler room and let him infect all the other kiddos.
Jay went to a fitness fair at the civic centre yesterday where he had a booth set up. He had to leave the house at 5am in order to get everything there and ready on time so by the time he got home at 7 he was more than pooped.
Caden went to bed at 8 and Jay and I went to bed at 8:30. Party animals.
I took some night time cold medicine and a zycam before turning in...I should have known better because I am super sensitive to medication and ended up sleeping until 10:30 this morning. Luckily, Jay took notice of my comatose state and got up with the baby.
After a 14 hour sleep, my bug seems to be gone. I'm groggy from the medicine and will probably be till tomorrow but I am feeling pretty good other than that.
Caden is confusing me, going back and forth from happy and jumping to sickly and sleepy. I think he may have an ear infection. I wish there was a way I could know ths before spending 20 bucks to have someone say, "It's a bug. Just wait it out." I've tried looking in there...I even tried sniffing it...it works to find out whether Dakota has one or not so I thought, why not?
Caden looked confused.
Hopefully tomorrow will get us out of the house....at least I hope so. I'm starting to get cabin fever.
Friday, January 25, 2008
I can feel it
I'm getting sick.
It started last night with a cough. I don't think I've ever had a sickness start this way...my lungs are one of the only parts of me that work properly but for the past 24 hours I've been feeling as though I breathed in the pool water. That's the only way I can describe it.
Within the last 3 hours it has gone from just a cough to a sore throat, throbbing ears and a drippy nose. Darn you Florida and your barametric ups and downs.
I've written 3 articles that I am going to send out to various magazines in search of someone who is interested in buying them. It would be the perfect opportunity to earn cash while being with Caden. I really feel driven in this direction...like something great is going to happen from this. I believe God has sent enough people into my life encouraging me to write that it can't be for nothing. We'll see what happens. I'm excited though, very excited. I would love to have my time with Caden, earn extra income and have something for myself all at the same time. I get exciting thinking about having projects and deadlines. Any working person is probably shuttering at my desires but I've been flying by the seat of my pants for 2.5 years and am longing for some structure. If you're a praying person, please whisper one now on my behalf.
One prayer for a paid writing opportunity, another prayer for the sickness I am feeling...but if you only have time to pray for one don't worry. Most cold's go away on their own.
It started last night with a cough. I don't think I've ever had a sickness start this way...my lungs are one of the only parts of me that work properly but for the past 24 hours I've been feeling as though I breathed in the pool water. That's the only way I can describe it.
Within the last 3 hours it has gone from just a cough to a sore throat, throbbing ears and a drippy nose. Darn you Florida and your barametric ups and downs.
I've written 3 articles that I am going to send out to various magazines in search of someone who is interested in buying them. It would be the perfect opportunity to earn cash while being with Caden. I really feel driven in this direction...like something great is going to happen from this. I believe God has sent enough people into my life encouraging me to write that it can't be for nothing. We'll see what happens. I'm excited though, very excited. I would love to have my time with Caden, earn extra income and have something for myself all at the same time. I get exciting thinking about having projects and deadlines. Any working person is probably shuttering at my desires but I've been flying by the seat of my pants for 2.5 years and am longing for some structure. If you're a praying person, please whisper one now on my behalf.
One prayer for a paid writing opportunity, another prayer for the sickness I am feeling...but if you only have time to pray for one don't worry. Most cold's go away on their own.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Part 2
I dropped Caden off today for his second day of 'baby school'.
He kept saying "School?" all morning in anticipation. He seemed great right up until I walked away...then he went ballistic...but I feel much better this time than last. Before, I cried non-stop and felt like a huge jerk. Today, I have not yet cried and only feel like a little bit of a jerk. Huge improvement.
Caden has been repeating us a lot and wanting to know the names of everything. He also calls Jay and I, 'Mama' and 'Dada' but in a french type of accent...like 'MeMA!'....I can't get the hilarity across in a blog entry but it's pretty funny. I'm not sure why he does it, but he does it, consistently. Makes us laugh alot.
I am always searching for a way to have 'me time' but when I get it I have no idea what to do with it. I feel like I should be chasing someone, wipping a nose or whispering, 'Stop yelling or you're going in time out!' Into a little ear a public place...but I'm trying to enjoy the sights, sounds, smells and quaintness of my new favourite place, The Coffee Pub. I may go see a dollar movie if there is anything good playing. Who knows! I certainly don't. I think I need to find a good book to read...I usually don't get an opportunity to read but now I have all the time in the world. Or at least 6 hours a week.
I have been a touch homesick lately. I think I'll always have a tinge of homesickness...a longing for the beauty and simplicity of the land from whence I came...but lately I've been itching to get back there...to see the mountainous cliffs and enjoy the company of my family in a town with no traffic lights, no walmart, no fast food chains, no distractions...where a moose could potentially greet you in your driveway and where the wind cuts through your face like a knife...well, I miss everything except the weather.
Perhaps this is just me getting anxious about the fact that my mother and sister are coming to visit within the next 2 months. Perhaps it is from the Irish store that jay and I went into in St. Augustine, where celtic ballads were blasting over the stereo reminding me of home.
