Moms of Toddlers Devotions to Go

The time has come! My book is available for pre-order! Since this is my first rodeo, I gave everyone the website address for ordering the book when it's probably in my best interest to have everyone order it directly from me...and I can sign it then to, if requested :)
So, let me know via email if you'd like a copy of the book and I'll let you know how to purchase from there.
kathylynnstock@hotmail.com

Thanks!

Mother's Day

Genesischurch.tv kindly asked me to speak at the Mother's Day service last Sunday. It was a humbling and awesome experience to have my first speaking gig be among the church family I love so dearly. It was a special day. My mom was there, Preston was dedicated and my book went on sale for the first time. God showed up, calmed my nerves and graciously spoke through me to reach others and I was so overwhelmingly blessed by the whole thing. It was an amazing day, filled with evidence of His presence. If you want to check it out, click here.

Freaked Out

So, last night was the first night Preston slept in his nursery. He went down at 11 and didn't wake again to eat until 3am! Since it was his first time sleeping more than arms length away, I had the baby monitor up nice and loud and woke up every hour, nervous that I may have missed something while sleeping. But at 3 am, he woke and I went to feed him.
After about 40 minutes of eating, he was ready to settle back down. I put him in his crib, swaddled him up, put the paci in his mouth and went back upstairs.
He was peaceful and quiet when I left but by the time I got upstairs, I could hear him grunting and groaning through the monitor. I got back in bed, hoping he would settle back down on his own. He did this forabout 30 minutes while I lay listening.
Suddenly, I heard a voice, faintly on the monitor reception. I immediately assumed I was picking up a cordless phone frequency and thought nothing of it, other than how annoying it was.
Preston got a little louder...still not crying but grunting a lot. Then I heard the voice say, "Shhhh, Shhhh, it's ok. You're with someone who loves you."
WHAT?! I shot up in bed and woke Jay, telling him what happened and made a mad dash downstairs. When I got to Preston's room, he was silently sleeping, all alone in his room (thank goodness!) and when i listened for the baby monitor again the grunting and calming voice was still happening.....long story short, my monitor was picking up a crystal clear signal from the baby monitor next door and that baby that had been fussing and keeping me awake wasn't even mine!!!
Relieved, I decided to sleep on the couch for the rest of the night and forgo the monitor...but it took me forever to get back to sleep because my adrenaline was through the roof from being so freaked out.

He's Here

Preston James Stock
9 pounds, 1 oz, 21.5 inches long
Born April 18, 2010 at 4:56pm and he's perfect in every way.

It's Not About You

I am really sad today about how people so easily throw in the towel on Christianity. My life is filled with individuals who at one point or another, passionately loved God but checked out as soon as things got boring, complicated or too difficult. For some reason, I've been burdened about this a lot this morning. I didn't sleep last night (because I'm too uncomfortable to) and I was looking forward to grabbing some rest this morning while Caden is at his friend's house but I can't shut my mind off. I can't stop thinking about God's heart and how it must break at the way His children view Him.
I think when people start thinking about God or even 'get saved' they fall into this false mentality that it's about them. That God was created for their happiness, pleasure and purposes when the opposite is true. God wasn't created for you. You were created for God...and by God.
This selfish type of Christianity is fueled by what we've made it. We use the words 'Personal Savior' when that doesn't appear anywhere in scripture. He's not your personal savior like your personal butler or your personal gardener who is ordered and directed to fit the needs of you and your household. He is God. He created the world and everything in it and He alone knows what everything and everyone is created for.
I'm realizing that salvation is very different than what most new Christians think that it is...and perhaps it is our fault for false advertising...but I think the misconception is what causes so many people to say 'yes' to God and then fizzle out quickly when it doesn't look or feel the way they thought it would.
I realize that there are plenty of happy people who don't love God. Being a Christian is not about the pursuit of happiness. Lots of things will make you happy...in fact, sometimes choosing God will make you uncomfortable, tense and persecuted. The promise of Christianity is not happiness and situational perfection...it is purpose.
Salvation is a choice that may or not feel good to make. So many people wait for a moment of heightened emotionalism in an appropriate church environment before accepting Christ and that moment becomes their 'Salvation moment'. We wait for that moment when it feels right...a movie-esque, emotional readiness...the problem is that when that 'feeling' fades away, so does the lifestyle. Salvation is recognizing that there is a God, believing that He came to earth as a human who took the blame for everything we have done, are doing or are going to do that separates us from who He is and then choosing to say, "You can have me, God...you have control over my stuff, my goals, my family, my future...You may or may not change the details of my life but if you do, it's OK with me because I trust you, love you and am so humbled by what you did for me that I am going to chose to live my life for you, regardless of what that means. Forgive me and make me better than I am. I'm excited about becoming the person you've created me to be."
This is not an easy choice. We live in a world driven by selfishness. We pursue money and status and anything that increases our pleasure and decreases our pain. That's why so many people choose not to live for God...why sell out to something when it doesn't guarantee that things will be great for me?
BECAUSE IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU.
And that's why it's a choice. You have every right to say, "No thanks, I'm good. I'm happy, I have success, money, friends, family and I love my life just the way it is." God has given you a thinking mind and the ability to chose Him or protect your assets. The bible explains that the end result of this kind of living is eternally separation from God = Hell. I, for one, am not terribly motivated by this. I don't chose God as a means of avoiding Hell. I honestly don't. It's not about where I end up...even though I know my soul is homesick for Heaven, my motivation to love God and raise my children to love him is not wrapped up in an intense fear of Hell. It's wrapped up in a love and trust for God as my Father. I can have everything this world has to offer but if He's not a part of it, it's useless and has no value. We get one life and one chance to be great...and since God's weakness is greater than my strongest moment, I want Him to be what I live for. Following God isn't about getting into Heaven, although it will be glorious to see Him face to face someday...it's about embracing what life is all about. Want to know what 'this' is all about? It's God! He made it, He orchestrated it, He formed it, He loves it and it's all for Him...and when we chose to say, "I believe there's a God but that's about as deep as it goes," we're missing out on the purpose of being alive...we are making God fit into our world instead of asking Him how we fit into His.
I know SO many people who once loved God but don't have time for Him anymore and I hate it. I hate what He has become in the lives of people who have tried other things and like them better. I hate how His heart must break at the rejection He receives from His own children...but I am realizing that it comes down to simply choosing...and a person can't be convinced to be a Christian based on false promises of a flawless future or scaring them into loving God by dangling Hell in front of their face. It's a choice that you make whether you feel it's the right moment or not. It's a daily choice to seek His face and do His work in the planet...to view your life differently than just to accumulate as much good as you can for yourself. It's about surrendering your right to have everything you want and accepting the fullness and purpose that comes from being everything He wants.
I'm probably rambling...I just really wish people saw God for who He is, not what He can do for them. There is nothing more fulfilling than knowing you walk through life with the Creator of it. There's nothing better by which to define yourself because your job can come and go...your assets can go up in smoke...your family and friends can disappoint you...your body will age and deteriorate...your children will grow up and have lives of their own...the only one who is unchanging and can define your worth and your purpose is God, the Father.
I hope more people start to see how incredible He is and make the choice to come home.

