First I would like to give a hug and a kiss to my Kristy, because I think you are the only one who reads this. YOU're AWESOME!
We need to get our priorities straight. Who's we? CHRISTIANS! I have had it up to here (pointing to head) with Christians and churches with warped priorities. We have become so consumed with silly things that if Jesus was to come into our churches we would pray that God would help him to conform to us.
"Why can't that guy just be like everybody else? Why does he have to make a spectacle of himself?"
I can actually hear people saying this about our Savior if he was to pop into one of services as a stranger.
I have recently had to deal with some severe Christian immaturity and it gives me a completely new sense of appreciation for Jesus and his life on earth. I had a really bad morning and spent the remainder of the afternoon praying and reading about Jesus pre-crucifixion prayers up until his ascension into Heaven.
Jesus was the Son of God and he had Priests coming up to him and telling him he was doing wrong by God. If you were Him, wouldn't you have wanted to scream,
"OF COURSE I"M RIGHT BY GOD, I AM GOD!"
The Pharisees are still so present in todays society. Being in the Salvation Army, it scares me to death how quick we are to condemn anything that isn't traditionally army. I've actually heard people pretty much say,
"Well the reason we don't do things the way Jesus commanded is because William Booth had an idea to do it a different way."
I love Willy but Are you serious?!? That is so scary to me it's not even funny.
We need to reprioritize. Are we more concerned with the heart or the uniform? Are we going to keep all people accountable or only the ones that we feel comfortable confronting? Are we going to focus on the Word or on the tradition, because God's word can be applied to every era, it never gets old and it's never going to be outdated, but our tradition is. You may be second, third, fourth generation Salvationist, you may have been in the Army for years, but the people you are trying to reach in the unchurched world have not. I'm getting off on another tangent all together but I am spiritually frustrated and I want to scream!
This is the first time that I have made denominational decisions based souly on what my convictions are from the word. In the past I have wanted to seek out other denominations because I was angry or being selfish but God has brought me to a place where I am running my life's decisions through his word and it alone, because it is really the one thing that I can be sure of. I know that God is leading me to a new place and I am really excited about that. I don't want these writings to sound like the ventilation of an angry Salvationist because there is nothing new about that. Instead I plead with anyone who reads this to re-prioritize. What's more important? And when you discover what it is, rely on God's strength to usher you through because if I have learned anything about doing God's will, it is usually going to be hard, unpopular and challenging. Also, expect more from your Christian peers. The bible says that 'Iron sharpens Iron.." And we need to do that for eachother. Don't just keep accountable those people who are easier to come down on then others. Help other people be all that they can be by lovingly bringing your concerns to them about their spiritual lives. It's so important.
I don't know if anything I've said has flowed together at all and I don't even know if it's making any sense to anybody. I just want to send out a thank you to the people who call and write and encourage me with prayer and assure me that I'm loved. Whenever I want to cry, laugh, rejoice or vent, I confide in you and you are the people who get me through and I thank God for you.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Friday, August 19, 2005
Sick-ee-poo
Florida is miserable in the summer time. It's too darn hot!
Speaking of which, it turns out that my husband has Pneumonia! Who gets Pneumonia in Florida in August! Craziness. Keep him in your prayers.
I am so hungry right now. I just bought Jason a chocolate cake. He's been craving one. Sympathy cravings for me. What a sweet heart...
Ever since this whole Pneumonia thing happened he's been refering to himself as, "Dying husband." For example...
"Kathy, would you mind pouring a drink for your dying husband?"
"Kathy, would you mind making dinner for your dying husband?"
Kathy, do you know what would make your dying husband's last days on earth really great? CHOCOLATE CAKE!"
As funny as he is, his cough is pretty bad. We'll be keeping a close eye on it. Where he has Asthma he is at a higher risk than the normal Joe. Poor baby. He never gets sick.
God's love has been very real and evident in our relationship these past few days. We've both been feeling awful but trying equally hard to take care of the other...I play the "Pregnant Wife" card almost as much as he plays the "Dying Husband" card. We've found yet another appreciation for eachother. I think the marriage vows should read, "...In sickness and in health. Even when you're both sick at the same time."
Speaking of which, it turns out that my husband has Pneumonia! Who gets Pneumonia in Florida in August! Craziness. Keep him in your prayers.
I am so hungry right now. I just bought Jason a chocolate cake. He's been craving one. Sympathy cravings for me. What a sweet heart...
Ever since this whole Pneumonia thing happened he's been refering to himself as, "Dying husband." For example...
"Kathy, would you mind pouring a drink for your dying husband?"
"Kathy, would you mind making dinner for your dying husband?"
Kathy, do you know what would make your dying husband's last days on earth really great? CHOCOLATE CAKE!"
As funny as he is, his cough is pretty bad. We'll be keeping a close eye on it. Where he has Asthma he is at a higher risk than the normal Joe. Poor baby. He never gets sick.
God's love has been very real and evident in our relationship these past few days. We've both been feeling awful but trying equally hard to take care of the other...I play the "Pregnant Wife" card almost as much as he plays the "Dying Husband" card. We've found yet another appreciation for eachother. I think the marriage vows should read, "...In sickness and in health. Even when you're both sick at the same time."
Friday, August 12, 2005
Doors
Life has been pretty crazy these past couple of weeks. Ever since we heard that Baby Boo was coming along we've been eagerly trying to figure out our next move. I, unlike alot of women, feel convicted to stay home when the baby is born. I know, I know, call me 1950's but those moments are so precious and I was raised by a stay-at-home-mom and I think I turned out pretty good. We've been exploring many options as to how to make this scenerio work and we're still pretty much in the dark as to what God's plan is for us. I have no doubt that this baby has come at the PERFECT time, because within the confines of a godly marriage that's how God works and it has always been my prayer that God would bless us with Children in His time and not my own, so I don't doubt the timing. This in turn helps me to not doubt the future. God placed this child within me and now he is going to place a future before me. A day or two this week my husband and I fell back into our old ways of thinking, wondering how 'WE' were going to do this and getting frustrated with our present lack of options but after seeking the counsel of several friends, God reminded us once again that there is stuff in the works that we can't see and that we need to pray in expectancy for the future. Which leads me to explain a very blessed turn of events:
We've been praying for God to shut all doors that need shutting and to open the door that needs opening and then to push us through it. While living here in Tallahassee we've had the priviledge of getting to know many wonderful people. We've also developed leaps and bounds in our Christian walk and our understanding of the scriptures. God has led us to discover hidden truths in his word that have literally transformed our lives and our thinking. We serve a powerful God! We've also had the priviledge of joining two church families. Some people may automatically be opposed to this, especially because one of the church's is our place of employment, but Jason and I have been SO blessed to have both of these entities in our lives.
