I-I-Ice

Caden has become a very talkative kid. He was slow to start, but we're starting to think that was by choice and nothing else.
He repeats and can say just about everything we do...sometimes it's in his dialect, but for the most part you can pick it out after a few attempts.
He does however still refers to Mickey Mouse as,'i-i-ice'. We often have this conversation:

me: "Can you say Mickey?"

Caden: "MICKEY!"

me: "Can you say Mouse?"

Caden: "Mouse!"

me: "Can you say Mickey Mouse?"

Caden: "I-I-ICE!"

One day he did say 'Mickey Mou' and my heart sank a little...I realized that the day he stops saying 'I-I-Ice' will be a very sad day for me...I have come to love those words and the little voice that says them, and I am painfully aware that my little boy gets less 'little' everyday. So now that I am affirmed that there is nothing wrong with my little boys speech, I am in no rush to say good-bye to 'I-I-Ice' just yet.

So far...

...so great! Caden is loving is new school. I've noticed a huge change in him in just the 3 days he's been attending. First of all he is sun kissed and dirty as sin when I pick him up, which I LOVE. He looks and wreaks of fun. He's also in a much better mood in the evenings. He is still sleepy from the long day of fun, but we've had 3 evenings in a row that have been totally tantrum-less. He is still a bundle of energy who listens about 60% of the time, squeals for every emotion and is a bit to rough with the cat but that little angry, chaotic, stressed out streak I saw coming about in him has almost completely diminished...it's really amazing the change in his spirit which makes me more relieved then ever that he is where he is.
Amber (a close friend of the fam and long time child care provider at church) is his teacher and I couldn't ask for a better situation. She has been amazing...giving me detailed updates on his days and taking fantastic care of him. Each morning this week he has asked to go to "Amber's school" and when we get to school he is a completely different kid than when I use to drop him off at 'bad school'. Before he use to turn into a statue and I would have to nudge him through the door. When I would try to kiss him and say goodbye he would be completely unresponsive, like he was scared to death. I would leave smiling and drive away crying.
Now he walks in to school like he owns the place, gives me a kiss and says, "Bye Mama!" and aside from being a little scared of bugs on the playground (just like his mama) he has an amazing time. Everyone there is so in tune and connected to the kids. It's a fantastic place. In October, he will be representing Canada in an International Day singing concert. His first little concert! I'm SO EXCITED!
There has been a lot going on in the world this week. On the national scene with big business crashing and in the lives of people I know who could really use a break. All I can say (and I say this to myself daily) is that God is faithful...the bad needs to happen in order for us to relish the good and He is ultimately good. When desperation and hunger ends there is a glorious fullness and satisfaction.
I hate having to work. I hate not being with Caden...but God has created a way for this scenario to be the best it can be for now, and that's fabulous to me.

And...........

.........HE'S IN!
Thanks to Jesus, Jason and Amber, Caden is a full-time student at Little Lambs Pre-school!
He spent the day there today and had an amazing time. Everyone was impressed with his friendliness and his vast array of words...who knew the boy who couldn't talk at 2 would be the chattiest kid at 2.5!
I'm thrilled and completely at peace. I'm trying to tell myself the money part of it will just work itself out, and it will. After the miracle of getting him in I'm not going to waste time stressing about something stupid like money. God is much too faithful.
So tonight I do not have to go to sleep with a pit in my stomach about dropping Caden off at bad school tomorrow. Ah...
Peace is not something to take forgranted. Today was a great day.

Update

My friend Amber who works at the fabulous daycare Caden is attending today, had the privilege of being in the 2 year old room this morning and was able to observe Caden on his 'trial' day. The verdict: He's been doing great! According to her he has already learned a lot of the kids names and is one of the more verbal kids in the class. He has been saying 'Pwease' all day and listening to his teachers. He didn't fuss when Jay left and after nap this afternoon he will be hanging out in the 3 year old room to see if he would be better suited being with more verbal kids.
Crazy to think Caden is the chatty one...it took him a long time to start but now that he's started, he doesn't shut up! I love it. He has the cutest little voice...
Anyways, I'm super dooper proud of him. He is a good ambassador of the Stock house while away from Mommy and Daddy and he is going to get a special treat when picked up from school today...perhaps ice cream...because when Caden gets a treat, Mommy gets a treat too :)
All in all I am overwhelmingly blessed to have great friends and God's hand in my life, being the ultimate Father for me and my family.
Thanks to all for your prayers...they didn't fall on deaf ears!
We'll know more today about whether or not he's in full-time starting in October. We're hopeful and certain that whatever happens, it will be for the best.
I love having peace in my belly.

Matthew 21:22

"If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."

Tomorrow is a big day....wait, let's start with today...

Today, my husband got off work early to go visit the new daycare where Caden is on the waiting list. I've been a bit (under exaggerated) stressed about Caden's school situation and have not been a big fan of his current childcare centre thus far. Sunday's and Tuesday's are difficult for me, because I spend them worrying about dropping Caden off at the "bad school" the next day. Yesterday was a particularly worrisome day.
Back to today: Jay stopped by the school to see it, meet the teachers and the director. After having a heart to heart with her about our situation, she decided to let Caden come to school tomorrow to see how things go. If they go well...if he adjusts well and if the teachers adjust well to the extra student, there may be a possibility of him getting in full-time! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
(screaming is frowned upon in our house so I will type-scream instead)

So tonight I am nervous, excited, wondering what tomorrow will hold. I am hoping my little boy wakes up on the right side of the bed, that he plays well with others. That he naps well at nap time and has a fantastic day. For those of you who have been praying about this situation, thank you! Whisper a prayer tonight that God will cover Caden and his new school tomorrow, that all will go well and that he will be welcomed into this new school with open arms. Pray that he refrains from biting his new friends...this is a very important part of making a good first impression :)

God is so faithful even when I panic and wonder if He'll pull through. Lately there have been many situations that have caused my faith in humanity to be shaken...moments where I've wondered if there is anyone on earth that can be deemed trustworthy...thankfully, God is trustworthy. Truly loving and truly good.

As for tomorrow, I'll keep you posted ;) Wish us luck...better yet, pray like crazy!

"There is No One Else for Me...None but Jesus"

This is what I sang this morning...an incredible testiment of faith. A statement that I felt very unworthy to lead...
As a mother of one, I find myself very focused on my Son. I put an incredible amount of pressure on myself to raise a healthy, well balanced, good man of God and I over analyze every situation he's in, driving myself crazy with the 'what if's'.
I trust God with my money. I trust Him with my future. I trust Him to protect me. I trust Him to sustain me. I trust that He loves me...but a constant struggle of mine is to trust Him with Caden. Somewhere along the line I have made being Caden's mother the most important thing in my life and it is when I re-prioritize (putting God first, Jason second and Caden third) that my life has a utopian feel to it. It's when I feel peace.
"In the quiet, in the stillness I know that you are God. In the moment of my weakness I know You're soverign still. When you call I won't refuse. Each new day again I'll choose. There is no one else for me, none but Jesus. Crucified to set me free, Now I live to bring Him praise."

When life becomes about praising God, it takes the pressure off...and I can breathe easier.

Seriously?!?!?!?