In Case You Were Wondering...

The baby is not here yet.

Figuring Things Out

I like figuring things out. I like blacks and whites, rights and wrongs, can's and can't's.
The older I get and the more experiences I have, the more I realize how life is not a formula and that more grey and uncertainty abounds than I care to admit. In many cases, there is more than one right way to do something...and often times, what is right doesn't necessarily feel good, comfortable or very right at all.
I've had a few conversations lately that have helped me recognize the power of my language and the limitations it and my ideas of who I am have placed on who I can be...more importantly, on what God can do through me.
As part of my obsession with having things neatly figured out, I like to have a firm grasp on what it is that I as a person can and can't do. There is safety in sticking with what you're good at and leaving the rest to someone else.
I've very narrowly defined myself by steering clear of what scares me and embracing the things that I find easiest or most comfortable...
I say I can't play sports, even though I have never really tried or received any training or tips to get better.
I say I can't drive a stick shift because at one time, I stalled out. Instead of pressing through and learning how to do it, I told myself it wasn't meant to be.
I love singing and playing the piano on my own but am intimidated about doing so with a band for fear of not being good enough.
I often say how much better I am at writing than physically speaking my thoughts and shy away from opportunities to express anything of depth verbally.
I put myself in a box and throw God's power in there with me...instead of stepping out in faith, truly believing that the same power that conquered the grave lives in me.
Now, I'm not saying that I can excel at everything if I just try hard enough. I don't believe that I can be whatever I want to be. That may sound morbid and hopeless, but it's true. I do however believe that I can be whatever God has called me to be and that His calling may not necessarily fall in line with my limited definition of who I am.
I've met people on the other end of the spectrum. I remember working with a man who had 0 natural musical ability but believed that it was his area of expertise. He had no rhythm and was completely tone deaf but when asked what he felt God had gifted him to do he proudly replied, "Music is my gift".
Sometimes we can be so blinded by what we want that we miss what we're suppose to have...we settle for being mediocre in the area of our choice instead of surrendering our right to choose and embracing greatness in the area God has for us.
I also use to be one of those people who believed that God called people to very specific paths, locations, occupations...that He created a path for us called "GOD'S WILL" and that we needed to seek Him with such sensitivity as to not miss a single step. I don't believe that anymore.
I have become convinced that God could manipulate me like a marionette if he wanted but that He choses not to...and I believe that regardless of whether I am 'here' or 'there', I can be everything that He has called me to be...and that obstacles or open doors that lead me from point A to point B are just part of this life thing...and life can't be figured out. It unfolds and develops and takes unexpected turns but He walks along side as an intimate guide...he doesn't drag from the front or shove from the back.
All of this to say, I am excited about my future and scared to death of it. I'm uncertain about everything except God's presence and I guess that's how it should be...it allows me to define myself by nothing and no one but the one who created me. I am going to start to chose my language and my attitude about my life and my abilities much more carefully so as not to sabotage myself or my potential.
God and I are coming out of the box.

