Loving the Unlikeable

We've been having a bit of trouble with Caden being a bully. Suddenly, out of nowhere, he is taking out his 3.5 year old aggressions on any little person that looks at him the wrong way.
Sunday, he was a bit out of sorts because I had to lead worship and Jay had to work a booth at FSU fan day so Caden was at church bright and early at 7:15am and he was the last child picked up after the second service.
He had a rough morning, pushing and shoving, bullying several little ones in the church toddler room.
Wonderfully patient Ms. Jenn took him aside and said, "Caden, we don't push our friends," referring to those kids he had shoved around.
He looked at his victims angrily and replied, "They're not my friends."

All of Caden's life, we have referred to everyone around us (strangers or not) as 'friends'. It was an easier way of referring to someone when Caden hadn't yet grasped pro-nouns. As he's gotten older, I've become more apprehensive about using the word 'friend' as a vague label for every human being. After all, not everyone is his friend. In fact, few people on this planet will hold that title. He'll have many acquaintances, co-workers, colleagues...but few friends.
Obviously, just because Caden doesn't consider someone his friend, doesn't give him the right to shove them into a wall so he was disciplined big time for his antics. The rule: We only use our hands for hugs and high fives. That's what 'Yo Gabba Gabba' says anyway...but it got me thinking...

How do I teach a three and a half year old to biblically love people he just doesn't like?

Face it, we all have individuals in our lives that rub us the wrong way. In our church, our work place, our school, there may even be a family member that makes your skin crawl. How do we handle these situations? If our aim is to be Christ-like and follow God's greatest commandment to love Him and all of the people He has created, how do we do that practically when we just don't like some of them? Is it sinful to avoid eye contact with someone you don't have the energy to talk to? Is it wrong to cautiously keep people at arms length when your gut tells you they aren't to be trusted? Is it against God's will when you're super irritated by people? Did Jesus ever come across individuals that he didn't enjoy being around? I'm sure he LOVED them, but did he LIKE all of them?

What I'm learning (slowly but surely) is that God has not called us to be 'friends' with everyone. As a self-confessed people pleaser, I do not want to pass my fear of confrontation and easily-walked-on demeanor onto my child. I want him to embrace great relationships and to be brave enough to walk away from unhealthy ones even if drama occurs in the aftermath.

God's definition of love is this:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails..." - 1 Corintians 13:4-8

It is possible to love those we just don't like because 'love' and 'like' are two different thing. The world is filled with over 6 billion people with 6 billion personalities. We're not all going to be compatible. We all have different likes and dislikes, different views on politics, religion, current events, different senses of humour. We will all naturally gravitate towards some while we may not enjoy the company of others and I'm starting to realize that this is ok...in fact, it's healthy...as long as we are showing all people the 'love' that God describes in His word.

Nowhere in God's word does he call us to be everybody's friend...in a world where myspace has us ranking our 'TOP friends' and Facebook has us battling over 'who has the biggest 'friends' inventory', it's easy to forget what friendship really means.

When you encounter people you don't get a long with, I don't recommend shoving them into a wall...that's not loving in anyway, shape or form. ;) Since Caden is not required by God (or us) to be friends with everyone he meets, we are going to change the verbage to, "We don't push people because God wants us to be kind to everyone." Hopefully it'll take his little mind a while to find a rebuttal for that one.

I'm thankful for the friends that I have in my life. The people who know me and accept me regardless of my many flaws. The people I can laugh with and do life with...real people who are legit. Real friendship is worth it's weight in gold.