This is what I was saying to myself while throwing up on Thursday night. This family is ALWAYS sick these days. I may not be the most anal woman in the world when it comes to cleaning my house, but I wouldn't consider our house to be an unhealthy place to live. I vacuum, dust, clorox and clean regularly, especially since we've all started passing germs around like hot potatoes. I am an 'anti-bacterial' machine. Nothing seems to be working. We've even made an effort to eat at home more often and eat out less. We've been packing our lunches and making meal plans for dinners to ensure we're eating more in the comfort of our own home...cutting out the risk of germs from fast food and trying to boost our immune systems with healthy, homemade food...we might as well be licking the floors of the local urgent care centers because inspite of all our efforts, one of us is ALWAYS ill.
Thanks to an awesome husband and awesome friends, I've been able to take the last 24 hours to sleep...and that's literally all I've done. From Thursday night until Saturday morning I pretty much only left the bed to drink gatorade and shower (because I was starting to smell a little). Today I am weak and trying to keep up with my ever-so-demanding toddler whose empathetic side has yet to develop. Tomorrow church set up begins at the crack of dawn and we're right back into another week of craziness.
I'm super psyched about our beach vacation...what beach vacation you ask?
A few months ago we planned a beach getaway to Flagler Beach with some friends from Canada. With 6 people and a kid renting a beach house together, we were able to get a house right on the beach for super dooper cheap! We're very excited for the much needed family getaway. I'm hoping our sickness will be a far distant memory by that time so we can enjoy the fun in the sun with our friends and eachother.
Here's to hoping!
Now I have to do this quiz because I was tagged by Dana and it would be rude not to follow through. If she has time to do it with a toddler and a newborn, I can pull 30 seconds together to do it too:

1. What were you doing ten years ago:

Getting ready to start grade 10.

2. Five things on my to do list for today:

Playing with Caden
Laundry
Brownie eating
Resting
More Laundry

3. What is your favorite snack?

Brownies, double doozies or Chocolate Chip Yo-yo's (Publix's version of double doozies)

4. If I were a millionaire I would:

Pay off debts, take some much needed time off with the fam, bless a lot of people who need some serious cash.

5. Places I have lived:

Green's Harbour, NL, Canada
St. John's, NL, Canada (3 different apartments)
Kitchener, ONT, Canada
St. Catharine's, ONT, Canada
Greenville, SC, USA
Charlotte, NC, USA
Tallahassee, FL, USA (4 different apartments)
Crawfordville, FL, USA
I think that's it...

6. Five people I'm tagging but that won't play along ;-) :

Celine dion
Chuck norris
Big Bird from Sesame Street
Greg from the Wiggles
Super Nanny

Happy Birthday Gerry!

Son. Brother. Husband. Father. Model.
Have a great one!

Prayer Request

I'm not a huge fan of the school Caden attends right now but I have found an amazing little school that he's now on a waiting list for. This is a huge point of stress for me because I want him to be in the best place possible when he is not with us. Right now, the good school has an opening for a 2 year old on Tuesdays and Thursdays only, so we snatched that as a way of getting him through the door. When he is a student, he'll get first dibs on a full-time spot if one comes available. So starting in October he'll attend not-so-good school on Mondays and Wednesdays and Good school on Tuesdays and Thursdays, then he'll be home with me on Fridays.

I need any praying person who reads this to whisper a little prayer for this situation. I am ultra nervous about having Caden in two schools at once. It is not only expensive, but inconsistent...and I loathe his current school more and more every time I drop him off. If you can, please pray that a full-time position will miraculously open up and that he'll be able to start at his new school, full-time, Monday - Thursday, in October. It will bring so much peace to my guts to know he's there.

Thanks.

Overdue pics and videos

Carefully selecting the perfect snack.



This could be a country crock ad.



Caden likes to take the place mats off the table and pretend they are sleeping mats, like at daycare. One day he decided to play 'nap time at school' by using all of the placemats, as well as various sheets and towels he could find to place over his students.



Here's one of his students



Here is another one of his students. He would cover them up and tell them to close their eyes..then he would leave the room for 2 seconds. When he returned he'd say, "Ok, wake up! Open eyes!"



We tried a round of potty training and Caden was quite proud of his big boy underpants.



After he peed in the second pair of underpants he picked up the potty, brought it back to the bathroom and shut the door saying, "All done."


Ok, time for videos:

Here is Caden pre-urinated underpants when he was super excited about them.



About 2 weeks ago, Caden heard the song 'Say' by John Mayer on the car radio and he has been singing it ever since. We downloaded it today for his enjoyment, so he sang for ours.


When I was cleaning out the cupboards, Caden saw the fondu pot holder and immediately screamed, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" He brought it to his table where he pretended to have a birthday party.

All Have Sinned and Fall Short of the Glory of God

I find myself saddened by recent news concerning powerful men of Christ falling into dark and desperate places. For the past 2 years, Mike Guglielmucci who pastors within the Edge Church in Australia, has been preaching and writing/leading powerful worship music, all the while battling cancer.
Recently, he has confessed that he's never actually had cancer. The whole thing was a lie, created to cover up his true illness. An addiction to adult pornography.
Supporters and believers were completely stunned when the truth came out. Those who had seen him perform and preach, saw a sickly man attached to oxygen with no hair or eyebrows. People had been greatly moved by what appeared to be a dying man with undying faith. They donated money and prayed endlessly for his 'cancer' to be healed. Mike finally got to the point where his lies were catching up with him and he couldn't live with the guilt of them. He came clean to his family, his parents and his wife...all of whom were deceived by his story and his acting. His father (the founder of the church) broke the news to the congregation and people were completely shocked. It's an incredibly sad story.
Then there's Todd Bentley. Jay and I had spent many evenings in front of our computer, watching the powerful revival in Lakeland, FL with Todd Bentley. Todd is an evangelist from Canada who at one time was heavily addicted to drugs but overcame his addictions through Christ and became known quickly as a powerful leader in the Christian community. There have been many who passionately followed Bentley's ministry...and many who have called him a radical heretic. We fell somewhere in the middle. Regardless of what side you fell on, it was shocking and upsetting to hear about his divorce. A divorce that is coming about due to an 'inappropriate emotional relationship with a member of his female staff'.
After hearing both of these stories my heart was immediately troubled for not only the families and supporters of these men but for the Christian faith in general. Those who do not know or understand the passage from Romans 3:23, expect men and women of God who represent the faith to be representatives of holiness and spiritual perfection. For those of us who understand Christ's love in the midst of our own humanity, we know that these men are no better or worse than ourselves. We've all screwed up in some way, shape or form...it's just that most of us are lucky not to have a camera in our face when it happens.
It is however a shame that injustice is done to the name of Christ through our shortcomings...that through our failings we drag the name of God down with us in the eyes of the world...and the media can't wait to jump on a juicy story about a famous Christian who has a life filled with scandal.
Although I understand and empathize with these men because I mess up too, I still have some anger in my heart towards them. I can't imagine my husband or my son putting me through 2 years of hell, thinking they were suffering and dying from a terrible disease. I can't imagine my husband walking away from me because someone newer and more interesting came along.
Marriage has become a joke in the public eye, and Christian celebrities are no exception. No wonder so many people have decided to skip the legalities and 'redefine marriage for themselves'....we haven't done a very good job of making it seem very appealing...which is completely opposite of God's design for it.
I guess the best way to handle this is to pray. Pray for them, for those they've hurt, for those whose hearts have become hardened to the message after being deceived by these men and others like them and for a world that desperately needs Christ.
"All Have Sinned and Fall Short of the Glory of God" Romans 3:23

Update

Monday - Sick as a dog, sinus infection

Tuesday - Weak from not being able to eat or drink on Monday, but feeling much better. Stayed home to rest.

