Christmas!

Happy Holidays Everyone.

Christmas this year was fantastic! Lots of fun, lots of friends, amazing time.
On Christmas eve our cell group got together and delivered a bunch of presents and other festive things to a needy family in our community. It was a great way to spend Christmas-Eve-afternoon. This family was so amazing and grateful and beautiful. I think they touched our hearts in a way much deeper than we could ever have touched theirs. They were great. Keep the Davis family in your prayers. You can see some pictures of the afternoon at Wayne Leister's blog
www.survivingwayne.blogspot.com

Christmas Eve Jason and I went out to dinner and then to church. The service was great. We then went home where I put on new Christmas pjs and quickly fell asleep. The next morning we woke up and had a great time opening our presents. You can read all about our Christmas at
www.xanga/kathyunplugged.com

Amy and Juan spent a few days at our apartment which was really nice. It was the first time I had seen Amy since May so it was great to see them. Murray was here for Christmas night which was also great. On tuesday I went to Fayetteville with Amy and Juan. Amy and I attempted to bake a strawberry cake but her bakers secret non-stick cake pans wouldn't let go of the cakes so they came out kind of messed up. We learned the bakers secret is that they really are not non-stick at all. We managed to salvage one cake and made a funky strawberry design out of the second one. It was a funny project. To consitute this as a day of 'work', Amy served our cake to the people in the shelter. I would like to thank Mrs. Guadalope (completely spelled wrong) for giving Amy so much time off to spend with me. I had a great time. Later then we went to a Japenese steak house to celebrate Juan's birthday. It was good times. On Thursday I took the train back from Raleigh to Charlotte where my husband met me at the station with a teddy bear and godiva chocolates. Turns out I was missed. So was he. We've become one of those couples that doesn't function well without eachother.
On friday Jason went SKY DIVING! To read more about that, go to my xanga.
Tonight we are going to John and Julie's house (some friends from church) to ring in the New Year. It'll be good times. I'll post my New Years resolutions later on. This year is going to be a changing year filled with excitment and suprises. I can't wait. It's going to be our best year ever.


Here's Amy with our poor, poor cake


Here is the poor, poor cake and the utensils we used to remove it with


Here is the finished product. Not a bad save if I do say so myself!

My latest attempt to fit into my regular clothes

I know...I know...the attempt is a desperate one...



I am campaigning against Maternity clothes. I don't like them and I don't see the need to look like a giant bell during this 'beautiful time.' Who's with me?!

Merry Christmas Perforated Disc!

It was December 31, 2001. My friends and I were celebrating the New Year at Clifford Perry's house in Conception Bay South, Newfoundland. After the stroke of 12, 2001 turned into 2002, and we were all just a little rambunctious. To elliviate some of our energy, my friends and I decided to have a massive snowball fight and beating session to the death. Cliff and I have a history of violent wrestling matches and this night was no exception. After being plummitted with snowballs, thrown to the ground several times, punched and kicked repeatedly, it was clear. Cliff had won.
I stumbled inside completely drenched and caked with snow and ice. Cliff gave me some clothes to put on and all of the weary fighters gathered in the living room for hot drinks and calmness. I was sitting on the couch when I felt the sudden twinge of pain in my back. It was annoying, more like a pinch than anything else, but it kept getting progressively worse. I decided to go to the kitchen and get some pain killers but when I stood up I wasn't able to stand up straight. I was hunched over like a little old man. By the end of the evening, my body resembled the shape of an 'L'. I was completely bent at the waist and could not straighten up any more than that. I was in excrutiating pain. I tried to laugh it off, not wanting people to think I was being overly dramatic, but I seriously could not physically straighten up and the pain was horrific. Eventually Cliff brought me and my roomate Amy home to our apartment, along with a few of our friends. Of course, we lived on the 4th floor of an apartment building with no elevator, so that was a feat in and of itself. It took me an hour to lie down in bed that night and 2 hours to get out of bed in the morning. I was trying to lift myself by using my elbows and actually rubbed them raw like a carpet burn. It was sad and pathetic. I stayed in the apartment for two days like that until my parents came and got me and brought me to the doctor where I discovered that I had slipped a disc in my lower back. It took two weeks to recover to the point of proper posture but since then my lower left side has always been a little touchy. Why have I told this story?
Well now that I am pregnant this horrid condition is begining to rear it's ugly head again. My tummy has doubled in size in the last month and the weight has caused my back to scream "WHAT'S GOING ON!?!"
So pray for me, because I cannot afford to be hunched over at the waste with a large belly. This may become uncomfortable. Maybe this is why God shut the door on me working during my pregnancy. Who knows? Either way I would like to take this moment to wish my perforated disc a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

I love my doggy

Dakota is an AWESOME doggy. She is the lowest maintenance dog in the world. She literally needs to go outside twice a day. Once in the morning and once right before bed. She's like a camel when it comes to that kind of stuff. She is a people lovin dog,and although she's big and hairy, she very gently gives doggy hugs to everyone she meets. She smiles too. I swear. I love my doggy-roo.

Funny Quiz

I took this quiz to find out what my super hero name would be....Pretty funny.

Your Superhero Profile

Your Superhero Name is The Power Guardsman Your Superpower is Solar Your Weakness is Dust Your Weapon is Your Flame Gel Your Mode of Transportation is Tricycle

What's your Superhero Name?

What I have recently learned about me

So, i've discovered that I can bake. I never knew this before, and I haven't really attempted anything difficult, but I have made several recipes from my mother's cookbook and I must say that they have proven successful each and every time. What's even more odd than my new found ability is my new found passion. I am really enjoying it!
I think that's the key. For some reason, I never really enjoyed baking before, so I would'nt give it the love and attention it deserved. The result: Bad tasting food.
I think a little lovin is what is needed in order for the recipe to turn out just right. It's wierd, and creepy. Totally not me, since I have tried and desperatly failed at every attempt I have ever made at home maker projects (sewing, cooking, baking, knitting etc.) and even though I still think that sewing is an impossible feat and a spiritual gift, baking has become something that I can accomplish successfully and I am enjoying myself in the process. For the first time in my life I desire a new set of mixing bowls.....WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!?!
I hope my new found passion does not cause me to gain 150 pounds.

My First Banana Bread Loaf

What a beauty.

We've made a Decision

Caden Robert Stock

Some Names:

Here are some names we have picked out. We are probably not going to name him until we see him but we want to have some ideas before hand to choose from. Let me know what you think:

Connor: Much wanted; Strong willed

Shannon: Little wise owl

Logan: Eloquent; small cove

Tyler: Industrious; Tile Maker

Jonah: Peacemaker

Joel: God is willing

Caden: Fighter

That's it so far. We're really particular about meanings. That seems to be an important biblical aspect to naming a child. Let me know which one you like best.

CONGRATULATIONS KATHRYN AND SCOTT!

Kathryn and Scott are engaged! YAY!
Congrats you guys! Marriage is awesome!
Scott, I officially recognize you as Uncle Kissy Boots. Welcome to the family.

Sniff Sniff

I'm sick
I have a cold
Poor me
Poor, poor, pitiful me

This is Jason holding our Halloween pumpkin. We were thrilled to discover that the pumpkin salemen are also the Christmas tree salesmen and Rooster Fighters. YES! 

Jason and I took Dakota to the park yesterday. That dog is a fool for her daddy. What a cute pair! 

Here is my belly. It is getting quite large. I took this picture in my pajamas and cleverly put makeup on just one side of my face, given that I had just gotten out of bed and things aren't so pretty at that time of the morning. Baby Boo is growing and moving around all over the place. He makes me giggle at the most inopportune times. I have a feeling that he is going to do that for the majority of his life.  

It's a Boy!

Here are some pictures of our baby boy that were taken today.
The first one is of his...well...his stuff. He did exactly what we wanted him to do. He has one leg bent and the other one straight out. If you squint, you can see where the dr. labelled the parts.

The other one is of him from the front, chillin with his hands on his head.
He was nestled comfortably under my left hip. So cute!
Enjoy!

Cat's on the table

My cat is batheing himself on my dining room table. I should in all honesty discipline his rebellious behavior but nothing works. He fears nothing but the vacuum and I do not have the strength to hoist it to the top of the table and chase him down. So he shall remain "Chat sur le table" (I apologize because I know that has to be wrong)
I put flea medicine on my little cat last night. I usually use the crazy expensive vet stuff but given our current financial situation, I went with a cheap Walmart brand of flea drops. So I put them on the back of her neck like I am instructed to do on the packaging and proceed to get in bed. After several minutes of lying there in the dark, I hear her running viciously up and down the hallway panting and hissing at nothing. So I go to check on her and she is evidently possessed by a demon or having an extreme negative reaction to her flea drops. I take her in the bathroom and wash her down with baby shampoo, meanwhile a little flea runs across her face, smiling and laughing and screaming profanities at me as he nestles his way down into her furry head. I kept an eye on her for a while after and she seemed to be ok. I am happy to say that aside from some slight twitching of the ears, she is doing much better. Poor little Kitty. Stupid little fleas. Grrrr.
I can't believe they would sell stuff like that. I'm going to write a strongly worded letter.

