Chill

Going to Newfoundland opened my eyes to how wonderful it would be to live there again...to raise Caden in such a safe, beautiful and culturally rich place, to be surrounded by friends and family and to have that support while raising a little one. It's hard raising a child with no family around. It's also hard living somewhere that is so vastly different from where I grew up. Being away from Canada for almost 5 years now, I think I forget about how different it is where I grew up until I go home for a visit...then I start wondering how life would be if we lived in the far north instead of the far south.
Taking off from St. John's was hard. We flew over the rugged cliffs and the scenery was stunning. You could see the ocean filled with icebergs as we flew away and I couldn't help but cry and feel really homesick for the first time in many years.
When we got back to Florida and started driving up from Orlando I was looking around and thinking, "Gosh it's really pretty here too!"
The trees are so tall and lush, the palm trees and the warmth is really relaxing and unique. We came home to our pretty little house and were greeted by voice mails and messages from friends here who had missed us very much while we were gone and wanted to get together asap. I spent the next couple of days confused and disoriented. Where are we suppose to live? I was literally weighing the pros and cons in my head while driving from place to place...right down to how bad Chinese food and cell phone service is in Canada and how much I hate huge southern bugs and the oppressive heat of the Florida summer. Nothing was making sense.
We went to church on Sunday and it felt great to be there. As much as they mock me, I missed my band of brothers :) and when the service started I felt God's presence telling me to chill out. It dawned on me that it's possible to be content in more than one place and that I should be thankful for that. Some people are miserable no matter where they live so to have 2 places where I feel happy, loved and secure is nothing to complain about. I felt God say that where you live isn't important...it's how you live...but in the same breath I believe God can sometimes call you to specific places and specific positions in order to accomplish His will and I truly feel like he isn't finished with us here.
I felt this flood of possibilities wash over me while we sang...like something exciting is about to happen if we just hang tight and trust. I was probably smiling like a turd during worship but I couldn't help it. I was really happy. Jay felt it/heard it too which affirms to me that God's up to something and I'm pumped about it. That night several things happened to try and bring us down...our mortgage came out of the bank account twice instead of once, the baby was cranky, I was stressed about 50 different things and I realized that this was happening to shift our focus from positive to negative so we stopped and took the advice God had given us earlier to chill out. There's been an awesome attitude adjustment in the Stock house as we wait for good things to happen. We just know there's something around the corner.
About 6 months ago several people prophesied over me that the call on my life hasn't changed, that God is preparing me for something that is to come. Lately, in the midst of me trying to figure out my own life, He reminded me of that not only for myself, but for Jay and it gives me such confidence and peace about our future.
When I was home a bunch of us were talking about the Holy Spirit and emotionalism...how to know when what you feel is God or your emotions...I'll get into this more later but my friend Jon said something to the effect of how God wired use to be emotional beings so it makes sense that He would use our emotions to speak to us. I believe that the deeper we connect with God through prayer and His word, the more capable we are of determining what's just us being emotional and what is emotion brought on by God moving, speaking and leading.
I really believe that the anxiety and excitement and joy that I feel in my guts is directly connected to what God has for me because I know he has placed it there...and I think it's awesome when God gives the entire family a vision and a 'feeling' of things to come because then it's affirmed in my eyes.
This is probably all over the place but so are my thoughts...in a good way...I'm just excited...a week ago I was stressed about money, jobs and impossible situations and now I see possibility everywhere I look.
As for the homesickness, I still am missing Newfoundland very much but when I start to feel sad I remember sitting on the beach starring out upon the gulf of Mexico, soaking up the sun in March, while the people of Newfoundland were shovelling snow, worrying about frost bite and popping anti-depressants...then I don't feel so bad :)
In the words of Pumba from the Lion King, "Home is where your rump rests."