Wednesday - Feeling a million times better but still battling an annoying cough. Worked all day. Longest day ever...just really wasn't in the mood to do data entry or collections. Left work at 5, picked Caden up at daycare, waited in an excruciatingly long drive through line at McDonalds while Caden cried for french fries, Jerad and Amber...all things I promised him we would see...finally got our food and headed to the annex to practice for One Night. Caden got his french fry, Jerad and Amber fix...One night was AWESOME. In spite of having a voice that sounded like a chain smoker, God worked through the music and the Word to relay an awesome message to His people...that in spite of everything, He is still God regardless of our situation...that He hurts when we hurt and rejoices when we rejoice. It was a powerful look into the historical account of Lazarus being raised from the dead and, personally, it was exactly what I needed to take in.
Afterwards, I put Caden's pjs on and we headed home.

Thursday - So far....woke up at 5am to my husband sneezing...this has become my new alarm clock...the problem being that it's usually set to go off long before either of us need to be out of bed. Poor Jay. He's always sneezing, dripping, wheezing...I'm not sure if it's the animals or the south that effects him so badly...both of which are difficult to do away with at this point in our lives. We both made it back to sleep just in time for the alarm to go off at 6:30am. My initial thoughts were negative, but I stopped myself, gave a quick shout out to God, committed the day to Him and rolled out of bed. I got ready for work, Jay got Caden breakfast and when I came out into the living room Caden was wearing his first official pair of pull-ups training pants. A victory! Although, I believe he is still far from potty training. The other night we had a conversation that went like this:

Me: "Caden, let's change your diaper."

Caden: "UNDERPANTS!"

Me: "You want to wear underpants?"

Caden: "UNDERPANTS!"

Me: "Ok, when we wear underpants, where do we go pee pee?"

Caden: "YA!"

Me: "No, no...where do we go pee pee?"

Caden: "Amen."

Me: "No Caden, listen to mama, where do we go pee pee?"

Caden: (thinks about it) "Amen."

He then proceeded to pee in two pairs of underpants in 10 minutes. But it's ok, we're in no race...I read that most times it's not so much the mind that needs to mature for potty training as much as the body and little boys bodies develop more slowly at this age than little girls.
He is however the master of drinking from a big boy cup and never uses a sippy cup around house anymore...and he can eat an entire bowl of beans with a spoon and not spill a single drop. To me, that's impressive.

Anyway, at 7:40am my co-worker Steve who I car pool with one day a week came by and picked me up and we headed to work...and here I sit...once again, not in the mood to work but needing to because that's what I'm paid to do..I just thought I would take this quiet moment in the morning to blog it up.

What will the rest of the day hold? Who knows! But I'll be sure to bore your socks off and fill you in later!

New Abortion Stats

Thanks to help from my friend Kyle, I was able to find a different set of stats that include the entire nation instead of just isolated states. It's amazing how difficult this information is to find unless you know where to go...so thanks, Kyle. Here's what I was able to find from the website Kyle listed in his comments below:

"A Bad Abortion Stat, Again


Obama, who favors a legal right to abortion, noted that he was trying to "reduce the number of abortions." But he went too far when he falsely accused President Bush of failing to meet that same goal, saying incorrectly that "over the last eight years, abortions have not gone down."

Warren: Now, let's deal with abortion; 40 million abortions since Roe v. Wade. ...

Obama: ... I am pro-choice. I believe in Roe v. Wade, and I come to that conclusion not because I'm pro-abortion, but because, ultimately, I don't think women make these decisions casually. ... And so, for me, the goal right now should be – and this is where I think we can find common ground. And by the way, I've now inserted this into the Democratic Party platform, is how do we reduce the number of abortions? The fact is that although we have had a president who is opposed to abortion over the last eight years, abortions have not gone down and that is something we have to address.

This is an erroneous claim that we first tracked down and debunked more than three years ago when it was being repeated by Democratic Party chairman Howard Dean and Sens. Hillary Clinton and John Kerry, among others. See our article, "Biography of a Bad Statistic" from May 26, 2005, for full details on how a liberal theologian first came up with this notion. The fact is, it is false. The best source we know of for statistics on the number of abortions is the Guttmacher Institute, whose figures are cited regularly by both sides in the abortion debate.

And Guttmacher says prominently on its Web site:

Guttmacher Institute: In 2005, 1.21 million abortions were performed, down from 1.31 million abortions in 2000.

In fact, Guttmacher's most recent published figures show 106,800 fewer abortions in George Bush's fifth year than in Bill Clinton's last year in office. That represents an 8 percent decline in the number of abortions and an even larger decline – 9 percent – in the rate of abortions per 1,000 women aged 15 through 44.

Guttmacher bases this finding on a survey of all 1,787 known abortion providers in the U.S.

We asked the Obama campaign where the candidate got his information, and we're still waiting for a response.

It should be noted that there's little to show the decline has come about because of anything President Bush did or didn't do. In fact, the number of abortions in the U.S. has been falling steadily since the 1980s regardless of whether the person in the White House favored a legal right to abortion or opposed it.

Source: Reprinted from "Trends in Abortions in the United States, 1973 - 2005" Guttmacher Institute, January 2008

Guttmacher's figures show the number peaked several years after the Supreme Court's 1973 Roe v. Wade decision that created a national legal right to abortion, held fairly steady throughout Republican Ronald Reagan's presidency, and has declined through the presidencies of Republican George H.W. Bush, Democrat Bill Clinton and Republican George W. Bush.

And just for the record, the authors of Guttmacher's study said in March 2008 that they can't tell exactly why the decline is taking place. Reasons probably include "better contraceptive use, lower levels of unintended pregnancy, more women carrying unintended pregnancies to term and greater difficulties accessing abortion services in some geographic areas," the authors said."

So according to this site, although the rate of abortion in some individual states may be increasing at an alarming rate, the overall percentage of abortions nationally has been dropping since the 1980's...a fact that I am ultra happy to have been wrong about.
However, the purpose of my original post still remains: These numbers have had nothing to do with whether a 'pro-life' or 'pro-choice' (their words, not mine) President is in office.
So, is it smart to choose a candidate based souly on one issue in which they have been proven to not bring about change? I don't think so.
Some days I wonder why I care so much about the election. After all, I'm not even an American! But now I'm starting to think that's why I care...my hands may be tied from voting but my voice can still be heard...and I do care about the country I live in, whether it gave birth to me or not...
To be frank (as if you'd expect me to be anything but) I've been living in America for the past 5 years and I'm yet to see "the land of freedom" that I so often hear about. I see struggle, poverty, people who can't afford their houses or their health care, poor education, neighbours divided on every major issues...
My husband is American, my son is partly American, a large majority of my family and friends are American, so I am passionate to see a free America...a place that isn't struggling financially, where education is at it's best, where health care is quality and accessible and affordable for the hard working, lower middle class family like us. Where people stand in unity instead of falling through division. Where the church has a voice again...
I'm excited about this election because I am, as many of you are, ready for a change.