The Salvation Army of course has been a blessing. The tiny congregation and the potential of the future there have been both motivating and inspirational. We love the mission of the Army and the history of the Army. We love what the Army is and we dream of what the Army could be. Through the Army we've been able to help people's physical needs, start new ministries and exercise our spiritual gifts. Although our job does not require us to attend the Corps, we choose to attend because of our deep admiration for the Army. On Wednesday nights we have been attending Lifechurch. Polar opposite atmospheres and yet when linked can bring such fulfillment to ones life. Lifechurch is a branch of the Penticostal church but it is the most biblically, balanced church I have ever attended. I've always been one to be over-cautious about emotionalism and 'putting on a show' almost to the point where I wouldn't have seen the power of God working through someone if they punched me in the face with it. But now I discern using scripture as my guide. So to make a LONG story short, attending both of these churchs has helped my husband and I to grow leaps and bounds in the Lord. And for those of you who are wondering, no, it's not wrong. Our commitment levels to both churchs have been clearly stated therefore we are dependable and held accountable by each plus if a church is going to get angry at us for growing stronger in Christ, then there is a problem. Denominational fueds....Grrrr...almost as ridiculous as The Salvation Army vs. The Red Cross but I'll save that rave for another time.
ANYWAY, God has been opening some serious doors for Jason to minister in Lifechurch. He's been called upon for several weeks in a row to conduct the services there while the head pastor is ill and the associate pastor has a family emergency. This is a huge deal given that Lifechurch has 750 attendees. Under the blessing of our Corps Officer, he has taken on the responsibility of leading back to back services at Lifechurch this coming Sunday. Pray for him and for whatever the future may bring in this ministry. Since the SAMS positions hold 0 stability (given that they are only 2 years in duration) we are going to need God to lead us onward. Perhaps we are to work securlarly, volunteering at our two awesome churchs. Maybe God is leading us into a different kind of ministry in which is name will be glorified and our experience in The Army will make us well equipped. Either way, we're open and ready for where he leads us.
Alot of times Salvationists assume that if people leave the Army it is because they are 'falling away' from God. I assure you that if Jason and I ever do attend another church that will not be the case. We praise God for our experiences in the Army, but we must go where he sends us whether that is to the Army or somewhere completely different.
Wow this is long! I guess I had alot to say! If Anyone actually made it to the end of this, please leave a comment. I need encouragement!
LOVE.
We've been praying for God to shut all doors that need shutting and to open the door that needs opening and then to push us through it. While living here in Tallahassee we've had the priviledge of getting to know many wonderful people. We've also developed leaps and bounds in our Christian walk and our understanding of the scriptures. God has led us to discover hidden truths in his word that have literally transformed our lives and our thinking. We serve a powerful God! We've also had the priviledge of joining two church families. Some people may automatically be opposed to this, especially because one of the church's is our place of employment, but Jason and I have been SO blessed to have both of these entities in our lives.
The Salvation Army of course has been a blessing. The tiny congregation and the potential of the future there have been both motivating and inspirational. We love the mission of the Army and the history of the Army. We love what the Army is and we dream of what the Army could be. Through the Army we've been able to help people's physical needs, start new ministries and exercise our spiritual gifts. Although our job does not require us to attend the Corps, we choose to attend because of our deep admiration for the Army. On Wednesday nights we have been attending Lifechurch. Polar opposite atmospheres and yet when linked can bring such fulfillment to ones life. Lifechurch is a branch of the Penticostal church but it is the most biblically, balanced church I have ever attended. I've always been one to be over-cautious about emotionalism and 'putting on a show' almost to the point where I wouldn't have seen the power of God working through someone if they punched me in the face with it. But now I discern using scripture as my guide. So to make a LONG story short, attending both of these churchs has helped my husband and I to grow leaps and bounds in the Lord. And for those of you who are wondering, no, it's not wrong. Our commitment levels to both churchs have been clearly stated therefore we are dependable and held accountable by each plus if a church is going to get angry at us for growing stronger in Christ, then there is a problem. Denominational fueds....Grrrr...almost as ridiculous as The Salvation Army vs. The Red Cross but I'll save that rave for another time.
ANYWAY, God has been opening some serious doors for Jason to minister in Lifechurch. He's been called upon for several weeks in a row to conduct the services there while the head pastor is ill and the associate pastor has a family emergency. This is a huge deal given that Lifechurch has 750 attendees. Under the blessing of our Corps Officer, he has taken on the responsibility of leading back to back services at Lifechurch this coming Sunday. Pray for him and for whatever the future may bring in this ministry. Since the SAMS positions hold 0 stability (given that they are only 2 years in duration) we are going to need God to lead us onward. Perhaps we are to work securlarly, volunteering at our two awesome churchs. Maybe God is leading us into a different kind of ministry in which is name will be glorified and our experience in The Army will make us well equipped. Either way, we're open and ready for where he leads us.
Alot of times Salvationists assume that if people leave the Army it is because they are 'falling away' from God. I assure you that if Jason and I ever do attend another church that will not be the case. We praise God for our experiences in the Army, but we must go where he sends us whether that is to the Army or somewhere completely different.
Wow this is long! I guess I had alot to say! If Anyone actually made it to the end of this, please leave a comment. I need encouragement!
LOVE.
Friday, August 05, 2005
Monday, August 01, 2005
Cleaning my Apartment
I just finished cleaning my apartment. I've been feeling terrible and FINALLY tonight there was just enough of a break in the nausia to get some much needed house work accomplished. I even cleaned out the garbage disposal. Ick! I organized the medicine cabinet in the bathroom and my bedroom dresser actually has a top to it now! Amazing. I have been embracing the realm of morning sickness this past week. It's been terrible. I mean I was nautious before, but this is just insane! I miss food. I miss loving it and wanting it. I miss watching commercials for it and drooling. Now I watch fast food commercials in disgust. I can't wait till month 4. They say life will be so much better than.
