I Miss You

To everyone I love who is nowhere near me....I miss you.
I think I will always feel like a foreigner here. Don't get me wrong, I love me life. I don't mind being in the USA...in fact, the south feels like home to Jay and I cause it's all we've ever known together but there are moments, like this moment, when I feel very far away from the people and things that define me.
I love my life and wouldn't change it...not even a fraction of it. I preface what I am about to say with this because I am not in anyway about to wish that my life was different but sometimes I wonder what would have happened 'if'.
What would have happened if I didn't move to St. John's at 18? What would have happened if I wasn't in Blind Beggars? Man, those were good times. The gigs, the road trips, the all-nighters, the SNL parties at our apartment on Crosbie Road. So many great relationships....so many people I miss. What if I hadn't heard about a Camp in North Carolina that hired Canadians? I wouldn't of met my husband...I wouldn't have my Son. I would probably still be in NL. Crazy to think that the tiniest decisions can completely manipulate where you end up. When I was at Camp my friend Damien told me to come with him to Nashville to try and make it big. I didnt go. He's incredibly successful now and I wonder what would have happened if I had went. I'm so proud of him. Especially the first night I was watching Tv and saw him on the red carpet with Loretta Lynn. Funny combo if you know Damien but a great moment just the same.
What would have happened if I listened to all the people who told me that getting married was a mistake? What would have happened if I had listened to all the people who told me that moving back to Tallahassee just for a church was irresponsible? There are many decisions I am glad that I made. Jay is exactly who God has for me and Caden's timing could not have been more perfect even if we had planned him ourselves! Tallahassee is about as far from home as I can be but even when it's hard, I know we're suppose to be here. I know we're suppose to be at GC even though the transition has been incredibly rough on eveyone, more so my husband than myself.
I miss my college friends and living in St. John's...sometimes I feel like the oldest 23 year old on the planet....but I was born to be a mom even though I usually fit in better as one of the boys than into a mom's club. It's funny when people I haven't seen in years find out that I was not only married a month after I turned 20 but that I am also a mom. I was always flying solo...pretty independent and verbalized quite frequently that I intended to remain that way for a long time. I planned on marrying at 30 and having children much later, if at all. Crazy how my plan was totally wrong for me. Caden's life has taught me so much about my strengths.
Thank you Lord for my life....past, present and future.
Aquaintances and superficial friendships are common...but friends are rare gems. To all my friends that are far away...I love you and miss you. To all my friends in Tallahassee, I love you and am so thankful for you.