Abortion and Politics

I've written many posts about how I think a politican should not use their stance on Abotrion to sway votes if they do not plan on doing anything about the issue. What needs to happen?
Well, first, Abortion needs to be illegal. There needs to be support for young mothers, for their emotional and spiritual well being as well as the monetary demands of having a baby in the United States. A stronger over all economy would certainly help so that women can afford to raise unplanned children. A completely re-worked adoption system so that it doesn't cost $20,000.00+ for american parents to adopt a child from their own country...
I'm not naive...I know it takes a lot to fix an age old problem. But you would think that having 8 years in office, our pro-life President would have made putting a dent in this problem a priority given it was such a driving point for his campaign. In actuality, the opposite has happened:

"I look at the fruits of political policies more than words. I analyzed the data on abortion during the George W. Bush presidency. There is no single source for this information - federal reports go only to 2000, and many states do not report - but I found enough data to identify trends. My findings are counterintuitive and disturbing.

Abortion was decreasing. When President Bush took office, the nation's abortion rates were at a 24-year low, after a 17.4% decline during the 1990s. This was an average decrease of 1.7% per year, mostly during the latter part of the decade. (This data comes from Minnesota Citizens Concerned for Life using the Guttmacher Institute's studies).

Enter George W. Bush in 2001. One would expect the abortion rate to continue its consistent course downward, if not plunge. Instead, the opposite happened.

I found three states that have posted multi-year statistics through 2003, and abortion rates have risen in all three: Kentucky's increased by 3.2% from 2000 to 2003. Michigan's increased by 11.3% from 2000 to 2003. Pennsylvania's increased by 1.9% from 1999 to 2002. I found 13 additional states that reported statistics for 2001 and 2002. Eight states saw an increase in abortion rates (14.6% average increase), and five saw a decrease (4.3% average decrease).

Under President Bush, the decade-long trend of declining abortion rates appears to have reversed. Given the trends of the 1990s, 52,000 more abortions occurred in the United States in 2002 than would have been expected before this change of direction.

How could this be? I see three contributing factors:

First, two thirds of women who abort say they cannot afford a child (Minnesota Citizens Concerned for Life Web site). In the past three years, unemployment rates increased half again. Not since Hoover had there been a net loss of jobs during a presidency until the current administration. Average real incomes decreased, and for seven years the minimum wage has not been raised to match inflation. With less income, many prospective mothers fear another mouth to feed.

Second, half of all women who abort say they do not have a reliable mate (Minnesota Citizens Concerned for Life). Men who are jobless usually do not marry. Only three of the 16 states had more marriages in 2002 than in 2001, and in those states abortion rates decreased. In the 16 states overall, there were 16,392 fewer marriages than the year before, and 7,869 more abortions. As male unemployment increases, marriages fall and abortion rises.

Third, women worry about health care for themselves and their children. Since 5.2 million more people have no health insurance now than before this presidency - with women of childbearing age overrepresented in those 5.2 million - abortion increases.....

....What does this tell us? Economic policy and abortion are not separate issues; they form one moral imperative. Rhetoric is hollow, mere tinkling brass, without health care, health insurance, jobs, child care, and a living wage. Pro-life in deed, not merely in word, means we need policies that provide jobs and health insurance and support for prospective mothers."

This was written by Glen Stassen who is the Lewis B. Smedes Professor of Christian Ethics at Fuller Theological Seminary, and the co-author of Kingdom Ethics: Following Jesus in Contemporary Context, Christianity Today's Book of the Year in theology or ethics.

I am what one would call 'pro-life'. I believe that life begins at conception and that choosing to terminate that life is murder. Abortion is a giant issue...an important issue...there is no denying that...but utilizing this one area as a reason why or why not to vote for a Presidential candidate is dangerous because that someone may just be all talk and no action.

Health

Being healthy is not something to take for granted. I feel like at some point or another someone in my family is ALWAYS sick. When it's not Caden, it's me. When it's not me, it's Jason. Round and round it goes...I want off this ride!
Since returning from Canada, my lungs have no adjusted well to the poor air quality of Tallahassee. I've had some subtle chest congestion for a few days...Caden started with a fever Saturday night which ended up filtering out of his system by Sunday. Sunday afternoon I began not feeling well at all...Monday morning my head was killing me and I started throwing up. Meanwhile, Jay had been up all night sneezing and wheezing because his lungs have not been able to handle this summer air either. Caden always has a cough or a runny nose. UGH! We're going broke on Claritin and tissues.
With nothing open and knowing I had a sinus infection, Jay found child care for Caden, dropped me off at the emergency room and headed to work. A Dr. talked to me for 30 seconds and charged me $100.00 and I got some prescriptions for the infection and nausea. I called Jay to come get me while he was in the midst of his Labor Day Sale and he said he'd be right there. 30 minutes later, his employee, Josh, showed up at the ER to bring me back to the store. Poor Jay was trying to balance so much while running on only a few hours of sleep.
I sat in the back room of Jay's store and finally called Micah V who told me I could crash in his spare room. So I managed to drive myself over there and collapsed into Micah and Abby's spare bed where I died until 4 when Jay called and said he would close the store early to take me home. We got Caden and headed home. I got in bed at 5pm and only sat up long enough to take my medicine...then I slept till 6am the next morning.
Today I am feeling alot better, though I am staying home to regain some strength and strengthen my immune system a little bit. I felt bad having Caden go to school while I'm home but I think he'll have a better day with his friends than with his sick mother. I have yet to eat anything out of fear but I think I may go have a slice of toast and some tea without milk or sugar. Don't be jealous.

On A Lighter Note...

Our family was missing eachother pretty badly yesterday so we decided to have an impromptu family night. Tuesdays are Jay's day with Caden so at 5, they picked me up at work and we headed to Chick-fil-a. Caden had a super great time in the play area with new 'dends' (friends) and we considered the 4 minutes he took to sit and eat one french fry and a chicken nugget, a victory.
Then we asked him if he wanted to go see some animals to which he replied, "YA!" so we headed to the Tallahassee Mall pet store. Next to the pet store are the ever popular mechanical child rides...there were four, a couple of trucks, a train and a giant dragon. Caden ran immediately for them and we looked at eachother, bracing ourselves for the tantrum that was about to happen, because we didn't have any quarters.
Caden climbed up into the Bob the Builder truck and Jay leaned up against it, discovering that with maunal force, it rocks back and forth. So while being on the look out for mall police, Jay began shaking the truck back and forth while I hummed an annoying tune, similar to what would happen if we had spent the $0.50. It worked! Our ghetto-ness saved us 2 bucks, so we decided to go across the street to TCBY and get some icecream before heading back to C-ville.
We were going to feed the ducks at Lake Ella, but due to Tropical Storm Fay, Lake Ella's waters ate up the walking trail and the ducks were no where to be seen...freaked out by how close the lake now is to the street no doubt, but I think we had a good night just the same.
I heart my family.

I preface this by saying, I'm fine. Just getting somethings off my chest....