I have somehow developed a sinus problem over the last few days as well. Sinus headaches, runny nose, cough and tonight I am developing a sore throat. Not cool.
This evening my husband and I were able to fit on the couch together and take a nap. We had a pretty good set up. Usually we can never arrange ourselves comfortably but we slept like babies for about an hour. It was nice.
This week him and I are hosting Junior Soldier Day Camp at our Corps. The kids come everyday and learn a lesson, therefore knocking out five lessons in one week. Today went well. They are so LOUD. I think our entire youth group needs hearing aids.
We are leaving for Colorado in less than two weeks for the National Seminar on Evangelism. We went to this seminar last year and didn't particularly enjoy the content of the seminar, but the surroundings are incredible! We did so much hiking and sight seeing and we saw Josh Groban at The Red Rocks Amphitheatre. It was a great get away. This year we need to go as a job requirement. Basically we take an entire week to study a Salvation Track called, "Got Life?" And then in the mid-end of the week we all go out in two's to attack the neighborhood for Jesus. I'm not a huge (please don't hit me) believer in Door-to-Door Evangelism or it's effectiveness. But in saying that, there were several people who gave their lives to Christ last year through the ministry. It's just that every year they go to the same neighborhood and the Salvationist Attack has almost become a joke now to the residents there. I argue with myself all the time about whether it is a positive thing or not. On one hand we are asking people to conform to a God they know nothing about and asking them to trust us even though we're strangers and we're doing by invading their home and their family enviornment. In the end, we can't really maintain a relationship with them and leave them high and dry. The 48 hours after a person accepts Christ is the most crucial for follow up, support and discipleship because Satan gains a giant foot hold after that spiritual high.
On the other hand, prayer is our most powerful tool and we do alot of that at the seminar. There is a prayer walk on the streets where the Evangelism will take place and there is unbelievable possibility in that. Once someone accepts Christ they are given the names of the local officers and the church address and the tracks are pretty easy to follow. I don't know. I'm still wrestling. Let me know what you think.
Well I'm not feeling too hot at the moment. Pray for my belly and for Baby Boo (our nickname for Baby Stock)
I have somehow developed a sinus problem over the last few days as well. Sinus headaches, runny nose, cough and tonight I am developing a sore throat. Not cool.
This evening my husband and I were able to fit on the couch together and take a nap. We had a pretty good set up. Usually we can never arrange ourselves comfortably but we slept like babies for about an hour. It was nice.
This week him and I are hosting Junior Soldier Day Camp at our Corps. The kids come everyday and learn a lesson, therefore knocking out five lessons in one week. Today went well. They are so LOUD. I think our entire youth group needs hearing aids.
We are leaving for Colorado in less than two weeks for the National Seminar on Evangelism. We went to this seminar last year and didn't particularly enjoy the content of the seminar, but the surroundings are incredible! We did so much hiking and sight seeing and we saw Josh Groban at The Red Rocks Amphitheatre. It was a great get away. This year we need to go as a job requirement. Basically we take an entire week to study a Salvation Track called, "Got Life?" And then in the mid-end of the week we all go out in two's to attack the neighborhood for Jesus. I'm not a huge (please don't hit me) believer in Door-to-Door Evangelism or it's effectiveness. But in saying that, there were several people who gave their lives to Christ last year through the ministry. It's just that every year they go to the same neighborhood and the Salvationist Attack has almost become a joke now to the residents there. I argue with myself all the time about whether it is a positive thing or not. On one hand we are asking people to conform to a God they know nothing about and asking them to trust us even though we're strangers and we're doing by invading their home and their family enviornment. In the end, we can't really maintain a relationship with them and leave them high and dry. The 48 hours after a person accepts Christ is the most crucial for follow up, support and discipleship because Satan gains a giant foot hold after that spiritual high.
On the other hand, prayer is our most powerful tool and we do alot of that at the seminar. There is a prayer walk on the streets where the Evangelism will take place and there is unbelievable possibility in that. Once someone accepts Christ they are given the names of the local officers and the church address and the tracks are pretty easy to follow. I don't know. I'm still wrestling. Let me know what you think.
Well I'm not feeling too hot at the moment. Pray for my belly and for Baby Boo (our nickname for Baby Stock)
Monday, July 25, 2005
Baby on the way
Jason and I are very excited about our growing fetus! We've become very happy about the idea of being parents and are realizing that we're more ready than we thought we were. It's such a great and motivating feeling to be planning our lives around the life of someone so precious and dear. Suddenly the future is very important, complacency can be no more and we're focused and purpose driven. Being pregnant hasn't been too miserable thus far. I've been very tired and feel a little naustious everyday but I am nowhere near the horror stories I have heard from pregnant ladies of the past. Praise God for that. Jason is doing very well. The future although it is exciting is still very scary and nerve wrecking, but we're doing much better than I ever thought we would do under these unexpected circumstances. We're more focused on the blessing than the hurdles and we know that God has this in his hands.
My dog (who I refer to has doggy-roo) is hilarious. She just ripped one of her pillows apart and spread the innards all over the living room floor. Although she chews things up, eats way too much, requires outside maintenance and sheds so much that shes broken two vacuum cleaners, she is an awesome dog and I am so glad she's in our lives. And to think she was on the chopping block at the animal shelter!
Shhhhhh, don't tell her that. She doesn't know how close things came!
Well I should go and watch some mind numbing television. Until next time....BYE
My dog (who I refer to has doggy-roo) is hilarious. She just ripped one of her pillows apart and spread the innards all over the living room floor. Although she chews things up, eats way too much, requires outside maintenance and sheds so much that shes broken two vacuum cleaners, she is an awesome dog and I am so glad she's in our lives. And to think she was on the chopping block at the animal shelter!
Shhhhhh, don't tell her that. She doesn't know how close things came!
Well I should go and watch some mind numbing television. Until next time....BYE
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Guess who's going to have a baby?
ME
Baby Stock will be here around March 19th
...We can't wait to meet you Baby!
Baby Stock will be here around March 19th
...We can't wait to meet you Baby!
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Disaster Work
We just got back from a crazy week in Pensacola, Florida. Hurricane Dennis came up through that area and knocked out homes and power lines everywhere so the Salvation Army was sent there first thing Monday morning. Jason and I took the Tallahassee canteen and hit the road with the S. Army convoy.