Either way I miss Newfoundland today. I miss her everyday, but today a little more than yesterday.
He kept saying "School?" all morning in anticipation. He seemed great right up until I walked away...then he went ballistic...but I feel much better this time than last. Before, I cried non-stop and felt like a huge jerk. Today, I have not yet cried and only feel like a little bit of a jerk. Huge improvement.
Caden has been repeating us a lot and wanting to know the names of everything. He also calls Jay and I, 'Mama' and 'Dada' but in a french type of accent...like 'MeMA!'....I can't get the hilarity across in a blog entry but it's pretty funny. I'm not sure why he does it, but he does it, consistently. Makes us laugh alot.
I am always searching for a way to have 'me time' but when I get it I have no idea what to do with it. I feel like I should be chasing someone, wipping a nose or whispering, 'Stop yelling or you're going in time out!' Into a little ear a public place...but I'm trying to enjoy the sights, sounds, smells and quaintness of my new favourite place, The Coffee Pub. I may go see a dollar movie if there is anything good playing. Who knows! I certainly don't. I think I need to find a good book to read...I usually don't get an opportunity to read but now I have all the time in the world. Or at least 6 hours a week.
I have been a touch homesick lately. I think I'll always have a tinge of homesickness...a longing for the beauty and simplicity of the land from whence I came...but lately I've been itching to get back there...to see the mountainous cliffs and enjoy the company of my family in a town with no traffic lights, no walmart, no fast food chains, no distractions...where a moose could potentially greet you in your driveway and where the wind cuts through your face like a knife...well, I miss everything except the weather.
Perhaps this is just me getting anxious about the fact that my mother and sister are coming to visit within the next 2 months. Perhaps it is from the Irish store that jay and I went into in St. Augustine, where celtic ballads were blasting over the stereo reminding me of home.
Either way I miss Newfoundland today. I miss her everyday, but today a little more than yesterday.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Our trip to St. Augustine
It was hard to leave this little monkey behind
Luckily Britt took great care of him...and his new 'gawg'
Jay's birthday cake!
Of course we had to hit the Krystal Burger on the way...I loves me some tiny burgers!
Chillin at the Holiday Inn.
Going out to dinner
Downtown St. Augustine
Michael Jordan!
Enjoying the scenery
Jay trying to fire a canon outside of the Castille de Sans Marco...I think that's how you pronounce it.
Maybe this is how you use it?
It was a bit windy...
...and suprisingly cold!
Jumping to keep warm
Taking in the sights
Finding shelter from the cold
These things are heavy!
Jay and yet another canon
I hope this doesn't go off anytime soon...
Messing around on the drive home
On the way home after a fun and relaxing 24 hour vacation
Luckily Britt took great care of him...and his new 'gawg'
Jay's birthday cake!
Of course we had to hit the Krystal Burger on the way...I loves me some tiny burgers!
Chillin at the Holiday Inn.
Going out to dinner
Downtown St. Augustine
Michael Jordan!
Enjoying the scenery
Jay trying to fire a canon outside of the Castille de Sans Marco...I think that's how you pronounce it.
Maybe this is how you use it?
It was a bit windy...
...and suprisingly cold!
Jumping to keep warm
Taking in the sights
Finding shelter from the cold
These things are heavy!
Jay and yet another canon
I hope this doesn't go off anytime soon...
Messing around on the drive home
On the way home after a fun and relaxing 24 hour vacation
Saturday, January 19, 2008
The Big 30
Happy Birthday Jay! Today you are a third of the way to 90...I hope that I look as good as you when I turn 30...many, many years from now.
i love you more than chocolate soup. Happy Birthday
Friday, January 18, 2008
Randoms
Travelling Band
'Time for my favourite snack. GRAPES!'
'Hmm, which one do I want?'
'Mmmmmmm...'
'i LOVE grapes!'
Caden can spend upwards of 30 minutes taking clothes out of his laundry basket...
...and putting clothes into the basket...
...and 'folding' the clothes. All the while humming, 'Clean up, Clean up.'
Big, strong man and his kitty...Jay loves Sammy
Listening to Brooke Fraser on Daddy's Ipod
Singing along
'What are you lookin at?'
I think the laundry situation has gotten out of control...
'Time for my favourite snack. GRAPES!'
'Hmm, which one do I want?'
'Mmmmmmm...'
'i LOVE grapes!'
Caden can spend upwards of 30 minutes taking clothes out of his laundry basket...
...and putting clothes into the basket...
...and 'folding' the clothes. All the while humming, 'Clean up, Clean up.'
Big, strong man and his kitty...Jay loves Sammy
Listening to Brooke Fraser on Daddy's Ipod
Singing along
'What are you lookin at?'
I think the laundry situation has gotten out of control...
Thursday, January 17, 2008
The Dog is Sleepy
She is unable to sleep because I am sitting on the couch, where she normally stretches out. I am once again awake while the rest of the world sleeps...why can't I just go to sleep when I'm tired? I've been working hard all day. Cleaning, playing, cooking, tickling, spinning and dancing in an effort to make a toddler laugh...When Caden went to bed I collapsed on the couch completely exhausted...i watched a little tv, got on my pjs, lay in bed and now i'm back on the couch.