To be honest, I've never been a fan of daycare. I've seen some positive things come from it in Caden's life but aside from 1 day or a few hours a week, I really wish he didn't have to go. I'm starting to see some small but bothersome behaviors rising up in him....including his new phrase, "Leave me alone!" while boils my blood every time it comes out of his mouth...I know kids are kids, and they are going to say things they shouldn't and use their parents as their punching bags, but after 6 months of 'shall remain nameless' daycare, I think it's time for a change.
I'm currently trying to get Caden into a new school that I feel would be really good for him. It's a little bit more expensive and a little bit out of the way but I think the peace of mind I'll receive from knowing he's there, in a Christ-centered atmosphere with a loving, caring staff, will make the extra money and driving worth it.
The only problem is that there is a waiting list, and I'm really not interested in pursuing another option...I don't want to move him from one school to another to another to another...I've decided to keep him where he is until a spot opens up at the new school.
I've been kind of feeling like my life is speeding along and I am watching it go by with little control over it...It's moving so quickly and I find I'm frazzled and out of breath a lot of the time. I think I've finally come to the realization that I've lost my peace...which comes from the fact that I've stopped trusting God with my life. This is VERY out of character for me...I've always been known as ridiculously easy going, to a fault. I've never wondered whether we'd be ok or whether things would work themselves out because I've always rested in the fact that God loves me and He'll take care of it.
Somewhere in the hectic craziness of the last few months, I have begun over-thinking, stressing, and worrying about everything because I've switched my thinking from "God's got it" to "I have to take care of this" panic mode. I think it comes from the painful realization that Caden is growing up really fast, and I have a very short time to raise him, teach him, influence him, and I literally feel like I don't have time to raise him anymore, which terrifies me. It terrifies me because I somehow made being Caden's mom more important than being a child of God....scary. Coming to this awareness over the past couple of days has been startling, but healthy. It's time to start nipping this.
I've reached out and spoken with several people about what's going on with me. I've been concerned with leading worship on Sunday with my heart in a mess because the last thing I want to do is lead people in song about trusting, loving and worshipping the Lord when, mentally, I'm not here right now. A good friend reminded me that it's worshipping when we don't feel like it that is a true sacrifice of praise. It's an act of selflessness...to leave your 'feelings' at the door and say, "God, I don't want to be here, but I need to be here. I don't want to talk to You right now, but You're all I need and there's no where else to go. I'm not feeling very passionate about You right now, but I know You are the author of Love, Peace and Joy and that I am your child. I love You, I love You, I love You because I was created to."
I think I have a tendency to view God as an angry principle, waiting for me to mess up, wanting to always teach me a lesson the hard way. Then I remember He is my Father who loves me more than I Love my own son and a tiny fragment of peace comes over me, reminding me that if I ask for bread, He will not give me a stone. That if I seek, I'll find. That if I knock, the door will be opened. God doesn't break his promises...I just forget the promises He's made.
So today, after speaking with the director of the new school and finding out there is a waiting list, I began to panic. I'm still a little panicky, but I was reminded that God loves Caden more than I do, He will go with him and protect his mind, heart and body whether he's at daycare 1 or daycare 2. It will be ok.
In the mean time, I'm trying not to grind my teeth, eat too much chocolate (it's like beer to an alcoholic for me and my pants are already feeling tighter) and I'm trying not to remind God every 15 seconds what I need and when I need it...
I'm very much looking forward to church this Sunday. I need it.

While I was in Canada...

....This was happening in Tallahassee:




It took a long time and many a detour to make it to work this morning...and rumour has it I have some friends whose homes are now only accessible by boat.
Pray for those who have experienced devastation from this storm. Nature makes me feel very small.

Sleeping Baby

This is Caden at about a month old


This is Evan at about 2 weeks old


My sister and mother have gone out to run errands and I have the grand privilege of staying behind with Baby Evan. He is such a sweet boy, very similar to my boy a couple of years ago. They have a very similar look and demeanor about them...but I guess all newborns look alike to some extent.
Evan is getting bigger and stronger everyday, he sleeps almost all the way through the night already and is as pleasant as a pig in poop...even when he is literally in poop. He's a great kid.
I don't think there is any greater peace than a sleeping baby. There's just a sense of calm about them that makes you feel calm and content. I love the newborn stage. Other than colic and slight sleep deprivation, this stage is by far the calm before the storm that is toddlerhood....speaking of toddlers, I miss mine desperately.
Last night was tough getting to sleep...I was missing my family very much. I've never been away from Caden this long before and I find that I don't know what to do with myself half the time. He is such a loving little man with a giant heart..he adds so much to my life so a piece of me is missing without him around.
Jay has been superman this week...single parenting, taking a nasty fall off of a chair while changing the air filters, working, rushing to find childcare when Caden's school shut down last minute because of hurricane Faye...he's been great...I can't wait to see both of them on Sunday....i hate that i have to work mon-wed when i get back cause all i want to do is play with Caden..but it will be great to wake up and see him Monday morning...he's such a great kid.
I will go back to "babysitting"...A.K.A: Watching a beautiful, sleeping baby.

I'm Thinking....

We need to plant GC.TV Canada...and I know just the people for the job :)

Things I am Currently Really Enjoying about Canada......

- My family
- Tim Hortons
- The way the house smells on a summers day when the windows are left open and a fresh breeze is blowing through.
- Ah Caramels, walnut crunches, flakies and the millions of other fantastic sweets I can't find anywhere else.
- Watching the Olympics from Canada's perspective
- Newfoundland radio hour on Sunday night in Alberta
- KFC's Canadian menu
- Bison Burgers
- Awesome mainlander accents
- Early morning (5:30am)sunrises and late night (9:00pm)sunsets...it makes it so much easier to get out of bed in the morning and get more accomplished after dinner.
- Lack of nasty bugs and oppressive heat
- Loonies, Toonies and colourful money
- Things being spelled with 'our' at the end and 'checks' being spelled 'cheques'.
- 'Zed' instead of 'Zee'
- People who understand all of the words that come out of my mouth, regardless of how fast I say them or whether they are real words or not.

Things I am currently not enjoying about Canada:

- How expensive everything is
- Missing my boys in Tallahassee
...That's pretty much it!

i love my nephew

Baby Evan

He's perfect in everyway. It's great to be here...I do however miss my boys. Seeing little Evan makes me miss Caden's baby days....not enough to have another one though ;)
This should be a great week, and the absence from my boys will make my heart grow even fonder for them...if that's even possible.
I Miss you Caden. I Miss you Daddy. Take care of eachother while I'm gone.

Birthday

Today was great. Baby shower with great friends in the morning, 2 hours of spa in the afternoon, Red Lobster cheesy biscuits, Batman and icecream in the evening.
Now I'm packing because 5:30am is going to come quickly. Going to see loved ones in a part of Canada I've never seen tomorrow.
Year 25 has been good to me.

Tomorrow I turn 25

So today I purchased life insurance

My Son

Caden and I were sorting the clean clothes in my room this afternoon. I went to the closet to hang up some shirts and when I looked out, he was gone.
When I found him, he was in the living room doing this:

