My Testimony

I've been thinking alot about my life lately...well specifically about my Christian testimony. I was raised in the church where I heard countless testimonies about people who have been plucked from the depths of sin and into the eternal grace of Jesus. As much as these stories are beautiful and worthy of praising God for, I was always left to feel like I had no testimony. This feeling was confirmed by people (mostly Christian friends) who would jestfully mock me for being a 'goody two shoes' who has never done 'anything.' If I had a quarter for everytime someone shook their head at me for not having done 'anything' I would have at least 7 dollars. On many occasions I have left bible studies, church services and various other places where background and salvation experiences are discussed, feeling ashamed for having no regrets. Strange? but it's true. I've either been made to feel niave, immature, out-to-lunch or arrogant for professing God's saving and keeping power over my life from the time I was literally a toddler till now. Here's the truth about me...brutally and honestly....
I have never smoked or even touched a cigarette to my lips. I have tasted alcohol but have never come close to becoming intoxicated. I have only ever been in one serious relationship and I am married to him. I was able to honestly wear white on my wedding day (if you know what I mean). The only thing that I can recall doing behind my parent's backs was sneaking out to a teen dance at a local bar when I was 14 when I spent the night at a friend's house (and for that mom and dad I deeply apologize :)
I have said bad words, I have had a rotten attitude on many, MANY occasions. I have harbored feelings of anger, unforgiveness, selfishness, guilt, jealousy...especially when someone skinny walks by. I pick up litter when no one is looking, I always put my grocery cart in the appropriate place because I fear the wrath of God from my Baptist upbringing (just kidding Dad). I hate doing anything that might get me in trouble. I like to have fun but I find nothing fun in disregarding authority. I am not in any way shape or form an exibitionist and tend to lean more to the side of over-modest in my dress. I like food WAY too much and don't exercise, floss, pray or read my bible as much as I should but I'm getting better at scheduling Jesus time. I love people. I hate confrontation and will do ANYTHING to avoid it, including lying about how I really feel. I am VERY good at masking my emotions. I hate crying infront of people, even though I am a very deep and emotional person I don't like coming across that way. I only like attention when I am trying to be funny. I have some issues with my self-esteem when it comes to my physical appearence however I am proud of the person that I am and the heart that God has given me.
Why do I say all of this? Because I am no longer going to be ashamed for what I haven't done because in doing so, I am being ashamed of God's work in me. Am I a sinner? ABSOLUTLY. Do I think I'm better then anyone else? ABSOLUTLY NOT! Have I hit rock bottom? No, but God has recently revealed to me that I don't have to in order to relate to people from all walks of life. I always thought that my empathy was not enough for me understand people who are involved with things I have never been involved with but I have learned something very important....I DO NOT NEED TO EXPERIENCE IT TO UNDERSTAND IT. Jesus never did, and he talked about everything. I am just sick of people learning about the person that I am and thinking that I don't have any understanding of what life is and what grace means.
So there you go. I just really feel as though God is saying, "Kathy, share what I've done in your life. Celebrate the fact that in my power alone I have kept you from life altering regret. Give me all of the glory and all of the praise. Thank me for giving humanity guidelines to live by that work. Be honest about your sin and your mess as well as your success. Honor me by sharing your story."
That's my testimony...and yes, I do have one.