The rest of the week consisted of LONG hours, grueling work and lots of sweat. I have to say it was one of the most rewarding things I've done in a long time. It was the way practical Christianity should be. Heart to God, hand to man. We saw hungry people and we fed them. They asked for food and we gave it to them. There was no red tape, no middle man, and for a week I fell back in love with The Salvation Army. The one that has a heart for people and cares more about the needs than the Burocracy. It was good stuff. There were only two people the entire week who cussed us out for not providing a prompt enough free meal but those who were thankful and precious far out numbered the mean and ugly. We had volunteers walk off the street to help us in our canteen. They brought us icecream and snacks and displayed the beautiful heart of Christ. Then we went to the town of Milton, where the worlds most amazing people live. These people had their town blasted away by the storm and still remained honest, friendly, and welcoming. I LOVE MILTON. I wanna get a shirt that says that.
The last night the Disaster crew ate out at Outback Steak House and much to our suprise, the family that had been sitting next to us paid 50 bucks towards our meal, but they wanted to leave before we knew about it.
I saw so much Jesus in people awakened by this natural disaster. And we wonder why God does things like that...
On Saturday we returned home with full hearts and a much needed appreciation for mankind. It was a wonderful week.
The rest of the week consisted of LONG hours, grueling work and lots of sweat. I have to say it was one of the most rewarding things I've done in a long time. It was the way practical Christianity should be. Heart to God, hand to man. We saw hungry people and we fed them. They asked for food and we gave it to them. There was no red tape, no middle man, and for a week I fell back in love with The Salvation Army. The one that has a heart for people and cares more about the needs than the Burocracy. It was good stuff. There were only two people the entire week who cussed us out for not providing a prompt enough free meal but those who were thankful and precious far out numbered the mean and ugly. We had volunteers walk off the street to help us in our canteen. They brought us icecream and snacks and displayed the beautiful heart of Christ. Then we went to the town of Milton, where the worlds most amazing people live. These people had their town blasted away by the storm and still remained honest, friendly, and welcoming. I LOVE MILTON. I wanna get a shirt that says that.
The last night the Disaster crew ate out at Outback Steak House and much to our suprise, the family that had been sitting next to us paid 50 bucks towards our meal, but they wanted to leave before we knew about it.
I saw so much Jesus in people awakened by this natural disaster. And we wonder why God does things like that...
On Saturday we returned home with full hearts and a much needed appreciation for mankind. It was a wonderful week.
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Friday, July 08, 2005
What a Stinky Day!
Man, God is really using this week to drive me to my knees.
Allow me to vent:
I went to have a catscan done this week on my neck and it turns out that there is something there but they won't know what it is for a couple of days. Fortunatly there are 100 non-scary things that it could be and only one scary thing, so my odds are good. I'm not too concerned about that, but if you could, keep it in your prayers.
This morning I decided to go to work a way that I never go. I even found myself wondering, "Why am I going this way?" But I continued on. I'm a good driver and I assume that everyone around me is as well, so I manuvered my way into a tight spot in the lane next to me and proceeded to slow and turn up the following street when the person behind me RAMMED me from behind, sending me flying. I'm going to be REALLY sore tomorrow and my car is pretty much demolished. I couldn't get the door opened so I had to crawl out the other side and the woman who hit me was SO mean and that hurt more than the flinging of my body against my steering wheel. I'm fine. Damaged pride and a fear of a lawsuit on my hands, but I'm fine. The woman is blaming me for everything and she wasn't nice to deal with so we'll what happens.
LASTLY, there's a hurricane coming straight for us.
I have to go, but keep Kathy in prayer this week, as well as the Panhandel of Florida. God is working something big in me! I hope I don't perish before it comes to pass!
Allow me to vent:
I went to have a catscan done this week on my neck and it turns out that there is something there but they won't know what it is for a couple of days. Fortunatly there are 100 non-scary things that it could be and only one scary thing, so my odds are good. I'm not too concerned about that, but if you could, keep it in your prayers.
This morning I decided to go to work a way that I never go. I even found myself wondering, "Why am I going this way?" But I continued on. I'm a good driver and I assume that everyone around me is as well, so I manuvered my way into a tight spot in the lane next to me and proceeded to slow and turn up the following street when the person behind me RAMMED me from behind, sending me flying. I'm going to be REALLY sore tomorrow and my car is pretty much demolished. I couldn't get the door opened so I had to crawl out the other side and the woman who hit me was SO mean and that hurt more than the flinging of my body against my steering wheel. I'm fine. Damaged pride and a fear of a lawsuit on my hands, but I'm fine. The woman is blaming me for everything and she wasn't nice to deal with so we'll what happens.
LASTLY, there's a hurricane coming straight for us.
I have to go, but keep Kathy in prayer this week, as well as the Panhandel of Florida. God is working something big in me! I hope I don't perish before it comes to pass!
Friday, July 01, 2005
Happy Canada Day!
Happy Canada day! The fabulous day that our nation was formed. I bought materials to make Canada cookies but I never got around to it. I celebrated by going to the doctor to get a lump in my neck checked out. He said it was shaped like a Maple Leaf!! Just kidding. That would have been awesome though.
I have to get some blood work done tomorrow and I have to get a Catscan on Thursday just to make sure it's all good. The dr. thinks it's nothing serious so I'm not too worried about it. Keep it all in prayer though if you have time.
Jason's parents are coming in from NY tomorrow. They'll be here until Tuesday. I'm excited. We rarely get to see them so it'll be good.
I've been thinking alot lately about the ridiculous competition between denominations of the Christian church. Isn't it funny how church's look at eachother as though they are competitors in a race for stats and correct docterine? I've actually heard people within non-profit, God centered ministries refer to other non-profit, God centered ministries as 'The Competition.' I celebrate denominational diversity. I think denominations are fabulous. I think it's ridiculous to think that everyone should be able to find everything they need at one church. If that was the case, we'd have one big ol' church. What about the people who need to be in tiny church's to feel safe and loved? Everyone is different and everyone needs different things. We need to praise God for leading people to places where they fit. If that's not your church, big deal!
Don't know why that's been on my mind lately...it just has...
BYE
I have to get some blood work done tomorrow and I have to get a Catscan on Thursday just to make sure it's all good. The dr. thinks it's nothing serious so I'm not too worried about it. Keep it all in prayer though if you have time.