the main thing

Although church started this morning at 6am, it was one of the most refreshing church experiences I've had in a long time. Since Leon High School decided to kick us out of the auditorium, we were forced to pull together in the wee hours of the morning and set up church in the gym. This meant cutting back on some of the things we normally do. Instead of an elaborate band and set up, we had an acoustic set with just three of us. 2 guitars and harmonies. I thrive in that setting.
Because of the setting and time/help restrictions, we had to have the congregation sit on the gym bleachers, which I'm sure was not comfortable for them, but it caused us all to be in close proximity to each other which I LOVE. I love being able to hear congregational singing and see the joy on the faces of people worshipping. It was great. Normally we are so far away from everyone I never even know who comes to our church. I think (despite the discomfort of the seating) people responded really well to the setting too. The lights came and went a few times, but I noticed that no one even flinched. With hands held high, they kept singing and worshiping and praying because this week we truly were focused on the main thing and it was awesome.I'm not a high maintenance person so I'm not bothered when things aren't perfect, although I understand and appreciate our church's commitment to creating an atmosphere conducive for worship....but today it was really nice to just sit back, not take ourselves so seriously and just enjoy being together without (as the saying goes) all the 'bells and whistles'. As awkward and uncomfortable as it may have been, I really felt like I went to church today. I really felt like we made the main thing, the main thing.
On Friday I started to feel really sick again and I began praying and asking God to forgive me for complaining about my hectic schedule. I don't participate in church or play music because I'm forced to. I don't do it for recognition or for status. I do it because I love doing it and it draws me close to God while He works through me in a way I could never accomplish on my own. I'm so thankful for the gift of music and song and I never want to take it for granted. I got to rest a bit on Friday and was able to get to the wedding rehearsal where I felt a lot better. Today (since it's been a strenuous day at the end of a very ill week) was difficult, but the fatigue and tummy issues paled in comparison to the joy I found in worshipping Christ with my friends today.
Sometimes it takes a slap in the face to remember how great things are...or in my case, a stomach bug.
Now in less than a week I will be on a plane bound for Canada to see my mother, sister, brother-in-law and brand new nephew, Evan. This year has been filled with travel, all thanks to parental airmiles. This will be the 3rd time I get to see my mom since March and the second time I see my sister since April...which is usually 3 or 4 years worth of visiting in a 5 month span.
'Thanks Mom for flying me around the world because you love me and want to see me...thanks for making it possible for me to take this trip when I know how many strings you have to pull with work and Nan just to get away yourself. When Caden becomes a famous drummer I'll pay you back :)'

Evan Cole Higdon, 7lbs 11oz

He's Here!

This morning Evan Cole Higdon was born and I became an AUNT! Which means my sister became a mother, and a fantastic mother she will be.
After a day and a half of throwing up, this morning began without nausia and with the announcement of this long awaited birth! I think (as you can tell by a previous post) that I had over loaded myself and my family this week and God decided to slow me down with a stomach flu...I actually needed it...strange as that sounds...
Tonight worship team has been cancelled meaning my crazy week schedule has been down graded to a crazy weekend, which is quite doable.
Thanks to everyone who reached out, offering a roof for Saturday night and childcare for Caden. I'm blessed with great friends.
Now it's only 10 days until I fly to western Canada and see my little nephew! Welcome Evan!

I guess when God wants you to slow down....

....He gives you the stomach flu

Month of Pure Insanity

If I'm not regularly updating, this is why:

Tomorrow: Bring Caden to school. Working 8-5, driving half way to Crawfordville to get Caden, driving back into Tallahassee, practicing for One Night at 6:15 followed by One Night itself at 7, lasting until whenever the Holy Spirit says it's ok to go. 45 minute drive back home. Late night for Caden. At some point in there, we will eat something but bathtime for Caden probably won't happen.

Thursday: Data entry work from home while entertaining Caden, try and find somewhere for Caden to go until Jay gets off work at 7, practice for Tiffany's wedding at 6, Worship team at 7. 45 minute drive back home. Another late night for Caden. We will also find time to eat at some point but once again, it may be too late for a bath...good thing tomorrow is swim day at school...he'll at least be submersed in water.

Friday: Bring Caden to school with lunch and swim clothes. Working from 10-4, driving half way to Crawfordville to get Caden, driving back into town, hopefully finding someone who can watch him till Jay gets off work (although the chances of this happening 2 nights in a row are slim to none) Wedding Rehearsal at 6 (perhaps with Caden on my back in the hiking back pack), Rehearsal dinner to follow. Another late night for Caden. Luckily eating is included in these plans already...I may have to sponge bathe him while he sleeps...

Saturday: Amber comes to the house at 1:45 to watch a smelly, sleepy Caden. I have to be at the church for 2:30. Wedding starts at 3:30, reception to follow. Somehow meet up with Jay when he's done work. He drops me off at someones house where I will spend the night (person to be determined) and drives home in the car to relieve Amber. Caden WILL get a real bath this night, come hell or high water. I'll spend the night with said friend because Sunday morning comes too early for an already exhausted little boy.

Sunday: Be at Leon High School to set up church at 6am. Pack up the Keyboard and leave church around 1-ish. Bring Jay to wherever he left his bike the night before so he can drive it home behind me and Caden. Lunch? Who knows. We survive on pure will at this point. When we get home we'll tag team clean the house, mow the lawn, do the laundry and get things ready for the coming week of madness.

Next Week: Work, parent/teacher meeting at Caden's school, continue working on the house to have it ready at anytime for potential buyers, alot of work reports and deadlines to meet, my birthday, Dana's baby shower, prep the boys and leave for Canada on a solo trip where I'll be till the 24th.

Then it's back to work, dentist appointments, birthday parties, worship teaming, etc. etc. etc...I really miss my husband...I really miss my kid...as much as I hate preping and dishes, I really miss eating home cooked meals...

I know I'm whining, but I'm exhausted already.

Our best chance thus far of selling the house fell through last night when the potential buyer changed his mind..that was defeating..but at this point, I know God has that...I just wish I had more time to pray about it.

Lord, give me the strength to be all of things you've called me to be. Christian Wife, mother, sister, daughter, soon-to-be Aunt, musician, friend, employee, volunteer, make-shift realtor...I'm burning out. Amen.

Tomorrow is Monday

Today on the way home from church, Caden began puking in the car. He seemed fine up until he started spewing his lunch. We pulled over, cleaned him up as best we could and then let him ride the last 4 miles in the front seat with mommy...we figured if a cop stopped us he would have understood our plight after sticking his head in our car and taking a whiff of the nasty.
Since then Caden has been throwing up/dry heaving every 15-20 minutes. Miserable and smelly, I put him in the bath and got him ready for bed. After the bath, he seemed to feel better, dry heaving only a few times before asking for a banana. He ate the banana and drank some 'bawter' (water) and after keeping him up for another hour to monitor him, he seemed to be feeling much, much better. We've had a couple of late nights and early mornings so I don't know if he was just so over tired he didn't know what else to do but toss his cookies...who knows.
Hopefully he will sleep it off and wake refreshed in the morning, puke free. Today we also cleaned the house, re-cleaned the puke spots several times, Jay mowed the grass and I took apart and reassembled the car seat after washing the barf out of it. Now, we are pooped and going to bed.
Tomorrow is Monday.

as promised

Ok, so I know Sammy isn't the one you normally tune in to see, but he's just so darn cute...especially when he attempts to stuff his 24 pound kitty body into a tiny apricot box.



Me taking a picture of Caden after he had eaten beans...Caden taking a picture of me after I had served beans...you can see the beans all over his face, shirt and hair...He sure did love those beans.



I was making the bed yesterday and Caden decided to run and jump in the blankets on the floor. He didn't seem to take notice of how close he was to the outside corner of the wall and WHAM! He went forehead first into the wall.


The head split up close


Kisses, an ice pack, some fruit snacks and an episode of 'The Wonder Pets' made it all better.

purge

I am cleaning up my house, throwing out trash, donating things to goodwill like crazy, selling whatever valuables we don't use and organizing everything in hopes of moving sometime soon.
Selling the house in this market for what we need to sell it for is seeming to be an impossible task...but I've been reading alot in God's word about hope lately and am no longer afraid to do so for fear of being let down.
My new perspective: The house will sell at the perfect time in the perfect scenerio whether that is today, tomorrow or in 2037...(although I may be a little deflated by that time) because we've given it to God and His will is perfect.
God's timing is perfect and he sees the whole picture. Our potential buyers from last month confirmed yesterday that they are going with another house to avoid the commute...but I am not discouraged...when we trust God with our problems and compare them to His vastness and greatness, they pale in comparison and we can all breathe a little bit easier.
I think I've got a better grasp on my insane schedule. I unfortunatly do not have as much time to take and upload videos and photos like before...but I am going to try and post something for those of you jonesin for Caden pics by the end of the night.
Until then, I must take advantage of what's left of nap time to shower and continue the purge.