I've always been a night person. For some reason I have to stay up and completely exhaust myself mentally before I can go to sleep. There are just too many thoughts swirling around in my head to shut down rapidly. It's a process for me.
My husband can shut down in about 2 minutes. He can literally go from awake and talking to a solid REM sleep in 120 seconds. It's irritating to say the least.
I don't necessarily stress about anything in particular...I don't always think about anything life changing or deep...I just think. About people, places and things. Apparantly I think about nouns. Nouns stop me from sleeping.
Nouns also stop Dakota from sleeping...because the computer and I are interfering with her precious doggy slumber. Poor Dakota.
I brought her to get shaved today and totally forgot to pick her up. Luckily I remembered 10 minutes after the groomers closed and they very kindly stayed open till I got there. I just made dog lovers everywhere cringe. I use to be a good doggy mother...than I became a human mother and my life has been one scatter brained episode after another ever since.
So I'm seriously considering doing some freelance writing...i'll be sure not to do so at this hour because my thoughts come out very jumbled and uninteresting. We'll see what happens.
Alright...I'll let Dakota sleep now.
Night, Night.
I've always been a night person. For some reason I have to stay up and completely exhaust myself mentally before I can go to sleep. There are just too many thoughts swirling around in my head to shut down rapidly. It's a process for me.
My husband can shut down in about 2 minutes. He can literally go from awake and talking to a solid REM sleep in 120 seconds. It's irritating to say the least.
I don't necessarily stress about anything in particular...I don't always think about anything life changing or deep...I just think. About people, places and things. Apparantly I think about nouns. Nouns stop me from sleeping.
Nouns also stop Dakota from sleeping...because the computer and I are interfering with her precious doggy slumber. Poor Dakota.
I brought her to get shaved today and totally forgot to pick her up. Luckily I remembered 10 minutes after the groomers closed and they very kindly stayed open till I got there. I just made dog lovers everywhere cringe. I use to be a good doggy mother...than I became a human mother and my life has been one scatter brained episode after another ever since.
So I'm seriously considering doing some freelance writing...i'll be sure not to do so at this hour because my thoughts come out very jumbled and uninteresting. We'll see what happens.
Alright...I'll let Dakota sleep now.
Night, Night.
Bono
I stole this from Desmond because it gave me goosebumps like I haven't felt in quite sometime.
This is Bono's acceptance speech at the NAACP awards.
Enjoy your goosebumps!
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
So....
It went well!
Creating an ulcer in my stomach was unnecessary.
Can't chat long...cause little boy has decided to wake from his nap early...but we got to babyschool at 7am and after a nice chat with the owner, Caden and I sat at the kiddie table to eat breakfast. He was doing great but he seemed to notice that the other children's parents were dropping their kids off and leaving...then it clicked...this wasn't just breakfast with mommy!
So he started to get whiney, and wanted to be held...and I knew I was just delaying the inevidable....so I handed him off to his teacher and as he reached for me and wailed, 'MAMA!' I walked out the door.
I cried like a crazy person the whole way home but even though I felt sad and a little bit like a jerk I knew it was right.
I called an hour later and the first thing I heard was him wailing on the other end of the phone but it was just a momentary squeal. Apparantly he was doing well but the other kids were making him a little nervous.
They said he was fine and I felt a bit better.
I went back to get him at 1 where I found him hanging with his teacher in the main room while the other kids napped in their classroom. Apparantly he refused to nap and was making the other kids want to revolt so they let him hang with the adults instead. They told me he was hilarious. That he played and interacted and pretended to talk on the phone...just like he does at home.
When he saw me he said, "YAY!" and ran to me. He seemed happy and content.
All in all, good first time. I think it went as well as it could have and I feel a million times better about it.
Phew! One parental trial down, 1,000,000,000,000,000 to go.
Creating an ulcer in my stomach was unnecessary.
Can't chat long...cause little boy has decided to wake from his nap early...but we got to babyschool at 7am and after a nice chat with the owner, Caden and I sat at the kiddie table to eat breakfast. He was doing great but he seemed to notice that the other children's parents were dropping their kids off and leaving...then it clicked...this wasn't just breakfast with mommy!
So he started to get whiney, and wanted to be held...and I knew I was just delaying the inevidable....so I handed him off to his teacher and as he reached for me and wailed, 'MAMA!' I walked out the door.
I cried like a crazy person the whole way home but even though I felt sad and a little bit like a jerk I knew it was right.
I called an hour later and the first thing I heard was him wailing on the other end of the phone but it was just a momentary squeal. Apparantly he was doing well but the other kids were making him a little nervous.
They said he was fine and I felt a bit better.
I went back to get him at 1 where I found him hanging with his teacher in the main room while the other kids napped in their classroom. Apparantly he refused to nap and was making the other kids want to revolt so they let him hang with the adults instead. They told me he was hilarious. That he played and interacted and pretended to talk on the phone...just like he does at home.
