Moving Up in the World

Literally...with my new work responsibilities I have moved from a cubicle all alone downstairs to a nicer cubicle upstairs surrounded by other people! This is good for socializing, but bad for blogging...it's not stopping me right now though because my job doesn't officially start till Monday. :)
Life has been whirling and swirling around our heads this week. With the busyness of travelling mixed with the busyness of our crazy lives, I think I'm beginning to burn out a little bit. I am not necessarily happy about taking on this new position. It is souly for the purpose of helping us get where we need to be financially so we can be freer than we are now. I have alot of guilt in my belly about only seeing Caden on Thursdays, Saturdays and every other Sunday (sounds like custody rights!) but I know he'll spend Tuesdays with Daddy and while he's at school God's arms of protection will be around him. He does well at school...i just miss him, and I want to be with him as much as possible especially while he is young and in the prime stages for being trained in the ways he should live. I want us to be his primary influence. I know God has this, I'm just a bit anxious about the whole thing. I think guilt is something the devil uses on Moms to keep us off task. I'm sitting here doing a good thing for my family by working and trying to accommodate everything and everyone and all I feel is guilty about not being with Caden. When I didn't work I felt guilty about not contributing financially.
Some days I feel like this job was given to me by God to help us out, cause for a full time employee I have great benefits and flexibility...other times I wonder if he dangled it in front of my face and said, "You can go back to work, but at what cost?"
I wish he would just beam down like on Star Trek and tell me what's right and wrong. I've made so many dumb choices based on what I thought God was telling me...you'd think I'd understand his voice by now...maybe mine is so loud that it doesn't give his a chance to speak.
It's hard to hear whispers in the midst of screaming. Like when life just punches you in the face. Yesterday someone backed into our car and damaged it while I was getting groceries. I came out to find a big dent, cracked plastic underneath the car and long, black scratches up the right side...with no one to be found. They just hit it and took off.
So now we have to pay our high deductible to fix a problem we didn't cause. WHAM! Punch in the face. Thanks life.
So now we have a damaged motorcycle and a damaged car because of thieves and cowards we've never met...and we're out hundreds of dollars because of it meaning the dog can't go to the vet, again. WHAM! Punch in the face for us and our dog.
This is why I don't believe in a prosperity gospel...often times all tithing seems to do is cause you to have to pull from savings to cover your bills, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't do it...It just means we shouldn't expect cash back rewards. In fact, things may get rougher because we're sacrificing..and sacrifice hurts, but for good purpose.
I think I'm just in one of those funks where I am fully aware of the presence of God but am a little bit irritated by where He's going with all of this...what lesson am I suppose to be learning that I'm not getting...maybe I need to stop worrying about everything? Maybe we need to be even better with our money so the punches feel more like pinches? Maybe we need to stop operating motor vehicles?
Who knows. Ugh. All in all I'm blessed, loved and content...can't complain about that!