Calm Down Kissy Boots!

Hey...i'm updating. I've been pretty busy for an unemployed woman. I've been volunteering for The Salvation Army lately. This is my third Christmas involved with Army stuff and I enjoy it more this year even though I'm not being paid. I'm actually looking forward to Christmas this year. I couldn't figure out why but then I realized, "It's because I don't work for the Army!" I'm going to decorate and make cards and cookies and do all kinds of festive things. YAY!
I had a doctors appointment on Monday. Everything looks good. It wasn't the ultrasound appointment but they scheduled it for this coming Monday. The Anatomy Ultrasound. If the baby cooperates, we'll know the gender. I hoping it will strike a provocative pose so that we will know 100%. Very exciting. My new doctor is really great and the hospital where I'll be delivering is beautiful. I feel good about it, even though I'm paying out the nose. I can't believe there is no law in this country that I am protected under to be insured as a pregnant woman!? When you come from a socialistic nation these things are considered outrageous! That's a USA rave for another time. Grrrr. But anyway, God is good and all is well.
So, Jason and I are having a running, extremely commical, debate. Let me know what you think:
How do you feel about stuffing your domestic house pets after they have passed away so that they may remain in your life forever? One of us thinks this is creepy and wierd and should never be done and the other thinks (for some unknown reason) that it's a cute idea. Let me know what side you fall on so that I may show my husband that everyone agrees with me. So far, it's 2-0 for Kathy.

My First Cake

Ok, so it is no suprise to anyone who knows me that I am terrible in the kitchen. Mostly when it comes to baking. I made brownies from a box before that turned out rockhard and not fit to eat and I, with my sister and friend Renee, made an anniversary cake for my parents from scratch that turned out lop sided, nasty, with green, chunky icing. But I have to make an announcement. Today, (with the help of betty crocker) I made my first cake. It's a halloween cake, for the Mary Kay party tonight. Sherry bought the mix and the icing but being the workin woman that she is, did not find time to bake it. Since she knows how open my schedule it, she asked me if I would prepare it and I said, "SURE."
I felt kind of bad after, (knowing my past of baking abuse) but I decided to try my hardest. Friend's, feast your eyes on the beauty known as,
"Kathy's First Cake."

Ah, nevermind

So, I've made another decision. I'm going to keep blogging. Why not? I really have nothing else to do! I'm unemployed, unenrolled in school, uninvolved in anything. Plus my dear friends Kristy and KATHRYN (sorry Auntie KB) are worth the time and energy. The hormones must be causing this indecisiveness. I'm sitting in Kristy's office right now while she is deeply engrossed in a meeting about church stats and other pressing world affairs. Her office is filled with fun. Cards from little children, fake flowers, pictures of random people and babies, and lots and lots of colour. There is also an empty gumball machine...Kristy, fill your gumball machine.
You know what's not fun? Pregnancy. I can't wait for this kid to grow and get here and play with me. I'm going to have SO much fun with that child. I can't wait!
I don't want to be one of those 'martyr moms' who constantly talks about the trials of parenting and how amazing they are for doing it. I also don't want to be one of those mom's who only associates with other mom's. I also don't ever, ever, ever want to wear mom jeans (you know the ones ladies, with the wide bum pockets, waste pulled up past the belly button and the dreaded tappered leg...gadzooks!) I also think that I will wear materinty pants for the rest of my life. HELLO COMFORT. I highly recommend them for the pregnant and non-pregnant alike. Dang they're comfy!

My Decision

SO, I've decided that I am going to use my blog specifically for uploading pictures and occasional venting. Xanga is mean and doesn't let me upload pictures without paying, but for some reason the majority of people use it and I have lost the energy to upkeep both sites. Of course I will also use blogger for sending out props to my pals Kristy and Katherine (AKA: Auntie Kissy Boots). Thanks for being faithful readers you guys! All other daily/weekly entries about my life and what's going on in it will take place at www.xanga.com/kathyunplugged
Xanga is also mean in the way that it won't let non-xanga people leave comments so if you ever wish to comment about anything over there, you can do it over here.
Peace and Love,
Kathy

Question:

Does anyone read this?

Me at 16 Weeks! 

Update

I realize that I havn't actually written in my blog in quite some time, with the exception of some photos. I've actually been pretty busy, funny as that may sound because since September 9th I have been unemployed. I love having a social life again. It's been a long time since I lived in a city filled with close friends. My baby is going to be so lucky to have so many awesome aunts, uncles and babysitters!
Jason is enjoying and excelling at his new job. He feels like it's the first time he's actually worked in 1.5 years since he left the same job to persue various other occupations. It's always frustrating to work out of your gift set, but now that he is back on the horse, he is excited and doing a heck of a job! I'm SO proud of him. He's been a great witness in the work place and truly knows and believes that God has great purpose and mission for him to shine the light of Christ at his work place. He's like an undercover Jesus Freak diguised as an Assistant Manager at Superior Fitness. I love it and I love him!
I've been taking some much needed Kathy and baby time. I'm more tired now than I was in the first trimester. I don't know where this whole, "You'll get a burst of energy in the second trimester!" thing comes from because I am consistantly exhausted. I've been unpacking, organizing, doing some much needed catching up with old friends, praying and reading. For the first three days of my unemployment I watched re-runs of the sitcom 'Ellen' but I really havn't watched any T.V. since then. I prayed really hard that God would allow a way for me to work if he wanted me to, but every door was shut and so I have to trust that God wants me to spend this time focusing on him and preparing myself for my future. I feel guilty from time to time that I can't really contribute in a monitary way to our family, but Jason makes me feel amazing even after a fun filled day of laundry and sleeping. I'm glad that I get to take this time to take care of myself. I hear too many women speak of their pregnancies or parenthood as being an act of martyrdom which I can't stand. I am blessed to have this baby, chosen by God to bear children when so many can't and I never want to look at it as a chore or an obligation. It is my privelege to commit my life to my unborn baby.
I have chosen to be a stay-at-home-parent. Some may see this as being easy or some feminist power people may see it as selling out however I forsee this job as being quite difficult, very draining both physically and mentally. This is a job that you can't quit or take vacation from and it's something that you can't fully prepare for. It's like taking a job that is completely foreign to you and knowing that you have this position for the rest of your life, 24 hours a day. If this was any other position I would say, "Heck no! The risk is too high, I want something easier!" But the thought of raising a human being that is made up of two people who love eachother more than life is more exciting than scary. I am SO excited to meet this little person. YAY!
In the meantime, pray for my little cat Sampson...I'm not kidding....i've been told that whatever is important to me is important to God and Sampson's little bowel system has been hard on him lately. I won't ellaborate but pray for his little bummy. Poor baby. He's my first born son.

I need some prayer. Here is the house that I grew up in. My parents moved out of this house in June and have been trying to sell it ever since. This is a great house and selling it would ellviate alot of stress from my family. I am asking that anyone who reads this whispers a prayer for a miraculous selling of house # 24 Main Road, Green's Harbour, NL. Thanks. I'll post the praise report in the next couple of days! 

Here are the beautiful ladies at Sarah's wedding back in June. I thought we should show them up close and personal so scroll down! 