When he saw me he said, "YAY!" and ran to me. He seemed happy and content.
All in all, good first time. I think it went as well as it could have and I feel a million times better about it.
Phew! One parental trial down, 1,000,000,000,000,000 to go.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
It's Midnight
I'm getting to a point where it's very difficult to fall asleep. Maybe it's because we need a new mattress. Maybe it's because I'm a 'night person'. I wish I was a morning person. They seem to get more accomplished.
Thanks to multi-grain bagels, turkey bacon, diet green tea and exercise tension bands, I have lost my holiday weight and am back to where I started prior to December...so of course tonight Jay and I shared a pint of Ben and Jerry's in victory of that. It's an endless cycle. Haha.
Church this morning was good. Tiring, but good. I got Caden up at 6:20 to leave for church and he opened his eyes, stretched and said, "Yay."
I said something entirely different when my alarm went off at 5:15.
We all drove into church. I went and helped set up the stage. Jay and Caden went to the Village Inn for some breakfast. It's become their Sunday ritual. They've become 'regulars'.
My mom is coming in 6 weeks and I can hardly stand the wait. This summer she came and stayed for only 6 days which was too short. We didn't even have time to get sick of eachother! :) I can honestly say that August was the first time I've cried for my Mommy since the 5th grade...and I continued crying for a few days after she had left. It was a difficult parting.
But THIS time she'll be here for more than two weeks! Which is good. Very good. I'm So excited. Did I already say that?
I think Tuesday will be Caden's first day of 'baby school'...if I work up the courage between now and then. I'm petrified. The director suggested I come early, between 6:30 and 7:45 when the little ones are having breakfast. That way I can sit with him while he eats and when he goes off to his classroom I can leave. But I can't help but wonder if it's the right thing to do. What if he thinks I've abandoned him? These people are going to be complete strangers to him...but I know that if I stick around any longer than that I will be a distraction to the other kids and the program. So the director said that I can stay as long as I want and watch him through the classroom window but I don't think I can...cause I know he's going to go crazy when I leave. I've never done this before. Is it right to drop your kid off and just leave even when he doesn't know anyone? It might be...I just have no idea. I keep telling Jay that I am afraid I am going to traumatize him. Jay thinks that leaving him at home for 2 days alone with no food is traumatizing..not bringing him to a place with singing, playing, swings, slides and other children. I suppose he's right. I just have this unrest in me...I'm dreading it. I don't know if it's the kind of feeling that I am suppose to listen to or if it's the kind I am suppose to work past. Everyone seems to think it is the right decision but I don't know. It's Midnight.
Thanks to multi-grain bagels, turkey bacon, diet green tea and exercise tension bands, I have lost my holiday weight and am back to where I started prior to December...so of course tonight Jay and I shared a pint of Ben and Jerry's in victory of that. It's an endless cycle. Haha.
Church this morning was good. Tiring, but good. I got Caden up at 6:20 to leave for church and he opened his eyes, stretched and said, "Yay."
I said something entirely different when my alarm went off at 5:15.
We all drove into church. I went and helped set up the stage. Jay and Caden went to the Village Inn for some breakfast. It's become their Sunday ritual. They've become 'regulars'.
My mom is coming in 6 weeks and I can hardly stand the wait. This summer she came and stayed for only 6 days which was too short. We didn't even have time to get sick of eachother! :) I can honestly say that August was the first time I've cried for my Mommy since the 5th grade...and I continued crying for a few days after she had left. It was a difficult parting.
But THIS time she'll be here for more than two weeks! Which is good. Very good. I'm So excited. Did I already say that?
I think Tuesday will be Caden's first day of 'baby school'...if I work up the courage between now and then. I'm petrified. The director suggested I come early, between 6:30 and 7:45 when the little ones are having breakfast. That way I can sit with him while he eats and when he goes off to his classroom I can leave. But I can't help but wonder if it's the right thing to do. What if he thinks I've abandoned him? These people are going to be complete strangers to him...but I know that if I stick around any longer than that I will be a distraction to the other kids and the program. So the director said that I can stay as long as I want and watch him through the classroom window but I don't think I can...cause I know he's going to go crazy when I leave. I've never done this before. Is it right to drop your kid off and just leave even when he doesn't know anyone? It might be...I just have no idea. I keep telling Jay that I am afraid I am going to traumatize him. Jay thinks that leaving him at home for 2 days alone with no food is traumatizing..not bringing him to a place with singing, playing, swings, slides and other children. I suppose he's right. I just have this unrest in me...I'm dreading it. I don't know if it's the kind of feeling that I am suppose to listen to or if it's the kind I am suppose to work past. Everyone seems to think it is the right decision but I don't know. It's Midnight.
Friday, January 11, 2008
The Glass is Half....Wait, Where's the Glass?