Saying Goodbye

Last night Jay, Caden and I had the upsetting privelege of having 'the last supper' (if I may be so morbid:) with our dear friends, Dave and Lynne. Early this morning they left on a God inspired adventure for Salt Lake City, Utah. Anyone who has heard their story knows that this is without a doubt a Godly move for them to make...but it doesn't change the fact that I'm writing this with a lump in my throat and a pit in my stomach, missing them terribly and wishing they didn't have to go.
Dave, Lynne, Georgia and Bailey became more than just friends to our family...they became apart of our family. I have never felt more connected or more understood by anyone on so many levels. No matter what I was dealing with, Lynne always understood from experience. Being a stay at home mom, being far from home, the financial struggles of a one income household, wanting desperatly to sell a house in Crawfordville...I literally mean on every level, Lynne could look at me compassionately and say, 'I completely understand.'
When they lived in Crawfordville, it was constantly comforting knowing that they were just down the road. They are the kind of friends whose home is always open. No need to call ahead or ask, just come on over and you'll be fed and entertained by their graciousness. Georgia's incredible heart for children has been a blessing to Caden and myself, as she has spent many days and evenings watching him and loving on him. I never had to worry when Caden would stay with the Phillip's family, because I knew he was in tender, caring hands.
I know Georgia and Bailey will do remarkably well in their new home. They are going to form incredible relationships with new friends while maintaining the deep, rooted relationships with their friends here in Tallahassee. I don't worry about them...I'm excited for them.
In the same way, Dave and Lynne have amazing encounters waiting in Utah for them. God perfectly knit this together and gave them many directional signs, telling them this is His plan...which means there is greatness in store for these great people.
Saying good-bye was rough. We all did a marvelous job of holding it together although driving home we were a bit deflated by the whole thing. We drove in silence for a while because we were both fighting back the tears, then Jay said, "I feel like I just got punched in the stomach."
I knew exactly what he meant because I was feeling it (and still am feeling it) too.
So in the midst of my hope and excitement for them is an overlying sadness because I will miss my family while they are away.
Dave, Lynne, Georgia and Bailey, (or in the words of Caden: Doof, Nin, Jaja and Baydee),
Thank you for being who you are and for being our family. We have found in you something very rare to find outside of flesh and blood relationships. We trust you. We connect with you. We love you.
-Jason, Kathy and Caden

Structure

One thing that I lack big time in my life is structure. I am a pretty free-spirited, unstructured kind of girl...pretty low maintenance and easy going. Since I am now the mother of a child who needs structure, is very high maintenance and not as easy going when left to his own devices, I am needing to shift my thinking.
Since our new routine begins on Monday, I am actually writing out a schedule of what our days will look like when I work, when I'm home, when Daddy's off and when I play on Sundays. I'm stepping back from the worship team and am going to play every other week for right now because I have too much going on in my life and it is the only place where I have flexibility. Hopefully when the house sells I can come back full-time cause we'll be in town and transportation won't be as much of an issue. I know I'll miss it...but I'm slowly burning out and need a breather
Back to the schedule, so far, so GREAT! I feel so much more in control knowing there is a method to all this madness! And all this time I was wondering what to do about Caden when it was ME that needed a change.
I will spend all day on Thursdays and Saturdays alone with Caden and right now we have a 7:00am-7:30pm schedule, broken (for the most part) into time slots of 30 minutes or more. There is daddy time, music time, room time, free play time, mommy structured playtime, nap time, snack time, meal time, tv time (yes, we're going to keep the TV off most of the day!!!) outside planned activities (like the library, the store, the playground and play dates), dinner time, bath time, story time and bed time! A full day of structured fun.
I've waited much too long to implement this type of thing for fear of the schedule running my life...but now that I've created it and am implementing it, it's not running my life, it's aiding my life and making it easier.
Jay will be with Caden from 8-5:30 on Tuesdays which is great cause they'll get to have some one on one time. We're not sure exactly when Caden will ever see his parents together, but hopefully life will bring us to a point where we have more time to spend together...for right now, we're working with what we've got and we're finding that we've got a lot!

Moving Up in the World

Literally...with my new work responsibilities I have moved from a cubicle all alone downstairs to a nicer cubicle upstairs surrounded by other people! This is good for socializing, but bad for blogging...it's not stopping me right now though because my job doesn't officially start till Monday. :)
Life has been whirling and swirling around our heads this week. With the busyness of travelling mixed with the busyness of our crazy lives, I think I'm beginning to burn out a little bit. I am not necessarily happy about taking on this new position. It is souly for the purpose of helping us get where we need to be financially so we can be freer than we are now. I have alot of guilt in my belly about only seeing Caden on Thursdays, Saturdays and every other Sunday (sounds like custody rights!) but I know he'll spend Tuesdays with Daddy and while he's at school God's arms of protection will be around him. He does well at school...i just miss him, and I want to be with him as much as possible especially while he is young and in the prime stages for being trained in the ways he should live. I want us to be his primary influence. I know God has this, I'm just a bit anxious about the whole thing. I think guilt is something the devil uses on Moms to keep us off task. I'm sitting here doing a good thing for my family by working and trying to accommodate everything and everyone and all I feel is guilty about not being with Caden. When I didn't work I felt guilty about not contributing financially.
Some days I feel like this job was given to me by God to help us out, cause for a full time employee I have great benefits and flexibility...other times I wonder if he dangled it in front of my face and said, "You can go back to work, but at what cost?"
I wish he would just beam down like on Star Trek and tell me what's right and wrong. I've made so many dumb choices based on what I thought God was telling me...you'd think I'd understand his voice by now...maybe mine is so loud that it doesn't give his a chance to speak.
It's hard to hear whispers in the midst of screaming. Like when life just punches you in the face. Yesterday someone backed into our car and damaged it while I was getting groceries. I came out to find a big dent, cracked plastic underneath the car and long, black scratches up the right side...with no one to be found. They just hit it and took off.
So now we have to pay our high deductible to fix a problem we didn't cause. WHAM! Punch in the face. Thanks life.
So now we have a damaged motorcycle and a damaged car because of thieves and cowards we've never met...and we're out hundreds of dollars because of it meaning the dog can't go to the vet, again. WHAM! Punch in the face for us and our dog.
This is why I don't believe in a prosperity gospel...often times all tithing seems to do is cause you to have to pull from savings to cover your bills, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't do it...It just means we shouldn't expect cash back rewards. In fact, things may get rougher because we're sacrificing..and sacrifice hurts, but for good purpose.
I think I'm just in one of those funks where I am fully aware of the presence of God but am a little bit irritated by where He's going with all of this...what lesson am I suppose to be learning that I'm not getting...maybe I need to stop worrying about everything? Maybe we need to be even better with our money so the punches feel more like pinches? Maybe we need to stop operating motor vehicles?
Who knows. Ugh. All in all I'm blessed, loved and content...can't complain about that!

NY

"It was too short."
That's what most people say when you ask them about their time off...in this case, it's true. Our trip to NY was fabulous, but much too short...we look forward to a time when we can go for longer.
Caden had a great time with his 'Ampa' and 'Amma'. He was very well behaved and did really well on the demanding travel days.
I really enjoyed time with the in-laws and loved having several days in a row with Jay and Caden...this rarely happens so when we get it, we soak it up.
On the way home we were able to see Des and Kristy which was a huge blessing. We miss everyone who isn't close to us but love it when we get to see eachother.
Good times..too short, but good times.

