I hate money

I do. I reeeeaaalllly do. I don't believe that it can bring you happiness, but not having enough of it can definitly make you unhappy. I hate what having too much of it does to people. I hate what the persuit of it can do to people too. I hate that it makes the world go round. I hate that it dictates what you can do with your life, in my case it controls how often I can see my family. I hate how it limits the potential of so many people who just don't have enough of it and how, in alot of cases, it can make or break your dreams. Whether you can go to school, stay home with your child, own a home, get health coverage.
I hate it and yet I need it. I need it to live, to take care of Caden. I need more of it if we're ever going to have another kid. I'm constantly wrestling with the thought of going back to work but I know that's not where my heart is. My quest wouldn't be for prestige or to follow my career path. It would only be for money. To prepare for the future...to elliminate enough debt so that sooner than later I could return home and have less stress and then planning for a bigger family wouldn't be such an impossible task. So many mothers only work out of necessity for money, to create a better life for their kids. I know so many moms who would quit their jobs in a heart beat if they could. These women are stronger than I am. I fear falling apart everytime I walk out the door. There are days where I want to rip my hair out because of Caden overload, but most days are fun and beautiful and I can't imagine missing any of his crazy antics. Stupid money.
The other downside is that at this point in my life I am the most unmarketable 23 year old on the planet. I have been out of the workplace for almost 2 years. When I did work, all of my work experience was with The Salvation Army, an organization to which I am not looking to return. In order to get back into a paid ministry position I would probably have to do so in another church and that's kind of a non-negotiable for me. So I don't even know that anyone would hire me. I know that I have alot of things to offer but my resume certainly doesn't. If anyone knows how to make someone like myself sound appealing to potential employers, please write my resume for me. I'll give you a dollar :)
On a lighter note, I have somehow developed the ability to eat like a cow and still loose weight! On our trip to Disney I ate carbs like it was going out of style and I lost 3 pounds! Yesterday I ate chocolate, mashed potatoes, fried chicken, a hamburger and fries and this morning I was another pound lighter! Maybe I have worms....if I do, I LOVE THEM!