Jason's parents are coming in from NY tomorrow. They'll be here until Tuesday. I'm excited. We rarely get to see them so it'll be good.
I've been thinking alot lately about the ridiculous competition between denominations of the Christian church. Isn't it funny how church's look at eachother as though they are competitors in a race for stats and correct docterine? I've actually heard people within non-profit, God centered ministries refer to other non-profit, God centered ministries as 'The Competition.' I celebrate denominational diversity. I think denominations are fabulous. I think it's ridiculous to think that everyone should be able to find everything they need at one church. If that was the case, we'd have one big ol' church. What about the people who need to be in tiny church's to feel safe and loved? Everyone is different and everyone needs different things. We need to praise God for leading people to places where they fit. If that's not your church, big deal!
Don't know why that's been on my mind lately...it just has...
BYE
Friday, June 24, 2005
Where Is Everybody?
HEY! Have I not made it perfectly clear that 0 comments makes me sad and depressed! Come on people! Don't slack off just because it's summer! I just miss everyone..sniff sniff...That's all.
Summer has brought with it a period of dryness in almost every area of my life. My surroundings are, of course, very dry seeing as how it is 100 degrees everyday. The soil and sod have literally turned to sand and dust. It amazes me that vegetation can survive here. Physically I have fallen off of the exercise horse. I was doing so well, getting up early, at the gym by 7:00am and then off to work by 9:00am. I felt really good. Then I blew a tire on my car and during the waiting period my routine got shaken up. It's been really hard to get back into the groove. Spiritually I've been pretty docile. In the world's of ups and downs this would be a down but not for any particular reason. Just feeling suspended in complacency. I'm not even really depressed or upset or anything, just feeling really lazy. I've never really consider how strong the enemy is until I go through times like these. My life is great. I have blessings all around me. I have a husband who loves me, a job that supports me, friends and family who care about me and first and foremost a God who created me in love and wants to be with me daily. I know logically all of the arguments and cliches one says to another when experiencing dry times. I know what I need to do to shake the dryness and it's as simple as sitting in the presence of God and being regenerated. And even though I've never had a negative experience sitting in God's presence, I still do everything in my power to avoid it during these times of dryness. I'll get on the computer instead of reading my bible. I'll play my keyboard instead of pray to God. This is why the enemy is much more present in life than I thought, whispering to us that somehow spending time with our heavenly Father is a negative thing! And we buy it! I've been reading the book, "The Screwtape Letters" by C.S Lewis. Now I realize it is a fiction compilation and not to be taken as accurate accounts of demon conversation, however it is very interesting to observe areas in life where the devil could be placing his foot. The book says that the devil loves two types of people: Those who are overly interested in him to the point of obsession and those who don't believe him. He can do just as much evil in the life of someone who claims he isn't there as he can in the life of someone who worships him!
Now I'm not one who likes to blame the devil for everything. I am the one who ultimately makes the decisions about my life. But it's been an interesting enlightenment during this time of dryness to pinpoint why I feel the way I feel. It gives me motivation to kick the habit of complacency because I don't want Satan to succeed in my life. So if you're reading this whisper a little prayer on behalf of those who are experiencing dryness. It is not backsliding or caused by life's troubles. In fact the most passionate times I have spent with the Lord have been when he is all I have and everything else is falling apart. Dryness tends to seep into my life when everything is just fine. Not great, not bad, but fine. When we have enough money to live but not enough to do anything else. When work has become ritualistically normal and life is just kind of bobbing along, uneventful.
"There must be more than this, Spirit of God come breathe within.
There must be more than this Spirit of God we wait for you.
Fill us anew we pray, fill us anew we pray.
Consuming fire, fan into flame a passion for Your name.
Spirit of God, fall in this place.
Lord have Your way, Lord have Your way with us."
- Tim Hughes, 'Consuming Fire'
Summer has brought with it a period of dryness in almost every area of my life. My surroundings are, of course, very dry seeing as how it is 100 degrees everyday. The soil and sod have literally turned to sand and dust. It amazes me that vegetation can survive here. Physically I have fallen off of the exercise horse. I was doing so well, getting up early, at the gym by 7:00am and then off to work by 9:00am. I felt really good. Then I blew a tire on my car and during the waiting period my routine got shaken up. It's been really hard to get back into the groove. Spiritually I've been pretty docile. In the world's of ups and downs this would be a down but not for any particular reason. Just feeling suspended in complacency. I'm not even really depressed or upset or anything, just feeling really lazy. I've never really consider how strong the enemy is until I go through times like these. My life is great. I have blessings all around me. I have a husband who loves me, a job that supports me, friends and family who care about me and first and foremost a God who created me in love and wants to be with me daily. I know logically all of the arguments and cliches one says to another when experiencing dry times. I know what I need to do to shake the dryness and it's as simple as sitting in the presence of God and being regenerated. And even though I've never had a negative experience sitting in God's presence, I still do everything in my power to avoid it during these times of dryness. I'll get on the computer instead of reading my bible. I'll play my keyboard instead of pray to God. This is why the enemy is much more present in life than I thought, whispering to us that somehow spending time with our heavenly Father is a negative thing! And we buy it! I've been reading the book, "The Screwtape Letters" by C.S Lewis. Now I realize it is a fiction compilation and not to be taken as accurate accounts of demon conversation, however it is very interesting to observe areas in life where the devil could be placing his foot. The book says that the devil loves two types of people: Those who are overly interested in him to the point of obsession and those who don't believe him. He can do just as much evil in the life of someone who claims he isn't there as he can in the life of someone who worships him!
Now I'm not one who likes to blame the devil for everything. I am the one who ultimately makes the decisions about my life. But it's been an interesting enlightenment during this time of dryness to pinpoint why I feel the way I feel. It gives me motivation to kick the habit of complacency because I don't want Satan to succeed in my life. So if you're reading this whisper a little prayer on behalf of those who are experiencing dryness. It is not backsliding or caused by life's troubles. In fact the most passionate times I have spent with the Lord have been when he is all I have and everything else is falling apart. Dryness tends to seep into my life when everything is just fine. Not great, not bad, but fine. When we have enough money to live but not enough to do anything else. When work has become ritualistically normal and life is just kind of bobbing along, uneventful.
"There must be more than this, Spirit of God come breathe within.
There must be more than this Spirit of God we wait for you.