Good Friday

When I was 9, our church put together an Easter play. We practiced for weeks, my mom made costumes, we gathered props...I was so excited to be a part of it. My role? Middle curtain holder. That's right. We had assembled a hand held curtain which was a long piece of draping fabric, with three hockey sticks attached to it (how very Canadian, eh?) and three people walked the curtain out and blocked the public from seeing the scenery changes. I held the middle hockey stick...and I pretty much thought the production would not be able to happen without me. I took my job very seriously :)
The performance took place during the Good Friday service. When it was over, I went to the woman in charge and thanked her for letting me be a part of it. She laughed and said, "You're thanking me because you got to hold the curtain? Well, you're welcome!"
At the time, I couldn't figure out why she thought that was so funny, but I didn't think much about it.
After coming home, exhausted from my intense acting debut (sarcasm) I sat in my bedroom alone and thought about the production...and in the midst of my excitement and enthusiasm for having been a part of it, I began to cry. I specifically thought about the part of the production where the actors portrayed the scene of Jesus feeding the 5000...then I thought about what inevitably happened to him on the cross.
I remember that moment like it was yesterday...I was heart broken and guilt ridden about what Jesus went through, because he didn't deserve it. He was innocent. He was love.
I believe the story of feeding the 5000 stood out to me because it was a representation of how to do ministry God's way. That in the midst of the stress, demands, chaos and the hungry people waiting to be fed, Christ was nothing but patience and love. He physically showed us how to be his hands and feet AND attitude...he was perfection...the last person who deserved pain and rejection.
Every Good Friday since I was nine, I think about that...I know we aren't to live in a state of guilt and mourning...that doing so would negate the sacrifice that God so willingly made...but today, this day, is a day to remember in reverence the action that God took to show us the depth of his love for us. Today is a day to make the 'main thing' the main thing. It's a day to fall on our faces and say we're sorry and we're humbled and we graciously accept with unworthiness the sacrifice of love that this day represents. It's a day to stand in awe of who God is and what motivates Him to do what He does...His out-of-control love for you and me.

I'm Ready

Caden is ready for his little brother to meet him.
Daddy is ready to hold his second born son.
Mama is ready to see her newest little man and experience life with her entire family.
I sat in Preston's room today and prayed over his bed, for rest and protection. I prayed over his rocking chair, that the comfort, food and quality time he spends in it will bring him health, peace and happiness. I prayed that he be as perfect as humanity is capable of being...that he love God and be aware of Him his entire life...that he would be set apart...the same prayer I've been praying for his big brother, long before I ever saw his face.
Early in this pregnancy, there were moments when I mourned the loss of our family of three, where I worried about whether I could love another child the way I do Caden and I wondered how Caden would do with having a sibling around.
I was apprehensive about the changes down the road.
Now, I feel like we're not quite complete without Mr. Preston...we're all excited to see his face, to make memories with him, to hold him and know he's OK. What once felt like normal and comfortable, doesn't feel quite normal or right without him being here too.
So, anytime you're ready Preston, we're ready too. We love you already.

