Transformation

God has been answering my prayers in an amazing way. I don't actually know how to document this on my blog but, my well trained Christian brain is being blown away and opened up to sides of God that I had forgotten about. When we first settled into Tallahassee, Jason and I knew that for our spiritual well-being (and our sanity) we had to find something outside of the Corps to plug into. We tried several different bible studies with people outside of the Salvation Army, but nothing was really fitting for us. We began watching this minister who was being broadcasted from some church here in Tallahassee on television sometimes. We'd be flicking through the channels and see him speaking so we would stop and be taken in by it. We found that every time we heard him speak, we were motivated and convicted to change for the better and strive for holiness. Jason decided to get together with this guy so that we could forge ministries and get to know eachother a little better. They got together and Jason decided to go to the early service at his church before the sunday morning meeting at the Salvation Army. He attended a few times alone, because I was teaching sunday school an was unable to go and he loved every minute of it. He would then come to the Corps completely renewed and in a worshipful state of mind. I decided one Wednesday night to go with him and I sat through a worship service where people were raising their hands and going forward and crying and being very charismatic. I sat there and prayed silently to myself, "God show yourself to me, speak to me audibly so I will know where I am suppose to go and what I am suppose to do with my life once this position at the army is all over." At that moment the preacher (Brian) said, "someone here is wondering what they are suppose to do and where they are suppose to go." and he continued to talk directly to me answering every prayer that I had prayed in that moment. Needless to say, i was freaked out and I left the service that night not wanting to return. I'm not one for the group stuff. I like to pray and worship alone....this was what I said to Jason this past Wednesday when he wanted to go back to the church to their Wednesday night worship service. I was tempted not to go, but I decided I would try it again. We got there and Pastor Brian began to preach a sermon that was completely and utterly directed at Jason and I. He made a biblical argument for all of my excuses about worship and not being "too out there." I felt really convicted and my heart began to beat out of my chest. He then called that for anyone who wanted to find more of God to come forward. Jason and I went up and I began to cry uncontrollably. Now anyone who knows me, knows that I do not do the crying thing. I look at it as weakness and I don't like attention unless I'm doing stand-up comedy, so this was beyond my own doing, it was a God thing. I let go of my fear of rejection and looking like a fool and I stood there praying out loud, "Father, there must be more than this. I know you're bigger than what I've experienced. Speak to me like you did to the people in the bible." So while I am praying the pastor goes to Jason and begins praying over him and before long Jason has experienced this crazy, supernatural thing and he begins yelling and screaming. This freaked me out. he sounded like he was in pain! But I trusted God with him and I kept praying. The Pastor then came to me, laid his hands on my head and began praying over me, which then turned into him prophesying over me AGAIN! He answered all of my prayers, through the power of God a second time, telling me things he could never have known about me and telling me where God is going to lead me in the future. I was blown away. I felt the power of God that night, for the first time in a long time. The next day I was a mess. I felt embarassed and stupid and ashamed. I was confused and I was actually afraid of the power that I had experienced. We met with the Pastor for lunch and he answered all of our questions and just really showed us that he cared about us for no other reason but that he jus did. He didn't have any alterior motives and in fact told us that no matter if we ever came to his church again, he wanted to have a relationships with us and would be there for us whenever. Christ's love is an amazing thing. It really makes all the difference. It's all about relationsips!
So to make a REALLY long story short, I have learned many things. That God is much more powerful and "super" natural then we, especially in the Salvation Army, give him credit as being. That we shouldn't grind our teeth and wait for heaven to experience God, we can do it right now. That our church will never have power unless we pray for it TOGETHER and stop being afraid of the Holy Spirit. That the great commission comands us to go out and make disciples and through the Holy Spirit we will lead people to Christ through the POWER of God (healing, preaching, prophesy, driving out demons, etc.)That God did not send Moses to his people powerless to convince them that God was with them, but he had signs and miracles to show them that God was there, otherwise they wouldn't have believed, so why do we walk around and try to convince people to believe a God they can't see, touch, feel or hear? The truth is we CAN experience God, and if we are not, it's because we have created a seperation between ourselves and him. Man, I'm so excited to go to church tomorrow, and I havn't felt that way in a long, long time.
Thank you God.