Needing a Break

Yesterday I worked all day in heels and a dress, I pick Caden up at school and we headed home. When I get home, I find that the back door is wide open! First, I was freaked out about robbers, but then I saw the handle had gotten stuck when Jay let the dog out in the morning and he didn't lock the dead bolt when he let her back in. Luckily, no animals ran away!
I look up and there is a giant wasp flying around the living room. Anyone who knows me knows that I have a huge phobia of insects...especially flying ones...even butterflies freak me out.
So I panic, grab Caden, forget his shoes, wipes and cup and bolt out the door to the car (after closing the back door of course).
I decide now is a good time to go to Walmart and get an oil change. I call Jay (who still won't be home for 3 hours) and tell him my plight.
Caden and I go to Walmart, give them the car to change the oil (the woman who took the keys said Caden looked like baby Brad Pitt) and we head to Subway for supper. I had promised myself I wouldn't eat out this week but this situation called for it.
We order food and go to pay for it and my bank card was not in my wallet...
Luckily, I had enough cash for food, but not for the oil change...
I call family dollar where i bought bubbles for Caden earlier, and they told me i had left it there and that they would hold it till Jay could pick it up.
Meanwhile, Jay's still got 2.5 hours left at work and a 45 minute commute back to C-ville.
I'm still in heels, Caden has no shoes...I start getting really, really sad.
So Caden and I eat, he makes me laugh and calms me a little bit, then I pick him up and head back to the car section to see if they'll take Jay's card over the phone. They won't. the cahsier handed me my keys before she knew I couldn't pay then she actually snatched them back!
I told them Jay would be by to pay and we would just have to wait....
I call Jay and he decides to leave a bit early to rescue me...so Caden and I proceed to walk around the Walmart toy department (I, in heels and he, barefoot) for over an hour till Daddy comes to the rescue.
Caden was SUCH a good boy. He made the situation so much better. He even didn't have a fit when he saw the big bin of rubber balls...he was sad that we couldn't buy the sponge bob bicycle helmet though...
We get home and Jay goes in first to do some serious bug killing. Caden and I come in a few minutes later and I put him in the tub...3 minutes later he stands up and says, "Mama, YUCK!" and points down....HE HAD POOPED IN THE TUB!
He has only ever done this once, when he was 6 months old and we were in Newfoundland...I couldn't believe it. Perfect end to a perfect afternoon!
Today my back is killing me from all the heel walking and Caden holding and I still have a million things to do before we leave tomorrow...
All that to say, I'm excited about our little vacation. I need it, BAD!

I Miss Caden

Weird, when I spend so much time with the little guy, but on work days, I miss him very much. I know that working and getting a mental break from toddlerhood has made me much better for him when we're together. Full-time motherhood is not for the faint of heart...it's tough and I marvel at women who do it past babyhood, especially with multiple kids. Having a job outside of home gives me a little break to be better for the main thing, my family. I know Caden loves school, because he runs in with a giant smile, ready to play on the playground and make crafts with his friends....but yesterday was the first time since March that I got a little teary eyed when I drove away, meanwhile he was partyin it up on the slide, waving to me as I drove off, without a care in the world.
I think I'm suddenly keenly aware of how fast life is going...I am trying to soak up every beautiful moment and desperately want to push 'pause' most days...he is already so big and independent...far from the baby days...he's a big kid now and since he may be our only child, it's hard to see those stages pass.
I had a meeting with my boss today about working more hours and getting benefits...it went well. I'll be taking on some new hours and new responsibilties in the coming weeks making me full-time with an incredible benefits package...this will be great for the finances...my job will still offer me the flexibility to work from home 1-2 days a week so with Jay's weekday off and my work from home day(s), Caden will still only spend a few days a week in school. On top of that, I just discovered that an awesome woman my age who volunteers with the kids at my church, lives in Crawfordville! A serious answer to prayer. I have been wanting/needing someone local that I know and can trust, who loves kids and can help me with Caden but mostly just keep me sane!...I've been praying for the house to sell because of my lonliness and isolation in C-ville and I feel as though God may have said, "I'll take care of things in my time. Meanwhile, this should help."
Amber! I'm so excited about you being my neighbour!
She has also volunteered to help out with our animals while we're gone to NY this weekend. I am so excited to see the in-laws. I love seeing Caden with the extended family because those moments are few and precious. Jay's Dad will be turning the big ___ on Monday so we're blessed to be there for the celebration :)
Don't worry Bob, your 51 year old secret is safe with me....WOOPS! :)
I'm at bit concerned about Caden sleeping well, given that he has been a terrible sleeper for the past week (ever since we put a baby gate across his door to stop him from coming out of his room at 5am and drumming in the playroom) he has been protesting via screaming at the gate...last night he woke up at 1am to get some time in protesting, before returning to his bed and getting up again at 6:20 to continue the protest. The rule is we don't hear him till 7...or at least we need to make him think we don't hear him...really, we're lying in bed stuffing cotton balls in our ears trying desperately to get back to sleep...I'm hoping he'll be so exhausted from all the family fun that he'll sleep 12.5 hours everynight without interruption. Wishful thinking? Either way it's going to be fun. I am getting more and more excited as the days draw near.
Jay is feeling better after a bout of sickness and having a spot burned off of his ear...it looks like someone literally put his ear on the stove and held it there...or like someone drew a big spot on it with a sharpie...or he kind of looks like a dalmation...he loves it when I compare it to various things. :)
So to sum up: I have a great, flexible job that will soon have benefits, I have an burned-ear husband who is incredible and we're going to see his family in less than 48 hours (wahoo!), God has given me a C-ville friend who already knows and loves my kid, and although he likes to party all night, Caden is an amazing little boy with a big heart and when we're apart, I miss him.

Tantrums: A Toddler's Sign of Affection???

I found this article today:

"The bond between you and your child grows stronger in the toddler years, even if he spends much of the time stomping and screaming. In fact, those fits are a testament to your closeness.

Tantrums from toddlers are a bit like lover's quarrels, according to Adam. "They're only capable of that meltdown because they love you so much," she says. In other words, your child couldn't be so disappointed or angry unless he trusted you deeply in the first place.

Even when you're incredibly frustrated with your toddler, don't worry that you'll stop loving him. You have biology on your side. British researchers recently scanned the brains of 20 mothers who were looking at pictures of their own young children. The part of the brain that controls pleasure — the same part involved in romantic love — lit up like a slot machine hitting the jackpot. The part that judges and criticizes, however, practically shut down.

Your toddler has a rich range of emotions. (If you spend 15 minutes with him in a grocery store, there's a good chance you'll see every one of them.) But he still doesn't understand the concept of "love" as you know it. Toddlers often throw the word around loosely: They may say they love you, but they'll also say they love their books or their toys or their third-favorite cereal. (Remember, these are the same people who like to call all four-legged animals "doggies.")

Even so, you don't have to worry about your place in your toddler's universe. He's keenly aware that you're important, and when he gets hurt or wants to cuddle, he doesn't run to his toys or the cereal cupboard. "Children want help from the people they trust the most," says Braungart-Rieker, the University of Notre Dame psychologist."

If this is true...Caden REALLY loves me...A LOT!