A Silly 4 Year Old

Pro-Life

I've been thinking about this term a lot today. I feel like I need to write about it and when that feeling arises, it's usually suppose to. I have no idea if this is meant for one person, one hundred or just for me to articulate my thoughts. Either way, here it goes.
I am pro-life. This doesn't just describe how I feel about abortion, as so many people apply the terminology, but I'll start there. I believe that life begins at the moment of conception. I believe that God has called us to protect young, fragile and innocent life, regardless of how inconvenient or ruthless it's coming about. I understand that this isn't a black and white subject...that the woman who utilizes abortion as a last resort form of 'birth control' and the young girl who was raped by a family member are in completely different situations when it comes to their position, their responsibility for conception and their emotional state. I hate that in a sinful, ugly world, women sometimes have their innocence stolen from them and that in the most heart breaking cases, a child is brought into a horrifying situation due to this injustice however, I have to stand and believe that this still doesn't give anyone of us the right to take a life. Could I ever look an abused, raped or incest victim in the face and judge her harshly? Never in my life. But I believe in God's ability to take that nightmare and transform it into a victory, a beautiful story of redemption and grace. I believe every child is capable of being a man or woman after God's own heart.
Being pregnant, I've often wondered what I would do if the doctor told me that my pregnancy was putting my life at risk. This is another area of grey when it comes to abortion. As a woman of faith, I believe in God's ability to overcome obstacles and perform miracles...I would find it difficult, near impossible, to terminate a pregnancy based on what a doctor said was imminent danger when God is so much bigger than medicine and disease but at the same time, I have been given a mind and heart to make decisions for the well-being of my family. I was watching a TLC special the other day about a woman who's rare type of pregnancy was killing her. After coming close to death, the pregnancy was terminated to save her life. I whispered a prayer for her. I can't imagine being in that position. This type of pregnancy termination is so situational...and so difficult...and so case specific. I honestly don't know what I would do. On one hand, I have a family that needs me...on the other, I could be carrying a miracle child who just needed time to prove the medical community wrong...I hope I never have to face a decision of that magnitude. I praise God that both my boys had/have been healthy pregnancies. I am burdened today for women who have faced tragedy within pregnancy. Such an event requires super-human strength to deal.
I have no rage, anger or hatred towards any woman who has made a decision to terminate a pregnancy. I believe that angry protests with disturbing imagery is not the way to tackle this problem in society. It just fuels the widely though public opinion that Christians are heartless and crazy. I instead mourn the loss of the innocent and pray whole heartedly that women who feel like they have no other option, would find another option and we will invest our money and resources into areas that help provide those alternate solutions (the local women's pregnancy center, adoption organizations, etc).
Those who have followed my political writings are aware that I wasn't the biggest George W. Bush fan in the world, but I have to publicly commend him on his stance and pro-activeness on the position of abortion. He made great strides in the ending of late term abortion, a ruthless practice and although I believe that politics is not souly in place to overturn Roe Vs. Wade, I hope someday it's illegal to kill unborn children in this country, the same as it is illegal to kill anyone else. So that's my pro-life stance when it comes to abortion.
I don't believe a person can rightfully call themselves 'pro-life' if they are for the death penalty. People who are against abortion but for the death penalty can rightfully call themselves 'anti-abortionists' but not 'pro-life'. Life is life. The life of the unborn and innocent and the life of the sinful man or woman. By saying we can decide which citizens are fit to live and die is far too much power for any judge or jury to have. This is an out-dated and barbaric establishment that needs to be thrown out. From a spiritual perspective, it negates a lot of what Jesus died for. Jesus came and lived a sinless life, taking on the sins of the world (the murderer, rapist, gossiper, adulterer etc.) and dying for them so that we wouldn't have to...so that in Him, we could be dramatically changed and healed of our transgressions, no matter how miniscule or gargantuan. It's amazing to me that an American court room would have put Saul to death before he had the opportunity to become Paul. Trust me, I don't say this lightly. If anyone sexually assaulted, purposefully injured or took the lives of my children, I would need God's strength and probably the restraint of several burly men to keep me from taking that person out with my bare hands. As humans, we are entitled to anger, redemption and justice. As Christians, we are called to be immeasurably more and to recognize what God can do to miraculously transform a monster into a disciple. We are called to lay down our right for revenge. God is the one who chooses who lives and who dies. Christians often take a stance on this when it comes to abortion and euthanasia, but not the death penalty. It's always blown me away that we're so passionate about saving one life but so eager to fry another. God can make a miracle of both the unwanted, inconvenient and undeserving.
Outside of the whole Jesus thing :), capital punishment has taken the lives of innocent people, killing them for crimes they did not commit. In Florida alone, a non-profit organization called the Innocence Project has proven the innocence of 7 people who were either sentenced to life in prison or the death penalty. I had the opportunity to meet one of these men who was awarded millions of dollars in 'we're sorry we took 25 years away from your life and almost killed you' money...no amount of money can buy back what he's lost in both time and emotional/ mental strain. Thank God he wasn't killed before his innocence was proven. Many have not been as lucky. Also, it costs 70% more for a person to be on death row than to complete a life sentence in a maximum security facility. Trends in death penalty cases also prove it to be racist, sexist and biased. Check out the stats and facts at Amnesty International's Web Page.
Jay and I often watch 'Lock Up'. On this show, they highlight different offenders and tell the back story of their lives. The majority have had hellish upbringings, abusive homes and overwhelming neglect. I don't condone law breaking or violent acts but after hearing where a lot of these people have come from and lived through, I wonder if I wouldn't be the same way had I not grown up in a loving, protective family. Being 'pro-life' means seeing the whole person and recognizing the sanctity of what God has made, not seeing the crime alone and declaring that person hopeless and worthless. Amazing Grace is for them too.
So I guess, to make a long story even longer, I am pro-life...meaning I believe in the sanctity of human life. I believe that God is bigger than anything we have done, could do or will do and that through Him we can surrender 'our rights' and do 'the right thing.' I recognize that it's easy for me to sit here and write about this topic and sound self-righteous. I am not. Trust me. I have an overwhelming amount of empathy for women who find themselves with an unwanted pregnancy...and I could never look a woman in the face, whose husband has been murdered by a ruthless, unapologetic killer and condescendingly say, "You just need to love the criminal the way that Christ loves the church." I know that this is a near impossible feat, that outside of Christ it doesn't make sense and that if it were me, I would probably struggle my entire life to get through the hate but I know what I believe God has called us to do, as men and women after His own heart. His greatest commandment was not for us to end abortion or maintain the man-made rituals of the church or take a pro-active stance against homosexuality...it is to love. Love. With no limits and no restrictions. It's easy to love the cute, kind and deserving. He has called us to love every one.
I hope and pray that this resonated with somebody who is needing and ready to lay down their right of being exhaustingly angry, cripplingly self-centered and painfully confused and take on new found eyes and thankfulness for the sanctity of human life, without harsh judgement towards those who may see things a different way.
If you made it to the end of this, thanks for reading.
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:13-14.

I'm Back! (No pun intended)