TRACY 

MELANIE 

ANDREA 

AMY 

Misunderstood

Hey Ya'll.....I love Southern Slang
I'm writing this blog in particular to clear up any misconceptions from my last entry.
Donnie - Thank you so much for your encouragement and your comment. We love you guys too and can't wait to see you in NC! I did however want to clear up some things that I may have said poorly but it's important to me that i be completely understood.
I really do believe that I made a mistake when I became a Salvationist, not because of what it means to be one, but because I became one for the wrong reasons. I agree with you that God's calling is never a mistake and I encourage those soldiers who are called to be so, but I feel as though my motivation came from feeling a 'pressure' to officership more so than a 'calling.' Noones mistake but my own and that's why I feel as though I made a mistake at the time.
I did write this particular entry at a time when ventilation was much needed so I inserted some jestful remarks that I didn't mean to be taken seriously. I know that the soldiers covenant does not say 'give alot of money to the Army.' That was my funny way of highlighting the area that says, 'give as much as you are able' and you are totally right, for alot of our people that may not be very much and I in no way shape or form am disagreeing with tithing...quite the opposite. I was also trying to be light hearted with my, 'don't drink alcohol ever' comment but what I was trying to say is that I agree with these practices in any church. I completely agree with you that alcohol can damage someones Christian witness and coming from a background where alcohol came close to destroying my home, I would never encourage drinking as an acceptable practice. I brought these things up to say that what is written on the articles of war does not bother me, in fact I agree with the things that most people disagree with or try to manipulate. It's important that you know that I was not fighting on behalf of those things but instead explaining that I believe in them too. In fact, I believe in the Articles of War which I signed and will remain true to my covenant. My commitment to my holiness covenant is not what I am disturbed with but rather many convictions that I have about certain teachings in the church. I have heard MANY people make the argument that we do not partake in certain acts of scripture because William Booth didn't want Salvation to be misunderstand or because William Booth didn't want people to turn back to their wicked ways and that's what I was refering to when I said, 'I've heard people put more emphasis on William Booth's words...' I guess I was being kind of a smart-alec (is that spelled right?) and I apologize, i was more meaning to be sarcastic than mean and I apologize if I hurt anyones feelings. And you're right, I should use the sniper-gun on that one because not all people think like that. It's important that you know that I was not attacking officers with any of these comments. I've been under poor leadership and I've been under great leadership and I know that 'people' are one thing and 'The Salvation Army' is another. In fact my current officers are WONDERFUL and have been a blessing and encouragement as I transition. I think I combined my beefs with both people and the organization in the last entry but I give props to officers who are in there rolling up their sleeves to make the Army, God's Army just like you guys.
Overall however, through MUCH prayer and study, i've come to many conclusions and I believe I am being called out of The Salvation Army, at least as a Soldier because although a soldier is a representation of Christ's work on the inside it is also a testimony that one is commited to the Army and it's beliefs and I am not anymore.
I love the Army, I love what it is doing in the face of disaster especially as of late. I love that it reaches out to people from all places and all walks of life and I have been an adherent in the Army my entire life. I have based many decisions in the past on 'people.' Either being mad at them or frustrated with them or even inspired by them but I promise you this is not one of those times. I have been strongly convicted by the Holy Spirit to return to biblical teaching and it alone as my source of living and as my guideline for holiness. I have many mentors but I would never place anyones opinion or impact on me above the leading and the divinity of Christ Jesus.
I hope this clears up some misconceptions. I was in a bit of typing-rage when I wrote the last entry which is why I feel as though my true feelings and beliefs were not portrayed as accurately as I would have liked. I hope this makes more sense.
Donnie, once again I can't wait to see you guys and thank you for reaching out and showing your concern and sharing with me your knowledge. You and Laura are great officers and wonderful people. Although I feel that the Army is not right for me and my family, I am inspired by people like you who 'get it.' You guys are awesome and The Army is better because of you both.

Check out this bug we saw outside on Sunday.
 

Movin in more ways than one

Yo! Well, by now those of you who read regularly probably already know that Jason and I are moving Charlotte, NC. We're excited. This move will allow us the ability to raise our child with a stay at home parent (AKA: me) and still be able to feed it and ourselves. This move is really great and is happening for all of the right reasons. God truly brought us to Tallahassee for many great reasons. We've met and formed relationships with some amazing people in two uniquely gifted churches. We've been able to experience positive and negative things and both types have helped us to discover what we really believe and has helped us to focus on the most important thing. God's word.
I think I made a mistake when I became a Soldier in The Salvation Army. I did so a year ago, after spending my entire life as an adherent and it was at a time when I felt the heavy burden of guilt to become an Officer. Gosh I've learned so much about God's will since then...and I still have my whole life to crack that surface even more.
The holiness covenant I signed is not really the problem. I agree that soldiers, adherents, Baptists, Penticostals, non-denominationists, ETC. should abide by such a thing in their everyday life. It's called holiness. Now the covenant in the Army has some specific 'Army' parts like don't drink alcohol ever and give alot of money to The Army but these commands are also great ways to live for any Christian who wants to uphold a good reputation and support their church so all in all, the wording on the paper is not the problem. I believe that a life of holiness is always a struggle because we're sinners born into a sinful world which is why there is NO ONE in this world who has adhered to their Soldiers covenant without fail their entire lives. The Old Testament is filled with covenants and God's wrath when his people disobeyed those covenants and since God hasn't changed I believe it's important to live up to what I signed, even though I choose not to wear my uniform anymore and will most likely choose not to attend a Salvation Army church in the future. The New Testament is filled with Jesus teachings of love, mercy and forgiveness. Jesus himself said 'Do not swear by anything....let your yes be your yes and your no be your no.'
Ok, so the Soldiership debate could go on forever but here is my disturbance. I have discovered that in many Salvtion Army environments, it is more important that I wear my uniform than it is that I disciple effectively, serve helpfully, love inclusively, or even tithe for that matter. That is really scary. That my soldiership (not what i signed but the traditions that I take part in) has become more important than my heart. CREEPY! Danger Zone. This has forced me to clear my mind and to refocus my Christianity. God has lead me back to his word and his word alone. Alot of time I have been acting on God's word and have been ridiculed or made to feel sinful because of how strongly regemented the Army is. I've been in situations where the topics of Jesus teachings and practices were brought up and some of those we choose not to participate in within The Salvation Army and tht only reason that anyone can give is because 'William Booth didn't think it would be a good idea.' EEEK! William Booth was a great man but his word holds more value with some people than the words of Jesus himself! This also creeped my out.
Basically with the baby coming I am forced to make some big decisions. What church do I want my child to be raised in? Through God's word and the counsel of many learned friends, I have determined that I must find a church with balance that focuses SOULY on God's word. I want my child to grow up with a love and desire to mimic the Life of Christ in an enviornment that can usher them at every stage of their growth. I want him/her to love church and for it to be a newcomer friendly enviornment where my child can invite their friends and those people can feel warmly accpeted, welcomed and comfortable. I am excited to see where Christ leads us.
Saying all this, I am so thankful to the Salvation Army, especially to the Corps Officers here in Tallahassee who have to the best of their ability aided us through this transition that was so greatly needed. Tallahassee served as a place for Jason and I to live int he same country together. Things were looking bleek for a while but God opened this door. Tallahasee has served as a place for us to find our true selves and a place for God to water us and challenge us and strengthen us. When we drive away from Tallahassee, it will be with heavy hearts. We've really loved it here.
Johnny, I am so excited to come to Charlotte and to see what miraculous movements are taking place at Charlotte Temple because of your God motivated leadership and your drive to please God and show who he really is in the face of traditionlists and adversities. You are a brave man to tackle this huge monster and you are winning through God's strength. I can't wait to see it! I can't wait to see you and everyone in NC! WAHOO!

Priorities

First I would like to give a hug and a kiss to my Kristy, because I think you are the only one who reads this. YOU're AWESOME!
We need to get our priorities straight. Who's we? CHRISTIANS! I have had it up to here (pointing to head) with Christians and churches with warped priorities. We have become so consumed with silly things that if Jesus was to come into our churches we would pray that God would help him to conform to us.
"Why can't that guy just be like everybody else? Why does he have to make a spectacle of himself?"
I can actually hear people saying this about our Savior if he was to pop into one of services as a stranger.
I have recently had to deal with some severe Christian immaturity and it gives me a completely new sense of appreciation for Jesus and his life on earth. I had a really bad morning and spent the remainder of the afternoon praying and reading about Jesus pre-crucifixion prayers up until his ascension into Heaven.
Jesus was the Son of God and he had Priests coming up to him and telling him he was doing wrong by God. If you were Him, wouldn't you have wanted to scream,
"OF COURSE I"M RIGHT BY GOD, I AM GOD!"
The Pharisees are still so present in todays society. Being in the Salvation Army, it scares me to death how quick we are to condemn anything that isn't traditionally army. I've actually heard people pretty much say,
"Well the reason we don't do things the way Jesus commanded is because William Booth had an idea to do it a different way."
I love Willy but Are you serious?!? That is so scary to me it's not even funny.
We need to reprioritize. Are we more concerned with the heart or the uniform? Are we going to keep all people accountable or only the ones that we feel comfortable confronting? Are we going to focus on the Word or on the tradition, because God's word can be applied to every era, it never gets old and it's never going to be outdated, but our tradition is. You may be second, third, fourth generation Salvationist, you may have been in the Army for years, but the people you are trying to reach in the unchurched world have not. I'm getting off on another tangent all together but I am spiritually frustrated and I want to scream!
This is the first time that I have made denominational decisions based souly on what my convictions are from the word. In the past I have wanted to seek out other denominations because I was angry or being selfish but God has brought me to a place where I am running my life's decisions through his word and it alone, because it is really the one thing that I can be sure of. I know that God is leading me to a new place and I am really excited about that. I don't want these writings to sound like the ventilation of an angry Salvationist because there is nothing new about that. Instead I plead with anyone who reads this to re-prioritize. What's more important? And when you discover what it is, rely on God's strength to usher you through because if I have learned anything about doing God's will, it is usually going to be hard, unpopular and challenging. Also, expect more from your Christian peers. The bible says that 'Iron sharpens Iron.." And we need to do that for eachother. Don't just keep accountable those people who are easier to come down on then others. Help other people be all that they can be by lovingly bringing your concerns to them about their spiritual lives. It's so important.
I don't know if anything I've said has flowed together at all and I don't even know if it's making any sense to anybody. I just want to send out a thank you to the people who call and write and encourage me with prayer and assure me that I'm loved. Whenever I want to cry, laugh, rejoice or vent, I confide in you and you are the people who get me through and I thank God for you.

Sick-ee-poo

Florida is miserable in the summer time. It's too darn hot!
Speaking of which, it turns out that my husband has Pneumonia! Who gets Pneumonia in Florida in August! Craziness. Keep him in your prayers.
I am so hungry right now. I just bought Jason a chocolate cake. He's been craving one. Sympathy cravings for me. What a sweet heart...
Ever since this whole Pneumonia thing happened he's been refering to himself as, "Dying husband." For example...