Fill us anew we pray, fill us anew we pray.
Consuming fire, fan into flame a passion for Your name.
Spirit of God, fall in this place.
Lord have Your way, Lord have Your way with us."
- Tim Hughes, 'Consuming Fire'
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Happy Father's Day Dad!
My dad is a faithful reader and I am a horrible mail-er SO I decided to post my father's day greeting rather than buy a card and forget to send it.
Happy father's Day Dad! You're the greatest! Sorry I can't be there. You're awesome.
Thank you for refining my brain and for guiding me through at least 18 years of Howard Smith's Seminary School. I say that not to make fun, but instead to thank you. As I go through life I thank God daily that I didn't have to learn alot of life's lessons the hard way and that I am mature in my spirituality because of you. You did exactly what God called you to do as the leader of our family. You raised me in the way I should go, and you trained me to be a God-fearing person. Due to your example I have chosen a godly husband who from time to time reminds me of you and who will guide me and our family to a life of holiness just as you did for us.
Thank you.
You may now add this entry to my file and date it Father's Day 2005. Heehee.
Happy father's Day Dad! You're the greatest! Sorry I can't be there. You're awesome.
Thank you for refining my brain and for guiding me through at least 18 years of Howard Smith's Seminary School. I say that not to make fun, but instead to thank you. As I go through life I thank God daily that I didn't have to learn alot of life's lessons the hard way and that I am mature in my spirituality because of you. You did exactly what God called you to do as the leader of our family. You raised me in the way I should go, and you trained me to be a God-fearing person. Due to your example I have chosen a godly husband who from time to time reminds me of you and who will guide me and our family to a life of holiness just as you did for us.
Thank you.
You may now add this entry to my file and date it Father's Day 2005. Heehee.
Saturday, June 18, 2005
'YAWN'
I'm really tired right now. It's like 4:51 on Saturday afternoon, but I am DOG TIRED for no reason at all. I slept really good last night, but for some reason I'm draggin my feet.
We just got back from a church youth-trip. It was fun. Jay is off riding a bike somewhere. He's taken up this habit of riding this bike where your feet get strapped in to the pedals so you have to do this wierd twisty move in order to get them out when you stop your bike. Needless to say his legs are scratched to pieces from not twisting his foot fast enough and falling helplessly to one side. This is why I am at home blogging and not joining in the 'make myself defenseless to the dirt' fun.
He's home! just walked in, in one piece...Thank you Lord.
We just got back from a church youth-trip. It was fun. Jay is off riding a bike somewhere. He's taken up this habit of riding this bike where your feet get strapped in to the pedals so you have to do this wierd twisty move in order to get them out when you stop your bike. Needless to say his legs are scratched to pieces from not twisting his foot fast enough and falling helplessly to one side. This is why I am at home blogging and not joining in the 'make myself defenseless to the dirt' fun.
He's home! just walked in, in one piece...Thank you Lord.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Devotional Book For Tallahassee
For the past couple of weeks, I have dedicated myself to preparing a month long devotional book to address the specific needs of our Corps here in Tallahassee. It is a study on the book of Nehemiah, since we are attempting to change the entire face and structure of our church here in town. I'm going to post a couple of the entries on my blog just to see what people think. The corps will hopefully begin using it for the first week of July. Here's how the book starts off. (anyone requesting a copy please let me know, there's a limited suplpy) HAHA!
"Let The Re-building Begin!"
Scripture: "I also told them about the gracious hand of my God upon me and what the king had said to me. They replied, 'Let us start rebuilding.' So they began this good work."
- Nehemiah 2:18
There is no better story then the story of Nehemiah to reflect what is happening to the Tallahassee Corps right now. This book of the bible is littered with examples of leadership, vision, opposition, submission, perseverance, repentance and revival. Phew! That's a lot of themes for one little book! Let's have a short history lesson:
This book takes place during 445 BC and shows the third and final exile to Jerusalem. Zerrubabel (a great grandfather of Jesus) led the first return in 538 BC and Ezra led the second return in 458 BC. Thirteen years later a wealthy man by the name of (you guessed it) Nehemiah, felt God telling him to lead the third exile to Jerusalem and to rebuild the walls around that city. Why was rebuilding the wall so important you might ask?
The wall around Jerusalem represented more than just a structure. It acted as protection, as shelter and as a symbol of unity within that city. The wall provided a place for God's chosen people to grow spiritually together. Within those walls a place of prayer would exists and everyone within those walls would have the same beliefs about God and his direction. It was a special place, a place of God. Sounds like a church to me!
Nehemiah had been hearing people say that the wall could not be rebuilt, that the opposition was too strong and that the mess was too big. They just didn't know where to start.
God tugged at Nehemiah's heart and placed a passion inside of him to lead the movement back to Jerusalem. It wasn't easy, but he left his great paying job with the government and with permission from the King began leading the reconstruction of the wall.
You would think that Nehemiah would have no problem doing this and that everything would be a piece of cake. After all, it was God's plan. He actually ran into many trials and tribulations both outside of the city and inside of it, but he kept his cool. He addressed every problem in the same way. Nehemiah's pattern for success went a little like this.
Recognize the problem - Pray - Act
This is one of the things that made Nehemiah so incredible at leading and delegating. He would see the problems for what they really were and then he would take them to the Lord in prayer. After praying, he would take immediate action. His leadership, passion, obedience and consistency paid off in the end. Through God's strength they completed the "impossible" re-construction of the Jerusalem wall in 52 days!
Pray that God will lay His will upon your heart. If you are a member of this Corps, God has a purpose and a plan here for you! Pray that He will open your heart and give you a passion to rebuild the Salvation Army of Tallahassee. Maybe even in 52 days! You never know! It will not be easy, in fact Satan will find many ways to get us down but God is bigger than all things. Never forget that. Join us as we dive further in Nehemiah. Have a blessed day!
"Let The Re-building Begin!"
Scripture: "I also told them about the gracious hand of my God upon me and what the king had said to me. They replied, 'Let us start rebuilding.' So they began this good work."