Sorry I've been MIA for a week or so. Baby Preston has descended into my lower abdomen (otherwise known as 'dropping' but that sounds so violent to me...) and his new position is wreaking havoc on my lower spine. Sunday afternoon, I sat on my couch to watch an MSNBC special about Newfoundland and it's role in 9/11 (amazing story by the way) and afterwards, I couldn't walk without terrible pain. For the majority of this week, I've been laying down, hobbling from bathroom to bed to couch and back again, unable to sit upright in a chair. This all stems from an injury I suffered many years ago and due to Preston's low lying position, is rearing it's ugly head again. Nothing chiropractics and ARP therapy can't tackle once Preston's out. Until then, the goal is to stay comfortable, resting when possible, preparing for Preston's exit. Herniated disks make childbirth seem so much more excruciating. Oh well, he's worth it.
Caden was always uncomfortably high while I was pregnant, giving me horrible heartburn and never really 'dropping' at all. 3 weeks before his due date he made his appearance just the same. Preston is in a very different position and although his sudden descent has caused my heartburn and windedness to almost disappear, my lower back is taking the brunt of the force.
I have to thank everyone who has come to my aid this week, helping with Caden, fixing meals for us, giving me rides to the chiropractor and hospital, calling to check in, sending uplifting emails and facebook comments and playing the violin for me while I whine. You know who you are. Thanks SO much.
As of right now, I'm feeling MUCH better than I did at the start of the week. I'm still unable to sit upright for any length of time without having my walking compromised but as long as I avoid evil chairs, I'm able to function pretty well without much pain. Thank God!
I'm nervous about going out in public and having a flare up. I really don't know until I go from sitting to walking whether or not I'll be able to put one foot in front of the other but I think with a few more days of rest, I'll be doing great...as long as I don't do anything stupid like wash the floor on my hands and knees or move furniture around. Nesting is dangerous. Lesson learned.
In other news, Caden is amazing and super excited about being a big brother. Jay is experiencing some serious success in his new position at Gold's Gym. The owners of the company are thrilled with what he is bringing to the table and this month feels more natural and right than last month did. The hours are long and the work sometimes taxing, but he is doing an incredible job. Very proud of him.
My mom and sister are coming to visit in May. I can't wait. It's going to be amazing. We're also planning a nice, mini-vacation with Jason's parents for June which will be a much needed refresher for everyone. Caden is really looking forward to his family coming, although he's not impressed that 'Pop's gotta work'. Hopefully we'll see Pop sooner than later ;)
I'm mailing the final edits of my book to the publisher tomorrow. I would have sent it earlier this week but the whole being immobile thing made it difficult to focus on anything but walking erect successfully. I'm so humbled and excited about this opportunity and can't wait to start working on the next piece.
Well, that's all for now. Thanks for stopping by and catching up.

BabyWise

I'm a big fan of the BabyWise Series by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam. When Caden was a toddler I was so conflicted about my parenting style, how I wanted to discipline, structure, educate...just about everything. I checked out many books, all of which didn't resonate with me...many of which contradicted themselves...but then I picked up ToddlerWise and I was hooked. I highly recommend this series to anyone and everyone who needs info about children. There's BabyWise (a Sleep Reference Guide), BabyWise (6-12 months I think...), ToddlerWise, Pre-schoolWise, ChildWise, ...you get the picture.
As soon as I found out Preston was coming I ordered the BabyWise books and am just now having the time to read through them. I'm excited about being more confident and equipped this time around. Poor Caden was kind of like my guinea pig but thankfully he's turning out to be a pretty awesome little man in spite of my inabilities and hopefully because of our guidance as well.
The one theme that really echos within me as being true and right in this series is the importance of a healthy marriage in the role of raising a child. If you're a single parent or divorced co-parents, this doesn't mean your children can't be healthy human beings. Single parents (in my opinion) are the strongest people on the planet. Some marriages are so toxic that (depending on the circumstances) parenting and functioning separately is what's best for everyone involved. What I'm referring to is that IF there are two parents in the home, functioning as a married couple, that unit has a profound effect on their children and the health of it is the best gift they can give their kids.
One of my favourite lessons in parenting came from Phil Harris when he spoke at genesischurch.tv a few years ago. He said, "There was an 'us' before there was a 'them'."
So often when a child comes into the picture, a couple's focus shifts from each other to their child. The family becomes child centered. This is almost always done unintentionally and innocently. After all, what's not to love about your child? The joy and hope and warmth they bring is indescribable. I remember when Jay and I brought Caden home, we were both filled with this newfound sense that the world was a much better place now that he was in it.
Often times, couples put their children before each other, thinking this is best for the child when in fact, it's detrimental to them. Childwise talks about a little girl who was having trouble sleeping through the night and staying in her own bed. Each day she was tended to by her stay-at-home mom and each evening when Dad got home, he focused completely on her, playing with her, reading to her...doing all of the things great Dads do. They were baffled as to why she was such an unhealthy sleeper. After meeting with the authors of this book and implementing a nightly 'couch time' (a time when the parents sit and talk, in full view of their child, but make it clear that it's 'their' time and they are not to be interrupted) she was sleeping peacefully, all night long. The parents were confused as to how these two things correlated but soon realized that in the middle of the night, when they were both trying to get their little girl to sleep, was the only time she saw them working together, being together, talking to each other...and she craved it.
Kids want to see their parents making each other a priority. Parents need to feel confident in saying, "Daddy will play with you in just a minute but first I want to spend time with Mommy." We think this may cause our child to feel rejected, when in actuality (whether they whine about it in the moment or not) they need it, they crave it, they feel safe when their parents are united, confident in their family unit being a strong one.
Jay and I make a point to go on dates and we make sure Caden knows what we're doing and why. When we get dressed up and call a sitter, he asks, "Are you going on a date?" Sometimes he'll say, "I wanna come!" but we gently remind him that dates are special time for Mommy and Daddy to be together alone. This doesn't have to be expensive. Sometimes we call someone who is willing to watch Caden for free and we sit outside of Starbucks and talk for hours. For less than 3 bucks, you can have a great date night out.
It's hilarious how my 4 year old is already excited about getting married. He knows that what we have is a good thing. We have family time and one on one time where Caden gets to spend quality time with just me or just Daddy, but date night is a major priority for the health of our marriage and the health of our boys. We want to model the kind of marriage we want them to have...After all, my job is not to raise a child...it's to raise an adult...it's to raise him to leave me, as much as that stings. If he's not capable of leaving home, confident in his ability to function in the world, unafraid of failing in order to succeed then someday finding a wife and treating her like a queen, we've done something wrong. How we model life, especially marriage, plays a huge part in his success later in life.
I'm blessed to have married a man who's mother and step-father modeled a loving relationship. Bob loves Cathy. Cathy loves Bob. It's beautiful to watch...they are best friends.
I was blessed to watch my mother be an exceptional wife and my father be an exceptional husband. Because of his example, I knew what to look for and because of hers, I learned how to reciprocate love.
A healthy marriage is the best gift a married couple can give to their kids. I pray first that above all else Caden and Preston love God and live for Him. I want this for them more than I want academic success, professional success, anything. Secondly, I want them to be amazing husbands some day...who will then become amazing fathers. I can't wait to see and meet their beautiful families.