"Kathy, would you mind pouring a drink for your dying husband?"
"Kathy, would you mind making dinner for your dying husband?"
Kathy, do you know what would make your dying husband's last days on earth really great? CHOCOLATE CAKE!"

As funny as he is, his cough is pretty bad. We'll be keeping a close eye on it. Where he has Asthma he is at a higher risk than the normal Joe. Poor baby. He never gets sick.

God's love has been very real and evident in our relationship these past few days. We've both been feeling awful but trying equally hard to take care of the other...I play the "Pregnant Wife" card almost as much as he plays the "Dying Husband" card. We've found yet another appreciation for eachother. I think the marriage vows should read, "...In sickness and in health. Even when you're both sick at the same time."

Doors

Life has been pretty crazy these past couple of weeks. Ever since we heard that Baby Boo was coming along we've been eagerly trying to figure out our next move. I, unlike alot of women, feel convicted to stay home when the baby is born. I know, I know, call me 1950's but those moments are so precious and I was raised by a stay-at-home-mom and I think I turned out pretty good. We've been exploring many options as to how to make this scenerio work and we're still pretty much in the dark as to what God's plan is for us. I have no doubt that this baby has come at the PERFECT time, because within the confines of a godly marriage that's how God works and it has always been my prayer that God would bless us with Children in His time and not my own, so I don't doubt the timing. This in turn helps me to not doubt the future. God placed this child within me and now he is going to place a future before me. A day or two this week my husband and I fell back into our old ways of thinking, wondering how 'WE' were going to do this and getting frustrated with our present lack of options but after seeking the counsel of several friends, God reminded us once again that there is stuff in the works that we can't see and that we need to pray in expectancy for the future. Which leads me to explain a very blessed turn of events:
We've been praying for God to shut all doors that need shutting and to open the door that needs opening and then to push us through it. While living here in Tallahassee we've had the priviledge of getting to know many wonderful people. We've also developed leaps and bounds in our Christian walk and our understanding of the scriptures. God has led us to discover hidden truths in his word that have literally transformed our lives and our thinking. We serve a powerful God! We've also had the priviledge of joining two church families. Some people may automatically be opposed to this, especially because one of the church's is our place of employment, but Jason and I have been SO blessed to have both of these entities in our lives.
The Salvation Army of course has been a blessing. The tiny congregation and the potential of the future there have been both motivating and inspirational. We love the mission of the Army and the history of the Army. We love what the Army is and we dream of what the Army could be. Through the Army we've been able to help people's physical needs, start new ministries and exercise our spiritual gifts. Although our job does not require us to attend the Corps, we choose to attend because of our deep admiration for the Army. On Wednesday nights we have been attending Lifechurch. Polar opposite atmospheres and yet when linked can bring such fulfillment to ones life. Lifechurch is a branch of the Penticostal church but it is the most biblically, balanced church I have ever attended. I've always been one to be over-cautious about emotionalism and 'putting on a show' almost to the point where I wouldn't have seen the power of God working through someone if they punched me in the face with it. But now I discern using scripture as my guide. So to make a LONG story short, attending both of these churchs has helped my husband and I to grow leaps and bounds in the Lord. And for those of you who are wondering, no, it's not wrong. Our commitment levels to both churchs have been clearly stated therefore we are dependable and held accountable by each plus if a church is going to get angry at us for growing stronger in Christ, then there is a problem. Denominational fueds....Grrrr...almost as ridiculous as The Salvation Army vs. The Red Cross but I'll save that rave for another time.
ANYWAY, God has been opening some serious doors for Jason to minister in Lifechurch. He's been called upon for several weeks in a row to conduct the services there while the head pastor is ill and the associate pastor has a family emergency. This is a huge deal given that Lifechurch has 750 attendees. Under the blessing of our Corps Officer, he has taken on the responsibility of leading back to back services at Lifechurch this coming Sunday. Pray for him and for whatever the future may bring in this ministry. Since the SAMS positions hold 0 stability (given that they are only 2 years in duration) we are going to need God to lead us onward. Perhaps we are to work securlarly, volunteering at our two awesome churchs. Maybe God is leading us into a different kind of ministry in which is name will be glorified and our experience in The Army will make us well equipped. Either way, we're open and ready for where he leads us.
Alot of times Salvationists assume that if people leave the Army it is because they are 'falling away' from God. I assure you that if Jason and I ever do attend another church that will not be the case. We praise God for our experiences in the Army, but we must go where he sends us whether that is to the Army or somewhere completely different.
Wow this is long! I guess I had alot to say! If Anyone actually made it to the end of this, please leave a comment. I need encouragement!
LOVE.

Jason likes to cut the sleeves off of his old T-Shirts and pull them down over his head. He's so creative! BRILLIANT! 

What a cute couple!!!! 

Cleaning my Apartment

I just finished cleaning my apartment. I've been feeling terrible and FINALLY tonight there was just enough of a break in the nausia to get some much needed house work accomplished. I even cleaned out the garbage disposal. Ick! I organized the medicine cabinet in the bathroom and my bedroom dresser actually has a top to it now! Amazing. I have been embracing the realm of morning sickness this past week. It's been terrible. I mean I was nautious before, but this is just insane! I miss food. I miss loving it and wanting it. I miss watching commercials for it and drooling. Now I watch fast food commercials in disgust. I can't wait till month 4. They say life will be so much better than.
I have somehow developed a sinus problem over the last few days as well. Sinus headaches, runny nose, cough and tonight I am developing a sore throat. Not cool.
This evening my husband and I were able to fit on the couch together and take a nap. We had a pretty good set up. Usually we can never arrange ourselves comfortably but we slept like babies for about an hour. It was nice.
This week him and I are hosting Junior Soldier Day Camp at our Corps. The kids come everyday and learn a lesson, therefore knocking out five lessons in one week. Today went well. They are so LOUD. I think our entire youth group needs hearing aids.
We are leaving for Colorado in less than two weeks for the National Seminar on Evangelism. We went to this seminar last year and didn't particularly enjoy the content of the seminar, but the surroundings are incredible! We did so much hiking and sight seeing and we saw Josh Groban at The Red Rocks Amphitheatre. It was a great get away. This year we need to go as a job requirement. Basically we take an entire week to study a Salvation Track called, "Got Life?" And then in the mid-end of the week we all go out in two's to attack the neighborhood for Jesus. I'm not a huge (please don't hit me) believer in Door-to-Door Evangelism or it's effectiveness. But in saying that, there were several people who gave their lives to Christ last year through the ministry. It's just that every year they go to the same neighborhood and the Salvationist Attack has almost become a joke now to the residents there. I argue with myself all the time about whether it is a positive thing or not. On one hand we are asking people to conform to a God they know nothing about and asking them to trust us even though we're strangers and we're doing by invading their home and their family enviornment. In the end, we can't really maintain a relationship with them and leave them high and dry. The 48 hours after a person accepts Christ is the most crucial for follow up, support and discipleship because Satan gains a giant foot hold after that spiritual high.
On the other hand, prayer is our most powerful tool and we do alot of that at the seminar. There is a prayer walk on the streets where the Evangelism will take place and there is unbelievable possibility in that. Once someone accepts Christ they are given the names of the local officers and the church address and the tracks are pretty easy to follow. I don't know. I'm still wrestling. Let me know what you think.
Well I'm not feeling too hot at the moment. Pray for my belly and for Baby Boo (our nickname for Baby Stock)

Baby on the way

Jason and I are very excited about our growing fetus! We've become very happy about the idea of being parents and are realizing that we're more ready than we thought we were. It's such a great and motivating feeling to be planning our lives around the life of someone so precious and dear. Suddenly the future is very important, complacency can be no more and we're focused and purpose driven. Being pregnant hasn't been too miserable thus far. I've been very tired and feel a little naustious everyday but I am nowhere near the horror stories I have heard from pregnant ladies of the past. Praise God for that. Jason is doing very well. The future although it is exciting is still very scary and nerve wrecking, but we're doing much better than I ever thought we would do under these unexpected circumstances. We're more focused on the blessing than the hurdles and we know that God has this in his hands.
My dog (who I refer to has doggy-roo) is hilarious. She just ripped one of her pillows apart and spread the innards all over the living room floor. Although she chews things up, eats way too much, requires outside maintenance and sheds so much that shes broken two vacuum cleaners, she is an awesome dog and I am so glad she's in our lives. And to think she was on the chopping block at the animal shelter!
Shhhhhh, don't tell her that. She doesn't know how close things came!
Well I should go and watch some mind numbing television. Until next time....BYE

Guess who's going to have a baby?

ME
Baby Stock will be here around March 19th
...We can't wait to meet you Baby!