I'm not quite sure how I can be bored yet extremely busy, lonely yet never alone, depressed yet living a dream, wanting more while being completely fulfilled. Being a stay at home mom in a foreign country has really opened my eyes to depending on God for EVERYTHING. For patience, for energy, for sanity...I love my Son to the max. I had no idea what motherhood would bring with it. I'm growing, I'm changing, I'm adapting and I'm stronger and better for it. Still there are days when I wonder why God saw me as fit to handle one of his own. Caden is a hand full, as most toddlers are. I'm not going to sit here and say he is any worse or better behaved than any other 2 year old, but with a temper the size of the state of Florida, a smart and sharp mind but no vocabulary (or desire to have one) to express what he wants, feels or needs, everyday is more than interesting.
I have never before experienced the range of emotions that come from being a stay at home mother. It is by far the hardest job I have ever had....and I use to work night shifts at a fish plant in Newfoundland...this is much harder, but I am thankful that at the end of the day I smell better now than I did then.
On any given day in the range of 5 seconds I can go from tearing my hair out in frustration to laughing hysterically in a tickle fight. It's bizarre.
I was telling Jay the other day that every bone in my body wants to be home with Caden, yet every bone in my body craves having something for me...a job that I can go to and dress up for and interact with other adults...a reason to get out of my black jogging pants and slap some make up on. Does that make sense? He didn't think so either :) How can someone literally want two things at once?
I am completely thankful for my life. I am blessed to have the ability to stay home. We always have what we need...and as I told my friend Stephanie the other day, it may come from Family Dollar or the Goodwill, but we always have what we need. And I'm that type of girl. I'm a simple, small town girl who doesn't need much material stuff to be happy. Most girls would fall over and die at what my closet has to offer...they wouldn't die happy mind you. Most of it came from the Goodwill, one shirt even turns my skin blue everytime I wear it...but I'm cool with that.
I am very thankful for my life, my family and my situation but I'm learning that most things in life come by sacrificing something else and what you get may or may not be the greenest side, but it's the piece of land you've chosen, regardless.
By staying home I get the satisfaction of knowing my son is focused on all day..being read to and played with and loved by the person who loves him most, moi. But I sacrifice alot of my individuality...a potential career, extra income, the ability to drive long distances without listening to the doodlebops. It can get tedious...but the experiences I have with Caden in the midst of poopy diapers and temper tantrums and dirty fingers all over my clean clothes when I'm about to go out the door, are priceless. This side is pretty darn green, even though it's hard as heck.
My husband has to work long hours, most days of the week either in the store or on the phone from home on his days off. I'm hoping there's a greener side for him someday. He deserves it. But hey, he has a job and he is awesome at it. Having worked with the homeless I can more than praise God for his skills, his drive and his job...even if it's retail.
I love our house. It's perfect for us. It's way the heck out in the middle of no where and one can feel very isolated out in the country with a youngin. But we're proud to own a piece of dirt...even if it's attached to a dirt road.
I love my church, my friends and the life we've made here...but it is far from loved ones who are missing out on Caden's childhood and that hurts daily. What I would give to have my family within the same nation as me. This is a scenerio in which I have to ask others to make sacrifices for themselves on our behalf...to love a grandson and nephew from a nation away and they've never made me feel guilty about it even though I know deep down they wish it wasn't so. Sacrifices.
On one hand we're a one income, lower level middle class, semi-immigrant family who work long hard hours, seeming never to get ahead.
On the other hand we are a husband, wife and beautiful child who are able to pay the bills and love eachother beyond measure. We are able to raise our child the way we choose in a nation where we're free to worship God and be together.
I guess it's all in how you look at it.
I have never before experienced the range of emotions that come from being a stay at home mother. It is by far the hardest job I have ever had....and I use to work night shifts at a fish plant in Newfoundland...this is much harder, but I am thankful that at the end of the day I smell better now than I did then.
On any given day in the range of 5 seconds I can go from tearing my hair out in frustration to laughing hysterically in a tickle fight. It's bizarre.
I was telling Jay the other day that every bone in my body wants to be home with Caden, yet every bone in my body craves having something for me...a job that I can go to and dress up for and interact with other adults...a reason to get out of my black jogging pants and slap some make up on. Does that make sense? He didn't think so either :) How can someone literally want two things at once?
I am completely thankful for my life. I am blessed to have the ability to stay home. We always have what we need...and as I told my friend Stephanie the other day, it may come from Family Dollar or the Goodwill, but we always have what we need. And I'm that type of girl. I'm a simple, small town girl who doesn't need much material stuff to be happy. Most girls would fall over and die at what my closet has to offer...they wouldn't die happy mind you. Most of it came from the Goodwill, one shirt even turns my skin blue everytime I wear it...but I'm cool with that.
I am very thankful for my life, my family and my situation but I'm learning that most things in life come by sacrificing something else and what you get may or may not be the greenest side, but it's the piece of land you've chosen, regardless.
By staying home I get the satisfaction of knowing my son is focused on all day..being read to and played with and loved by the person who loves him most, moi. But I sacrifice alot of my individuality...a potential career, extra income, the ability to drive long distances without listening to the doodlebops. It can get tedious...but the experiences I have with Caden in the midst of poopy diapers and temper tantrums and dirty fingers all over my clean clothes when I'm about to go out the door, are priceless. This side is pretty darn green, even though it's hard as heck.