At Last...

Life has slowed down to a comfortable walking pace. Last week was my final week working at the Episcopal Church and I must say, as much as I loved it, learned a ton and needed the money, I'm glad to be done. I think I spent most of last week out of breath...between training the new hire (who I had to find myself!), a billion errands, Caden's birthday party (he turned 4 on Thursday!), worship team, traveling several hours to attend and play at a wedding and the whole baby growing thing, I was flat out exhausted. Today marks the start of a few low key weeks before Mr. Preston arrives. MUCH needed down time.
I do have to spend some of that time getting his room ready. We've done nothing. Thankfully, Shea and Matt Tillery have SHOWERED us with baby stuff so we've got a lot of the things we need. I just need to get some nursery decor together and a few odds and ends to feel really ready. He'll be here before we know it!
I'm due April 16th but Caden showed up 2.5 weeks, early weighing in at 7 pounds after measuring small his whole pregnancy...this child is a bit larger so I wouldn't be opposed to having him at the beginning of April...but I'll wait 'til he's done cooking...not like I have choice! ;)
I need to do some reading to feel prepared for this labor, delivery and newborn thing. I know I've done it before, but it was a while ago and I'm assuming that like every pregnancy, every labor is different too. I'm sure a refresher wouldn't hurt.
I also have been sent the final online copy of my book! I need to go through it and edit anything that I feel needs changing and then it should begin printing. The book is due on the 15th of April...Preston is due on the 16th...crazy.
So I'll be using my new found quiet time to prep for Preston's arrival, play with Caden, feel sane and upkeep the blog, since I've been slacking in recent weeks.
My home, my life, my parenting, my brain...it's all starting to feel right again...I'm so overwhelmingly thankful for my life.

Brain Explosion

That's what best describes my brain in the midst of the chaos that is life these days.
I'm working less than 20 hours a week, trying to do a job that involves about 30-40 hours of work...this means I'm always taking stuff home, bringing Caden into the office after his nap and really stressed out about dropping the ball and forgetting the details.
I've enjoyed my time at the church but I'm ready to move on and not be torn in a billion different directions.
My beautiful and amazing friend Kris has graciously been not only taking care of Caden while I work in the mornings, but has been picking him up and dropping him off at my door. Amazing. Life would not be functioning right now without her.
Jay's new job better be worth the cash. That's all I'm saying about that...nah, I'll say some more.
He is the hardest worker I've ever known and no one puts more pressure on Jay than Jay. He's been working 9-8, everyday and lost two of his three sales people during his first week of work because they relocated/took new positions somewhere else. This has left him working every day of the week (weekends included) to reach goals and that doesn't look like it's going to change anytime soon. I know there's no where he'd rather be than with us but I also know that he has a passionate drive to make sure we have everything we need. I have so much respect for him and I miss him.
The new schedule has been hard. I am once again affirmed in thinking that single parents are the strongest people in the world. It's been really hard to do this on my own, since Jay and Caden are only seeing each other about 45 minutes a day in the mornings before work. We pick him up at 8 each evening (which usually turns into 8:30 if there's an issue at the gym) and Caden falls asleep on the way back to the house. I'm thinking that he is needing to be in bed by 7:30 with his new found aversion to daytime napping but with our car-sharing, that's not a possibility right now. He's been acting out a good bit and copping a big time attitude with me and others he feels comfortable enough with to lash out at. I feel bad for the little guy...he's just trying to adjust to the new schedule but I'm also having to crack down pretty hard on the behavior. It's been exhausting to say the least. We use to pull a great 'good cop-bad cop' routine...but now I'm the only cop around most of the time. Each day I bring Jay to work, go to work, run around like a crazy person getting things done, rush home, deal with a tired and attitude-filled little boy, get him in the bed...by this time it's 2:30 and I haven't had anything to eat since breakfast. Not good for a pregnant lady...Me hungry! Me want food!
I am about 33 weeks pregnant and am feeling pretty good. I tested positive for gestational diabetes during my first screening but I think it may have been a false reading. I'm still waiting to hear the results from the second screening which I'm hoping is fine...no news is good news, right?
I'm excited to set up Preston's nursery next week!! Baby furniture is tucked into every corner of the living room and thanks to my amazing friend and the most generous soul ever, Shea Tillery, I will have a truck load (literally) of more baby stuff tomorrow that her precious son Ollie has grown out of. My handful of close friends are the most amazing a woman could ever ask for.
I hope this post isn't coming across as negative, because I gave negativity up for Lent :) but it is my current reality. The key is that in the midst of the craziness, chaos, attitudes, ups and downs, I chose to be the best person I can be and count my blessings, which are numerous. Somedays I succeed...other days I fail miserably...thankfully, there's grace on those days.
The house is a MESS so I am going to go nest-it-up a little bit and maximize the 'none-swollen-feet' hours of the day to get some work done.
Until next time...when I have something a bit more inspirational to say...