Disaster Work

We just got back from a crazy week in Pensacola, Florida. Hurricane Dennis came up through that area and knocked out homes and power lines everywhere so the Salvation Army was sent there first thing Monday morning. Jason and I took the Tallahassee canteen and hit the road with the S. Army convoy.
The rest of the week consisted of LONG hours, grueling work and lots of sweat. I have to say it was one of the most rewarding things I've done in a long time. It was the way practical Christianity should be. Heart to God, hand to man. We saw hungry people and we fed them. They asked for food and we gave it to them. There was no red tape, no middle man, and for a week I fell back in love with The Salvation Army. The one that has a heart for people and cares more about the needs than the Burocracy. It was good stuff. There were only two people the entire week who cussed us out for not providing a prompt enough free meal but those who were thankful and precious far out numbered the mean and ugly. We had volunteers walk off the street to help us in our canteen. They brought us icecream and snacks and displayed the beautiful heart of Christ. Then we went to the town of Milton, where the worlds most amazing people live. These people had their town blasted away by the storm and still remained honest, friendly, and welcoming. I LOVE MILTON. I wanna get a shirt that says that.
The last night the Disaster crew ate out at Outback Steak House and much to our suprise, the family that had been sitting next to us paid 50 bucks towards our meal, but they wanted to leave before we knew about it.
I saw so much Jesus in people awakened by this natural disaster. And we wonder why God does things like that...
On Saturday we returned home with full hearts and a much needed appreciation for mankind. It was a wonderful week.

Here's my baby doggy. I love her WAY too much. 

Here is Matt and Jeff 'framed' I fell down directly after taking this picture. Oh the embarassment! 

Amy, Me and Jacqueline, partying it up at Nevin and Sarah's wedding 

What a Stinky Day!

Man, God is really using this week to drive me to my knees.
Allow me to vent:
I went to have a catscan done this week on my neck and it turns out that there is something there but they won't know what it is for a couple of days. Fortunatly there are 100 non-scary things that it could be and only one scary thing, so my odds are good. I'm not too concerned about that, but if you could, keep it in your prayers.
This morning I decided to go to work a way that I never go. I even found myself wondering, "Why am I going this way?" But I continued on. I'm a good driver and I assume that everyone around me is as well, so I manuvered my way into a tight spot in the lane next to me and proceeded to slow and turn up the following street when the person behind me RAMMED me from behind, sending me flying. I'm going to be REALLY sore tomorrow and my car is pretty much demolished. I couldn't get the door opened so I had to crawl out the other side and the woman who hit me was SO mean and that hurt more than the flinging of my body against my steering wheel. I'm fine. Damaged pride and a fear of a lawsuit on my hands, but I'm fine. The woman is blaming me for everything and she wasn't nice to deal with so we'll what happens.
LASTLY, there's a hurricane coming straight for us.
I have to go, but keep Kathy in prayer this week, as well as the Panhandel of Florida. God is working something big in me! I hope I don't perish before it comes to pass!

Happy Canada Day!

Happy Canada day! The fabulous day that our nation was formed. I bought materials to make Canada cookies but I never got around to it. I celebrated by going to the doctor to get a lump in my neck checked out. He said it was shaped like a Maple Leaf!! Just kidding. That would have been awesome though.
I have to get some blood work done tomorrow and I have to get a Catscan on Thursday just to make sure it's all good. The dr. thinks it's nothing serious so I'm not too worried about it. Keep it all in prayer though if you have time.
Jason's parents are coming in from NY tomorrow. They'll be here until Tuesday. I'm excited. We rarely get to see them so it'll be good.
I've been thinking alot lately about the ridiculous competition between denominations of the Christian church. Isn't it funny how church's look at eachother as though they are competitors in a race for stats and correct docterine? I've actually heard people within non-profit, God centered ministries refer to other non-profit, God centered ministries as 'The Competition.' I celebrate denominational diversity. I think denominations are fabulous. I think it's ridiculous to think that everyone should be able to find everything they need at one church. If that was the case, we'd have one big ol' church. What about the people who need to be in tiny church's to feel safe and loved? Everyone is different and everyone needs different things. We need to praise God for leading people to places where they fit. If that's not your church, big deal!
Don't know why that's been on my mind lately...it just has...
BYE

Where Is Everybody?

HEY! Have I not made it perfectly clear that 0 comments makes me sad and depressed! Come on people! Don't slack off just because it's summer! I just miss everyone..sniff sniff...That's all.
Summer has brought with it a period of dryness in almost every area of my life. My surroundings are, of course, very dry seeing as how it is 100 degrees everyday. The soil and sod have literally turned to sand and dust. It amazes me that vegetation can survive here. Physically I have fallen off of the exercise horse. I was doing so well, getting up early, at the gym by 7:00am and then off to work by 9:00am. I felt really good. Then I blew a tire on my car and during the waiting period my routine got shaken up. It's been really hard to get back into the groove. Spiritually I've been pretty docile. In the world's of ups and downs this would be a down but not for any particular reason. Just feeling suspended in complacency. I'm not even really depressed or upset or anything, just feeling really lazy. I've never really consider how strong the enemy is until I go through times like these. My life is great. I have blessings all around me. I have a husband who loves me, a job that supports me, friends and family who care about me and first and foremost a God who created me in love and wants to be with me daily. I know logically all of the arguments and cliches one says to another when experiencing dry times. I know what I need to do to shake the dryness and it's as simple as sitting in the presence of God and being regenerated. And even though I've never had a negative experience sitting in God's presence, I still do everything in my power to avoid it during these times of dryness. I'll get on the computer instead of reading my bible. I'll play my keyboard instead of pray to God. This is why the enemy is much more present in life than I thought, whispering to us that somehow spending time with our heavenly Father is a negative thing! And we buy it! I've been reading the book, "The Screwtape Letters" by C.S Lewis. Now I realize it is a fiction compilation and not to be taken as accurate accounts of demon conversation, however it is very interesting to observe areas in life where the devil could be placing his foot. The book says that the devil loves two types of people: Those who are overly interested in him to the point of obsession and those who don't believe him. He can do just as much evil in the life of someone who claims he isn't there as he can in the life of someone who worships him!
Now I'm not one who likes to blame the devil for everything. I am the one who ultimately makes the decisions about my life. But it's been an interesting enlightenment during this time of dryness to pinpoint why I feel the way I feel. It gives me motivation to kick the habit of complacency because I don't want Satan to succeed in my life. So if you're reading this whisper a little prayer on behalf of those who are experiencing dryness. It is not backsliding or caused by life's troubles. In fact the most passionate times I have spent with the Lord have been when he is all I have and everything else is falling apart. Dryness tends to seep into my life when everything is just fine. Not great, not bad, but fine. When we have enough money to live but not enough to do anything else. When work has become ritualistically normal and life is just kind of bobbing along, uneventful.
"There must be more than this, Spirit of God come breathe within.
There must be more than this Spirit of God we wait for you.
Fill us anew we pray, fill us anew we pray.
Consuming fire, fan into flame a passion for Your name.
Spirit of God, fall in this place.
Lord have Your way, Lord have Your way with us."
- Tim Hughes, 'Consuming Fire'

Happy Father's Day Dad!

My dad is a faithful reader and I am a horrible mail-er SO I decided to post my father's day greeting rather than buy a card and forget to send it.
Happy father's Day Dad! You're the greatest! Sorry I can't be there. You're awesome.
Thank you for refining my brain and for guiding me through at least 18 years of Howard Smith's Seminary School. I say that not to make fun, but instead to thank you. As I go through life I thank God daily that I didn't have to learn alot of life's lessons the hard way and that I am mature in my spirituality because of you. You did exactly what God called you to do as the leader of our family. You raised me in the way I should go, and you trained me to be a God-fearing person. Due to your example I have chosen a godly husband who from time to time reminds me of you and who will guide me and our family to a life of holiness just as you did for us.
Thank you.
You may now add this entry to my file and date it Father's Day 2005. Heehee.

'YAWN'

I'm really tired right now. It's like 4:51 on Saturday afternoon, but I am DOG TIRED for no reason at all. I slept really good last night, but for some reason I'm draggin my feet.
We just got back from a church youth-trip. It was fun. Jay is off riding a bike somewhere. He's taken up this habit of riding this bike where your feet get strapped in to the pedals so you have to do this wierd twisty move in order to get them out when you stop your bike. Needless to say his legs are scratched to pieces from not twisting his foot fast enough and falling helplessly to one side. This is why I am at home blogging and not joining in the 'make myself defenseless to the dirt' fun.
He's home! just walked in, in one piece...Thank you Lord.

Devotional Book For Tallahassee

For the past couple of weeks, I have dedicated myself to preparing a month long devotional book to address the specific needs of our Corps here in Tallahassee. It is a study on the book of Nehemiah, since we are attempting to change the entire face and structure of our church here in town. I'm going to post a couple of the entries on my blog just to see what people think. The corps will hopefully begin using it for the first week of July. Here's how the book starts off. (anyone requesting a copy please let me know, there's a limited suplpy) HAHA!

"Let The Re-building Begin!"