My husband has to work long hours, most days of the week either in the store or on the phone from home on his days off. I'm hoping there's a greener side for him someday. He deserves it. But hey, he has a job and he is awesome at it. Having worked with the homeless I can more than praise God for his skills, his drive and his job...even if it's retail.
I love our house. It's perfect for us. It's way the heck out in the middle of no where and one can feel very isolated out in the country with a youngin. But we're proud to own a piece of dirt...even if it's attached to a dirt road.
I love my church, my friends and the life we've made here...but it is far from loved ones who are missing out on Caden's childhood and that hurts daily. What I would give to have my family within the same nation as me. This is a scenerio in which I have to ask others to make sacrifices for themselves on our behalf...to love a grandson and nephew from a nation away and they've never made me feel guilty about it even though I know deep down they wish it wasn't so. Sacrifices.
On one hand we're a one income, lower level middle class, semi-immigrant family who work long hard hours, seeming never to get ahead.
On the other hand we are a husband, wife and beautiful child who are able to pay the bills and love eachother beyond measure. We are able to raise our child the way we choose in a nation where we're free to worship God and be together.
I guess it's all in how you look at it.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
The Terrible Twos
My son has turned into a little savage monkey...otherwise known as a toddler.
The tantrums are endless..and pointless. The two worst are when the throw pillows won't stack and when he can't get the cottonballs back into the ziplock bag he took them out of. Two things totally worth loosing ones religion over (insert sarcasm).
He is precious. I love him. He makes me laugh much more than he makes me cry.
This too shall pass.
The tantrums are endless..and pointless. The two worst are when the throw pillows won't stack and when he can't get the cottonballs back into the ziplock bag he took them out of. Two things totally worth loosing ones religion over (insert sarcasm).
He is precious. I love him. He makes me laugh much more than he makes me cry.
This too shall pass.
Saturday, January 05, 2008
I don't know how I feel about them.
(Let me preface this blog entry by saying that I wrote it on Saturday night and saved it as a draft...then the message on Sunday cleared things up for me...I'll let you know when the text changes from Saturday night's ramblings to Sunday night's ramblings :)
Saturday Night:
I don't know how I feel about the radical Christian groups who stand by the side of the road with signs about heaven, hell, salvation and damnation.
On one hand I figure they are telling more people about Jesus than I am in the run of a day. Generally what they are saying is true...it's just hard to explain the full extent of Jesus on one sheet of poster board.
On the other hand, my usual gut reaction when I see these people is to roll my eyes and ache with embarassment. I want to be proud to be called a follower of Christ, but the word 'Christian' has such a negative stereotype, especially in the southern United States. I fear that 'Christians' are coming across as Jesus lovin, bible thumpin, gay hatin, potluck eatin, money houndin, hypocrits who say one thing and live another. I hate that.
When a rapper accepts an award for a single in which he talks about killing and raping, in a video that shows half naked women and money falling all around him...and then says, "I want to thank my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for making this possible." I cringe. I'm embarassed for myself. I'm embarassed for Jesus.
Sunday Night:
This morning Pastor Brian gave us the challenge to find 7 people who don't know Christ and create deep, real, loving relationships with them so that they can get an introduction to Jesus by a person they know and trust. I think this is the face of evangelism. It has to be about relationship.
I once heard someone say that we need to scare people into accepting Christ because people are dying and going to hell while we're wasting time trying to build relationships.
I couldn't disagree more.
How in the world can I ask someone to give up themselves, live their lives for a Being they can't see in the physical, expect them to believe a far fetched story about a virgin becoming impregnated by a ghost and then delivering the Savior of the world, with a pamphlet and 30 seconds to spare? They need to know me. They need to trust me. They need to see Christ in my life and be drawn to His power. Otherwise, I am coming across as a judgemental lunatic, who doesn't care about the person...only about being right. I think this detrimental to the faith, not 'wasting time building relationships.'
I'm excited about my 7. I have only thought of 2, but I'll think of more during my closet time tomorrow. I'm excited about how God is going to use me. I am intimidated by this task because it means putting myself out there...taking someone under my wing without them even knowing it...which means I have to be worthy of that. I need to know my stuff. I need to know why I believe what I believe...teaching without knowing is damaging.
We need to be educated on our faith...we need to know how scripture is applicable in a really big, messed up, 2008 world where Christianity has been given a bad name. Where it's ok to believe in a vague superior being and to be 'spiritual' but it's not ok to profess Christ as truth or to help people see the path to Heaven without coming across as ignorant and judgemental.
In a perfect world people would see our attempts of sharing the gospel as acts of love...not acts of judgement in an attempt to be right and superior. But it's not a perfect world, and like it or not the word 'Christian' has been damaged to the point that it is not a good representation of God's people anymore.
We need to try our hardest to undo the damage that's been done...to be authentic and real...to invest time into people, all types of people.
So I guess the title of this blog is no longer true.
I do know how I feel about them.