New Hair

I think I am experiencing some cutter's remorse...but it's only hair and it will grow back.

Turning the other cheek

“But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also” Matthew 5:39

I've heard this passage of scripture 1000 times before. I'll be honest, I haven't read it recently but for some reason, it flashed into my mind this morning as I lay in bed, awake and praying for a woman in my life. This person doesn't read my blog and isn't on my facebook so this is not some lame attempt to send a passage aggressive message to someone in a cryptic way. I don't believe in using public sites for such purposes.

I was praying for a woman I know who is very angry and bitter. A woman who believes herself to be a victim of all things. A woman who refuses to acknowledge that anything unhealthy in her life is her fault or her choice. I've been praying for this person for quite some time. I woke up this morning in the 6 o'clock hour with her on my mind. I began praying peace over her. I began praying that God would change her heart. Suddenly Matthew 5:39 flashed across my mind and I began to interpret that verse in a way I hadn't before.

This verse isn't Jesus telling us to be passive and meek in the face of adversity. It isn't him telling us not to fight or stick up for ourselves when being oppressed. It isn't him saying, "If someone literally hits you, stand there and let him hit you again."

I believe that one way this scripture can be viewed is of Jesus saying, "Chose your attitude."

If you get smacked in the cheek, you have every right to be hurt and angry. You can say that you are entitled to your pain and show everyone you meet how red that part of your face is. You can use your sore jaw as a reason to be ugly to people, to be self-centered, to be inwardly focused. You can rub your face and grow angrier and angrier every time you think of the person who did that to you. You can let the red, throbbing side of your face be the part that represents you....or.....you can turn the other cheek outward and let THAT side represent you.

In the midst of having every reason to be sad, angry, depressed and selfish, you can chose to literally put your best face forward. You can chose your attitude.

I think Jesus might have been saying, "When someone hurts you, show them the best sides of you...let them know they can't defeat you with their negativity and their abuse because you chose not to be defeated. Show them the good side even when they get on your bad side."

It was an interesting thought...not one that came from countless hours, dissecting the original scrolls or cross referencing historical facts but just an image and an idea that flashed into my head while I lay in bed in the morning, praying for someone who needed intercession.

A word of advice: Turn the other cheek...and be cautious of the people you see who embrace their right to have a busted jaw...they may be the ones swinging a left hook in your direction. Hurt people, hurt people. Don't be the one causing the pain.

Jesus Will Disappoint You

The following is taken from an article in Relevant Magazine:

"I’ve learned my disappointment is always tied to my imperfect projected expectations upon a perfectly loving God who doesn’t always behave as I would have Him. God is not our puppet, though we like to pretend He is. And when we come face to face with the reality that we are rarely in control of our lives and most certainly not in control of God, disappointment results. Disappointment that we can’t have things our way, in our timing. Jesus will disappoint all of us, but in time we will see our disappointing moments are also our most refining ones. They are the moments that birth hope and instill the necessary wisdom for a future we must face.
When we reduce Jesus to merely an insightful person but refuse to recognize Him as the all-knowing sovereign Creator of the world, we lose the privilege of really knowing Him. The words in 1 John set my heart at ease: “This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence: If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything” (1 John 3:19-20).

God has no obligation, nor intention, to explain every happening He causes or allows in our lives. That doesn’t make Him any less loving or good. It makes Him a father. A father who, like I do regularly with my little girl, withholds explanations His children don’t need or won’t understand."

- Russ Masterson

Mom Town

Mom Town is a strange place. It can be thankless and lonely while being amazing and insanely rewarding. Somedays you feel like the President and other days you feel like the sewage worker...or the punching bag at the local gym. Nothing pays better or worse than the occupation of motherhood. The majority of what you do is unseen and unrecognized by human eyes but incredibly appreciated by anyone who comes in contact with you, whether they can put their finger on it or not.
The residents of Mom Town make an incredible difference to the planet everyday, even when they don't shower or leave their houses. The work they do is taxing in every way imaginable but they are more than glad to do it...in fact, they can't fathom not doing it. They can not clock out and they can not go anywhere else.
Mom town can be a bit of an obnoxious place from time to time. There are many residents who believe their methods of parenting are the best and they feel the need to give unsolicited advice CONSTANTLY, whether it's good or not. Whether they have one child or eight children, some residents of Mom Town act like they have PhD's when they've barely reached the first grade of motherhood. Other times they abuse their position and do not live up to their title. This brings everyone in the town down.
The residents of Mom town can be awesome for each other or detrimental to one another, depending on the day. This is due to the incredible amounts of estrogen and progesterone flowing through the aqueducts of the city. The most powerful and wonderful residents of Mom Town are the real and down to earth women who do their best, love their kids and can admit that they don't know everything. They have a sense of humor about themselves and a sense of empathy for each other. They make the city worth living in.
The residents of Mom Town take a special interest in the people of Pregnantville. In fact, a lot of the Mom Town ladies reside on the border of Pregnantville and Mom Town, several times throughout their lifetime. Pregnantville is a passionate and interesting place. The residents of Pregnantville have to put up with a lot during their stay. They receive the unsolicited advice of the Mom Towners while enduring the ignorant comments from the people of Mansboro and 'No-kids-yet' City. There is something in the water of Pregnantville that can make ones hair and skin look radiant while making them sick to their stomach at the same time. It's a fun place, a beautiful place, a place of miracles and destiny.
I've been twice and although I've thoroughly enjoyed myself, I don't think I'll return after this last trip :) Two times in Pregnantville is quite enough for me.
But Mom Town is somewhere I plan on staying forever. Even though there's no such thing as sleeping in or eating your food while it's warm, it's still the greatest place on earth.
It's everything I never knew I wanted and I'm so grateful to be here.