Scripture: "I also told them about the gracious hand of my God upon me and what the king had said to me. They replied, 'Let us start rebuilding.' So they began this good work."
- Nehemiah 2:18

There is no better story then the story of Nehemiah to reflect what is happening to the Tallahassee Corps right now. This book of the bible is littered with examples of leadership, vision, opposition, submission, perseverance, repentance and revival. Phew! That's a lot of themes for one little book! Let's have a short history lesson:
This book takes place during 445 BC and shows the third and final exile to Jerusalem. Zerrubabel (a great grandfather of Jesus) led the first return in 538 BC and Ezra led the second return in 458 BC. Thirteen years later a wealthy man by the name of (you guessed it) Nehemiah, felt God telling him to lead the third exile to Jerusalem and to rebuild the walls around that city. Why was rebuilding the wall so important you might ask?
The wall around Jerusalem represented more than just a structure. It acted as protection, as shelter and as a symbol of unity within that city. The wall provided a place for God's chosen people to grow spiritually together. Within those walls a place of prayer would exists and everyone within those walls would have the same beliefs about God and his direction. It was a special place, a place of God. Sounds like a church to me!
Nehemiah had been hearing people say that the wall could not be rebuilt, that the opposition was too strong and that the mess was too big. They just didn't know where to start.
God tugged at Nehemiah's heart and placed a passion inside of him to lead the movement back to Jerusalem. It wasn't easy, but he left his great paying job with the government and with permission from the King began leading the reconstruction of the wall.
You would think that Nehemiah would have no problem doing this and that everything would be a piece of cake. After all, it was God's plan. He actually ran into many trials and tribulations both outside of the city and inside of it, but he kept his cool. He addressed every problem in the same way. Nehemiah's pattern for success went a little like this.

Recognize the problem - Pray - Act

This is one of the things that made Nehemiah so incredible at leading and delegating. He would see the problems for what they really were and then he would take them to the Lord in prayer. After praying, he would take immediate action. His leadership, passion, obedience and consistency paid off in the end. Through God's strength they completed the "impossible" re-construction of the Jerusalem wall in 52 days!
Pray that God will lay His will upon your heart. If you are a member of this Corps, God has a purpose and a plan here for you! Pray that He will open your heart and give you a passion to rebuild the Salvation Army of Tallahassee. Maybe even in 52 days! You never know! It will not be easy, in fact Satan will find many ways to get us down but God is bigger than all things. Never forget that. Join us as we dive further in Nehemiah. Have a blessed day!

How could I not?

Ok, so a very close follow up to my last entry. For the past little while I have been dealing with feelings of anger and bitterness and I was asking how in the world do you just stop feeling angry. Well I went to a bible study tonight with some new friends that jason and I have met. It was a great time hanging out with new people but when we started to diving into the word, we began discussing the topic of Jesus on the cross. All of a sudden it dawned on me, due to the Holy Spirit I'm sure, because I've heard this story and concept before but it really hit home tonight. This entire time I've wondered how Jesus forgave those people who hurt him so badly. I've known in my head that Jesus suffered so much more than I can ever know, but I was not letting that knowledge impact my life. The leader of the bible study brought up the parable of the Man in debt, who owed a huge debt to the king. When the king asked for his money (which the man was no where near having) the man pleaded with him for mercy. The king felt moved in his heart and forgave the man his entire debt. What a blessing! The desperate feeling of being broke financially suddenly was lifted from his shoulders! That same day he sees someone who owes him a small amount of money and he grabs him and demands for his money. I think to myself whenever I read this parable, "How dare he turn around and not give the same curtosy to someone else! What a monster! He should be thankful and return the favor he was given!"
What a slap in my face tonight. Jesus forgave me, bore my sin, my shame and suffered longer and harder for me then I will ever have to come close to enduring. The question which I used as the title of my last entry was 'HOW?' In actuality the question should be 'HOW COULD I NOT?' How could I not forgive my neighbor? Sure they hurt me and continue to hurt me, sure they havn't asked for forgiveness, sure life is not fair, sure we get the rotten end of the stick sometimes, but I don't even deserve the blessings I have, why should I assume to deserve more! God has given me an amazing husband, family and friends (even though they may not be close by, their still amazing) He has given me health, happiness, secuirty and unbelievable LOVE. I have blessings coming out of my ears AND i am forgiven for my shortcomings, whenever I call upon the Lord. A corps officer once said to me, "Why do you need to forgive people when they havn't asked? Jesus doesn't." I could not disagree more! Jesus did! And continues to have an aboudning amount of mercy and grace and LOVE for all of us, the best of the best and the worst of the worst. Unforgiveness hurts me more than it hurts anyone else. Worst of all, it hurts my relationship with God.
So how do I forgive? I JUST DO IT! Because what Jesus did for me and for the people who crucified him causes anything that I endure to pale in comparison and its very freeing to know that Jesus knows, loves, cares and forgives! I need to be done with thinking about these people and situations negatively. I need to tell myself that I am not mad anymore, that I have forgiven them and not allow any type of negativity to enter my brain. I am choosing this day not to dwell on it anymore, and to observe any negative thought as though it is foreign and needs to be thrown out of my brain.
So i've been on this high for approximatly an hour and I thank God for it, praying that I wil maintain this understanding of undeserved forgiveness. That is one element of true Christianity.
Gotta go walk the dog. Even though she doesn't deserve it because she chewed up my hair elastic. That's the power of Love.

HOW?

I have a problem. A new and negative monster is rearing its ugly head in my life. I've never had to deal with this before because I have never felt this way until now. My actions don't really portray how I've been feeling (at least I don't think they have) and my husband (bless his heart) is really the only one up until now that has known about this new struggle, but I've decided to just lay it all out on the table. You can't change what you don't acknowledge - Dr. Phil
Lately I am finding that I am extremely negative and angry at everyone and everything. Well, not everyone and everything, but alot of people and alot of things. Anyone who is close to me knows some of the struggles that Jason and I have been going through, both long term and short term. I still believe that God is shaping us for something important and has placed us in various situations to test our strength and reliance on him and through that we have been striving for holiness in a way we never have before. I have alot of head knowledge as to what is important. For instance, God's opinion is more important than people's opinions. That's been a hard one for me to swallow. I know it's true, but being someone who wants everyone's approval, I havn't known how to deal (especially lately) with different personal struggles in my life. I didn't see it happening, but I have become very angry inside. Over and over in my head I play out scenerios in which people have hurt me or Jason and I get more and more mad and annoyed and bitter. I'm glad I recognize this, and I have taken several steps to stop feeling and thinking this way, but it's been really hard to let things go lately. I'm NOT a confrontational person at all, so I find myself telling people what I think and how I feel when their not actually around, in my head. I get fired up at people and they have no idea I'm even mad! I hate feeling this way, mostly because it hurts me and my relationship with God and gets nothing accomplished. I have prayed about it over and over, "God I don't want this, I give it to you I submit it to you, I am no good when I feel and think this way, I don't want it anymore, please take it from me." and within seconds I am back to thinking and fuming about what I just 'gave' to God, meaning I snatched it back without even recognizing it! It's almost subconsious. I don't even know I am dwelling on it until after 5 minutes of dwelling on it. I havn't been acting on these feelings because like I said, I'm not confrontational. It's more an inner rage that is silent but deadly. It's nothing violent or psychotic or anything (don't call the authorities, I'm ok!) in fact if I wasn't a christian it wouldn't be something that worried me, but the fact is that I am putting division between myself and God when I feel and think this way. I just want justice. More so for Jason than myself. If I was ever kicked in the face half as many times as he has been I'd still be on the ground, crying. That man is one of the strongest human beings on the planet. He has been just beaten down when he does the wrong things and the right things. He just never catches a break and he is so deserving having overcome all that he has overcome in his life.
I guess this is a time when I need more than ever to be sensitive to God's leading and I am so comsumed with 'self' that I don't know how to deal with some things that have come up in my life. Am I suppose to perservere or is God telling me to make a step of faith? Are we in the right place going through God ordained struggles or are we in the wrong place, frustrated by being out of God's will? Who knows.
All I know is that I need your prayers to overcome this battle with anger. I guess its a matter of unforgiveness. I'm unable to let things go and forgive people who havn't asked for forgiveness. That's one of the biggest things I think Jesus ever had to do. Was forgive the people who cheered for his death when he didn't deserve it and they didn't ask for forgiveness.
This is why I want so badly to be more and more like Christ. That kind of holiness is just incredible.

LOUD SCREAM AHHHHHHH!

WARNING! Bad day ramblings coming up...(Content may be extremely negative)
I am so tired. I need a vacation! I say this partly in jest because I just got back from Vacation. It was such a great time. I hated that Jay couldn't come but It was amazing to be submerged into an environment of family and friends who love me. Gosh I miss that. I thank God that Jay loves me more than a multitude of people ever could, but there's something nice about having a plethora of friends. It was so great to hang out with my family again. My parents moved out of our childhood home the day after I flew out. It was great to be there one last time. I can't wait till they come here in December! FUN FUN! The CWJ crowd flew out on tuesday. Man I wish I could go for a week to camp in NC. I hope you guys have an amazing summer! Hope the drama-mometer isn't exploding! Gadzooks....
Coming back to Tallahassee showed me how different life in Newfoundland really is, and how that magical place just doesn't exist anywhere else. I thank God for it, and for all of the people there. I would give anything to transplant you all here. Thank you for loving Jay and I and missing us both. You are awesome friends. PLEASE COME SEE ME!
Monday it was back to work as usual. It was as if I never left...literally. I don't think anyone noticed I was gone to tell you the truth! Ha!Ha!
Well the cleaning lady, Hazel welcomed me back...she is the cutest little thing!
My amazing husband greeted me at the airport with a much needed hug and a bouquet of flowers. He is incredible. I missed him a disgusting amount.
Everyone was bummed that you didn't come home Jay! YOU ARE LOVED! Never forget that!
Well this didn't turn out to be very negative at all....thats what remembering Newfoundland can do! It can change your day for the better!
Thank you Newfoundland for being outrageously cool. Can't wait to see you again!