- Nehemiah 2:18
There is no better story then the story of Nehemiah to reflect what is happening to the Tallahassee Corps right now. This book of the bible is littered with examples of leadership, vision, opposition, submission, perseverance, repentance and revival. Phew! That's a lot of themes for one little book! Let's have a short history lesson:
This book takes place during 445 BC and shows the third and final exile to Jerusalem. Zerrubabel (a great grandfather of Jesus) led the first return in 538 BC and Ezra led the second return in 458 BC. Thirteen years later a wealthy man by the name of (you guessed it) Nehemiah, felt God telling him to lead the third exile to Jerusalem and to rebuild the walls around that city. Why was rebuilding the wall so important you might ask?
The wall around Jerusalem represented more than just a structure. It acted as protection, as shelter and as a symbol of unity within that city. The wall provided a place for God's chosen people to grow spiritually together. Within those walls a place of prayer would exists and everyone within those walls would have the same beliefs about God and his direction. It was a special place, a place of God. Sounds like a church to me!
Nehemiah had been hearing people say that the wall could not be rebuilt, that the opposition was too strong and that the mess was too big. They just didn't know where to start.
God tugged at Nehemiah's heart and placed a passion inside of him to lead the movement back to Jerusalem. It wasn't easy, but he left his great paying job with the government and with permission from the King began leading the reconstruction of the wall.
You would think that Nehemiah would have no problem doing this and that everything would be a piece of cake. After all, it was God's plan. He actually ran into many trials and tribulations both outside of the city and inside of it, but he kept his cool. He addressed every problem in the same way. Nehemiah's pattern for success went a little like this.
Recognize the problem - Pray - Act
This is one of the things that made Nehemiah so incredible at leading and delegating. He would see the problems for what they really were and then he would take them to the Lord in prayer. After praying, he would take immediate action. His leadership, passion, obedience and consistency paid off in the end. Through God's strength they completed the "impossible" re-construction of the Jerusalem wall in 52 days!
Pray that God will lay His will upon your heart. If you are a member of this Corps, God has a purpose and a plan here for you! Pray that He will open your heart and give you a passion to rebuild the Salvation Army of Tallahassee. Maybe even in 52 days! You never know! It will not be easy, in fact Satan will find many ways to get us down but God is bigger than all things. Never forget that. Join us as we dive further in Nehemiah. Have a blessed day!
Sunday, June 12, 2005
How could I not?
Ok, so a very close follow up to my last entry. For the past little while I have been dealing with feelings of anger and bitterness and I was asking how in the world do you just stop feeling angry. Well I went to a bible study tonight with some new friends that jason and I have met. It was a great time hanging out with new people but when we started to diving into the word, we began discussing the topic of Jesus on the cross. All of a sudden it dawned on me, due to the Holy Spirit I'm sure, because I've heard this story and concept before but it really hit home tonight. This entire time I've wondered how Jesus forgave those people who hurt him so badly. I've known in my head that Jesus suffered so much more than I can ever know, but I was not letting that knowledge impact my life. The leader of the bible study brought up the parable of the Man in debt, who owed a huge debt to the king. When the king asked for his money (which the man was no where near having) the man pleaded with him for mercy. The king felt moved in his heart and forgave the man his entire debt. What a blessing! The desperate feeling of being broke financially suddenly was lifted from his shoulders! That same day he sees someone who owes him a small amount of money and he grabs him and demands for his money. I think to myself whenever I read this parable, "How dare he turn around and not give the same curtosy to someone else! What a monster! He should be thankful and return the favor he was given!"
What a slap in my face tonight. Jesus forgave me, bore my sin, my shame and suffered longer and harder for me then I will ever have to come close to enduring. The question which I used as the title of my last entry was 'HOW?' In actuality the question should be 'HOW COULD I NOT?' How could I not forgive my neighbor? Sure they hurt me and continue to hurt me, sure they havn't asked for forgiveness, sure life is not fair, sure we get the rotten end of the stick sometimes, but I don't even deserve the blessings I have, why should I assume to deserve more! God has given me an amazing husband, family and friends (even though they may not be close by, their still amazing) He has given me health, happiness, secuirty and unbelievable LOVE. I have blessings coming out of my ears AND i am forgiven for my shortcomings, whenever I call upon the Lord. A corps officer once said to me, "Why do you need to forgive people when they havn't asked? Jesus doesn't." I could not disagree more! Jesus did! And continues to have an aboudning amount of mercy and grace and LOVE for all of us, the best of the best and the worst of the worst. Unforgiveness hurts me more than it hurts anyone else. Worst of all, it hurts my relationship with God.
So how do I forgive? I JUST DO IT! Because what Jesus did for me and for the people who crucified him causes anything that I endure to pale in comparison and its very freeing to know that Jesus knows, loves, cares and forgives! I need to be done with thinking about these people and situations negatively. I need to tell myself that I am not mad anymore, that I have forgiven them and not allow any type of negativity to enter my brain. I am choosing this day not to dwell on it anymore, and to observe any negative thought as though it is foreign and needs to be thrown out of my brain.
So i've been on this high for approximatly an hour and I thank God for it, praying that I wil maintain this understanding of undeserved forgiveness. That is one element of true Christianity.
Gotta go walk the dog. Even though she doesn't deserve it because she chewed up my hair elastic. That's the power of Love.
What a slap in my face tonight. Jesus forgave me, bore my sin, my shame and suffered longer and harder for me then I will ever have to come close to enduring. The question which I used as the title of my last entry was 'HOW?' In actuality the question should be 'HOW COULD I NOT?' How could I not forgive my neighbor? Sure they hurt me and continue to hurt me, sure they havn't asked for forgiveness, sure life is not fair, sure we get the rotten end of the stick sometimes, but I don't even deserve the blessings I have, why should I assume to deserve more! God has given me an amazing husband, family and friends (even though they may not be close by, their still amazing) He has given me health, happiness, secuirty and unbelievable LOVE. I have blessings coming out of my ears AND i am forgiven for my shortcomings, whenever I call upon the Lord. A corps officer once said to me, "Why do you need to forgive people when they havn't asked? Jesus doesn't." I could not disagree more! Jesus did! And continues to have an aboudning amount of mercy and grace and LOVE for all of us, the best of the best and the worst of the worst. Unforgiveness hurts me more than it hurts anyone else. Worst of all, it hurts my relationship with God.
So how do I forgive? I JUST DO IT! Because what Jesus did for me and for the people who crucified him causes anything that I endure to pale in comparison and its very freeing to know that Jesus knows, loves, cares and forgives! I need to be done with thinking about these people and situations negatively. I need to tell myself that I am not mad anymore, that I have forgiven them and not allow any type of negativity to enter my brain. I am choosing this day not to dwell on it anymore, and to observe any negative thought as though it is foreign and needs to be thrown out of my brain.
