Thursday, April 21, 2005

Holy Ghost Moment

bonjour friends!
Well last night was a great night! Jason and I went to a local university called Florida A & M University (FAMU). Veronica, a young adult at our corps and a student at FAMU invited us to sit on an answering panel with other pastors and church officials for a Religious Question and Answer session for students. Basically students would ask us anything they wanted about Christianity and religion in general and we would try our best to answer their questions and concerns. So we showed up at about 6:15, and it was suppose to start at 6:30. We went inside and met with three other people and waited for the happenings to begin. Well, one other person showed up which made the grand total, 6. All of which were on the answer panel. No students had showed up. So we decided to just introduce ourselves and then have prayer for FAMU and the city of Tallahassee. We gathered around and by the end of our prayer session (which lasted about 45 minutes) there were about 20 people there, all of whom were pastors and church officials who had come to answer questions. We prayed hard and God was very evidently in our midst. After our prayer time, we pulled over a podium and the pastors began to preach the words that God had laid on their hearts. It was amazing, because it was as though they had come there completely prepared to preach sermons on faith and prayer and evangelism. Their words were incredible! Then we pulled over the piano and started to sing songs and praise God together some more. We had testimonies and prayer and it was the most amazing experience. God totally had his way. It was as though we were old friends who had planned to come together and lift eachother up, pray, praise and preach. It was amazing, absolutly amazing. Through it I also made some much needed contacts with the different schools. I met a man who was involved heavily with "The Navigators" at Florida State University, and he is really excited about partnering with the Salvation Army. I also met the co-ordinator for "Jam 4 Jesus" at FAMU and joined her group! AND, Jason and I booked ourselves at three different church's to conduct services centered around evangelism. So it was the most productive night I've had since I've come to Tallahassee and it was all ordained and brought together by God. I've just been trying really hard to maintain a positive attitude of expectancy, thanking God in advance for his glorious blessings and its proving to be the best way to live. When you rely on God to meet your needs you don't have to worry, you don't have to waste time complaining or brainstorming ways out of your own problems, and you really don't have to work very hard to get his work done, cause he puts you in the right place at the right time and meets all of your needs.
Praise God. It was an incredible night!

Thursday, April 14, 2005

God wants to fill me with Wine....but I'm a Salvationist!

I'm reading this great book by Joel Osteen called "You're best life, NOW!"
I LOVE IT! It's really opening my eyes and showing me a side of God that I have forgotten about. The part of God that truly wants the best for me and wants me to be happy. I have had a saying for the past little while. "I think God has called me to a job that I'm not going to like." I'm starting to realize how wrong I am and how I have completed forgotten about the character of the God that I serve. God wants to bless me more than I could ever dream, and If I could see all that God has in store for me, it would blow my mind! I love God, and I've never stopped loving him, but I think part of me forgot why I love him. I love him because of who he is. He is Love. I love him because of his amazing character and his nature as my creator. I don't love him for what he's done, but I love him because of what motivates him to be so amazing and incredible. (thanks des, you're blog opened my eyes to that) I've also come to the realization that I need to start expecting great things to happen to me. In the book I've been reading, Osteen refers to a passage of scripture in which Jesus says, "You can't pour new wine into old wineskins." I've read this passage before and it never really sunk into my brain. But I now realize what Jesus was saying. When new wine is poured into a wineskin, the wineskin stretches out and looses its tightness. If you pour new wine into an old wineskin, the wineskin will burst, because it will have no more room to expand. Jesus is not going to pour blessings and fresh ideas into old attitudes. I've had a pesimistic attitude and I have expected that life is going to be hard. I've been meditating on the fact that we don't make alot of money, that getting a home is going to be nearly impossible for us anytime in the near future, that my job isn't going the way I want it to, and I've been dwelling on the impossibilities of my situations instead of praying expectantly that God is going to pour new wine into my life. I have made the decision to change my thinking, and I know that through this, God is going to change my life. I had fallen into the habit of feeling guilty all the time. I've tricked myself into thinking that every decision I make is the wrong one and that God is going to smite me because of it. I feel very freed by this renewel of my mind. It's a truth that I have known all my life but had lost grasp of. We say "God loves us" all the time, but if we really thought about that and believed it, then we would have no trouble tithing, our attitudes would be nothing short of excited and positive all the time, and spreading the gospel would be unavoidable for us. GOD LOVES US! And he wants to bless us. Not because we deserve it, but because he is just that crazy about us.
So I would like to publically thank God for my incredible job that fits me to a tee, the beautiful home I am going to own, the raise I'm going to receive at work, the joy I am going to maintain in my life, the Greencard I will soon hold in my hand, the unbelievable tangible and spiritual blessings that he is going to bestow upon me, because I have asked, I believe and I am his child. Some of you may be thinking, "What if nothing happens Kathy, what if you get your hopes up and nothing happens for you?"
I say, What if something does happen? Spending my life in eager expectancy, constantly thanking God is so much better than living it down in the dumps, not getting my hopes up. I say get your hopes up as high as you can get em' and thank God in advance for his incredible moving in your life. Get rid of the old attitude and choose to have a better one.
Do that, and Jesus will fill you with new wine, even if you're a Salvationist.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Good-bye Hair