0 comments makes me sad! Going home makes me happy!

No comments = low self-esteem...think about that 'friends.' heehee
I am listening to the Army's new 'Transmission' C.D. Desmond you're awesome. I am privaledged to have boogied with you in the 'Blind Beggars'. I have some rough copies of Youth Councils 2002...crazy man. Crazy.
So I am going home to Newfoundland in 5 days. OH MY GOSH I am freaking out excited. I am going to squish my little mommy when I see her and eat drumsticks with my dad. They're the greatest. It's going to be kind of surreal going home this time, it'll be the last time I visit the house that I grew up in. I'm really excited for my parents, this is an exciting chapter in their lives. Time to party in retirement. Go mom and dad! Don't go TOO crazy!
Going home is such a great time. Especially this time cause we're all going to be congregated at Nevin and Sarah's wedding, who I might add, were hooked up by...moi.
Usually when I come home I am trying like crazy to get everyone under one roof, and I always end up missing someone, but thanks to Nevin and Sarah getting hitched, I don't even have to arrange the party! I can't wait! I missed way too many weddings so I am blessed to be going to this one. Even Matt Fudge is going to be there. CRAZY! I am going to see people I have not seen in like 3 years. Madness. I am stoked! I also can't wait to see my little bainer and to cruise around in her hot car! Amy if you're reading this...get to baking those cookies. I've missed out on WAY too many batches this year.
Jason can't come home with me unfortunatly. Someone's gotta bring home the bacon! I really wish he could come, but the wedding and all the catching up with old friends would be very tiring and montonous for him. I LOVE social gatherings, Jason not so much. I guess if one good thing comes from me going without him it is that I can submerge myself into a sea of old faces without him wanting to run for the door. It can be pretty intimidating going to Newfoundland as a non-newf, married to a newf. Anyone reading this from tallahassee, keep the poor boy company. I will miss him dearly.
Oh my..I need to go to the Richmond's house and wash my clothes..Thanks Carey!
I CAN NOT WAIT TILL FRIDAY! AHHHHHHH!

Can't Sleep

Can't sleep tonight. Partially because I WAY over slept this morning, partially because I am fidgity. I just can't lie still tonight, yet I am so tired. Isn't that wierd? How you can be exhausted but unable to sleep. It stinks. Luckily, this is not a habit for me, just a once in a while thing. So I figured I would use this time to write a blog entry, since nothing and no one is needing my attention, except for a re-run of Rosanne, which I am not at all interested in...she is an annoying woman.
So....what to write about. We went to see a movie tonight called, "Crash" It was very good. It was about a variety of people of different cultures and backgrounds who all live and somehow come in contact with eachother in Los Angelos, CA. It was interesting to see how they stereotyped eachother based on age, gender, race, occupation and religion. It was also interesting because every character was both the good guy and the bad guy. It kind of caused the audience to have mercy on all parties involved no matter what good or evil things they did through out the film. It gave the watcher the benefit of seeing the whole story. I really liked it. Two thumbs up!
What else...Mmmm i figured out as of recently that getting married completely upsets your circadian rhythm. I don't know if I spelt that right, but it is the rhythm that your body has of sleeping. As a single person, I did my devotions before bed and prayed after the lights were out by whispering to God all alone in my room. I would then turn on the tv on mute or the radio on low so that I would have some sound to fall asleep to. Once I got married, I had to begin doing my devotions with jason at night before bed, but my personal time with God has become a morning ritual, which I think serves me better spiritually anyway. But at night I find it really hard to get to sleep without some noise in the room, where as Jason falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. Having a tv in the room or having the radio on would disturb him where as for me it would usher me into sleep. It always takes me a really long time to wind down at night even when I am dog tired. My mind races, not worrying really, but just planning and thinking and recalling events, so then when I do fall asleep I dream vividly all night long. Sometimes I dream that I am running around all night, really busy, so when I wake up I am exhausted. Other times I dream that someone around me did something horrible, and I wake up the next morning really mad at them for the rest of the day. Either way I always wake up feeling more tired than when I went to bed. I want to take part in a sleep study sometime. Maybe I'll find out something interesting about my sleep pattern.
Well, I have suddenly become EXTREMELY boring, so I am going to go try and get some sleep! Thanks for suffering through this entry. HEEHEE!

What I've learned from reading the bible and watching COPS

If I was a lawyer fighting a battle for someone in court, I would need to have proof. Actual, physical evidence in order to plead my case. I would need facts, undeniable truth to show the jury that I was telling them accurate information.
Jason and I watch COPS every Saturday night. This show is crazy! They catch people red-handed in the act of some illegal activity and these criminals will say up right and center that they did not do it. "I might be in a stolen car officer, but I didn't steal it. My friend let me borrow it. I can't remember his name or when he let me have it, but that's the truth!"
The thing that blows my mind is that before the show begins a voice comes on and says, "All suspects are innoncent until PROVEN guilty." The person may have stolen 6000 cars over the weekend, but the truth is that unless someone has some evidence, and some hard core, tangible, facts, and an eye witness, that man will walk away without a conviction.
In the same way, if I don't allow my heavenly Father to present himself fully in my life and ministry, in a factual, tangible way, and If I can't honestly bear witness to his power, people are going to walk away without a spiritual conviction.
We live in a world of skeptical thinkers. People who need facts and evidence, pros and cons, in order to weigh decisions and conform or not conform to certain ideas of life. What blows me away is that we as Christians expect to win souls for Christ by presenting them idle words about a God that we tell them they can not see, touch, feel or hear. We expect them to give their lives in surrender to someone they may have only heard of once, just because we've told them to. We assure them it's a good decision, that life will be better, that God loves them and that he is all powerful and real and they say 'prove it.' Unfortunatly, the last time that alot of us have had an actual physical, spitirual, mental and emotional encounter with God was during our Salvation moment.
I grew up in a Christian home, and was told that I uttered the words "Jesus, come into my heart," when I was three years old, but of course I don't remember that moment. I've grown in my Salvation, daily having my relationship with Christ become more real and intimate. The problem is that I, for a long time, thought that I had missed what everyone else got to experience. I often coveted the people who had a radical Salvation experience, and I use to think it would almost be better to have tasted a life without Christ so that I could have that moment, that one moment where God shows himself to his people, and fully know the beauty of a life with Christ. I guess I thought that at that moment of Salvation, God did something within a person that I would never experience or understand. I realize now how big of a lie this is.
In Exodus, God sends Moses to the Israelite people, his own God fearing people, to tell them God was going to do awesome things and set them free. He convinced them to follow his leading not through mere words, but through the signs and wonders that God enabled him to show them. He turned a staff into a snake and then reversed the process again. He showed them his deseased hand and they watched him heal it before their very eyes. Once they saw this, they followed him. Now the Israelites aren't really highlighted in scripture as being the easiest crowd to convince. They doubted God after the ten plagues, the parting of the Red Sea, Manna from Heaven and the celestial creation of the ten commandment Tablets. But we expect people to follow God by words alone.....interesting.
Jason and I are being led, by God, to a new understanding of Christianity. Often times our churches conflict with the one we serve. Our churches appear powerless, but God is powerful. Our churches move slowly, God is radical and miraculous and can change everything in a moment. Our churches are often times run by means of popularity, God says please me not man.
God is not going to do anything to hurt us. It's time we not only believe that he can do radical things, but that we start putting ourselves out there in faith, believing and expecting them to happen, right now.
As an Evangelist, I am trying to convince a world without Christ that he is the answer, and I'm tired of doing that with my fingers crossed hoping they'll get it. Instead I choose to go out, scared to death more than likely, and expect God to convince people through me that he is alive, real, loving, powerful, the one and only God and I am not going to limit him to just my words alone. If you are sensing God moving you towards a radical new relationship with him, it's not going to be easy. You will in fact be persecuted by the people you least expected would persecute you, but don't loose heart.
"Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness sake, For thiers is the Kingdom of Heaven" Matthew 5:10

"Bad boys, bad boys, watcha gonna do....."

Salvation, salvation, salvation!

Ok, so I know we're in The Salvation Army, but man, we need to focus on the whole picture here people! We as the "SALVATION" Army are very concerned and commited to the saving of lost souls, as well we should be, because everyone needs to know God in order to be his child and eventually spend eternity with him in paradise...or as many like to say, they need to know God so they don't BURN IN HELL....but what about life after Salvation? I'm talking about a little word called GROWTH. Spiritual growth. I wish we were called "The Salvation and Beyond Army" where we seek the lost and then remain committed to them being discipled growing spiritually and experiencing God's power. If you're like me and you've been saved since you were a child, you've probably forgotten that God wants to have power in your life everyday! Not just at your moment of Salvation. God is powerful. Part of me forgot that.
I have alot to say, but I have to go eat Thai food....
More Later....