Success

We attended a different church last week. When people hear that they generally assume all kinds of things. What happened? Why are they leaving their church? I wonder why they don't like their old church anymore?
In reality, we just wanted to try something new for a sunday. We both felt the need to change the routine a little, experience something different, meet some new people. This was not done because the regular routine and old people arent enough. Truth is, I wish more people would step outside of the walls of their particular denomination or circles periodically and meet their neighbour down the street. In the New Testament, churches were divided mostly due to geography. Today, they are just divided. Take Tallahassee for example. There are 600+ churches in this town with a new one being planted every other day. I don't like the unwritten rule that we can't cross borders and see how our brothers and sisters in Christ are doing. I think I'm going to buck that system...Actually, I think I already am :)
It's amazing to me how experincing something new can greatly broaden your world view and give you fresh perspective, making you a better person. That's been my reality over the last few weeks and I love it. I love the feeling of revelation, growing, learning, changing. These things can't happen unless we're willing to take in all kinds of newness from day to day.
We're lucky to have a child that loves a good adventure so when we asked him if he wanted to go to a different church and meet new friends, he was all about it. When we arrived, they had a giant indoor play room so he was pretty much ready to sign the membership forms :) I was hoping he wouldn't break a commandment and start bowing in reverence towards the huge, red slide and luckily, he was able to focus on the bible lesson prior to playtime.
We enjoyed the service. The music was well balanced, well done and the people were friendly but not overtly friendly. It was a larger church so it was easy to sneak in and sneak out unnoticed, which is a good thing when you're shy and visiting but a bad thing when you're wanting to be connected. There were many different types of people. Jay and I were very touched by a hearing impaired woman who passionately signed words of praise heavenward. There was another man who literally danced and danced and danced throughout the entire praise set. The joy was thick and the passion was undeniable.
When the message began, the young preacher looked intriguingly towards the crowd and said, "How do you judge the success of a church?"
It was in that moment that I was entranced and knew that I was suppose to be there on that Sunday...because I realized that this was the question I had unknowingly been asking myself. Not only about my own church but about myself as a member of it...as a member of my community...as a member of my family...as a member of Heaven's roster. What does success look like?
He spoke of the division that took place in the garden of Eden...how in a split second and a wrong choice, we forever severed the perfect unity that existed between us and God, us and each other and us and the earth. Tigers weren't trying to tear Adam apart, Eve didn't secretly wish he was more than what he was...they weren't self conscious about how they looked...they didn't even know what nudity was! They didn't fear God or even think to hide anything from Him. All was in unity. All was perfect. But even in perfection, there was an opportunity to fail and fail they did. Suddenly, they hid themselves and became aware of so many things that kept them (and us) from ever fully engaging with one another. God then told them that childbirth would be excruciating and planting, building and maintaining the earth was going to be hard and painful for them.
We've read the story a hundred times but this was the first time I ever became aware of the following: The very purpose for which we were created was not meant to be easy for us. For Adam and Eve (and us), this not only meant reproducing and working the land but it meant relationships as well.
We were created to be in relationship. Even God doesn't exist outside of it. We were created to grow together, learn from one another, bare each other's burdens and walk through life together. Even the introvert needs another. We weren't just meant to be in community with God but with His children as well. It is dawning on me that this, relationship, the very thing we were created for, is not meant to be easy for us. It's meant to hurt! It's meant to make you sweat! It's meant to bring about momentary suffering and seasons of dry ground before giving birth to greatness.
The speaker tied this to the church's success by explaining that unlike big business, a church cannot be judged as successful by it's membership base or the amount of tithes it brings in. It can only be judged as successful by the depth of it's community and the connectivity people have with one another and God...the unity that is worked towards...the connection that was effortless and natural in the Garden of Eden which is now difficult, tiring, frustrating but purposeful.
I think this Sunday we are going to attend the church I have been working at. It should be a completely different experience than any I've had thus far and I'm excited to be open and available for the revelations God will show me there.
So to any and all that are concerned with my 'church hopping' you needn't be. I am instead taking in all that is around me in an effort to grow, mature and connect with people of other denominations who love and serve the same God that I do. I highly recommend it. If anything, it will make you better for when you return home.