I feel like they are doing what they think is effective...I, personally, don't think that it is. But most of us do what we've been taught...and when our intentions are good we do the best with what we have. Even if what we have is tainted or off.
The majority of people who accept Christ and walk away do so within the first 48 hours of their Salvation moment.
Scary.
Make a friend. Love them to Christ.
Saturday Night:
I don't know how I feel about the radical Christian groups who stand by the side of the road with signs about heaven, hell, salvation and damnation.
On one hand I figure they are telling more people about Jesus than I am in the run of a day. Generally what they are saying is true...it's just hard to explain the full extent of Jesus on one sheet of poster board.
On the other hand, my usual gut reaction when I see these people is to roll my eyes and ache with embarassment. I want to be proud to be called a follower of Christ, but the word 'Christian' has such a negative stereotype, especially in the southern United States. I fear that 'Christians' are coming across as Jesus lovin, bible thumpin, gay hatin, potluck eatin, money houndin, hypocrits who say one thing and live another. I hate that.
When a rapper accepts an award for a single in which he talks about killing and raping, in a video that shows half naked women and money falling all around him...and then says, "I want to thank my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for making this possible." I cringe. I'm embarassed for myself. I'm embarassed for Jesus.
Sunday Night:
This morning Pastor Brian gave us the challenge to find 7 people who don't know Christ and create deep, real, loving relationships with them so that they can get an introduction to Jesus by a person they know and trust. I think this is the face of evangelism. It has to be about relationship.
I once heard someone say that we need to scare people into accepting Christ because people are dying and going to hell while we're wasting time trying to build relationships.
I couldn't disagree more.
How in the world can I ask someone to give up themselves, live their lives for a Being they can't see in the physical, expect them to believe a far fetched story about a virgin becoming impregnated by a ghost and then delivering the Savior of the world, with a pamphlet and 30 seconds to spare? They need to know me. They need to trust me. They need to see Christ in my life and be drawn to His power. Otherwise, I am coming across as a judgemental lunatic, who doesn't care about the person...only about being right. I think this detrimental to the faith, not 'wasting time building relationships.'
I'm excited about my 7. I have only thought of 2, but I'll think of more during my closet time tomorrow. I'm excited about how God is going to use me. I am intimidated by this task because it means putting myself out there...taking someone under my wing without them even knowing it...which means I have to be worthy of that. I need to know my stuff. I need to know why I believe what I believe...teaching without knowing is damaging.
We need to be educated on our faith...we need to know how scripture is applicable in a really big, messed up, 2008 world where Christianity has been given a bad name. Where it's ok to believe in a vague superior being and to be 'spiritual' but it's not ok to profess Christ as truth or to help people see the path to Heaven without coming across as ignorant and judgemental.
In a perfect world people would see our attempts of sharing the gospel as acts of love...not acts of judgement in an attempt to be right and superior. But it's not a perfect world, and like it or not the word 'Christian' has been damaged to the point that it is not a good representation of God's people anymore.
We need to try our hardest to undo the damage that's been done...to be authentic and real...to invest time into people, all types of people.
So I guess the title of this blog is no longer true.
I do know how I feel about them.
I feel like they are doing what they think is effective...I, personally, don't think that it is. But most of us do what we've been taught...and when our intentions are good we do the best with what we have. Even if what we have is tainted or off.
The majority of people who accept Christ and walk away do so within the first 48 hours of their Salvation moment.
Scary.
Make a friend. Love them to Christ.
Friday, January 04, 2008
There's a Lizard in the Dishwasher
I'm not kidding.
Also, while I was driving through Crawfordville, I had to brake for a pig. I thought it was a dog, but then saw that it was pink with a curly tail.
Where on earth have I found myself?
Also, while I was driving through Crawfordville, I had to brake for a pig. I thought it was a dog, but then saw that it was pink with a curly tail.
Where on earth have I found myself?
Thursday, January 03, 2008
The time has come the walrus said...
I can never remember the rest of that rhyme.
The time HAS just about come for Caden to start going to baby school. I wasn't exactly sure when I was going to start putting Caden in baby school, but I think there's no better time than the present. He needs to start socializing with other kids...he needs to know that he can survive without me...i need to know that he can survive without me :) It is the right decision.
I know this is going to be a hard adjustment for both of us. Caden is a very emotional and temperamental child. He has been use to things his way ever since he was born. His house, his bed, his chair, his toys...not having to share or get use to new places or new things. We stopped in to check out a daycare today that is beautifully kept, very organized and really the perfect fit from what I can see. Great price and great location. I tried to get Caden to go into the 2 year old room and play with the other kids. This lasted 30 seconds (if that) ending with him screaming and the other children gathering around him, wondering what his deal was.
This is the first of many uncomfortable situations my child is going to have to face in order to become a better, more well-adjusted person. It doesn't make it any easier.
I envision him crying the entire day...maybe to the point of throwing up. I envision it being really hard on the people that work there and potentially on the other kids. I envision him being a challenging child in the beginning...which leads to me envisioning myself being embarrassed. Needless to say my visions are not happy ones...but I know he'll be better for it in the long run. I want him to go one or two days a week, and then increase that amount if I can find a part-time job that will work for us. That's the plan. Plans sometimes have a way of changing but that's where my head is right now.