Anticipation

I'm so anxious! In a good way, I am counting down the days for alot of things!
First I find that I am counting down the days till I can go back to Life Church. I've never really been that way about church before and it has nothing to do with social reasons or how great the worship team sounds or anything like that. Through God's word in that place I am sensing for the first time in a long time the awesome power of God. The leadership there is incredible and I feel so comfortable being led by the Pastor. There is power there, and the great thing is that God's power is not limited to certain denominations like we sometimes think. God can blow the roof off of any congregation with his amazing spirit. There needs to be some evidence of God's power in our lives, cause when the Holy Spirit baptizes your soul, there is power in that! You take on gifts and attributes that you never had before and God's will can be accomplished through you. For the first time in a long time I am not a spectator at church. It's been hard, but I am finally entering into a time of true worship when I am within God's sactuary, focusing just on him and not on music, people or most importantly, myself. It's hard to block yourself out and make honoring God your lifestyle but I am starting to see how I accomplish nothing living for my own agenda. God is so much greater and so much bigger than anything that can come my way. I've always sung that and heard that and said that, but I don't know that I've conceived that. That's big time stuff.
I read alot on people's blogs about worship and defining it correctly and how people are getting it wrong. God is going to take care of that by re-directing people. For a long time I had missed the boat on what worship truly is and it was through biblical truth and conviction of the Holy Spirit that led me to desire more and make my life about God and not about me. So if you have tapped into a lifestyle of worship, praise God for it and pray for others to tap into the same thing. Because Desmond you're right, arguing about it gets nowhere when two people have completely different definitions of what Worship is. I urge anyone who is bored in their Christian walk to dig deeper into God's word. There are amazing things in there and don't say you know it all, cause even in Heaven God is going to amaze us and astound us everyday with his awesomeness. If you are daily walking with your Lord you are going to develop a deeper and deeper relationship and it's impossible to get bored with that. Don't be afraid. Pray for God's power in your life and watch him use you to change the world!

I'm cheating on the blogger!

I have decided to also have a Xanga, in order to better communicate with the Salvationists of Florida. I was reluctant, but due to a frustrating blogger experience in which I could not upload photos quickly and easily, I decided to give xanga a try. Don't worry, I will post faithfully here as well.
My secondary page is
www.xanga.com/kathyunplugged
Enjoy!

Transformation

God has been answering my prayers in an amazing way. I don't actually know how to document this on my blog but, my well trained Christian brain is being blown away and opened up to sides of God that I had forgotten about. When we first settled into Tallahassee, Jason and I knew that for our spiritual well-being (and our sanity) we had to find something outside of the Corps to plug into. We tried several different bible studies with people outside of the Salvation Army, but nothing was really fitting for us. We began watching this minister who was being broadcasted from some church here in Tallahassee on television sometimes. We'd be flicking through the channels and see him speaking so we would stop and be taken in by it. We found that every time we heard him speak, we were motivated and convicted to change for the better and strive for holiness. Jason decided to get together with this guy so that we could forge ministries and get to know eachother a little better. They got together and Jason decided to go to the early service at his church before the sunday morning meeting at the Salvation Army. He attended a few times alone, because I was teaching sunday school an was unable to go and he loved every minute of it. He would then come to the Corps completely renewed and in a worshipful state of mind. I decided one Wednesday night to go with him and I sat through a worship service where people were raising their hands and going forward and crying and being very charismatic. I sat there and prayed silently to myself, "God show yourself to me, speak to me audibly so I will know where I am suppose to go and what I am suppose to do with my life once this position at the army is all over." At that moment the preacher (Brian) said, "someone here is wondering what they are suppose to do and where they are suppose to go." and he continued to talk directly to me answering every prayer that I had prayed in that moment. Needless to say, i was freaked out and I left the service that night not wanting to return. I'm not one for the group stuff. I like to pray and worship alone....this was what I said to Jason this past Wednesday when he wanted to go back to the church to their Wednesday night worship service. I was tempted not to go, but I decided I would try it again. We got there and Pastor Brian began to preach a sermon that was completely and utterly directed at Jason and I. He made a biblical argument for all of my excuses about worship and not being "too out there." I felt really convicted and my heart began to beat out of my chest. He then called that for anyone who wanted to find more of God to come forward. Jason and I went up and I began to cry uncontrollably. Now anyone who knows me, knows that I do not do the crying thing. I look at it as weakness and I don't like attention unless I'm doing stand-up comedy, so this was beyond my own doing, it was a God thing. I let go of my fear of rejection and looking like a fool and I stood there praying out loud, "Father, there must be more than this. I know you're bigger than what I've experienced. Speak to me like you did to the people in the bible." So while I am praying the pastor goes to Jason and begins praying over him and before long Jason has experienced this crazy, supernatural thing and he begins yelling and screaming. This freaked me out. he sounded like he was in pain! But I trusted God with him and I kept praying. The Pastor then came to me, laid his hands on my head and began praying over me, which then turned into him prophesying over me AGAIN! He answered all of my prayers, through the power of God a second time, telling me things he could never have known about me and telling me where God is going to lead me in the future. I was blown away. I felt the power of God that night, for the first time in a long time. The next day I was a mess. I felt embarassed and stupid and ashamed. I was confused and I was actually afraid of the power that I had experienced. We met with the Pastor for lunch and he answered all of our questions and just really showed us that he cared about us for no other reason but that he jus did. He didn't have any alterior motives and in fact told us that no matter if we ever came to his church again, he wanted to have a relationships with us and would be there for us whenever. Christ's love is an amazing thing. It really makes all the difference. It's all about relationsips!
So to make a REALLY long story short, I have learned many things. That God is much more powerful and "super" natural then we, especially in the Salvation Army, give him credit as being. That we shouldn't grind our teeth and wait for heaven to experience God, we can do it right now. That our church will never have power unless we pray for it TOGETHER and stop being afraid of the Holy Spirit. That the great commission comands us to go out and make disciples and through the Holy Spirit we will lead people to Christ through the POWER of God (healing, preaching, prophesy, driving out demons, etc.)That God did not send Moses to his people powerless to convince them that God was with them, but he had signs and miracles to show them that God was there, otherwise they wouldn't have believed, so why do we walk around and try to convince people to believe a God they can't see, touch, feel or hear? The truth is we CAN experience God, and if we are not, it's because we have created a seperation between ourselves and him. Man, I'm so excited to go to church tomorrow, and I havn't felt that way in a long, long time.
Thank you God.

Ode to Cuddles

Friday, April 29th, 2005, the world said good-bye to a good and faithful friend. Cuddles Smith, our family dog since 1990, past away peacefully at Baccaleu Trail Animal Hospital. Cuddles was seriously more like a brother than a dog. I often accused my mother of loving him more than she loved me (which of course was not true but would make us all laugh) She would often confuse our names the way parents do with their children. She'd call me cuddles and cuddles Kathy. It was quite confusing for both of us.
Cuddles was a terrier mix, who barked like a savage anytime someone came to or exited from our home. He was our guard dog, who looked like a shrunken sheep dog protecting his flock. Veterinarians all over the world would disapprove of Cuddles very human-like diet. Every morning my mother would make him toast and coffee. That dog loved his coffee and would often whimper and beg until she made him a cup with cream and sugar. He loved Italian food. Spaghetti, lasagna, you name it. Mom would have to catch him when he was finished eatting it because if not he would run to the light colored carpet in the living room to wipe the tomato sauce from his beard. He loved his toys and understood three things.
#1) "Cuddles, where is your toy?" he would run and find it and bring it to you for a rousing game of fetch.
#2)"Dad's home!" He would run to the window and wag his tail expectantly for his Father to come in the drive way. From a 1/2 a mile away, Cuddles could see our car, recognize it, and begin barking his head of with excitement.
#3) last but not least was his name or anything that started with a 'C'. If I yelled, "cabbage," he'd come running. He didn't have alot going on upstairs, but he was precious to our family.
Mom noticed that he wasn't doing very well and so she brought him to the vet Friday morning. They did an X-ray and discovered that his lungs were taken over by cancer. There was nothing they could do, so they held him as he was put to sleep. That day they burried him beneath the honey suckle tree in our yard with all of his favorite toys. He was a good dog who lived a very long and beautiful life. He was spoiled rotten with love and attention. Part of me truly believes that all dogs go to heaven, and when Melissa and I were little we made sure that all of our animals accepted Christ. We even put their paws together as though they were praying. Some may say that's blasphemy, but when I was 7 and Melissa was 10, we were very concerned about the spiritual welfare of our animals.
If you're an animal lover and you can empathize with this situation, whisper a little prayer for the Smith Family in Green's Harbour, Newfoundland. We've lost a very important member of our family who will forever be remembered and missed.

Cuddles Smith
1990-2005