I got my hair all cut off yesterday. It was down my back and now it barely touches my shoulders. I love it! I woke up yesterday in a pretty down mood and decided, "That's it! I'm going to get my hair cut!" It was a bold move for me, because I have been growing it out long for over a year, but I wasn't doing anything with it. I'd just wake up every morning, shower, and put it back in a pony tail. I wasn't using the hair that I grew so what was the point in having it weigh me down. Mmmm..Sounds like a spiritual analogy...Maybe for another time!
I went to a salon I had never been to before, in the mall close to my apartment. I walked in and said, "I want to chop my hair off." They checked the schedule and told me that a woman named Judy would cut my hair in 20 minutes. So I waited, and I prayed that Judy wouldn't ruin my head. Like I said, it was a big step and I wanted someone who really knew what they were doing. So about 35 minutes went by, and out walks this little woman in her 60's with a limp and she says, "Kathy Stock?"
I WAS SCARED TO DEATH! All around me were these young, trendy, hair dressers with fabulous hair and styles and I got grandma?!
So she asked me what I wanted done, and I began to tell her. She interrupted me and began to describe what she thought I wanted, and honestly, she was right on the money. We started going through the whole routine of washing and cutting and chatting. I told her I worked for the Salvation Army as an Evangelist and she went on to tell me that a good friend of hers was on the Advisory Board and that she was familiar with what we did. She then went on to tell me how her Salon Chair is her ministry, and that many people who have sat in that chair have listened intently to her share the gospel. She told me of struggles she had in her life and how God always saw her through. I told her I was new to Tallahassee and she gave me many words of encouragement. This woman at the hair salon was doing the job that I am paid to do, and she was doing it on me! She spent a lot of time on my hair, styling it and showing me different techniques, and when it was all over she didn't charge me for hardly anything. When I went to the counter and saw how little I had to pay she looked at me and said, "Welcome to Tallahassee." I hugged her and told her that I felt like God had made a divine appointment for me that day. It was a blessing at a much needed time, wrapped up in the kindness of a little 64 year old lady with a limp. My hair came out exactly how I wanted it too!
I've been in a bit of a funk lately. Everything has been weighing on me and I've been feeling so sorry for myself. Do you ever have one of those really bad attitudes that you know stinks but you just can't shake it? That's been me. I don't feel like I'm very good at my job, I don't have any passion or drive to do much of anything, I feel completely worn out and I haven't really been doing anything. I know that a lot of what I am feeling emotionally is effected by the mono and how I feel physically, but I hate using that as a crutch. At night, Jay has been working at the Homeless Coalition and I've been coming home alone. At first I loved having the time to myself, but the other night I realized that even if I did want to go out and do something with someone, I've got no one to call, and so I started getting pouty about that. "Boo Hoo I have no friends."
When I woke up and decided to get my hair cut, I wanted the change to reflect a change in attitude and direction and lifestyle. I don't know if that would have happened if I didn't meet Judy that day.
It's funny how God gives you what you need in places you wouldn't expect.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Jay on the World Wide Web