Any encouragement would be greatly appreciated.
Please click the comment button below to leave words of wisdom.
The time HAS just about come for Caden to start going to baby school. I wasn't exactly sure when I was going to start putting Caden in baby school, but I think there's no better time than the present. He needs to start socializing with other kids...he needs to know that he can survive without me...i need to know that he can survive without me :) It is the right decision.
I know this is going to be a hard adjustment for both of us. Caden is a very emotional and temperamental child. He has been use to things his way ever since he was born. His house, his bed, his chair, his toys...not having to share or get use to new places or new things. We stopped in to check out a daycare today that is beautifully kept, very organized and really the perfect fit from what I can see. Great price and great location. I tried to get Caden to go into the 2 year old room and play with the other kids. This lasted 30 seconds (if that) ending with him screaming and the other children gathering around him, wondering what his deal was.
This is the first of many uncomfortable situations my child is going to have to face in order to become a better, more well-adjusted person. It doesn't make it any easier.
I envision him crying the entire day...maybe to the point of throwing up. I envision it being really hard on the people that work there and potentially on the other kids. I envision him being a challenging child in the beginning...which leads to me envisioning myself being embarrassed. Needless to say my visions are not happy ones...but I know he'll be better for it in the long run. I want him to go one or two days a week, and then increase that amount if I can find a part-time job that will work for us. That's the plan. Plans sometimes have a way of changing but that's where my head is right now.
Any encouragement would be greatly appreciated.
Please click the comment button below to leave words of wisdom.
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Kathy Day
Today is Kathy Day. My good friends, the Phillips' Family, have offered to watch my little man so that I can have a day to myself....a gift far more precious than rubies. I am so mellow right now. Thank you Jesus for good friends.
I am sitting at the coffee pub with my laptop, drinking a chai tea in my bare feet, listening to some soft, folk, finger-picking guitar song with a pretty harmony...I've always wanted to come here and just chill with my computer, a luxury I usually do not have with a toddler. Today is a good day. I love my boy, my time with him is precious...but this is the first time I've had a whole day to myself since he was born. I'm overdue.
I'm also excited because the coffee pub is painted in the exact same colours that I want to paint my living room and kitchen...and as I suspected, they look fantastic together!
My cell phone is dying...but that's OK. Who needs it? I am an island today.
I have given myself a 9 dollar budget for this day....3 of which I have already spent on an over priced tea, but when I envision relaxing at a coffee shop, a chai tea has to be in the mix. It is delicious.
I am going to go to the dollar theatre today, and since it is $0.75 day I am in luck!
It is a nice feeling to be alone but to feel freedom in it instead of loneliness. I spend alot of time alone trapped in my house...but when I have a day to go out on my own and do whatever the heck I want (within the limits of 9 dollars) I feel so free. Like the world is my oyster...whatever that means...i don't ever like oysters.
Could I do this everyday knowing I wasn't with my little one? No way. The alone time is only nice from time to time. He brings me so much mroe joy than I could bring to myself. Having a baby changes everything....but it's SO worth it.
My feet are cold because I refuse to wear socks even though it is a bone chilling 40 degrees Fahrenheit today. Socks hinder me from feeling completely free so I will embrace this numb feeling in my toes.
Mmmmm....chai tea.
I need to go soak in some more of my environment. If you need me, call me tomorrow.
I am sitting at the coffee pub with my laptop, drinking a chai tea in my bare feet, listening to some soft, folk, finger-picking guitar song with a pretty harmony...I've always wanted to come here and just chill with my computer, a luxury I usually do not have with a toddler. Today is a good day. I love my boy, my time with him is precious...but this is the first time I've had a whole day to myself since he was born. I'm overdue.
I'm also excited because the coffee pub is painted in the exact same colours that I want to paint my living room and kitchen...and as I suspected, they look fantastic together!
My cell phone is dying...but that's OK. Who needs it? I am an island today.
I have given myself a 9 dollar budget for this day....3 of which I have already spent on an over priced tea, but when I envision relaxing at a coffee shop, a chai tea has to be in the mix. It is delicious.
I am going to go to the dollar theatre today, and since it is $0.75 day I am in luck!
It is a nice feeling to be alone but to feel freedom in it instead of loneliness. I spend alot of time alone trapped in my house...but when I have a day to go out on my own and do whatever the heck I want (within the limits of 9 dollars) I feel so free. Like the world is my oyster...whatever that means...i don't ever like oysters.
Could I do this everyday knowing I wasn't with my little one? No way. The alone time is only nice from time to time. He brings me so much mroe joy than I could bring to myself. Having a baby changes everything....but it's SO worth it.
My feet are cold because I refuse to wear socks even though it is a bone chilling 40 degrees Fahrenheit today. Socks hinder me from feeling completely free so I will embrace this numb feeling in my toes.
Mmmmm....chai tea.
I need to go soak in some more of my environment. If you need me, call me tomorrow.
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