So i've been on this high for approximatly an hour and I thank God for it, praying that I wil maintain this understanding of undeserved forgiveness. That is one element of true Christianity.
Gotta go walk the dog. Even though she doesn't deserve it because she chewed up my hair elastic. That's the power of Love.
HOW?
I have a problem. A new and negative monster is rearing its ugly head in my life. I've never had to deal with this before because I have never felt this way until now. My actions don't really portray how I've been feeling (at least I don't think they have) and my husband (bless his heart) is really the only one up until now that has known about this new struggle, but I've decided to just lay it all out on the table. You can't change what you don't acknowledge - Dr. Phil
Lately I am finding that I am extremely negative and angry at everyone and everything. Well, not everyone and everything, but alot of people and alot of things. Anyone who is close to me knows some of the struggles that Jason and I have been going through, both long term and short term. I still believe that God is shaping us for something important and has placed us in various situations to test our strength and reliance on him and through that we have been striving for holiness in a way we never have before. I have alot of head knowledge as to what is important. For instance, God's opinion is more important than people's opinions. That's been a hard one for me to swallow. I know it's true, but being someone who wants everyone's approval, I havn't known how to deal (especially lately) with different personal struggles in my life. I didn't see it happening, but I have become very angry inside. Over and over in my head I play out scenerios in which people have hurt me or Jason and I get more and more mad and annoyed and bitter. I'm glad I recognize this, and I have taken several steps to stop feeling and thinking this way, but it's been really hard to let things go lately. I'm NOT a confrontational person at all, so I find myself telling people what I think and how I feel when their not actually around, in my head. I get fired up at people and they have no idea I'm even mad! I hate feeling this way, mostly because it hurts me and my relationship with God and gets nothing accomplished. I have prayed about it over and over, "God I don't want this, I give it to you I submit it to you, I am no good when I feel and think this way, I don't want it anymore, please take it from me." and within seconds I am back to thinking and fuming about what I just 'gave' to God, meaning I snatched it back without even recognizing it! It's almost subconsious. I don't even know I am dwelling on it until after 5 minutes of dwelling on it. I havn't been acting on these feelings because like I said, I'm not confrontational. It's more an inner rage that is silent but deadly. It's nothing violent or psychotic or anything (don't call the authorities, I'm ok!) in fact if I wasn't a christian it wouldn't be something that worried me, but the fact is that I am putting division between myself and God when I feel and think this way. I just want justice. More so for Jason than myself. If I was ever kicked in the face half as many times as he has been I'd still be on the ground, crying. That man is one of the strongest human beings on the planet. He has been just beaten down when he does the wrong things and the right things. He just never catches a break and he is so deserving having overcome all that he has overcome in his life.
I guess this is a time when I need more than ever to be sensitive to God's leading and I am so comsumed with 'self' that I don't know how to deal with some things that have come up in my life. Am I suppose to perservere or is God telling me to make a step of faith? Are we in the right place going through God ordained struggles or are we in the wrong place, frustrated by being out of God's will? Who knows.
All I know is that I need your prayers to overcome this battle with anger. I guess its a matter of unforgiveness. I'm unable to let things go and forgive people who havn't asked for forgiveness. That's one of the biggest things I think Jesus ever had to do. Was forgive the people who cheered for his death when he didn't deserve it and they didn't ask for forgiveness.
This is why I want so badly to be more and more like Christ. That kind of holiness is just incredible.
Lately I am finding that I am extremely negative and angry at everyone and everything. Well, not everyone and everything, but alot of people and alot of things. Anyone who is close to me knows some of the struggles that Jason and I have been going through, both long term and short term. I still believe that God is shaping us for something important and has placed us in various situations to test our strength and reliance on him and through that we have been striving for holiness in a way we never have before. I have alot of head knowledge as to what is important. For instance, God's opinion is more important than people's opinions. That's been a hard one for me to swallow. I know it's true, but being someone who wants everyone's approval, I havn't known how to deal (especially lately) with different personal struggles in my life. I didn't see it happening, but I have become very angry inside. Over and over in my head I play out scenerios in which people have hurt me or Jason and I get more and more mad and annoyed and bitter. I'm glad I recognize this, and I have taken several steps to stop feeling and thinking this way, but it's been really hard to let things go lately. I'm NOT a confrontational person at all, so I find myself telling people what I think and how I feel when their not actually around, in my head. I get fired up at people and they have no idea I'm even mad! I hate feeling this way, mostly because it hurts me and my relationship with God and gets nothing accomplished. I have prayed about it over and over, "God I don't want this, I give it to you I submit it to you, I am no good when I feel and think this way, I don't want it anymore, please take it from me." and within seconds I am back to thinking and fuming about what I just 'gave' to God, meaning I snatched it back without even recognizing it! It's almost subconsious. I don't even know I am dwelling on it until after 5 minutes of dwelling on it. I havn't been acting on these feelings because like I said, I'm not confrontational. It's more an inner rage that is silent but deadly. It's nothing violent or psychotic or anything (don't call the authorities, I'm ok!) in fact if I wasn't a christian it wouldn't be something that worried me, but the fact is that I am putting division between myself and God when I feel and think this way. I just want justice. More so for Jason than myself. If I was ever kicked in the face half as many times as he has been I'd still be on the ground, crying. That man is one of the strongest human beings on the planet. He has been just beaten down when he does the wrong things and the right things. He just never catches a break and he is so deserving having overcome all that he has overcome in his life.
I guess this is a time when I need more than ever to be sensitive to God's leading and I am so comsumed with 'self' that I don't know how to deal with some things that have come up in my life. Am I suppose to perservere or is God telling me to make a step of faith? Are we in the right place going through God ordained struggles or are we in the wrong place, frustrated by being out of God's will? Who knows.
All I know is that I need your prayers to overcome this battle with anger. I guess its a matter of unforgiveness. I'm unable to let things go and forgive people who havn't asked for forgiveness. That's one of the biggest things I think Jesus ever had to do. Was forgive the people who cheered for his death when he didn't deserve it and they didn't ask for forgiveness.
This is why I want so badly to be more and more like Christ. That kind of holiness is just incredible.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)