Hey Everyone
My brilliant husband who is usually not a fan of computers or anything they do, has begun putting his amazing thoughts down in blog form!
(I like to think I had a little hand in the inspiration process!)
You should definatly check it out! You can get to it by clicking on his sexy name on the side of this screen.
Make sure you leave him lots of comments!!
Yesterday was the 2 year anniversary of our engagement...feel's like forever ago! I guess most newly weds don't move three times and settle in two diiferent countries in their first year and a half of marriage.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger...and adds mileage to your Tacoma!
Through everything we've grown stronger as a unit, and I've watched my husband change and become more and more incredible everyday. Since coming to Tallahassee he has done so much for the Lord's kingdom. The corps here has seen about 30 new people over the past three months. Some have stayed, some have decided that our church is not for them (which is fine. I praise God for the many biblical demonations in the world) but 99.9% of everyone new who has walked through our doors has done so because of God working through Jason. I was sitting at the piano one Sunday when we were particularly littered with new faces, and I could point to just about all of them and say how Jason's outreach had brought them to church. He's become the master of relationships and relating to people from all walks of life. Blows my mind!
I praise God for the work that he is doing through this guy. It's funny how Jason's past of bad decisions and at times, devastation, has made him able to relate with anyone, anywhere, anytime. God's work through him is literally changing our city.
I'm feeling alot better, and I now have health insurance. Great timing. The fatigue part of this whole sickness is very inconvenient. I may hang a hammock on the end of my desk at work.
Anyway, Check out Jay's blog. It's great!

Running from the Devil

Since my last entry, I sat down with God and had a good talk. But then when I was done talking, I listened. I began to think new thoughts, which I know were placed in my brain by God. While speaking to him I kept repeating how I don't know how people live without him. I literally have no clue how people can walk around this world and not have Christ. I'd be a basket case! God showed me how that truth needs to be my inspiration in life. Spreading the gospel, not primarily so that people don't "BURN IN THE LAKE OF FIRE FOR ETERNITY" (eeek) but so that they don't have to live another second without Jesus. People are not walking around this world thinking, "How do I keep myself from burning forever when I die?" but instead they are thinking, "What's my purpose? Why am I so lonely? What does this all mean?"
The great thing about someone accepting Christ is that they can know Him and be with Him, live with purpose and eventually meet Him face to face. This approach to evangelism is so much more effective than, "Hey you, accept Christ or you're gonna burn and I don't want your blood on my hands, so since this all about me and you not burning, better commit to this guy you know nothing about."
Now that I have rekindled this understanding of spreading the gospel, I will be a more effective witness and light for Jesus Christ. I guess it's simply like choosing between saying, "Come to Jesus and live!" or, "Come to Jesus or DIE!"
I choose option A.
My husband is a phenomenal salesman. He ranked among the top sales people in the company he use to work for. He says the reason why he was good at his job was because he believed in what he was selling and he was passionate about it. There were some pieces of equipment in his store that he thought were garbage, and had alot of trouble selling them. He just didn't believe in them. He found it easier to sell more high-end, expensive stuff that he knew was top of the line. He focused his energy on telling the customer about the positive benefits of the good equipment. It's easier to use, low maintenance, longer life, safer, delivers better results. He didn't stand there and say, "You should buy this treadmill, because the other one you were looking at is built poorly, it's going to tear up your shoes, it won't last very long, the motor stinks, it's not safe.....blah, blah, blah."
This technique would leave the customer knowing nothing about the treadmill Jason was trying to sell, but instead they would have a head full of negativity and their time would be wasted. A customer doesn't stick around a store very long, so the sales approach has to be positive, effective and informative about what they should do and the positive effect it will have on their lives. It helps if the person can speak from personal experience.
I think we as Christians, especially as Salvationists, spend alot of time focusing on 'hell avoidance.' It is true that you can not get to heaven except by the Son of God, but do we want to scare a bunch of people into Salvation or do we want to attract people to unconditional love, forgiveness, peace and joy? People today associate Fire and Brimstone preaching with a cold and out-to-lunch church that just wants to be right. I say we show people Jesus so they can know whether or not they want to know this man and allow him to rule their lives. You and I know that if they can REALLY see Jesus in us and through us, they won't be able to say anything but, "Yes, I want to know this man, I want to love this man, and I someday want to meet this man named Jesus."
People want Jesus, and alot of them are already living in their own personal hell. Let's show them the light instead of making them afraid of the dark. That way we will see Christians who not only despise sin, but love Jesus Christ more than anything.

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Late Night Ramblings

It's really late. Well, late for me anyways. I can't sleep tonight, which is wierd cause I've done nothing but sleep for a really long time. I guess it's all catching up with me. I've got lots of things on my mind tonight. I feel awful that I've missed so much work, even though I know I was physically unable to go. I've always had this problem of wanting everyone around me to be OK with my life and my decisions. It's wierd and it is the number one thing that I would change about myself. I find myself wanting to go around and justify to everyone just how sick I was and how I really needed the rest so people won't think that I am lazy or weak. I talked to my friend Johnny about this problem and he gave me some wonderful pearls of wisdom. He said, "Kathy, there are people in this world who if you pooped out Gold for them, they'd complain because you had to poop it out."
As 'stinky' as this analogy may be, he was absolutly right. I just wish there was a way to please everyone, all of the time and still be happy yourself. But I guess there's only one perfect place and it's in another realm.
Another thought that I am wrestling with is about the Salvation Army. I guess I've been a bit discouraged by it even though the corps in Tallahassee is growing leaps and bounds. As a young Salvationist, the last thing that I want to be is an Army basher. There's too much of that going on already. I am a firm believer that problems shouldn't be brought up unless there are solutions to follow and that people shouldn't complain abou something if their not going to get their hands dirty to fix it. Since coming to the Army in America, I've learned many things. It is a VERY different Army than I am use to, a much more difficult one to be a part of in all honesty, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Anything worth being a part of is worth fighting for. The mission and the history and the drive of people to spread the gospel are why I became a soldier however, I've been hurt more by people in the Army then in any other walk of life, which is why I praise God that I have learned early on that the Army is not what I have a problem with, but it is the people and the decisions. Like any organization, the Army can not be run by hampsters, so if I choose to be a member of this 'movement' I must make peace with those who run it. There my friends, lies my problem. I have been having a grim outlook lately as to where the Army is being taken. There is much 'talk' and much good intention to bring the Army back and make it about the people again, but the talk is much bigger than the movement. I know that God is raising up a new Army. I've seen indivduals from different parts of North America develop the same passions and drives for an evangelistic Army, and the only way it is possible for all of these strangers to share the same passion is The Holy Spirit. I'm encouraged by what I see Salvationists discovering and the steps that are being made towards a radical and Hazardous church that really 'impacts' the world for God. I guess I'm overwhelmed by how much work there is to be done and how the ripple effect that I see occuring in the waters of the Army are so small. I guess I want a 6 second ABS kind of Army. A 6 second Army. I want change NOW! The Army is such a burocracy that those on the front lines have very little to no voice yet they are the ones with the vision and the drive for an effective Army. People tell Jason and I all the time that our thoughts and fears and annoyances with this 'establishment' are exactly why we need to stick with it and come into a position where we can make decisions to change it for the better, but alot of the time our discouragement outweighs our drive and we wonder if we are in the right denomination. Here is what I have learned from writing all of these thoughts down. (this is why I blog...i learn alot more about myself)
1) I don't have a problem with "The Salvation Army", I have a problem with where people have taken it and where it will inevidably end up if our focus remains "country club" and not "reaching people, anyway possible."
2) I need am completely committed to my job as a Salvation Army Mission Specialist here in Tallahassee because this position allows me the unique privelege of being paid to tell people about Jesus and that's it! I'm not an assistant or a youth worker or a music director...I am literally paid to tell people about Christ and invite them to church and it is working! The numbers speak for themselves! Praise God!
3) I need to continue to PRAY long and hard for this Army, my role in it, the movement that is taking place, the leadership that is established and my prayer will be just as that of William Booth. I can't remember the General's exact words, but he said that if the Army stopped doing what it was raised up to do he would pray that God would put an end to it. More famously, William Booth said the following:
"While women weep as they do now, I’ll fight; while little children go hungry as they do now, I’ll fight; while men go to prison, in and out, in and out, as they do now, I’ll fight; while there is a drunkard left, while there is a poor lost girl on the streets, while there remains one dark soul without the light of God, I’ll fight – I’ll fight to the very end."
I believe we need to pick our battles, and people are worth fighting for...every single time. I hope and pray that over the next 20 months of my employment with The Salvation Army that I will see an Army that actually fights, that takes more time to make relationships with the unsaved from every walk of life, that DOES just as much as it SAYS and spends more money on meeting the physical needs of the poor than it does on 'US' stuff like retreats and hand scanners at DHQ. Show me that Army and I will fight in it, either way I'll fight the good fight of faith and try my best to share Jesus with everyone I meet. I'm thankful that God has placed us here with fresh new leaders and so much ground work to be done.
Wow this is a really long winded and slightly controversial entry for me. Hope I didn't come across as being too whinny...just had to get all of that off my chest.
To end on a positive note...MY THROAT IS NORMAL SIZE AGAIN! WAHOO! I hope I can spread Jesus without spreading Mono.